Any closing tips before i am gone?

[Joe_in_RP]

I will pray for you also. I will pray that you recover from Depression. I have several friends who feel like you. One friend takes drugs and is much better. There is to much of this going on today. I do not believe in coincidence. I believe there are drugs in the public water supply or food additives that magnify these feelings.

[Woody]

TruthSeeker .... I would like to follow up on what Joe says.

THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES with God. He has lead you here for a reason. And the reason is that there are lots of people from all over the world that care about you and are pulling and praying for you.

Just look at how vulnerable Norman was. He put himself out there for you. He is one you can relate to. Just read what he said. He is a kindred spirit. He knows. He cares.

All that is left for you to do is to LISTEN.

God LOVES you.

And so do a lot of people here on this forum.

[Norman Byers, N.D.]

Quote:

Norman, that took real courage to share from your personal experience. I applaud your honesty and caring! Thanks for posting that.

Hi Taylor,

I appreciate the kind words however it did not take courage. It's like I had to say something. I had a job to go to but put it off till I was finished and believe me, we need the money right now. Here my brother is sinking and I can be of help and don't say anything? Can't do that.

Norman

[Taylor]

ok then it showed compassion...which is wonderful as well! :)

[Norman Byers, N.D.]

Thank you my sister

[Guest truthseeker007]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DDScXEW33g

@ jeanny I think i would never survive a barbeque, but even if i ended up as a vegetable, i would have made sure that my parents would let the state conduct ethanasia on me. However i cannot execute my plans because there are still parents that seem to care about me. I told them how wonderfull it would be if i sold all of my possessions, give the money to them. I also told them that it would be a lot easier if they didn t had to pay college food etc anymore. I explained to them implicitly that if i wasn t there he could have bought a bigger house etc. They have no clue about my plans, but implicitly i was trying to prepare them. They don t care that much about the money, saying i bring them joy by doing stuff at home, fishing, aquarium etc. so it seems that i cannot go now. It would have been a lot easier if they didn t care about me.

@Beryl I am sorry for your husband, i hope that he doesn t get paranoid like i sometimes do. I am glad he has survived his struggle so long. I believe every brain is too good to waste. We are all the same and share many of the same capacities. That drunk homeless guy in a box, could become a decent citizen with the proportional support.

@ Redwood I don t see any potential in me anymore. I have three years of educational arrears. However i will not kill myself because of my parents. I know it is not right, but secretly i am hoping that the whole world will be destroyed in some kind of world war three so everything would vanish. I don t know why i have these thoughts.

@ Norman Thanks for you sharing your story. There is no need to feel ashamed by the things you ever did wrong because we all belong to the human race. In essence we are all the same. There is no difference to the president of the united states or the guy working at the pizza place. I am glad you have found your way home and what a home, i think there are not many Christians blessed with so many truths this church is teaching. For me, i think i am destined to be shut out of heaven. I will never become good enough for God to love me. I am willing but not able to do all the works. I ve tried, i failed and now i give up. Yesterday in the news; Five Dutch protestant woman working in Kenia were raped while working on new schools. Automatically the question followed; why did God allow this to happen? 90 percent of the people would say that there is no God. Although i don t believe that this necessarily has to be true, because even the people from Israel were sometimes killed by other peoples, i am starting to doubt Christianity. Especially when it comes to questions like, if God never changes,then why are there two opposite Gods in the old and the new testament? This doesn t make sense. Maybe the bible is just a romantic story and gnostics have the truth.

@ Neill you are right. I won t execute my plans because my parents seem to care about me. As long as they around i seem to have a duty to stay alive.

Pkrause I really don t know what i feel in my heart anymore because i am constantly overshadowed by these dark thoughts. I don t believe God is love and loves me. I can show you pictures of woman who burned themselves in the fire with molten skin. Now imagine that God does that to everybody who is not willing to surrender to his concept of justice. For instance God is going to burn people who gathered sticks on the sabbath day. I am sorry but because of my knowledge of good and evil i am not able to be positive about GOd. I agree that as a creator he has the right to determine who remains living forever and who not, but has he cruelly torture them in hell? Seems more like an evil dictator than a loving God.

[Taylor]

There was a lady at Loma Linda that finally got back to school after raising her kids (her husband had died previously when the kids were young and she had had to work very hard). She persued her dream and graduated around the age of 65 if I am not mistaken. When most people were persuing retirement she was thrilled to be in her career. Being 3 years in the "rears" educationally speaking can be made up. It is never too late.

