Where's Redwood?

[Liz]

Originally Posted By: Liz

Hey, Neil are we going to get any more story? You are such a good story teller; I keep checking back to see if what the next chapter is.

So, that's the reason why the ratio of posters to viewers is so high? You realise that you ARE causing this to be one of the most looked at threads with the fewest replies???

42 : 900

900 Times?!?! Surely not all of that would come from me. That would make me a little on the OCDish side wouldn't it?

Liz says, knocking on the wooden table exactly 4 times, then counting to twenty by twos, then standing and turning around three times before sitting back down to type.

Nah, I don't have OCD.

[Neil D]

Liz says, knocking on the wooden table exactly 4 times, then counting to twenty by twos, then standing and turning around three times before sitting back down to type.

Nah, I don't have OCD.

I totally agree....a bit eccentric maybe, but OCD...naaaaaaaah.......

[Morning Glory]

Hi All,

I have heard from Redwood who gave me permission to inform you that he has a court date on 9/11. I am sure that that will be taking up quite a bit of his time.

Morning Glory

[Neil D]

Hi All,

I have heard from Redwood who gave me permission to inform you that he has a court date on 9/11. I am sure that that will be taking up quite a bit of his time.

Morning Glory

"court date"??? What is this about MG?

[Bravus]

He'll get himself into trouble, dating courtiers, given that he's already married. Guess at least it's not courtesans.

[Neil D]

We left our delerious protagonist in a state of shock in some place somewhere in time....As he wakes up, he notices that he is in famliar surroundings with his faithful wife Blanch near by.

Redwood: What happened? Why am I here?

Blanch: That was a pretty nice bump on the head you took, dear.

Redwood: Bump? [reaches up to forehead] When did this happen?

Blanch: Last week, just before you were leaving to see Obama...Oh dear...

Redwood: you mean I never left?

Blanch: Left? What ever are you talking about, sweetheart?

Redwood: well, I went to San Francisco to the airport and gave away all those flowers...dressed as a..um...well, differently than I am now.

Blanch: This sounds interesting...I think I would like to hear this...

Redwood: And I didn't get a traffic ticket? Nor meet all those past important political figures?

Blanch: Redwood dear, whatever are you talking about???

Redwood: Well, I went to SF Airport, gave away all those dreadful poppys, and that was after I saw George Lucas and got made up to look like a bald moonie. Then I got pulled over for a traffic violation, and went thru some scene out of ...well, it was a combo of "Law and Order" and "Dragnet"...and then I somehow was thrown out of "Homeland security" and met up with a lot of political figures, past and mostly dead ones, only they weren't dead [confused look on Blanch's face] where we were going to start an old persons home for "secretly-removed-from-society" famous political figures.

Blanch: Oh now this is just really wild. Where do you get such a wild imagination, Redwood? Are you sure that you aren't spending too much time on that ...what was it, um..."ClubAdventist" site?

[cut to ClubAdventist members who respond loudly-] NO!!!!!!

Redwood: Um...I don't think so, Blanch....but at least, I am home....safe and sound....so, how did I get this bump?

Blanch: What?!?! You don't remember? Well, you went out to get all those poppy flowers and triped up on some wire that we were using to keep them up...Or was it the rake? Anyways, you smacked your head on the house or some rock near by, I don't know...but we got you into the hospital. they keep you for a couple of days and then you were sent home to rest.

Redwood: Hmmmm...Hospital...nice white sheets in the beds...right?

Blanch: Why, yes....

Redwood: Did you have some trouble with me staying in the hospital?

Blanch: Yes, I argued with the doctor right in front of you that I didn't want you to come home until you were awake. He assured me that you would waken, but wasnt sure when.

Redwood: Ummm..."un-ceremoniously released,", eh?

Blanch: Was that part of your dream, Redwood?

Redwood: Amazingly, yes...

Blanch: Well, how do you feel now, dear?

Redwood: A little weak, but fine...I think I am fine....

Blanch: Strong enough to take on some problems.

Redwood: Not yet, dear. Not yet. Don't want the Cyber police from Homeland Security to look in on our predicament...

Blanch: "Predicament"?

Redwood: You know, the poppy flowers?

Blanch: What about them, dear?

Redwood: Arent they the flowers that you make drugs from?

Blanch: Oh heavens NO! Who told you that?

Redwood: Well, there's this guy on.....and he... oh never mind...

