The Spiritual Walk and Emotional/Mental Distress/Illness

[Gail]

I'm talking about how these illnesses/distresses affect those who suffer from them and how we relate to them.

We ALL know someone who has struggled with depression, post-traumatic disorder, grief, bipolar, schizophrenia or a whole host of other possible maladies.

Are our expectations of them realistic?

When we do put expectations upon them, are we in fact being abusive to them?

What is the best way to minister to them?

I would especially like to hear from persons who have suffered and struggled in this way, even privately if you prefer, about what is most helpful and what is NOT helpful.

[Gail]

I have noticed that a spiritual walk is not easy when one feels like one is in a pit/hole/abyss.

I don't know what the answer is; I just know that prayer may be impossible to execute during a time as this. This is not the time for pat answers and commands such as "Pull up the bootstraps" and "Get off the pot".

Perhaps our lack of knowing what to say contributes to isolation and coming out with exactly the WRONG advice.

[Bravus]

Cricket used the analogy of a broken leg in another thread, and I think there's something there. We don't say to a person with a broken leg 'stop feeling sorry for yourself and start walking'. Instead we recognise that they need both medical care and time. It's not a perfect analogy, but mental illnesses have some things in common with physical illnesses, and recognising that they often need professional care and time is a decent first step.

[Bravus]

We tend not to say 'pray for a miracle for your broken leg, and if it just takes as long to heal as everyone else's then you clearly don't have enough faith' either...

[Liz]

Perhaps our lack of knowing what to say contributes to isolation and coming out with exactly the WRONG advice.

I think this is part of the problem. For some reason people have this "need" to impart advice to others even when they don't know what they are talking about.

I think that we need to empathize with them, let them know that we are there for them, should they want to talk, that we will definately be praying for them, but that the advice won't be forthcoming unless they specifically ask.

We also need to remember their immediate family members, those that are living with them. Sometimes the focus is on the person that is having the problem, and the family somehow gets lost in the shuffle or even alienated.

[carolaa]

I have noticed that a spiritual walk is not easy when one feels like one is in a pit/hole/abyss.

Interesting that that's often right where we are when we reach for God the most. I think we can't expect to have the same spiritual walk during those times as we do during easier times, or we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. We need to adjust our expectations to a different kind of walk with God and not feel guilty about it.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

I know of a woman who was on her way to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. For some reason, she turned around on the road and started back home. Along the way she pulled over to the side and called her pastor. While she was talking to him a police car pulled along behind her (it was late at night). He got out and asked what the problem was. She handed the cell phone to the police and he spoke to the pastor for a minute. Then the pastor talked to her again. The police ended up taking this woman to the ER of the local hospital to get checked out to make sure she was not still suicidal because she was still so distraught. On the way to the hospital the policeman gave his testimony to her about Christ and told her that he thought it was by divine appointment that he had stopped to see if anything was wrong. She was treated very gently - not the usual way someone is treated when the police take someone in to get checked out. Having him talk to her on the trip in helped her through the trauma of having to go to the hospital and be seen there.

I know the story is true. It happened to me.

OTOH, I know what it is like to have deep emotional scars and asking God for comfort and relief and seemingly not receiving it. It is very easy to tell someone to "buck up, Buttercup" and "get your act together" - as if you aren't trying your darnedest to do so. Sometimes nothing works even though you are doing EVERYTHING the doctors tell you to do and EVERYTHING you know the Bible is telling you to do. You just feel like you run out of options. Just be there for the person. Just be there.

[phkrause]

great post!

pk

[Amelia]

Originally Posted By: Gail

Perhaps our lack of knowing what to say contributes to isolation and coming out with exactly the WRONG advice.

I think this is part of the problem. For some reason people have this "need" to impart advice to others even when they don't know what they are talking about.

I think that we need to empathize with them, let them know that we are there for them, should they want to talk, that we will definately be praying for them, but that the advice won't be forthcoming unless they specifically ask.

I haven't written much about myself when these types of posts arise. Suffice it to say that several things happened and as a result one of the side effects was that I couldn't leave my home for over 2 yrs. Oh I could leave as long as I was drugged beyond belief and didn't have the ability to care. LOL But it was a terrible time for me and my ex husband.

Yes, people tend to give their advice whether or not it was helpful. Often they felt righteous in their advice. Y'know, I would get well if I just followed the advice. LOL Once I was told to just get out every day and walk in the sunshine and I would feel alot better. I guess it never occured to that person that I couldn't even go out on the front porch.

For the first month or two I got alot of sympathy and phone calls. Then the boredom set in. Their boredom. Sympathy only lasts so long. Then it's "out of sight, out of mind". Yes, even the church was like this. Never once did I get an in home communion. I don't know; maybe they thought it was catching. It wasn't like I was babbeling incoherently, or drooling all over muself.