You are right, you will never be "good enough to be saved". Yes, God does give the power in our lives to change but we can never be "good enough to be saved". Just realize that God wants you in heaven worse than you want to be there and it is by God's grace you are saved. But that God can also help you overcome those things that make you so miserable currently. However, you truely may be medically depressed and need medication, you will need help outside yourself, you may need to get rid of the computer so you can't look at pornography, or put it in the living room where anyone walking by can see what you are looking at, so that the "shame" will be sufficient to not let you logg on. You may need to burn all magazines and never go down an isle in a store that sells their magazines. You will need to make a concerted effort to read, think, and do other things. You need to reach out to other people, get on an exercise program and be so busy all you can do at night is crash in bed and sleep. You need the satisfaction of helping someone else. These things will all help.

I am sure you are constantly overshadowed by dark thoughts...that is called severe depression and you need to find help for it. Your depression isn't just becuase of your "sins", it is likely medical and enviornmental in some way. You need to get help and yes there is help.

Whether you acknowledge it or not, whether you believe it or not doesn't change the facts. It is like...whether you believe in gravity or not it doesn't change that gravity does exist. The truth is, that God loves you and wants you in heaven more than you wish to be there. He would rather die than live without you. That is the truth. I know you may not feel it, you may not believe it but that is the truth.

Whether you really want us to or not, I can assure you that many on this website are praying for you! No matter how messed up your life is, there is hope, there is help, there is love, and there are people who care about you.

[Neil D]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DDScXEW33g

...I know it is not right, but secretly i am hoping that the whole world will be destroyed in some kind of world war three so everything would vanish. I don t know why i have these thoughts.

@ Neill you are right. I won t execute my plans because my parents seem to care about me. As long as they around i seem to have a duty to stay alive.

Well, .....all I got to say is "It's about time!!!!"

Secretly, between you and me, I think that most Adventist want to see that destruction happen, 'cus it means that Jesus is coming...Me, otoh, I am just enjoying everthing I can while I am here, and trying to make friends. And when Jesus comes to collect me, I am going to enjoy heaven that much more...

I am going to 2nd Taylor's advice to you. As a health care individual, I am recommending that you need to talk these things out. I would suggest that you go to an Adventist pastor and ask him who he recommends. And if the stupid pastor wants to counsil you, INSIST that he not do that and INSIST that he recommend to you a good counsilor. [there might be a stupid pastor or two out there yet that seems to think that he can do the counsiling, and knowing Murphy's law, like I do, you live near that stupid pastor.]

The other thing I would recommend is a GOOD bible study with people...And I don't mean doctrinal bible study...I mean a growth bible study, one where you learn about God, or the bible stories....a good place is the middle of the Psalms and to the end. Ask others what this psalm is talking about and why it is special to them and what it tells of God...

And one other thing....Share with us what you find....Tell us what it means to you...

[Woody]

Quote:

And one other thing....Share with us what you find....Tell us what it means to you...

First of all ... I want to rejoice that our prayers are answered and you are not going to kill yourself.

But .... this just means that there is more work to be done.

Do as Neil has suggested. He is ... OR should I say .... He CAN be a wise person as you have discovered. SO, LISTEN to him.

Seriously, DO what he said and come here and share what you find and what it means to you.

Also ... if next week you slip and again want to kill yourself ... YOU KNOW WHERE TO COME.

HERE @ the Adventist Forum

Really ... we want you here. You are not an island Truthseeker. IOWs ... there are some or many in cyberland who need to hear what you have gone through and the pain and sorrow of it all. It is helpful to know that one is not alone. You can help others by sharing. SO, PLEASE share.

[rush4hire]

Just keep praying and eventually you will get an answer from God. Many times in prayer, God will show you some sin you need to deal with, so when that happens, ask for forgiveness and believe God forgives you and make a plan of how you will deal with the sin, and keep praying. You have to be persistent in prayer.

Let your want be what God wants....

[Woody]

Quote:

My best advice: Why not be like the prophets and just ask God to kill you?

I suppose you would go along with the following quote then ...

Quote:

"Despondency is sinful and unreasonable."

Prophets and Kings, p. 164

[Taylor]

Rush4hire in my personal opinion your post does not encourage a person who is depressed or contemplating suicide. I am sure you have good motives, but truthseeker needs to focus on living, on solutions, not on other people who have committed suicide or been depressed, or sinned so greatly they can't forgive themselves.