Blanch: Well, whoever it was, he must have been pulling your leg...and it affected your mind....and gave you nightmares or something.

[ClubAdventist members look to Neil and give Neil a dirty look]

Blanch [bringing a tray of food for Redwood to snack on along with a poppy flower]: Well at least that is over....[she saunders off to attend to other household chores]

Redwood [looks at poppy flower with the large globe at the top of the flower and scraps the glob. It bleeds a milky white liquid]: Oh, Blanch [Redwood says weakly]

[Cue in music from "The Twighlight Zone"]

Join us next time when ClubAdventist members discuss whether Neil needs to be hung out to dry for writing such a lame story as this with such a lame plot as this...

[Liz]

Hi All,

I have heard from Redwood who gave me permission to inform you that he has a court date on 9/11. I am sure that that will be taking up quite a bit of his time.

Morning Glory

What happened? I'll be praying that it all works out in his favor.

[Liz]

Join us next time when ClubAdventist members discuss whether Neil needs to be hung out to dry for writing such a lame story as this with such a lame plot as this...

Personally I thought it was cute; but surely, it isn't over?

[Neil D]

And what, may I ask you, gave you the impression that it is over????

Do you see the words "The End"?

Do you see the words, " And he live happily ever after"?

Do you, for one moment think that this maybe the end of our entrepid protagonist????

Muahahahahahahhahahahaahaa....says I as I head into the writer's lab-bor-a-tory.......

[Liz]

Oh good, I plead temporary insanity.

Liz wanders off to find some popcorn, and waits for the next installment.

[Jeannieb43]

I'm waiting, impatiently, for the next installment....!

[Beryl]

Come on, Neill. I have just found this thread -- have read it all -- this far. Have wondered at your ability to keep writing -- but there are still some days before Redwood appears to tell you what he thinks of you -- so!! Just keep writing!! We are waiting!

[Neil D]

[Cue in Twighlight Zone music]

You unlock this door with the key of imagination.Beyond it, is another dimension, a dimenson of sound ; a dimension of sight ; a dimension of mind. You are moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. And you've just crossed over into ...the Twightlight Zone....

Redwood: Boy, these last couple of days have been the hardest for me....not being on the board...and being bored...Well, at least I have my garden to tend to....And there is some time to nap in the hammock from time to time.

Blanch: Redwood! Don't forget to water the roses, dear...And you need to take care of those aphids on them as well....

Redwood: [muttering to self] Redwood this! Redwood that!Dont forget this and don't forget that. Help with this project at church, and help with the church school and help with the chruch budget and help help help...Boy, I would like to help her alright...Right up into..

Blanch: Redwood, there's some hoeing that needs to be done around those roses... Would you PLEASE do that today, as I don't want the dorcus committee to miss out on those fabulose roses...

Redwood: Yes, Dear. Ok, Dear..[As he starts hoeing, he hits a metal container] Hey, would you look at that..It's a toy teapot....made of metal too....a little cleaning and the grandkids would like it for thier playhouse, I'd bet.

[as redwood begins to shine up the pot, it begins to smoke] Hmmmmmm...didn't think that I would be doing that good of a smokin job. [smoke pours out of the kettle and alights at his feet. It's a small genie......{You were expecting Barbara Eden?}]

Genie: Uh, yeah, hey there, uh, master. I can give you three wishes...but the last two don't count.

Redwood: What?!!?!? I thought that there were suppposed to be 3 wishes granted.

Genie: There are, but you dinged up my home pretty good with your hoeing...and I don' t feel so charitable.

Redwood: HEy, don't knock quality work.

Genie: This is quality work?????

Redwood: Hmmmmm....wish I coulda gotten a different genie, instead I got one who thinks he's a comic.

Genie: Your wish is my .....

Redwood: Hold it! Not so fast genie. Commentary is not necessarily part of the wishing game....So hold those cotton picking horses....

Genie: I know of horses that will pick cotten. I can bring them to you. All you have to say is the word and we go and fetch them.

Redwood: Kewl! I can have cotton picking horses...but what would I do with them.

Genie: they pick cotton. What else would they be doing? That is why we call them "cotton pickin'" horses...

Redwood: I don't have Robbin Williams...Instead, I have Rodney Dangerfield.

Genie: who is that???

Redwood: and a curious one.

Genie: look, you want money, fame or glory?

Redwood: Don't want glory without money. Fame without glory is pretty lame too.

