Is it all about the money?

[Guest truthseeker007]

The next story began two years ago, now two years later i ve lost everything for nothing.

About two years ago i got my life back on track. I got a wonderfull girlfriend, the only one i could ever love with all my heart. Also i made very much progress at the university. But there was missing something in my heart, i wanted to get to know God and have a relation with him. So at Christmas i decided to visit a church, something i hadn t been doing for a long time. I sat at the back and couldn t hear anything but that didn t matter, i just wanted to feel a glimp of the Lord s presence. Still searching for truth i was convinced that the Lord was doing something with literal Israel and that the mark of the beast was a microchip that was going to be implemented by a new world order. However later i found the lectures of Walter Veith and they made much more sense to me. I really love the truth so i spent a lot of time in researching this message and theoretically everything made sense. I ve decided to visit a local SDA church and they were very nice to me, but i couldn t be in their presence because of my sins. I don t want to defile their pureness with my presence. So i stopped visiting the church but still talked about it very much about it with my girlfriend. But she didn t understand it and began to think that i was going nuts. That s one of the main reasons why she left. In addittion to that i ve lost a year at university because i spent almost all my time in researching the endtime message. So totally on my own, i put my trust in Jesus and begged him everyday to help me and give me a new life, to show that he is real. I gave up the only woman i ve ever trusted and was willing to die for, for faith in something i never had a personal conversation with. Now just recently i asked the lord to help me with an exam about international law. I trusted him, but when i wanted to make the exam there were some unknown procedures i wasn t aware of. In the end i was allowed to make the exam, but now it seems that it isn t valid.

So in short, I have lost everything for nothing. I have learned to trust nobody, not even God, and that it s better for a man who searches for love and righteousness to die than to live. I feel so much pain and i have been too angry to still feel angry. It is strange but i start to bit myself in the hand and i cannot explain it. I feel like i am trapped in a healthy body whereas i really want to die. I don t believe anymore in a God with whom it is possible to build up a personal relationship. In my view, God withdraws his presence from the earth and gives it to satan so everybody will be deceived. In the end he will judge the people for being deceived, even those who sincerely searched for him and were willing to die for him. I would call that the Lord s egotrip. It is the same thing that Hitler did, he used the terrible economic circumstances and presented himself as the saviour. If God isn t here with me now, i don t want to be with him in some afterlife either. I just cannot take it anymore and i am looking for answers. Theoretically the bible should be ok, but in practice there are so many unfullfilled prophecies that i am started to think that the bible is just a fairytale. I don t have the power anymore to be angry, i wish i was just gone for ever and i am looking for the best ways to commit suicide. I ll never be afraid of God, even when the father would stand before me and i would slowly vanish, it would not be able to hurt me anymore. You cannot kill something that s already dead. I hate this planet, i hate my life and i hate the broken promised of God. I hate suffering for nothing and i am wondering what is the truth again? The only possible answer i can imagine is that in this moneyloving world all religion is about money and power. 'The fool has saith in his heart' but from experience i have learned that 'the fool saith in his heart that you can trust the promises of the bible'. Jesus would condemn me in the strongest sense, i don t care i am too angry. It would be better if Jesus personally cut my throat with a knife than torturing my soul with broken promises. Hail Dawkins, Hail atheism, Hail science, to me, from this day on, God is dead. I still want to be a member of this forum though, you are the only people i know, but it will probably a matter of time before i am getting kicked of this forum. In my life i am suffering from the natural law of the bottom; i always seem to go down to the bottom of life where i am defiled with sins, where it is dark without love, where people ridicule me and torture my soul...

[Nan]

Truthseeker, do you have someone you can trust whom you can talk to face to face about your feelings? Or phone Lifeline or the Samaritans.

I do not think anyone here will want to 'kick you out' but I believe you need more than cyber contact just now.

[olger]

Feel free to PM me Truthseeker. I would like to speak with you in private if you are willing.

I have a couple of questions that might be helpful.

oG

[phkrause]

Truthseeker007; there's nothing wrong with be angry. I think you need to understand why your angry. Read Job again. I just finished reading Job again. I don't believe that God is doing there things to you. Bad things do happen to good people. And unfortunitly good things happen to bad people also. You need also to reread the promises that God has in the bible, and pray and claim them, asking for a miracle and believing that God will come through. And also don't forget that God doesn't always answer the way we think it should go. There's no reason to think that anyone is going to kick you off the forum.