Instead, he needs to know how special he is to God. That God hasn't given up on him. That God loves him unconditionally. That God can help him overcome and find meaning in life. That God can heal the despair of his heart, that he can be a blessing to others, that others care about him. THAT is the sort of thing he needs, not more dark thoughts.

[John317]

Yes, Taylor, I think you are right that it's very important for Truthseeker and others to hear the truth that God is able to heal and empower us to live for Him. I hope this is the message that he's getting from all of us here at the Forum. That is certainly what I would tell him and emphasize to him if I could talk to Truthseeker personally.

[Denise]

Exactly, that's how I see it too Taylor. He needs encouragement, love, prayers, and to see through us what a loving God we serve. My husband and I are praying for him everyday, at church, at home during devotions...our hearts go out to him in prayer always.

[John317]

Quote:

My best advice: Why not be like the prophets and just ask God to kill you?

I suppose you would go along with the following quote then ...

Quote:

"Despondency is sinful and unreasonable."

Prophets and Kings, p. 164

There are different reasons a person might be despondent, and some of these reasons are chemical imbalance or things beyond our control. We often don't know the reason for people feeling the way they do.

God doesn't tell us ALL the truth at one time. God doesn't rub our noses in the dirt when what we really need is love and encouragement. When a person already is well aware that he's sinful and feeling "low," it's not a good time to emphasize that he's sinful and should feel still lower. It's time to say, "Look up and see Jesus standing up for you. Live! There's no reason to despair. There's every good reason to hope. God is all powerful. Just take his hand and walk one step at a time with Him. He won't fail you. Just keep trusting Him."

[Woody]

Good Post John317.

[Guest truthseeker007]

@ Rush4hire: Thanks for your advice. It might sound strange for people who love to live to talk about suicide like a release of a very heavy burden. However i have always been a fighter and i don t want to be a coward so i ll just keep fighting. Today i have trained heavily (fitness, taekwondo) and now i am feeling much better. There were nights i really couldn t stand my life, then i prayed to God to kill me, biting in my hand in anger. After many times asking, i am still alive. Maybe God wants me to hang on and keep on fighting. I don t have outstanding talents, except that i have always been a fighter. This suicidal period began after i bought a lot for God to invest it in his work and i only won 7 Euros. I had prayed many nights for this, and suddenly my dreams of doing something for the lord, thereby making my life valueble, were out of reach. In addition i was faced with the hard realities because i gave up many things for the Lord: my girlfriend, a year of education etc etc. Also, i had many dreams; becoming a prof sporter etc. that are now out of reach. Furthermore i don t have friends, except the guys/woman on this forum. I reject people before they have a chance to reject me causing a lot of loneliness. Only through excercise i am now able to write down some of the things i am struggling with. Once i am in a very dark depression, my reasoning stops and my concious seems far away and i forget things like to turn off the water supply, where i put my keys etc etc.

@ Taylor I am glad that you experience the love of God and believe me if i say i truly am seeking for it for years now. It started with going to a regular church. I didn t hear any word but i wanted to grasp some presence of the Lord. The next times i was begging God for truth and thought i found it in the SDA church so i went to the SDA church in town. At first i was very nervous, the people seemed so fragile to me, but some were very kind, offering me flowers etc. My parents kind of freaked out because i was going to that strange church. At first i was indoctrinated by fear, i was a perfectionist and a legalist, causing my life to be miserable. All i was doing, was surpressing who i really was, an egocentric lover of power. It was very hard for me to kill the ego. I think i don t have a really big ego anymore. I still about what other people tell me, because those things hurt me very much sometimes. Once i was very insecure so i decided to train on a sabbath morning. I was very late so i couldn t take a shower, it must have smelled awfull because the people next to me began to sit elsewhere. I felt so rejected by the people that used to embrace me. Since, i only once went to church again. I really felt depressed and sad that day, thinking maybe it was the holy spirit making me feel this. So the thought that maybe God loves me was easily attacked.

@ John Thanks for your encouragement and love. I always consider you as one of the wise guys on this forum, kind of like a Sherlock Holmes in different fields.

@ Denise Thank you so much for your prayers. It really means very much to me. I also believe it is my only hope, because i don t think God will listen to prayers from a sinner like me.