Genie: "Fame and Glory"..It's on sale right now for only one wish. But I dont recommend it. It carrys a martyer of a price tag, if you get my meaning....

Redwood: I think I do..

Genie: So, it looks like all the others are out, except money. So, here you are...I have made it for you to obtain lots of money.

Redwood: Wait! I didn't give my wish yet.

Genie: Look, you dont want fame, nor glory...Money is the only thing left. So you got that...

redwood: What about the ease of life and all the women?

Genie, Looking at Blanch: Do you REALLY want me to bring out the dancing girls? Cuz, I am gonna have to supply her with knife weilding strong men....

Redwood: Ok, ok,...money it is..can't be too bad.

Genie: Ok, I have enabled you to make lots of money, but it will be thru some possessions that you have. You must, thru hard work, extract the precious substance, and mine it, and then sell it on the open market where upon you will make lots and lots of money thru some form of natural means... and i am GoNE! [and with that, poof!, he was gone.]

Blanch: Redwood, dear...what ever are we going to do with these poppy flowers. they seem to poliferate all over the place...and that sticky white milky stuff....it gets all over everything....

redwood: "white, milky sticky" stuff??? Ooooooooh noooooooooooooooo!

[Cue Twighlight zone music]

[Neil D]

Back at the ClubAdventist clubhouse [?????!!!!!!What clubhouse????], Liz and Jeannie are putting the finishing touches on various bowls of popcorn with spices. Beryl comes in with a quart of lemonade with crushed strawberrys in the bottom of the half-gallon jar.

Stan and Bravus are setting up front, center, and rear speakers to a 52" flat screen TV. Shane is adjusting the dish to get the best reception for the Hope Satallight Network. Cyberguy is checking the feed and making sure that it is getting to the TV ok.

Amelia and Lynndell along with Nan, and Gail and Adolna, Fifequeen and Suzanne Sutton are energetically talking .

Lynndell: It's amazing..To think that WE KNOW someone who made it big...

Amelia: Only it's not just ONE someone...it's TWO someones...

Nan: I admit...it is amazing. I wonder how Neil got Hope TV to sell the stories of Redwood.

Gail: I heard that the network executives thought it so good, that they immediately went into syndication and it was an instanteous hit.

John317 comes by and says: Well, it does help to be well placed ...

Gail: STan is such a nice guy and he does know the stars....

Amelia: Anyone know how Redwood became a big star?

John317: Well, he's the subject of Neil's writings and got a bit of money off it..

Lyndell: Wow! It was nice of the guys to get ClubAdventist a place to gather everyone.

Gail: And when you got an archectect [looking over at Shane] to draw it up....

Nan: and a small committee to envision what they want [nodding at Bravus, Cyberguy, Sid, Joel] anything can became possible.

Amelia: And the members contributed enough moneys to get this big screen TV and surround sound. It's kind of a miracle that that happened.

Stan: Ok, folks, we have everything in place and the program is about to start.

Planey: I got to get my gingerbeer and a good seat.

Everyone settles down to watch the program. After an hour, the group is speechless...They are awed by the program....finally, Planey says: Well, I got to admit. it's a wonderful program.

Amelia: Yup. pretty good.

Lynndell: Nice casting...

Nan: Over all, it was a nice program...

D. Allen: Well, overall, I have to say the program is fair. It has one commonality that runs thru the whole theme of the program. And that one commonality is

Amelia, Nan, Lynndell, John317, Planey, and Stan: It's lame!

Join us next week when we hear Planey say-

They're making HOW much??????

[Neil D]

[Cue in the twightlight zone music]

Narrator: The door before you is a specific journey.

[Olger bellows out: Like that Narnia door those kids when thru!]

Narrator: Yes, just like the Narnian door. Enter a specific individual named Redwood. He has a wife, a couple of children, a nice house. An all american conservative family. And he has one problem....poppies....not just any poppies, but poppies that have a milky white juice. and he has LOTS of poppies.

[cue the sirens,...police cars....cyber police....{cyber police?????]...reporters....]

Police officer: You with the milky white poppies...hands up!

Redwood [dropping an armful of poppies]; don't shoot. I am a peaceful man.

Blanche: Redwood, what are the police doing here? Why am I being handcuffed? Redwoooooood!!!!

Redwood: Don't worry, Blanche. It will be ok. I'll get us out of this...[To police officer as he is being handcuffed, and rather stiffly] I have connections.

