Taser Gifting

[SMAN]

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. In the corner was a sign that read:

"Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife".

What I had come across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

'WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home where I loaded two AAA batteries in the little thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! (Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave oven.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad what with only two little triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) but thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself from a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) and thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master...," reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ..

SADDAM HUSSEIN'S WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself....you will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-JOHN WAYNE!!!... That hurt like **%!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs and I'm in shock! (I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return if anyone should find them).

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

If becoming educated is hard, try being stupid !!

[nuff sed]

If you thought you bought and paid for a Taser take it back to the shop and ask for your money back. What you bought was NOT a Taser, it is a Stun Gun. Tasers do not "have" to be pressed against anything in order to discharge. The one for those who are not in law enforcement fire two little darts with wire attached to them for a distance of 15 ft.( The one for Law Enforcement has a greater range) After they have been fired you need to purchase a new replacement cartridge. You can press the Taser against someone when you fire it but that is not its primary function. If someone is on drug or drunk a Stun Gun will just make them angrier. Usually a Taser will knock them flat....but not always......

[Richard Holbrook]

Hey Glad, They came out with a new one for police. I saw it demonstrated on Fox News this morning. Instead of having to reload after every shot, this one has 3 different cartridges, and you can shoot 3 diff people at one time if you need to. Or if you miss you can shoot em again.

Those darts, when you shoot somebody, do they go in the skin?

[nuff sed]

Yes, they do puncture the skin but they don't go in very far... Most of the dart gets hung up in the fabric of the clothing.. I hadn't heard about the triple shooter. I will check it out. I plan to purchase a police model when I have a few bucks to spare...

[Woody]

Yes. I saw it on F _ _ today also.

[Woody]

I think I also so it on abc