Keep the Faith. I will also put you in our prays. You are very much loved by God and the rest of us on this forum.

pkrause

[Robert]

Okay…I can see you are having a bad day…week, maybe year. Been there, done that. No, not the same as your circumstances, but as I said – been there, done that. I’ve read your post – I can understand your hurt, but if you allow that hurt to fully grow you’ll become even more despondent.

I didn’t start getting my head clear until I learned one very, very, very important attribute when it comes to God and that is (are you ready?) that God loves you more than Himself. God would rather die a thousand deaths for you so that you could have heaven in his place. How do I know this? The life of Christ as illustrated in the NT.

It was God's apage love that picked me up. I have realized that God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are all in my corner. They are not trying to create problems in my life – Lucifer is the one doing that.

You see if you are a believer (and you are – it’s just that your nature & the devil are just pulling at you) you are enemy territory. The world is under Lucifer. Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world.” Heaven is your home. So don’t give up your faith in God because the devil and the flesh are breathing down your neck. Keep the faith…that’s all you have. Don’t give up your faith in God….Never!

Robert

[LynnDel]

Dear Truthseeker,

I see in your post not someone who doesn't care about God or living any more, but someone who hurts so much that you wish you didn't care, because not caring would take away the pain.

I see someone who fears that his anger against God has shut him off from God's love. Let me give you a word of encouragement on that. David was in despair, felt God wasn't fair, and spoke strong words against Him, yet he was called "a man after God's own heart." Job had a similar experience. Both men were attacked by Satan because Satan recognized in them a strength that He wanted to undermine. He ultimately failed in His attack because love is stronger than hate. The evil one saw your sincere search for truth and gave you a ladylove who would not stick by you. He led you in your search for truth to rely on humans who were looking for disciples after their own off-the-path cause.

When in doubt about what to believe, look to Jesus. What did He do? What did He say to His followers? What did they do as a result? These are our examples. In the end, we are judged for this: Did we call on the name of Jesus Christ to save us, and did we accept His salvation.

Call on Jesus, Truthseeker, and He will give you the desires of your heart, the truest desire being your need for Him. He will pull you up out of the pit. His hand is reaching down to you even though you cannot see it in your present darkness. His hand is on your shoulder - do you feel it? He is saying to you, "All is not lost. I have a better plan for you. Look to Me and live."

Dear Truthseeker, you are on the top of my prayer list, and I know God answers prayers.

LynnDel

[Woody]

I'm still praying for you also Truth Seeker.

God is bigger than this. I hope you can find the help you need.

But for sure ... no matter what you are struggling with and no matter how you feel ... you can always come here and know that we are your friends.

[fccool]

Hey truthseeker,

I in a way know what you are going though, maybe not the same thing, but to a degree relevant. So I'd like to share my story with you, if you don't mind. Hope it helps in your experience as you are going through similar things I did. Before you read this , I'd like to express my feeling of contempt for emoticons... and the spinning black guy in the post stands for HS, which means High School. So, spinning head of a black guy, means High School

I grew up in Communist Russia, and was an avid atheist by birth. I knew all of the arguments against God, and I've used them on anybody who dared to even bring God up. Many youth back then were brought up that way by the system. The history was taught in a way to pinpoint all of the mistakes of the church (or capitalism). Biology was taught in a way that would favor evolutionist view. We even studied Bible as literature in class and did reports on it too . So the system was not fearful of people reading it as it suppressed any notion of God in society as something done for profit and power. I grew up never questioning the system, and battled my parents constantly on this issue who were teaching me not to believe everything I was taught.

When Soviet Union fell apart, my family lost almost everything. We were in a process of moving when hyperinflation hit and wiped out our savings, so my parents had to start from 0. There were days when we went without food, and just drank tea, but we always hoped for the best... even in days like that, my dad pointed out how healthy it is to fast and clean your body of toxins. My parents lived from paycheck to paycheck just to get by and they sacrificed a lot just to get some decent standard of living for my sister and I. I spent almost all of my time in Basketball gym as I hated the communal flats where we stayed at the time. I slept in the gym, so my life was Basketball at that time. I slept, ate and played basketball.

Eventually, I got fairly good at it, and even made it to be a captain of our junior national team. I started traveling the world, representing our country and was looking into a career in professional basketball at home. My mom hated the idea, because of all of the career ending injuries that she read about, but my dad loved it. Nevertheless, both of them were really proud of my achievements.