Police officer: yeah, yeah, yeah.. Tell it to the sargent down town.

As Redwood is unceremonously placed into the police car, he sees not one, but several investegators going thru his property and looking at the poppies...

[cut to busy court room, several days later. It's a noisy place, with lots of clerks with papers moving about.]

Judge: How do you plead?

Redwood: what are the charges?

Judge: Apparently, defendant is accused of the manufacture of herion, derived from the poppy plant from a milky white substance.

Redwood: Did you see any thing to suggest the manufacture of herion, like a lab with jars?

Judge: we'll get into the specifics later. How do you plead?

Genie, dressed as a lawyer: He pleads 'not guilty', your honor.

Redwood; what??!! How did..? What are you doing..? What is this..? Nice threads, man!

Judge: Conselor, are you confiring with your client? If so, please plan your defense on your time, not on mine.

Genie: Yes, your honor.

Judge: Okay, today is August 29. Court date is set on September 11, 2008. Any problems with that?

Genie: No, your honor...

Redwood: No, your highness.

Judge: Are you mocking me, Mr. Redwood?

Redwood [hastily]: No, your im-potentate-ness, sir.

Genie: Better let me do the talking.

Redwood: No, I seem to have this.

Judge: MR. REDWOOD, THIS COURT WILL NOT TOLERATE RUDENESS OF ANY SORT.

Redwood: I wasn't trying to be rude, your sovereign.

Judge: MR. REDWOOD,I AM A JUDGE AND WILL BE ADDRESSED IN SUCH A MANNOR THAT BEFITS A JUDGE AND NOT A KING. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR, MR REDWOOD?

Redwood: Crystal, your honor-ness sire.

Genie: Your Honor, my client suffers from panick attacks and clearly can not communicate well. I will be representing him from here on out, if it pleases the court.

Judge: It certainaly does please this court. We will see you on September 11, gentlemen. And conselor, I don't want to hear anything from this man's mouth untill then.

Genie: not even "Not guilty", your honor?

Judge: If that is your client's plea, I will take it, and you can take him out of here.

Genie: It is, your honor.

Judge: It is done. Good bye, gentlemen...

Join us next time when we hear Blanche say: to a guard:

What are you doing, big boy?

For Redwood , and thanks for the suggestions. Hope I got all of them in.

[ChildofChrist]

I used to like the Twilight Zone.

This is in a whole nother dimension, though...but interesting.

[Neil D]

Is this interesting because you know the people and the scenerio is made up or is it because you don't know where the story is going or is it because it is using various familiar story lines...or ???

[Jeannieb43]

It's interesting to me because I see on the calendar that September first is coming up. (At least, I thought that's when we'd hear from Redwood again!)

[Neil D]

OOOOOOoooh, one more day to find a very embarrassing story on Redwood....Let's see...[cackling as he walk into the writing Lab-bor-it-tory rubbing his hands..]

[Morning Glory]

Neil,

You are so "bad"!! !

I am enjoying your continuing saga here!!! Hopefully RW will be back soon to defend himself......

MG

[Stan]

Our friend has been given a few hours Grace..

Should have a contest on how soon his first post will be...

[Woody]

Yep. I am back in business. But I have much work to do to catch up on all that I missed. I see that some things never change. I had put Robert in charge of changing some of you folks .... and he has not done an adaquate job. I do not see the fruits of his labor. It is the same o' same o'. I'm afraid that I will have to fire him and do the job myself.

Okay ... enough of that. I really have to get into this thread and find out what Neil has been up to. From the leaks I have received on this thread .... I find that he is very entertaining. My hat is off to him. At least someone has done their job in my absence.

I do want to thank all of you for your concern about my well being. I just got a little bloody nose from THE moderator.

But, I am back as good as new. And I now need to review this thread comepletely so that I can defend my honor if Neil has sullied it.

So far ... all I can say is that it is good that I went on Sabbatical ... because otherwise we would have not discovered what talents Neil has.

Thanks again for all your concern about where I have been and what happened. Since you asked ... I will explain. And if the moderators want to move this to another location that is fine. I tried to find Natter Matters but could not locate it.

