11-Year-Old Hangs Himself after Enduring Daily Anti-Gay Bullying

[John317]

April 09, 2009

11-Year-Old Hangs Himself after Enduring Daily Anti-Gay Bullying

SPRINGFIELD, MA— An 11-year-old Massachusetts boy, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, hanged himself Monday after enduring bullying at school, including daily taunts of being gay, despite his mother´s weekly pleas to the school to address the problem. This is at least the fourth suicide of a middle-school aged child linked to bullying this year.

Carl, a junior at New Leadership Charter School in Springfield who did not identify as gay, would have turned 12 on April 17, the same day hundreds of thousands of students will participate in the 13th annual National Day of Silence by taking some form of a vow of silence to bring attention to anti-GLBT ( gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender) bullying and harassment at school. The other three known cases of suicide among middle-school students took place in Chatham, Evanston and Chicago, Ill., in the month of February.

"Our hearts go out to Carl´s mother, Sirdeaner L. Walker, and other members of Carl´s family, as well as to the community suffering from this loss," Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) Executive Director Eliza Byard said. "As we mourn yet another tragedy involving bullying at school, we must heed Ms. Walker´s urgent call for real, systemic, effective responses to the endemic problem of bullying and harassment. Especially in this time of societal crisis, adults in schools must be alert to the heightened pressure children face, and take action to create safe learning environments for the students in their care. In order to do that effectively, as this case so tragically illustrates, schools must deal head-on with anti-gay language and behavior."

Two of the top three reasons students said their peers were most often bullied at school were actual or perceived sexual orientation and gender expression, according to From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America, a 2005 report by GLSEN and Harris Interactive. The top reason was physical appearance.

"As was the case with Carl, you do not have to identify as gay to be attacked with anti-GLBT language," Byard said. "From their earliest years on the school playground, students learn to use anti-GLBT language as the ultimate weapon to degrade their peers. In many cases, schools and teachers either ignore the behavior or don´t know how to intervene."

Nearly 9 out of 10 GLBT youth (86.2%) reported being verbally harassed at school in the past year because of their sexual orientation, nearly half (44.1%) reported being physically harassed and about a quarter (22.1%) reported being physically assaulted, according to GLSEN´s 2007 National School Climate Survey of more than 6,000 GLBT students.

In most cases, the harassment is unreported. Nearly two-thirds of GLBT students (60.8%) who experience harassment or assault never reported the incident to the school. The most common reason given was that they didn´t believe anything would be done to address the situation. Of those who did report the incident, nearly a third (31.1%) said the school staff did nothing in response.

[Woody]

I'm just glad that it wasn't at the church that he received the bullying.

[phkrause]

That's awfull John

pk

[GreatLakesGramma]

From their earliest years on the school playground, students learn to use anti-GLBT language as the ultimate weapon to degrade their peers.

[carolaa]

Help me understand how a parent can leave a child in a situation like that.

[Gerr]

Maybe that's why some students go over the edge and rather than kill themselves, they go back with guns and kill the bullies and perceived bullies?

[carolaa]

No maybe - that's a known fact.

[John317]

I agree it's really terrible. I just feel so bad for the family of that boy! I can't imagine my daughters going through anything like that.

I grew up gay but I wasn't obvious. And like this article brings out, a lot of heterosexuals are the targets of this kind of gay-bashing. When I worked as a counselor at a place for juvenile delinquents, I often had to deal with kids who made fun of other kids and called them "gay" when they weren't. They do this just because they don't like them, not always because they think they're actually gay. It is just pure harassment. But it can destroy a person too, if other people believe it.

I know about this stuff personally because I'm gay myself (although I know how to act and talk "straight".) If I didn't there are times when I would have been in bad, bad trouble. As it is, though, I have occasionally been through almost literal hell because of prejudice against gays.

My own personal belief is that it is best to bring up children to be strong and to survive even in the worst situations. You can't let bullies and mean people run you off or ruin your life. It's tough to learn that but unfortunately you just have to.