One day I got a phone call from a friend to come to US with him as an exchange student. Of course that freaked my parents out, because they had no idea how I would do on my own, but they thought it would be a great opportunity for me to learn language and culture. My friend ended up not getting his VISA, and I ended up going by myself to a Christian School in Florida. I thought to myself, oh great... the Christian school. There IS NO GOD. These people are just pretending to make them feel better, just like Tolstoy said they would create a god because there is none. Naturally, my Basketball skills came in handy and I've had some colleges inviting me to play for them and get education. I was approached by a coach from Yale after a couple tournaments, and he said that he is seriously considering me to play for them. I've visited school a couple times and loved it. I loved learning, and Yale was quite a prospect to do so.

That same year I started looking into a creationist view of origins, and it made more sense to me than evolution did. I came to a conclusion that God exists and I wanted to test more claims that Christianity made. I did notice that there were plenty of kids in the school who claimed to be Christian and argued for Christ, yet were no different than the non Christian ones... sleeping around, and drinking and partying. So far, I abstained from these purely because it would damage my career, but it started to make sense that Bible is right and it is a better way to go. I could testify it from experience, even though I was young and my experiences were limited. I began to view the world a bit differently as I've noticed that many things are as Bible describes them to be, and the people do irrational things that otherwise there are no explanation for. I was a student of history, as this was my specialization I chose before (that and English), and Soviets did not afraid to pour dirt on the church as I've mentioned. But I began to understand the separation between people who are doing it for their own motives, and those who are doing it because they believe that God is right.

Nevertheless, I was supposed to graduate a year earlier and move on to college life... probably in Yale. I've finished all of the HS curriculum when I was a Sophomore, and as a Junior I already taken college classes and had 10 college credits. So I saw no point to stay extra year in HS. My coach persuaded me to stay extra year so I would become a better player and be better equipped for my college life. I've started the season on the top of my game, but after a couple of games I became somewhat of a sports cliche. I've torn my ACL, and PCL, and miniscus in practice, and was told by a doctor that I probably would never play again. It was a painful event, but more emotionally painful than physically.

My parents were devastated. My dad was himself a player in Soviet Union whose career was ridden with injuries, and in his time... such injury as beyond repair. In his mind it was over for me. I had not money to go through college by merely getting academic scholarship, although I was on top of my grades. International students generally did not get much support. As a recent Christian I questioned God and why he would let this thing to happen to me. I've became a yesterday's Great for most of my HS fans as I've noticed that they only associated with me based on my basketball achievement. I turned to porn as I felt really depressed and lonely and because I had no desire to destroy my body by way of alcohol and drugs. In my mind, everything was over... and I had to return to Ukraine with no other way to get by after HS year was over. A series of unexpected events and support of the church members got me through the initial period of grief, and eventually led me to attempt getting the surgery, which was a miracle of God it itself. I went under knife in a local hospital, yet they had to call it off right on the operating table because the doctor could not operate on the insurance patients. The assistant felt so bad, that he called his best friend in University of Miami hospital and scheduled appointment with the best of the best in medical surgery... the guy who is a go to for NBA and NFL injuries. He fixed me up well, and I've regained partial hope. The news of my injury reached all of the universities who wanted me and rendered me an unwanted.

One of my friends who was a strong Christian, mentioned me to the coach in one of the Christian Universities. This university was restructuring their basketball team and they had a new coach who was looking to build a solid first team. He prayed and relied heavily on God to accomplish it, as some of his actions were very irrational and other coaches would be fired on a spot for such. HE NEVER SAW ME PLAY. EVER. I was recovering from a career ending surgery, and I barely had a chance to even think about scholarships in a decent schools. The ones that I visited after were shocking to me as the players were inviting me to sex parties in attempt to convince me joining the school. I had no idea these kinds of things were going on. I prayed hard, and got a phone call from coach that never saw me play . I told him that I was about to sign with other school that is offering me a full ride, which I was about to do that.m He flew in the next morning, saw me shooting around and asked me to get on board and play for him. My HS coach thought that something fishy is going on and I was stupid to do it, but he wanted me to play a Devision 1 basketball, and not for some small Christian school in the middle of nowhere.

So my life began as a Christian student in a school that God led me to. The reason I say it, is because everyone was required to have a Bible minor... not something that I really interested in having as I wanted to study business and film making. The first year flew by fast and easy, as I pretty much recovered from the injury and played even better than I did in high school. The next three years my past injuries started to catch up with me. My life began to be a one painful experience as I had to tolerate commencer amounts of physical pain every day. The trainers had to glue me together before every game, and I could not skip practices as a scholarship player. So I developed a strong aversion for sports, as before I used to love it. At one time I though about leaving it all as I could hardly tolerate the pain any longer. It took me much effort to even get up and down the stairs, and walk to classes, and I had to play the same night. I'm sure that some of my teammates thought I was lazy and doing it to avoid hard work. But as a result I tried to sublimate whatever I had left and discover whatever else God wants me to do, because it was obvious to me that he did not want me to play Basketball any longer. So I found my talent in everything that is pertaining digital media. I myself was amazed as far as how easy it came to me. I just picked up and knew some things, as many wondered how could I just do it. So, I've discovered through all of the above that God wants me to have an impact in area of digital media and "edutainment" as I call it.

