Depression and Hurt

[Woody]

A recent post spurred me to thinking about how people deal with hurt and depression.

When someone has been hurt or is depressed ....

HOW CAN "I" HELP THEM?

What I would like to ask for are suggestions ... what would you like to receive when you are hurting? Please make brief and concrete suggestions. Do you like to talk about it? Do you like compliments? Do you want people to just leave you alone or do you want companionship? Do you want flowers? Do you want action?

Does someone who is hurting need a friend or a lecture?

Well .... I am running out of questions. I would just like to open it up to you. I am wanting to know what "I" can do for those in my community and church. There are SO many who are hurting and who are discouraged.

Can you HELP me?

[cricket]

One of the best things you can do is to take a cue from the person who is hurting. Watch them, observe them, see what sort of things they do for others who are hurting like they are. In most cases, they are doing the very things they *crave* themselves.

Some like talking. Some like a simple hug. Some like compliments. But, people are different.

Everyone needs a friend. And a friend is someone who cares enough to find out what that other person needs and to provide it when possible.

Listen to those that hurt. Listen, listen, and listen some more. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their existence.

Love them.

[Denise]

Quote:

One of the best things you can do is to take a cue from the person who is hurting. Watch them, observe them, see what sort of things they do for others who are hurting like they are. In most cases, they are doing the very things they *crave* themselves.

Some like talking. Some like a simple hug. Some like compliments. But, people are different.

Everyone needs a friend. And a friend is someone who cares enough to find out what that other person needs and to provide it when possible.

Listen to those that hurt. Listen, listen, and listen some more. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their existence.

Love them.

You couldn't of said it more better Cricket! There are so many hurting people in this world....even people we find are unpleasant....they are hurting inside.....the ones who are most unloveable, are the ones that need more love....but, it doesn't mean we encourage their behavior...but, like you said, watch, observe, listen, be a friend and pray to ask God on how you can help that individual.

Quote:

Everyone needs a friend. And a friend is someone who cares enough to find out what that other person needs and to provide it when possible.

I strongely agree everyone needs a friend....perhaps by being a friend with someone who needs them....can lead them to their best friend, Jesus. :)

[Neil D]

Quote:

One of the best things you can do is to take a cue from the person who is hurting. Watch them, observe them, see what sort of things they do for others who are hurting like they are. In most cases, they are doing the very things they *crave* themselves.

I hate to be the stick in the mud, and point out something pretty obvious....but I can NOT observe someone on THIS forum....I can only take my cues from the posts....

When I see something outrageous, or some nitpicking going on, I tend to be offended...for example, I think most of us hate being misquoted, or taken out of context. When that happens, and someone intentionally misquotes me, in all seriousness, I get a bit offended, especially when they place me in a bad light.

Now, if I am in a wrong position[that is, giving my opinion without reading everything leading up to the problem], and I am definately screwing up, that's different...I deserve to be placed in a bad position...But when I give my position in what appears as my opinion, if you gently place me in a bad light, I may not be so anti-social with my next post......

Anyways, that's my opinion on this subject of being hurt and depressed [ especially on this forum].

[cricket]

I had taken the OP to be a general question, one in which a person might be able to help people in real life. To be quite honest, while there are exceptions--there is little that can be done to really help a person struggling with hurt and depression over the Internet.

Having said that, I can count at least 4 people with whom I have developed a strong bond of friendship via the Internet. People who have taken the time to "observe" me and my actions--who meet me with the needs I have and are there to support me through thick and thin.

Being "offended" is not even in the same league as being afflicted with the pain and hurt of depression. They are two different things entirely.

[Woody]

I have appreciated all the comments. But let me clarify that I did not really have the internet in mind when I posed this question. I would not limit it ... but I was mostly thinking of those people in my community and church.

Quote:

I am wanting to know what "I" can do for those in my community and church.

[cricket]

I have appreciated all the comments. But let me clarify that I did not really have the internet in mind when I posed this question. I would not limit it ... but I was mostly thinking of those people in my community and church.

Quote:

I am wanting to know what "I" can do for those in my community and church.

That's what I thought you were looking for in the first place. I hope that my initial response was at least close to being helpful. It really is what I think is the best approach to helping others.

[Jeannieb43]

I try to take my cue from the relationship I have with the one who's hurting. If we're already good friends, I'll approach the subject and ask if there's any way I can help ease the depression or the pain.

If we're only slightly acquainted I usually stay out of it; except to make sure I'm friendly when I greet that person, and to actually pause when we meet [not rush away], in case they want to open up a conversation.

[Neil D]

I have appreciated all the comments. But let me clarify that I did not really have the internet in mind when I posed this question. I would not limit it ... but I was mostly thinking of those people in my community and church.

Sorry, Redwood...I was taking my cue from some of the current threads that are going about....and limiting the discussion to the internet...

....and for what it's worth, it would be a good discussion if we do limit it to just the internet....but I do not want to hijack this thread...so, instead, I will bow out and just read what others think....

[Woody]

No Problem my friend. No problem. I think we have a lot of discussions going about the problems on CA ... for sure I didn't want this thread to evolve into that. But you could sure start another thread on it.

I hope this post will bump up this topic because I am most needing some good ideas. And I do appreciate the ones that have come so far.

But, what if you don't know the people who are depressed but want to quickly make an impact. Making friends is probably the best. But what if you had to settle for something not so time consuming?

I especially liked what Denise said ....

Quote:

even people we find are unpleasant....they are hurting inside.....the ones who are most unloveable, are the ones that need more love....but, it doesn't mean we encourage their behavior...

I try to challenge myself to make a special concern for those who are "unloveable". But while I don't "encourage" unbecoming behaviour ... I don't even address it. I just ignore it and focus on loving them. The last thing a depressed person needs is to be told of his/her sins.

Well ... I don't want to go off onto that tangent. But I would like more specific suggestions on little things or even words that might uplift those who are depressed.

Any more Help?

[Denise]

Quote:

The last thing a depressed person needs is to be told of his/her sins.

Exactly, they need encouragement, care and love.