On the subject of making friends, I probably am overthinking about thi

[Doug]

It has always been hard for me to make friends, I have been the opposite of my brother, he has so many he doesn't know what to do with all of them.

Do you guys think it is possible to "steal" friends from someone else? Usually on the weekends I would stay at home and play on my computer while my brother would be out and about. Things changed after I got my contact lenses, I feel a bit better about myself and I started to go with him whenever he would go somewhere, but I always felt as if I was just a "tag along", and today I still feel that a little bit.

I am actually starting to make friends with his friends, I have added several on facebook and we do hang out at the church on Saturday afternoons and evenings. I do notice that my brother does not hang around much with us anymore, he has a couple of friends that were in his class and they both got married, he goes out to their house pretty often. I am thinking that maybe I had something to do with it.

There also is an age difference, the people in our group are 16-23, one person is 38, I am 33. The couple that got married is around his age. He had some other friends who got married, a married pair moved to San Diego (about 150 miles from Los Angeles), the others moved maybe 50 miles away but the brides family keeps the husband busy on weekends.

On the issue about feeling like a "tag along", I still feel that way because people always ask about him whenever they see me, I guess that is normal, but we live together and have totally seperate lives. I saw him leave Saturday morning for church and didn't hear from him till Sunday night. I don't usually go out with him to his classmates house because usually we don;t have anything to talk about or have anything in common, it was a 4 year difference.

And finally I get the impression that people who are married usually don't want to hand around with single people, some do but the ones I know don't.

[GreatLakesGramma]

Doug, if you are worried that your brother might think you've stolen his friends, you should talk to him about it. If he has so many friends he doesn't know what to do with them, he probably doesn't mind.

During the school years, it does happen that people will reject old friends when they make new ones, but at your age it doesn't usually happen. Those friends that hang out with you more now probably still consider him their friend, and he probably still considers them his friends. But there is a limit to how many friends you can be close to at one time.

[Liz]

Another thought, is that everyone can be friends, but sometimes certain people just "click" better than others, so while your brother may have had all of these friends "first" the ones that gravitated toward you obviously "click" better with you.

As for married couples hanging around singles. Married couples especially young married couples have different obligations than singles have. There are family obligations, not just one but two different families, work, and when one spouse is tired after work, or just doesn't want to do the "group" activity, the other usually doesn't leave to hang out with friends. And when they start to have children, then that is a whole other dynamic altogether.

And as for people asking where your brother is, you could always say "Am I my brother's keeper?"---LOL I'm just kidding. Just let them know that while ya'll live together, ya'll don't keep tabs on each other.

[Amelia]

Doug, as the adage goes: "I feel your pain". I never was, and still am not able to "make" friends. The kind of friends who want to get together for a movie, or a chat over tea. Even for a gab on the phone. I had friends in grade school and am still in contact with one whom I've know for 35 yrs. But she lives in another part of the state with her hubby and two kids. And here I am divorced, no kids with little more in common than our age.

As the years have passed my sister has become more of a friend but she also has a hubby and they never go out to movies etc. They are both 60.

I have work friends. But they are content to leave the aquaintence at the work door.

I can still remember my mother telling me, "go out and make some friends". Like one was able to knock door to door and pick one like a ripe fruit. LOL

I have come to understand in my years that there are people who can gather friends like they were fly paper. But do they really have true friendship or are they fair weather friends? There are those who have a couple of good friends who are there through thick, thin, marriage and kids.

Then there is me, a person it seems, who is there for the person most in need at the time. And then I am solo until the next person is sent my way.

[Stan]

I met Doug before he was on this forum.

Have to say I found Doug very easy to be with.

[Jeannieb43]

Doug, I don't know where in Los Angeles you live, but if you could go to the Hollywood Adventist Church on Sabbaths [it's on Van Ness Ave., I think], you might find some of their activities for young adults to be quite interesting. They used to have a good program of going on hikes in the mountains, or on beach trips after church, having sunset worship out there, etc., and getting together for pizza on Sat. nights with the young adults.

It's not my church, but I've heard about some of the things they do there, and it sounds neat for someone of your age.

Making new friends isn't so hard when you're together in an informal group activity.