As much as I would like to rid my life of painful experience, I realize now that I would not have any other way, because I've learned things I would never learn otherwise. Sure, at in the desperate times I looked for ways out, and even attempted to (just like Jonah), but God was there and acted through circumstances to pull me back, and He still does as I only told you a half of my story. But I hope that it could be of some encouragement to you to see that our pain is not necessarily all that bad, although it might seem so at the time of pain. We are stronger people coming out of it and we can take on anything with God's help. So don't give up so easily, and I believe that even if you do, just like I did many times... God will be there to show you that He is still there and he will provide a way. Even when at times that way may seem not the best thing.

So keep searching for truth, as God promises that if you seek you will find. In this world of misconceptions, truth is almost never what we expect it to be. See if God is trying to teach you something in your experiences. Also, seek company of Godly people... not the ones who will condemn you, but not the ones who will tell you what you would like to hear either.

[Guest truthseeker007]

@ Nan: "Truthseeker, do you have someone you can trust whom you can talk to face to face about your feelings?" Thanks for your concerns but i do not talk to anyone because i cannot trust anybody. I have learnt that your biggest 'friends' are also the biggest backstabbers.

@P-Krause: i didn t want you to get the impression that i am a good person. I am a terrible person, but i can change, but only if God answers my prayers and shows that he will not ignore my prayers anymore. I still keep praying for miracles though. And thanks for your prayers, it means a lot to me.

@Robert

Thanks for your encouragemnt. However i don t believe that Jesus loves me at all. No matter how many people keep saying it i just cannot believe it, until Jesus shows it himself in a personal matter. I would die a billion times for Jesus if he was truly righteous and sacrifice my soul for him if he would just be a truly loving forgiving God. This i cannot believe anymore because of various reasons. I can scream all eternity long and he won t even notice me. Even though i am trying to live for others, there is so many things i could do with his help and blessing for the people that are dying every day because of hunger and deseases. I could spread the gospel powerfully, but Jesus chooses to ignore me, maybe because of my past or bad habits. I just do not believe in a loving God anymore. Surely satan is totally evil, but in my opinion God is also a lunatic. How dare he let people getting killed just to teach the universe a lesson. To God we are just like oil for a car, we only have a function and makes us believe the illusion that we should serve him because he is righteous and loving. in fact, for example maybe when he said that he wanted to collect the people of Jerusalem under his wings, he probably said that because after he witnessed the opposition, his ego was damaged and he wanted to present himself as the righteous one before the universe because recreating the universe was no option because that would be a lot of work. However i appreciate your concerns

@ Lyndell Thanks for your concerns, but actually i am glad that i feel the pain because of two reasons. Firstly, i have been so depressed sometimes that i wasn t be able to feel any feelings at all anymore. I could see anybody around me getting killed and still don t feel anything because my emotions were totally blocked. And secondly, at least i have still the illusion that God will one day accept me back and love me again. Without that illusion i would be dead already.

I also know about the cat and mouse game between God and satan but i am tired of those childish games. I don t need them in order to choose God. THere is no use in it for me. It is not a test because i am at a dead end. I will never try to enlighten and empower my own ego again because it means nothing to me anymore. I also will not lose my faith, because i just know and will always believe that there is a God out there. These games actually draw my attention to the reasons why atheists think God isn t righteous and know i start to think by myself 'maybe they are right, a good God doesn t order to kill woman and children and denies honest seekers and so i can find 1000s of other reasons'.

@Redwood: Thanks for your kindness. I really apreciate your opennes...

@fccool That was quite some story you wrote down there. We have kind of the same life story in many aspects. Just like you i wanted to become a professional sporter. I was pretty good at it and identified myself with it. When i became depressed i started to use more drugs and alcohol and indeed that can be a deadly and harmfull combination. I also used to smoke a lot. I quite all this about 4 years ago and started sporting again, but now i am too old to do something profession. Just like you, in times when i got depressed i used porn to soften the pain, at least my brains would remain intact. I am pretty ashamed about this fact, i ve watched over 1000s of movies and probably millions of pictures. Kind of sick uh? Well indeed i have been terribly low and became mentally ill, but in the end it makes me stronger. I am always glad if i read stories about people being raised in hard circumstances coming to Christ. I am glad that you know your calling and i appreciate your opennes. I think all Christians should follow this example, because the more we know about each other, the more we can help each other and become one-minded.