[Dr. Shane]

Bullying is a real problem. I am sure many kids are called gay that are not even gay, However even those that are should not be called gay. How would an Adventist school handle a child that appeared to be gay or even admitted to being gay?

[Woody]

Quote:

How would an Adventist school handle a child that appeared to be gay or even admitted to being gay?

They would probably have the Church Board investigate and get to the truth.

[John317]

Help me understand how a parent can leave a child in a situation like that.

Staff at schools usually don't say or do anything because they think it is just normal behavior of kids to make fun of each other.

I don't know about this case, but a lot of kids are embarrassed to report this kind of harassment even to parents. When kids do complain to teachers or school officials, they are often told that it will stop if they just ignore it. A lot of times they're right, it does stop.

If a kid lodges a complaint about it and the teachers take strong measures against it, it can actually make it worse on the kid. Other people can then start calling them the same kinds of names or talking about how he's "that way," etc.

Kids at school tend to think that if a kid isn't gay, he will just shrug or laugh it off, or maybe fight the kid who is calling them names. If he is really gay, they think he is more likely to just cry about it or complain and be embarrassed. So they are watching to see a person's reactions. Often the best thing to do is just call them the same names and laugh about it like you don't care.

If a boy needs a teacher to stand up for him and defend him against the other boys, the boys will see him as a "sissy" who can't fend for himself. That can make it worse.

[Dr. Shane]

Quote:

How would an Adventist school handle a child that appeared to be gay or even admitted to being gay?

They would probably have the Church Board investigate and get to the truth.

Yes, I hope they would target such a child for some extra, intensive love of Christ.

[Woody]

Originally Posted By: Redwood

Quote:

How would an Adventist school handle a child that appeared to be gay or even admitted to being gay?

They would probably have the Church Board investigate and get to the truth.

Yes, I hope they would target such a child for some extra, intensive love of Christ.

Oh Brother .....

[carolaa]

What do you mean by "oh brother"? I just heard a sermon on that very thing today by a youth pastor.

[carolaa]

Originally Posted By: carolaa

Help me understand how a parent can leave a child in a situation like that.

Staff at schools usually don't say or do anything because they think it is just normal behavior of kids to make fun of each other.

I don't know about this case, but a lot of kids are embarrassed to report this kind of harassment even to parents. When kids do complain to teachers or school officials, they are often told that it will stop if they just ignore it. A lot of times they're right, it does stop.

If a kid lodges a complaint about it and the teachers take strong measures against it, it can actually make it worse on the kid. Other people can then start calling them the same kinds of names or talking about how he's "that way," etc.

Kids at school tend to think that if a kid isn't gay, he will just shrug or laugh it off, or maybe fight the kid who is calling them names. If he is really gay, they think he is more likely to just cry about it or complain and be embarrassed. So they are watching to see a person's reactions. Often the best thing to do is just call them the same names and laugh about it like you don't care.

If a boy needs a teacher to stand up for him and defend him against the other boys, the boys will see him as a "sissy" who can't fend for himself. That can make it worse.

Yes, I understand all that. But in this situation, the mother was well aware of what was going on. I can't imagine leaving my child in a situation like that!

[GreatLakesGramma]

How would an Adventist school handle a child that appeared to be gay or even admitted to being gay?

[Dr. Shane]

That's not usually the way it works. There are an awful lot of vicious gossips in some Adventist churches.

Looking back on it, I believe the Adventist school where I attended from grade 4-8 targeted me for some special, intensive Christian love. It didn't seem to provide a lot of immediate results as I was being raised in such a dysfunctional, alcoholic, abusive home. However, it may have been just that kind of attention that helped bring me back to the church or kept me from getting bitter toward the church.

I don't believe the Adventist church is full of a bunch of judgmental hypocrites. I don't believe that for one minute. I don't believe the church is full of a bunch of legalists. My own experiences teaches me otherwise. Of course there are a few bad apples in every bunch. Of course Satan would like us to only see those bad apples. But I refuse to pass judgment on God's church because of a few bad apples.