That was just one of the problems I faced. Phobias tend to compound once one is intrenched. It took a long time and alot of different doctors. Alot of different therapies. And alot if different drugs. Alot of doing the wrong thing before being led to the right track. I am not a drug naysayer. God led me to the perfect doctor and we took it from there.

When I look back on it all I wonder why I didn't get the right doctor the first time out. But I learned alot during the time of darkness and the walk back into the light. God knew I had things to learn so gave me the time to learn them. At least, that's what I believe.

Amelia

[Jeannieb43]

I think you've "hit the nail on the head" Amelia.

It takes time to find the right doctor, the right fit, for a particular situation. Sometimes you just have to keep asking people who have the same problem, who their doctor is, and what medicines are of help to them.

My dear late husband was the best, kindest, most intelligent and empathic psychiatrist. He said once that it is the families of the schizophrenics who face the most difficulty. Living with a mentally ill person is depressing, in and of itself. Especially if the patient refuses to take his medicine. But of course the depressed person, or the schizophrenic person him/herself, is in a total fog constantly -- which is nearly unbearable.

I now have a new respect for the art of psychiatry. I've seen some people change dramatically after their psychiatrist puts them onto the right medication. Coming out of depression is like coming out of a dark tunnel into the sunlight; the whole world opens up for you, and life is good again!

If you need a psychiatrist, don't feel self-conscious about it. We don't feel self-conscious when we go to an orthopedist for a broken arm; why should we feel self-conscious when we go to a psychiatrist for a broken psyche?

And there's no problem with seeing a psychiatrist while remaining a devout Seventh-day Adventist. I understand Freud used to be anti-religion [remember, he was a Jew who had come through the Nazi oppression, so it's reasonable to see why he had this belief]. But now the modern psychiatrists do not blame your depression on your religious upbringing (as some used to do, a generation ago). Be honest about your belief in God; it should be a help, not a hindrance, to your therapy.

And don't be afraid to find a different doctor, if you're seeing one who's not compatible.

[carolaa]

That's true. A good therapist knows the latest research, which says it is not helpful to try to mess with a person's belief system.

I did not mention, either, that one of the people I know who was greatly helped by counseling was me. At the time, I had no interest in seeing a Christian counselor, especially a pastor, because I didn't want a lot of "prayer and guilt" when I already felt bad enough about my situation. When my therapist suggested hypnosis, and I said I wasn't comfortable with that, she never mentioned it again. She was very wise and she change my life.

After I got my head on straight, I was able to talked with a couple of really great pastors who understand basic psychological principles, and they were able to guide me and challenge me further. But I wasn't ready for that before. And that's ok.

[Gail]

Quote:

But of course the depressed person, or the schizophrenic person him/herself, is in a total fog constantly -- which is nearly unbearable.

Thank you for this, Jeannie! When I suffered from depression this is how I also felt. Just couldn't connect very well.

I try to remember this. I tell myself that I should never forget how it felt to me during my period of fogginess.

The only way that I can come up with to minister to people who are in this boat is to (as someone said) give them some time, acceptance and lots of love. It may be a time when their families and friends are distancing themselves from them for their own survival. They have lived with the person intimately for a long time. It would be awesome for some others to step in (and take turns, the more the better) and offer some of their time extending the hand of friendship.

[Gail]

I don't know if there are any out there that are like this, but I'd like to add:

That I was in therapy for 10 years, for childhood issues and depression.

I did the hospital thing, the medications route, one-on-one counselling, the group sessions and read a lot of books.

I cannot say that any one method did the whole trick. So if you find yourself in the boat that what you are trying isn't working don't give up! I was thankful that in my case each was a piece of the puzzle that is me.

But I am thankful and tho there are odd periods that I still suffer I am mostly very happy these days. I am part of the group of "we all have days like that".

May the Lord be praised! He IS there!

[cricket]

I'm talking about how these illnesses/distresses affect those who suffer from them and how we relate to them.

We ALL know someone who has struggled with depression, post-traumatic disorder, grief, bipolar, schizophrenia or a whole host of other possible maladies.

Are our expectations of them realistic?

When we do put expectations upon them, are we in fact being abusive to them?

What is the best way to minister to them?

I would especially like to hear from persons who have suffered and struggled in this way, even privately if you prefer, about what is most helpful and what is NOT helpful.

I just wanted to add one thought: not only do we all know someone who has struggled with depression, PTSD, et cetera, but we all have to some degree or another struggled personally with emotional/mental/stress issues. How often are our expectations of one another unrealistic? When we put expectations on others, I can't say we're being abusive to them, but honestly, we're probably not doing much good. It is not until we are able* to relate to one another as Jesus relates to us that we will be able to help one another completely.

*That only through the working of the Holy Spirit.