[Woody]

Seeker .... I can see by your posts that you are a very kind person. I sure hope that you will be able to continue to use that for God and others that suffer.

Still praying ...

[Norman Byers, N.D.]

Truthseeker,

Quote:

So in short, I have lost everything for nothing.

You never had anything to start with. All that we have has been lent to us of God. The One who has lost something is God. He has lost and will be losing some of His children who are His own creation. He will be losing some of His angels who chose to believe a lie and rebel against Him. He has lost time working for the salvation of many who have foolishly turned from Him. He has lost the perfection in His creation because of angels and humans who are too proud to tell Him, thank you for all that you have done for me, whether good or bad.

He has lost the fellowship that He created us for. He wants to communicate face to face but we choose not to believe and leave Him heart broken. He has lost the beauty that He created on this planet. He has lost the joy of seeing His children love each other on this planet. Instead He must suffer the loss and watch men and women kill each other and treat those who are created in His image worse than you would a venomous serpent.

He has lost the joy of watching His children grow in peace. He has lost the ability to speak to His children because they won't give Him the time of day.

One day He lost His Son, something you and I can't understand. When you have lived for ever and ever and ever and have been in perfect harmony and love with another who loves you equally and then that One is taken away, that is pain.

Now you can in just a little way, understand how God feels because of your experience. Will you heap more on God by causing Him to suffer at loosing you? If you don't like what your going through, what makes you think He will be pleased and at losing you?

You have been deceived by the father of lies and have overlooked the compassion and mercy of a God who has done and will do all for you. To turn your back on Him and accuse Him for your pain is.....just sad, sad for God to have to go through this again and again.

When will He find someone who will look and move and think beyond their own personal feelings and lot in life?

I'm sorry that I don't project compassion here. I have been where you are at and have wept in much pain and have attempted to take my life. I can tell you now that I am so thankful to God that I did not succeed.

There are many people who love you and you are probably too involved with your own stuff to see it. But checking out will only cause them more pain. So instead of thinking suicide think about how you can live to bring less pain to the lives of others. First start with God then with those who are around you.

You said you have lost everything with in two years; I lost ten years of my life serving Satan by turning my back on God. Others have done much longer time and all of us will tell you we'd rather spend one day with God in a corner of His temple than to serve Satan on this earth in all the wealth, titles and accolades this world can offer. This is something the rich young ruler did not understand.

Our pain is one of the foundations of growth, hope and education in the school of Christ. When we have gone through it, we will learn to not be entangled with that which brought us the pain to begin with.

Of a truth this, our pain, is not caused by God but rather our own false perception of who He is.

Norman

[carolaa]

i do not talk to anyone because i cannot trust anybody. I have learnt that your biggest 'friends' are also the biggest backstabbers.

That's very true, and you have to be wary and wise about who you talk to about what, but a counselor who specializes in your illness should be able to help you a lot. You don't have to trust someone a whole lot in order to gain insight from them.

I do have a question about your original post. It was quite lengthy, so forgive me if I missed something. As I understand it, you said that you asked God to help you with a major test, and apparently there were complications and it's basically all for nothing because of technicalities. What I'm wondering is if you ever asked God whether that was the path He wanted for you. God isn't going to just bless your plans. You need to make sure you are in His plan.

Maybe it was God's will that you not pursue that path. Maybe when you look back on this situation, you will see how God was leading you to a better place. Maybe He is putting people in your life that you can trust, but you are not opening your eyes to it.

[Robert]

How dare he let people getting killed just to teach the universe a lesson.

I don't know if this will change your mind, but maybe reading the following would help:

http://clubadventist.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/10883/fpart/1

[Guest truthseeker007]

Dear Norman,

"One day He lost His Son, something you and I can't understand. When you have lived for ever and ever and ever and have been in perfect harmony and love with another who loves you equally and then that One is taken away, that is pain"

No i don t know anything about how God feels, neither do you. But what i do know is that i gave up the only woman i ve ever trusted and wanted to marry with. We were together for six years and now she is gone, but i ve never blamed God for that. I just wanted some answer from God that he says 'i am with you'. But no that s too much asked.

"To turn your back on Him and accuse Him for your pain is.....just sad, sad for God to have to go through this again and again." you don t know anything about me. I have never blamed others for the things that i have done and the pain that i have gone through. This was all because of lack of knowledge. All i am asking for in life is some affection from God himself as i am still living on this planet, it is a simple request which would have a huge impact.

