Lies About Premarital Sex

[Dr. Shane]

Three Lies About Sex Before Marriage

The Scriptures about sexual purity don't apply today because they're outdated, right?

Like many singles, Rob thinks the Scriptures on sexual purity are outdated and archaic. "Those parts of the Bible aren't relevant to today," he told Cindy. "After all, when the Scriptures were written, the people during that time got married when they were teens; so they didn't have to struggle with sexual temptation like we do now."

In response to Rob's argument, Cindy found Scriptures about sexual purity and showed them to him. When Cindy read 1 Corinthians 6:9, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:19, Hebrews 13:4 and Deuteronomy 22:13-28, all which condemn sex before marriage, she asked Rob, "Are these Scriptures relevant to today?" "Nope," Rob responded.

"Do you have a pair of scissors?" Cindy asked.

"Why?

"Because I think we should cut those Scriptures out. After all, if they're not true because people can't control their desires, why not completely eliminate them? After all, we can just pick and choose the parts of Scripture that we want to believe on sexual purity, right? Give me your scissors," she said...

For example, if sex before marriage is okay because people supposedly can't control themselves, then it must be okay to engage in pornography, too, right? After all, the temptation to watch and participate in porn abounds like it didn't in Bible times.

Not surprisingly, when Cindy asked Rob if it was OK to engage in pornography, his theology changed. "Pornography isn't okay because it's damaging to the people who are doing it, and it's not very Christian."

Why does Rob have a schizophrenic view of purity and of the Bible's commandments? ...

Isn't it true that sex produces intimacy?

During their discussions about premarital sex, Rob insisted that it was good to engage in sex with a dating partner because "it brings you closer."

Cindy believes that this is true, and not true. On one hand, the Bible says that sex causes "two people to become one." Therefore, it's more than just a physical act, it's also a spiritual encounter (Mark 10:6-9).

Additionally, Dr. Patricia Love, the author of The Truth About Love, writes that a feeling of intimacy is created by a "chemical cocktail" that is produced in the brain during sex and stays with each person for up to 24 hours after intercourse. Perhaps this physiological bonding is what Rob was referring to.

On the flip side, having sex is no guarantee that the deep emotional intimacy that everyone longs for will develop.

Alice Fryling, in an article titled, Why Wait for Sex? writes:

"Genital sex is an expression of intimacy, not the means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communion. True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate."

Some experts even report that premarital sex short circuits the emotional bonding process. Donald Joy, a writer for Christianity Today, sited a study of 100,000 women that linked "early sexual experience with dissatisfaction in their present marriages, unhappiness with the level of sexual intimacy and the prevalence of low self-esteem." ...

Premarital sex helps you determine if you are sexually compatible, right?

Rob told Cindy he felt it was unreasonable to expect him to abstain from sex before marriage because no one would buy a car without test driving it; so he couldn't imagine committing to marriage without taking a "sex test drive."

When Cindy suggested to Rob that his "test drive" mentality could lead him to compare his wife's sexual performance with his other partners, he denied it. "No, I wouldn't," he adamantly said.

However, his logic is faulty. Here's why: If it was true that Rob wouldn't struggle with comparison, why would he need to "test drive" anything? After all, if he'd never had multiple partners, he would automatically think his wife the best. For example, the man who hasn't ever seen or driven more than one car doesn't know what other cars are like; therefore he would be satisfied with his automobile.

Partners can also feel threatened if they think their mate could be comparing them with previous partners.

When Cindy randomly asked 10 women at work if they would be worried that their husband was comparing them if he'd had intercourse with multiple women before marriage, 80 percent of them said yes.

This provides a strong argument to abstain from sex before marriage to protect the emotional safety that your spouse will need to feel in marriage...

[text taken from link]

[Dr. Shane]

Quote:

"After all, when the Scriptures were written, the people during that time got married when they were teens; so they didn't have to struggle with sexual temptation like we do now."

I have heard that before. The thing is we will also have to deal with sexual temptation throughout our entire lives. Just because people use to marry at an earlier age doesn't mean they didn't have to deal with sexual temptations afterward.

[olger]

Thanks, Shane.

This is a very relevant topic today. I spent 90-minutes on the phone Saturday night with a young person who had thrown away their virginity and she is depressed and has all kinds of doubts about God (even suicidal thoughts). We are helping her move back to forgiveness & purity.

A man is "imprinted" with his first sexual encounter, and that will stay with him throughout his life. That can set up all kinds of negative patterns in his or her life.

Couples who initiate sex before marriage bring many consequences into the marriage. For instance, they have just taught each other how to commit adultery.

Pre-marital Moral failure will program a woman wrong. After marriage she cannot respond to the things that she should, and she will respond to the things that she should not. Jesus can turn this around if a person is willing to resolve past moral failures.

Good topic... I could share a hundred stories but they are confidential. Perhaps we can share a few generalities...

oG

[Jeannieb43]

That poor young person who was so depressed about "throwing away" her virginity should be taught the lesson Christ gave to the woman taken in adultery. "Neither do I condemn thee; go and sin no more."

We can never go back. We can never undo what has happened. I think God accepts us where we are, and asks that we make right choices starting now.

And there will not be one single perfect (sinless) human being taken into heaven. "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." But Christ has said He will save all who come to Him in faith. ["I, if I be lifted up, will draw all unto Me."]

Trying to coax a young person into living a "perfect" life merely leads to frustration, I believe. After all, when a baby begins learning to walk, he falls down repeatedly. Do his parents then disown him just because he has made a mistake? No. They help him to stand up again. That's the metaphor I prefer, when talking to young people about God. Piling guilt onto them for past sins is counterproductive, IMHO.

[Not that that's what you were doing, Ger. Just my thoughts in general.]

[Dr. Shane]

Quote:

his logic is faulty. Here's why: If it was true that Rob wouldn't struggle with comparison, why would he need to "test drive" anything? After all, if he'd never had multiple partners, he would automatically think his wife the best.

This is so true. If my wife is the only one I have ever been with than she is the best sex I have ever had. Wow! It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. However it goes further. A lot of pre-marital sexual excitement for the man comes from conquering the woman and convincing her to give him what he wants and from the excitement of doing something forbidden. Once the couple gets married he will have to look for sex from someone else other than his wife to get that same sense of conquering and forbidden sex.