The problem is that some of these bad apples can be rather vocal and intimidate the good majority. Praise God for the internet. Praise God for Adventist TV. Praise God for Club Adventist. Now the good majority can be assured of the rightness of their course and encouraged to press on with the fight.

[GreatLakesGramma]

Shane, you are very blessed to have received such treatment. I wish it had been that way when my gay son came out. It wasn't. And he hadn't even done anything wrong. He no longer attends the Adventist church because he doesn't feel welcome.

Unfortunately, that vicious minority too often inflicts more injury than the good majority can counteract. Especially when the victim already feels unacceptable.

[GreatLakesGramma]

Actually, my gay son didn't come out on purpose. He told his girlfriend the truth when he broke up with her, and unfortunately, it was overheard by the wrong person. Then it spread like wildfire.

[there buster]

Quote:

Staff at schools usually don't say or do anything because they think it is just normal behavior of kids to make fun of each other.

I don't know about this case, but a lot of kids are embarrassed to report this kind of harassment even to parents. When kids do complain to teachers or school officials, they are often told that it will stop if they just ignore it. A lot of times they're right, it does stop.

If a kid lodges a complaint about it and the teachers take strong measures against it, it can actually make it worse on the kid. Other people can then start calling them the same kinds of names or talking about how he's "that way," etc.

Kids at school tend to think that if a kid isn't gay, he will just shrug or laugh it off, or maybe fight the kid who is calling them names. If he is really gay, they think he is more likely to just cry about it or complain and be embarrassed. So they are watching to see a person's reactions. Often the best thing to do is just call them the same names and laugh about it like you don't care.

If a boy needs a teacher to stand up for him and defend him against the other boys, the boys will see him as a "sissy" who can't fend for himself. That can make it worse.

Since the boy who hanged himself wasn't gay, and since that was only one of things he was teased about, why has this been turned into a gay issue?

It's not about gays, it's about the socialization available in most schools. This is a tragice incident, but it has nor more to do with gays than it does with mothers who wear army boots.

[Outta Here]

Well...

If the term "gay" weren't seen as so offensive to people, they wouldn't use it to harm others. Hence, it is an issue about homosexuality; as well as an issue about socialization, bullying, tolerance and intolerance.

Children live what they learn. Stop the intolerance (and bullying language) in the homes, and ultimately, it will stop on the campuses.

[there buster]

Quote:

If the term "gay" weren't seen as so offensive to people, they wouldn't use it to harm others. Hence, it is an issue about homosexuality; as well as an issue about socialization, bullying, tolerance and intolerance.

Children live what they learn. Stop the intolerance (and bullying language) in the homes, and ultimately, it will stop on the campuses.

If the term "your mother wears army boots" wasn't seen as so offensive to people, they wouldn't use it to harm others. Hence, it is an issue about army boots; as well as an issue about socialization, bullying, tolerance and intolerance.

[Outta Here]

Right. And in that case, we should do more to educate our young to respect women in the military as well; and to not use that phrase as a derogatory one.

[there buster]

Quote:

not use that phrase as a derogatory one

children in groups will invent their own 'derogatory phrases.' You continually miss the point.

[Dr. Shane]

Well...

If the term "gay" weren't seen as so offensive to people, they wouldn't use it to harm others.

I have told this story here before but I will tell it again for those that haven't read it already. When I was 15 I went through a rehab treatment facility for emotional disorders. My problem was that I was a drug addict and alcoholic but the facility treated all kinds of disorders - including homosexuality. (It was not a gay exit ministry. They taught gays that it is ok to be gay.)

Anyway, after getting out of the facility I was having lunch in the school cafeteria and some of the kids were talking about another kid they thought was gay. I told them, "big deal" so what if he is gay. I told them that would be his choice and nothing to be ashamed of.

Well the next day I got a visit from the high school counselor who told me that he heard I had told some of the other students that I was gay. I gave him a confused look and explained that I wasn't gay but if I was I wouldn't see what the big deal would be of telling other kids. Well,,, he agreed it wasn't a big deal but told me not all the kids were as "mature" as me so I shouldn't make waves.