[Woody]

Praise the Lord you are feeling better and can see with more clarity. During this good period ... how about making a private list of all the good things that you can praise God for? I am sure you could come up with a few if you tried real hard.

[Guest truthseeker007]

Okay Redwood i ll try to make a list and ignore stuff like "i should be converting the North Korean government right now to stop the mass murders, hunger etc.

1. There are people closely connected God with whom i have contact on this forum, meaning i am not totally isolated from God. Sometimes i am thinking i just have to hang on, till God thinks it is the right time to intervene in my life.

2. Thanks to Redwood and others i still have some social interaction.

3. I have a saltwater tank and a little pond with koi (fish)

4. I am 23, nearly 24, meaning i can still sport a couple of years longer

5. I know stuff about the great controversy, so the world makes sense

6. No matter if i go to hell or heaven, both is better than this life. Sometimes i am saying to myself, maybe it is better that my life seems like a living hell. No matter where i ll end up, it is better than this.

7. I think i am studying something important at university (international relations), so maybe one day when religion will be the major force of religion, i am able to defend the people of Israel at international organisation, on television etc.

8. I still have the oppurtunity, to study the writings of Ellen White and the bible, thereby giving me peace/rest.

9. I don t have to worry about money because my parents pay everything for me.

10. I am living near a town with a huge garden.

11. I don t drink, use alcohol, smoke, do drugs etc anymore.

There is a lot of material wellbeing, but that doesn t mean much to me. This forum is the main reason i am still alive. When i feel low, i come here, and i find new strength to carry one. I think i would become completely schizophrenic if i was totally isolated from you guys. There are not many people who care about truth or wisdom. You guys are like a part of me. I cannot do this on my own.

[Guest truthseeker007]

Actually there is only two questions that need to be answered that are able to set me free. 1 Is there a God? 2. Does this God love ME?

Everybody will answer yes on both questions. I think i ll answer yes on the first one and NO on the second. Everybody will now tell me that God loves me, but that is not what i have experienced so far. I feel condemned and i don t feel any symphathy coming from heaven during all of my struggles. Only here i feel supported, but i think if you would know how evil i was, none of you would still be supporting me.

[Taylor]

I am SOOO glad for you truthseeker! I hope we will always be able to show you the love of God!

[Guest truthseeker007]

If i only knew there was a God that loves me, i would do everything to please and serve him...

[Woody]

If i only knew there was a God that loves me, i would do everything to please and serve him...

How do you feel about Christ dying a painful death on the cross ... just for YOU?

Does this not prove God's Love for you? The question now is ... are you willing to suffer for your Saviour and prove YOUR love for HIM ?

Try to transition your questions from 'Does God Love ME?' to How can I love Him and Glorify Him in my life. How can I live the life HE lived? His life was all about service for others. Can WE do the same?

Personally, I am trying hard to get the focus off myself and my trials ... and focus on how I can someway ... in a limited way ... be of service and help to those around me.

I am not there. I am a work in process. But I am happier if I can get the focus off ME and onto others.

[Taylor]

Truthseeker...YOU ARE LOVED! I know you don't feel it, but here is at least some evidence. And beyond that...there is a bit of evidence here on this forum..cuz without ever having met you we love you and want the best for you and trust me God is WAY more awsome than any human could ever be..his love is like Niagra falls and ours is like a rivlet of water. There is hope! Please continue to hang in there!

Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you...plans to help and not to harm..plans to give you hope and a future"

Jeremiah 31:3 Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;

Therefore with loving-kindness I have drawn you.”

Vs. 17 “I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds.”

Vs. 22 “You shall be My people, and I will be your God

(John 10:10) "The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly.

(Isaiah 49:15-16) "Can a woman forget her nursing child, And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. "Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;

(Romans 5:8-10) But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

(Jeremiah 29:13) ‘And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

(Ephesians 2:8-9) For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast.

(Romans 8:38-39) For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Luke 19:10) "For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost."

(Luke 15:7) "I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents, than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

(1 John 4:19) We love, because He first loved us.

[Taylor]

Truthseeker...it matters not what sin you have in your life, we (well I think I can speak for everyone here but at least I) am/are not going to reject you. Evil is never "pretty" but people have value, even on death row. Your value has nothing to do with what you have done..it has to do with the fact that God created you, he has a plan for your life, and you are of more worth than all the money in the world, irregardless of your past.