This is what happened ... In Townhall ... I asked THE moderator ... who was not the listed moderator of the thead as far as I knew .... to delete an offensive and personal attack on another member ... not me. It was post #179121 - 08/02/08 which I will post at the end of this post. He didn't like it that I would suggest him deleting it. So out of what I viewed as retaliation ... he demanded that I delete post #179156 08/02/08 . I looked it up and the post consisted of one word. (Hmmm) I felt it was totally unreasonable to demand that I delete Hmmm. So, I refused. And within one minute ... I was blocked out of logging onto or viewing The Adventist Forum. It was that quick. And like I said ... He wasn't even the listed moderator as far as I knew. I thought Amelia was. And he never identified himself as wearing the moderator hat.

If anyone asked me ... I think there are a number of lessons that could be learned from this. But I am sure that no one will ask me.

So, I will volunteer a few.

One is that if a moderator is going to put on a moderator hat ... He should state so. Otherwise ... he is just another person posting.

Second is .... How does one report a post with a personal attack by a person who is a moderator everywhere even when he is not?

I am serious about this. Otherwise he is a King unto himself. There needs to be some way. He fails like the rest of us. So, how can he be reported and how can his attacks on others get stopped?.

Third ... When I lost access to the forum ... I had no idea why this would be since it was just over an Hmmm. And there was no direct commnunication. I had no idea of how long I was banned.One problem was perhaps they didn't have my current email address. I had tried to change in in my profile but it would not accept it for some reason. Anyway .... Finally I learned through a third party what was going down.

Lastly ... there needs to be some way to be able to find out what post was offensive and have that reviewed by someone who is not in the fray. My 'Hmmm' post was not a reason to ban me. Of course I then gave him cause to ban me by disobeying his orders. But, that is a set up. He had no reason to retaliate for my pointing out his abusive post. He called MY Hmmm post an attack post. But I think you folks know that I don't do that. And if there is any post that is a personal attack of mine ... I would like to see it. If he has proof ... let it be seen.

Speaking of that moderator post ... it is still on the board. You can look it up. But I will post it here for the record. And I will highlight some concerns of mine. I think there were some terrible accusation made and to date I have not seen a public apology if he insists that it not be deleted. Let me just add ... that with the medium of the internet ... it is not possible to hear tone and make judgments of another person with the written word. And like I told him ... when he names some one and makes personal suggestions ... it needs to be in a PM if at all.

Post #179121 - 08/02/08

Quote:

"But when you talk about these things, I do not hear love in your tone. I hear condemnation spoken as if in glee, just like you have done here.

I have seen that a lot in your writings, Rob, and it concerns me.

I hear laughter in your accusations.

It is as if you enjoy pointing out that people are not sinless or absolutely perfect even when they have never claimed that they are.

You don't seem to realize that the issue is not about being without sin or obeying God's law in such a way as to earn salvation. It is about letting Christ's character-- His Spirit-- shine through. You may not see Christ's character but that is because you are not looking for Christ's character. You see what you are looking for. What is it you are looking for? --- are you looking for things about people that make them look bad?

Remember what the the NT says about love:

Love is kind and patient,

never jealous, boastful,

proud, or rude.

Love isn't selfish

or quick tempered.

It doesn't keep a record

of wrongs that others do.

Love rejoices in the truth,

but not in evil.

Love is always supportive,

loyal, hopeful,

and trusting.

That is God. Satan is just the opposite and he wants us to be like him. He wants you to always be accusing other Christians and telling them what miserable sinners they are, even when you don't know anything about them. That is the devil's work, not God's and not the believers. Rejoice in the truth, not in evil. Be supportive, hopeful, trusting; talk about God's power to save, not about the power of sin.

I don't think that Robert needed this sermon of condemnation. If he did ... then take it to a PM. That is my opinion and what I tried to deal with. Until I got the bloody nose and forced Sabbatical. I should point out that it is interesting that the post with only Hmmm in it ... that I refused to delete ... it is now deleted.

Hmmmmmm

So, now you know the rest of the story.

[Liz]

Well, firstly, I am so glad you are back. And secondly, I am just so glad you are back. And finally, I wish Neil had finished the story.

[Woody]

Thanks Liz. It is so good to know that I was missed. And yes ... Neil should finish the story now that I am here to protect myself.

[carolaa]

Welcome back, Redwood! Neil did keep us entertained, but it's good to have you back.

Unfortunately, this forum isn't a democracy. Your situation sounds more like some things I've heard recently coming out of China. I hope there will be some kind of explanation so we aren't all wondering if we'll be next.