"There are many people who love you and you are probably too involved with your own stuff to see it."there is nobody who really loves me, nobody ever will. but thanks for your attempts to cheer me up.

"You said you have lost everything with in two years; I lost ten years of my life serving Satan by turning my back on God" I have lost all my life, not just two years, i gave up all my life for one thing i wanted in return; a personal relation with the Lord, either through angels or the holy spirit. I don t care about fame, money or stuff like that, it means nothing to me. The Lord means the world to me, but now i realise i gave up my life for nothing.

"our pain, is not caused by God but rather our own false perception of who He is" And how do you know that your perception is the right one?

Thanks for your reaction..

[Guest truthseeker007]

Dear Carola,

"As I understand it, you said that you asked God to help you with a major test, and apparently there were complications and it's basically all for nothing because of technicalities. What I'm wondering is if you ever asked God whether that was the path He wanted for you. God isn't going to just bless your plans. You need to make sure you are in His plan." Well if this is true then the Lord definitely don t want me to investigate Ellen White s her writings. The reason that i wanted to pass this test was because then i would have more time next year spending time on investigating the three angels messages and write a book about it. This passing of a test was not a career move, but an honest attempt to create time for spreading the truth to others. i cannot possibly think of any explanation why this situation could be benificial.

[Norman Byers, N.D.]

Quote:

"our pain, is not caused by God but rather our own false perception of who He is" And how do you know that your perception is the right one?

There are only two,

one produces the fruit of the Spirit on God or a changed character and the other stengthens the human character. With your current perception of God you will only get worse. Self pity will strengthen and your love will die if it hasn't already. But there is hope! Wait longer on the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

God knows you and will do for you what is needed when it's needed and not acoording to your thoughts and wishes. If you can wait and continue to fight the darkness of unbelief God will touch you and you will know it's Him.

If you persist in unbelief and do not open your heart to Him you will never get what you're looking for.

Remember, it's not up to God to prove that He exists, it's not up to Him to establish a relationship with us and it's not up to Him to make us feel special.

Rather it's up to us to believe that He already has done this, regardless of the hard times or perceived lack of His presence in our lives.

Fight brother fight,

Norman

Norman

[carolaa]

then the Lord definitely don t want me to investigate Ellen White s her writings. The reason that i wanted to pass this test was because then i would have more time next year spending time on investigating the three angels messages and write a book about it. This passing of a test was not a career move, but an honest attempt to create time for spreading the truth to others. i cannot possibly think of any explanation why this situation could be benificial.

But was that what God called you to do, or was it your own idea? Did you ask God if that's what He wanted you to do? If so, then He shut that door for a reason and He has some other plan for you. Or it's possible God still wants you to write that book, but the time is not yet right, or there are other things you need to learn first.

Joseph and Moses both had things to learn and unlearn before they were ready for the biggie. I'm sure Joseph could think of no good reason why he should be forcibly removed from his home to become a slave, and then, right when he was becoming the MVP of slaves, to sit in prison for over 2 years. I'm sure Moses could think of no good reason why he had to tend sheep for 40 years.

Many people desire to do a great thing for God, but He may have a different idea. King David wanted to build a temple for God. What could be wrong with that?! But God said no, someone else will do that. The point is, you have to find out what GOD wants you to do, not what YOU want to do.

[Guest truthseeker007]

Thanks Caroola maybe you are right. I ve always wanted to do something big but maybe that is not what God wants me to do. I hope i ll ever find out what he wants me to do. There are a lot of things i don t know, i don t even know if God knows who i am, i don t know whether he hates me or loves me, whether i even have a chance to come into harmony with the principles of heaven or that i ll always be an outsider of the family of God.

What i do know is that my reaction to my anger inside was totally foolish. I don t have the authority and the moral justification for talking about God in such an evil manner. I still have to learn, that no matter what circumstances arise, i ll always stay loyal to my creator and trust in his righteousness, even though maybe he ll never be there for me. If i choose to be a believer i have to go all the way, i cannot be a half Christian and a true Christian should in the very essence be loyal to God and willing to bear unrighteousness because eventually God will judge righteously.

I hope i ll ever be part of the family of God but i am afraid. I am afraid of being harmfull to others, therefore i lock myself up in my room every day. I am afraid to be rejected.

The next verses i found on some other forum:

So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speaqk, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19, 29

Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath.

Ephesians 4:26

A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:1

He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, But he who is impulsive exalts folly. Proverbs 14:29

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret - it only causes harm. Psalm 37:8

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he wo takes a city. Proverbs 16:32

Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9

Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord.

