I'm in deep grief

[True-believer]

Hello everyone,

I am so upset!!!

My dad is going to get remarried to this other woman--Sharon her name is.

Ok...

I'll back up a few kilometres...

When I was little my mum and dad separated and devoiced, so I never had the father and son bonding relationship when I was growing up.

I grew up with only my mum and my two older sisters.

It was fun back in those days.

My mum remarried when I was 12yrs to my step-dad named Alex and yes we called him Alex and not dad because he cannot and will not replace my "so-called dad"!!!

My real dad worked in the country my whole life growing up, and yes, even though he sent us down pocket money, and paid all our school fees, it wasn't the same as having that father and son relationship.

Instead my so-called dad drank alcohol and got drunk every weekend and smoked you know what, and dressed in female clothing.

My so-called dad was some role model father for me.

I am so mad!!!

I love my dad and I forgive him!!!

But I hate how he has turned out.

He is planning to get married on April 14 this year to a woman who I've only seen and said hello to two times and not really met her.

He is putting this woman before his dear children and grandchildren.

I'm thinking about not showing up at the wedding.

And Sharon, also drinks and gets drunk.

And they have already moved in together before marriage.

My dad use to be a "christian"--secretly, but turned his back on the pentecostal church.

He still claims to be a Christian, but always avoids going to Church at any cost and trys and fill his days with more and more work to hide his guilt.

It is very hard to speak to my dad.

Whenever I try to speak to him he either is drunk or he's sober but puts the blame all on mum and none on himself--yet marriage or devoice is meant to be a two-way agreement.

Please pray for my dad and Sharon--the stanger in my life that I need to get to know.

Please pray for me that these past feelings of abandonment will fade away and God will wipe away the tears from my eyes.

I am writing this with deep pain and hurt inside me.

I don't have a dad.

There was no role model for me growing up.

And even now, Its hard to even get close to him.

Theres like a brick wall separating my dad's true feelings for his son, daughters, and grandchildren.

Please Lord help me and help my dad, and open his eyes before its too late. Amen.

[Gail]

Luke, the thought of families breaking all apart makes me sad. I really admire kids who are stuck with the effects of the ripping up of relationships that their parents cause.

I pray that the Lord sustain you at this time. He will be a comfort for you. He is a help not only for the sorrow that you feel, but only He can help you love those who are tough to love. He will give you the peace and comfort that you need. The grace comes as it is needed.

I wish you many hugs from Jesus :)

[Nan]

Luke, I know from my own family that the separation of parents causes

deep pain to the children, however old they are. Even years down the

track. Are you hurting because your Dad is remarrying, or because of the person he plans to marry? I pray that God will give you the ability to see both your Dad and Sharon as His children, people He wants in His kingdom, and that you can show them that you also have this

hope for them. You cannot make their life choices for them, but you can be a witness of the God Who loves them both.

[Dr. Shane]

Hey Luke,

My name is Shane and my father abandoned my family when I was only 5 years old. My little sister was only 1! He never sent any money and moved around so much that the government could never track him down for child support. My dad was an alcoholic and as I have come to understand it, alcoholism consumes the mind to the point where nothing is more important than getting the next drink. My father abandoned his first family of five children. I was a child in his second family so he had eight children in all. He never attended any of our weddings, never attended a little league game, never attended a school graduation or saw any of us come home from the military in uniform. I do not resent my father at all. I pity him. He died alone. Well, not quite, he had his lover with him - alcohol. He died of heart failure brought on by excessive drinking.

Each of us has a "love cup" that needs to be filled in order for us to be functional human beings. As children our parents need to fill that love cup. When they fail to do that (normally because their parents failed and they don't know how OR they suffer from addiction) we do not develop properly. We become "damaged goods". That impacts different people differently. Some of us, driven by our need for acceptance, become over-achievers. Others, discouraged by lack of acceptance, become under-achievers. Others go through a string of marriages and divorces. Some become alcoholics or drug addicts themselves. Regardless the direction we go, none of us find peace because until we find healing, we remain damaged goods.

There is help. That is the great news. For starts I would recommend finding a local Al-anon group. Click on this link -->> AUSTRALIAN AL-ANON FAMILY GROUPS to find a meeting in your area. A great Seventh-day Adventist resource is Life Renewal Institute. You will find a lot of resources on their web site. Surf around on it. If you click on the "Products" tab, then the "Personal Empowerment" line and scroll down the page a bit you will find the "Binding The Wounds" video series. This series has been shown on the Hope Channel. My wife and I bought it and are going through it now. It is to help those that have had to deal with rejection of some sort during their childhood. It seems a bit expensive but considering that professional counselors get $100/hour, it is a lot cheaper than going to a year of counseling.

Concerning the wedding: This is my advice, it is free and remember, you get what you pay for. If you ever hope for any kind of relationship with your biological father in the future you should attend the wedding. If you do not attend the wedding you risk offending him and his future wife. If you get on the wrong side of his wife you are going to be on the losing side. She sleeps in the same bed with him every night and has his ear. He wakes up to her and comes home to her. If she is offended by you it will be hard for you to ever overcome that. I doubt you will ever regret going to the marriage (although you may think it was a waste of time) but there is a good possibility that you will regret not going to the wedding.

[Woody]

I am so sorry for your pain. My parents have been faithful and married over 50 years. So, I am not really one that can relate. But I do know that the gift of forgiveness is wonderful and perhaps the only answer.

[True-believer]

Thankyou Shane and all the others that responded,

I'll take shane's advice and get that video series, "Binding The Wounds."

I'll even look up those sights on the web he listed and start browsing at them.

I will most properly will go to the wedding, I just feel very upset and hurt by it all.

Thankyou all again for your help and any others who places other comments down below.

God bless you all in Jesus name.