Southern Speak

[SMAN]

We are becoming so suburbanite that we are gradually losing some of our identities. Here are a few for preservation....

Exclamations:

"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

"Ahm fixin ta do that"

Threats:

"I'll slap you so hard, when you wake up, your clothes will be outta style."

"This'll jar your preserves."

"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

Compliments:

"Cute as a sack full of puppies."

"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."

"Gooder than grits."

The Weather:

"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."

"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt

in a pepper patch."

Wintery roads are said to be

"slicker than otter snot."

Descriptions:

A bothersome person is

"like a booger that you can't thump off."

When something is bad then you say,

"that ain't no count."

If something is hard to do, it's

"like trying to herd cats."

"He ran like his feet was on fire and his butt was catchin."

Insults:

"She's uglier than homemade soap."

"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued'."

"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."

"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead."

Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart." like: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."

[Dottie]

There were a couple of thsoe that I've heard before.

The whoop-ass one was used by my aunt in Kentucky.

That'll jar your grandmother's preserves was used frequently by my mother, who was born and raised, and spent most of her adult life in New Jersey (definitely not the South). But it was not a threat, but more when noting something unusual and unexpected.

[karl]

W

"Ahm fixin ta do that"

"I'll slap you so hard, when you wake up, your clothes will be outta style."

A couple of variations:

"I'm fixin' ta git ready ta start."

"I'll knock you into next week."

[SivartM]

When my mom was a kid and living in North Carolina, she almost got run over by someone on the road. The driver yelled, "Watch out! I like to run over you!"

O_o

[Guest]

I reckon that's what ida said too.

[Guest]

SMAN

well some of these are funny and some are cute

dgrimm60

Which wuns was funny, and whichuns was cute?

[karl]

I reckon that's what ida said too.

Ida who?

[Guest]

I know'd you'd be along.

[olger]

yup

[Liz]

I love these, and say most of them. Here are a couple more:

As nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

That dog won't hunt.

Guilty dog barks first.

We're burnin' daylight.

We're walking in high cotton now.

Rat killin'.

And there is a difference between the Law and the Police. But I think my favorite is "Bless your heart" because it can be used so many different ways.

[Guest]

I've heard "We're walking in high cotton now". Only slightly different.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Then there's "That's enough to puke a woodpecker off a gut wagon."

[Guest]

I've never heard it that way. We used to say: Enough to knock a buzzard off a gut wagon. We never did use the word gut.

[Aliensanctuary]

That's enough to gag a maggot off a gut truck.

[Liz]

That is the way I heard it too, Richard.

Ever been to a place so desolate that even the buzzards bring their lunch?