Romans 12:19

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:31, 32

But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.

These verses clearly demonstrate that i was wrong. Just as i thought i was long-suffering i chose to unleash my anger towards the one i care so much about. Hopefully God understands that there is a thin line between love and anger because anger exists where the fruit of love is lacking. But i am quite hypocritical because how can i demand justice while i am lacking of love and righteousness. Oh how i wished i could live in a family of adventists. How i am i supposed to know what nobody ever teached me? Well just wanted to say this, my anger cannot be justified because i said so, i am wrong and i regret my statements against the Most High. I hope you ll forgive me and God will forgive me too...

[Woody]

Quote:

i am wrong and i regret my statements against the Most High. I hope you ll forgive me and God will forgive me too...

Seeker ... you are such a breath of fresh air. I so much appreciate your sincere honesty. Thank you. It is clear to me that you love the Lord and I know He loves you. I just only wish I could share with you how much God accepts and loves you.

Quote:

whether i even have a chance to come into harmony with the principles of heaven or that i ll always be an outsider of the family of God.

Seeker .... You are in harmony with God if you love Him and you do. But when you see His face at the second coming ... THEN you will be made whole and into His likeness. See below ...

Quote:

1 John Chapter 3

3:1 Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.

3:2 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.

We shall be like Him when we SEE Him. So, don't expect too much here on this sinful earth. If we love Him we shall be changed in a moment in the twinkling of an eye.

Praise God

[carolaa]

We all go through low periods. God seems so far away at times, and we wonder if He was ever with us at all. And then something happens that couldn't possibly have been a coincidence, and we know God is there with us.

God doesn't hate anyone. He hates sin. Read one of my favorite verses, John 3:17. (You can go ahead and read verse 16 first if you want to - most everyone does.)

God is big enough to handle our anger. He gave us the ability to have emotions, so our emotions are not wrong. It's how we handle them that is right or wrong. As long as we cling to Jesus, the Holy Spirit will help us be more loving, joyful, etc., and take away the anger, fear, etc. It doesn't happen to anyone overnight.

As far as rejection, nobody likes it. It hurts, and it's awful, and most of us fear it. You are not alone in that feeling. One thing that can help a lot with that is focusing more on others instead of focusing on your fears. Another thing is to focus on God's many statements of how much He loves you. If you have a hard time believing that God loves you, you might try writing down at least 1 thing every day that you are thankful for (all your friends here on CA for starters ) Then remember that those are all things God is doing for YOU because He cares about you. And as long as He cares about you, it doesn't matter quite so much what others might say or do to you.

[Norman Byers, N.D.]

Quote:

I hope i ll ever be part of the family of God but i am afraid. I am afraid of being harmfull to others, therefore i lock myself up in my room every day. I am afraid to be rejected.

Mat 5:14 You are the light of the world. A city situated on a mountain cannot be hidden.

Mat 5:15 Nor do they light a lamp and put it under the grain measure, but on the lampstand; and it shines for all those in the house.

Mat 5:16 So let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good works, and may glorify your Father in Heaven.

There one thing that can't be rejected. Tell of your own personal testimony. Tell of your battles and how the Lord has blessed you with victory. Don't wait to feel it just believe it and trust in Him and rest in joyful peace that He has done it. That's His will so He will do it. Praise God!

Norman

[Denise]

Hi Truthseeker,

Quote:

I still have to learn, that no matter what circumstances arise, i ll always stay loyal to my creator and trust in his righteousness, even though maybe he ll never be there for me.

Truthseeker, He is always there for you....here's a few verses to help you out....it may not seem He is, but He is...just believe His word and keep reading these words and the bible, and your faith will grow stronger. Here's a few verses to help you out:

Heb 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Jos 1:5 There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Truthseeker, He will not fail thee or forsake thee. He said that. Just believe those words, there's strength and power in His word....just hang on in there....trust because He never changes, He's still the same as He was way back then....

Heb 13:8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever.

Quote:

I hope i ll ever be part of the family of God but i am afraid. I am afraid of being harmfull to others, therefore i lock myself up in my room every day. I am afraid to be rejected.

Also, read these words over and over, it's His promise tto you Truthseeker...

Isa 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

His words are beautiful, aren't they? And the best thing is that they are true and He's a God of His word. Here's some more words of encouragement:

Exo 15:2 The LORD is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him a habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.

2Sa 22:33 God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.

1Ch 16:11 Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually.

Psa 18:2 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

Psa 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.

Psa 29:11 The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace.

Psa 62:7 In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.

Here's something I read in Steps to Christ, p.51

Do not wait to feel that you are made whole, but say, "I believe it; it is so, not because I feel it, but because God has promised."

To me that tells me that I must depend upon His promises and His word. We can't go by feeling...which is what the adversary wants to trap us with...that way, we are dwelling upon self, and not upon the lovely Christ. I know, because I use to go by feeling, and I was always wanting that special attention from God...you know....show me somehow...when actually, He has shown me already...wake up Denise....He has died for you, He loves you so much...what more can He do? He's given me eternal life and has restored that broken relationship with the Father for me that was once lost in Eden. Hang on in there, Truthseeker, our prayers are for you...God Bless you...Stay encouraged, stay close to Him, cling to Him closely...He will never move you out of the way, but will give you comfort, peace, and strength to bear your sorrows, fears, etc.....under His wings you will safely abide.

[Guest truthseeker007]

Well thank you Denise, that was a very nice response to a not-so-nice person. Those promises sound wonderfull and i know that a lot of people get help from the Lord, but there are numerous reasons why i just cannot break free from the chains of depression and unbelief:

1. Those promises are conditional. If i do things contrary to what God wants, he ll not bless me. There are two reasons why i do the things God doesn t want me to do and why i don t do the things that God wants me to do.

Firstly, there are practical problems. One brother says this an other brother says something else. For example, -one says i can be baptised even as i am still a sinner and let God change me and give him the credits for it, whereas another says that i should first clean up my life and become a good representative of Christ. - If i hang on to the promises of God and they don t come true there are more than a billion biblical excuses and not in a lifetime i ll find out what kept me seperate from God.- Another practical problem is about spreading the gospel, one brother will say go into all the world and preach it, make sure there will be a biblical big bang, but then another brother will say, God works in a quiete way and in silence, you should focus on the bible and your personal living, the big things that happen are guided by the lord. You know, it is really hard to find my calling, i am not really good at anything, maybe i was just put here to annoy the world.

Secondly there are personal problems, i can not forgive myself for the things that i ve done and i am afraid. I am afraid that the people who i should be close with will accuse me of my misbehaviour of the past. I am also afraid that i am fooling myself. If something doesn t happen then i can think of a thousand reasons why. For example, Jesus said that we could ask the father for everything but if we nowadays ask God to heal amputees or blind people nothing happens. One can say, the bible clearly says that God makes people blind and stupid by letting the devil do his work till a certain extent, and this cannot be done without working in an obvious worldy way.

I am a total mess inside my head. It s like i am empty inside. Sometimes in dreams, sometimes on the bike i get really good points inside my head, but as soon as i start writing here i cannot come with any good excuses as why i am not doing things i should do.

Anywayz i want to thank you all for being so kind to me, i wish we lived together under one big roof and were seperate from this world. If i ever win the lottery i ll buy a megahouse in the states and any adventist that is willing to live in it is welcome.

[Woody]

Quote:

Those promises are conditional. If i do things contrary to what God wants, he ll not bless me.

Seeker ... you bring up a good and valid point here. It is one that I have not come to terms with. It is true that both the Bible and Ellen White in particular ... say that we must be obedient in order to receive the promises and blessings of God. For His promises ARE conditional. This might be a good topic for a new thread if you are interested.

[Beryl]

Quote:

If i do things contrary to what God wants, he'll not bless me.

Hi, Truthseeker. There is a big difference between DELIBERATELY doing something that you know God would not approve of, and just making a mistake and doing something wrong, and realising that it was wrong and asking God to forgive you. He has promised that He will forgive all of our sins. We all make mistakes. We all at times slip up and then realise that we have done something wrong. God has promised that He will forgive us if we ask Him.

How does a baby learn to walk? He gets up, stands for a moment -- then falls down! But then he gets up again, and has another try. He is always falling over, until at last he has learned to stand up and walk. Then he learns to run!

It is just like that when we first come to God. We have to learn how to be a Christian -- and it takes us a long time, with lots of falls, but even though you can't see Him, He is there all the time, encouraging us to get up and try again!

You want to be baptised? There is no reason why you cannot be baptised if you truly believe in Jesus and want to follow Him. Baptism is a symbol that you want to belong to Jesus. You won't be perfect before baptism and you won't be perfect after baptism, but you WILL know that, at that stage, all of your past sins have been washed away and you have a new beginning.

You will still make mistakes, but you will have formed a special partnership with Jesus, Who gave His life so that you could spend eternity with Him.

Just think about it, and prayer about it. This is something between you and God -- not what others think.

God bless,

Beryl