THE TOUGHEST DECISION

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THE TOUGHEST DECISION: SHOULD MY LOVED ONE BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY?

For family members, it is often the most difficult and painful decision they will face: to accept that a loved one — a parent, a spouse, perhaps a sibling — is technologically impaired and should no longer be allowed to live independently, or come near a computer or electronic device without direct supervision. The time has come to place that loved one into the care of an Assisted Computing Facility. But you have questions. So many questions. We at Silicon Pines want to help.

WHAT EXACTLY IS AN "ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY"?

Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technologically Infirm," "Technical Invalid Care Centers," or "Homes for the Technically Challenged," Assisted Computing Facilities, (ACFs), are modeled on assisted living facilities, and provide a safe, structured residential environment for those unable to handle even the most common, everyday multitasks. Most fully accredited ACFs, like Silicon Pines, are oases of hope and encouragement that allow residents to lead productive, technologically relevant lives without the fear and anxiety associated with actually having to understand or execute the technologies themselves.

WHO SHOULD BE IN AN ACF?

Sadly, technology is advancing at such a dramatic rate that many millions, of all ages, will never truly be able to understand it, putting an undue burden on those friends and family members who must explain it to them. But unless the loved one is suffering from a truly debilitative affliction, such as Reinstallzheimers, the decision to commit is entirely personal. You must ask yourself, "How frustrated am I that my parent/sibling/spouse is unable to open an email attachment?" "How much of my time should be taken up explaining how RAM is different from hard drive memory?"

To make things easier, we have prepared a list of Warning Signs which we encourage you to return to often or, if you can't figure out how to bookmark, print out.

1. After sending someone an email, you phone to tell that someone that you've sent them an email.

2. All your bookmarks are tech support sites.

3. Look at your email address. Does it end in "aol.com"?

4. You keep forgetting which side of the mouse you use to "right-click."

5. All your bookmarks are genealogy sites.

6. When your computer freezes, and someone tells you to turn up the heat in the room, you actually do it.

7. When installing software and it asks if you want to do a "normal" or "custom" install, you get upset that there is more than one option.

8. You say things like, "With my new 850 Mhz machine, the Internet is much faster."

9. You ordered a computer with a CD-ROM, but instead it came with a stupid cup holder.

10. You are told about viruses such as ILoveYou and warned not to click the attachments, then the next day you get an ILoveYou email and click on the attachment because, well, it came from someone you know.

MUST IT BE FAMILY, OR CAN I PLACE ANYONE IN AN ACF?

Several corporations have sought permission to have certain employees, or at times entire sales departments, committed to ACFs. At present, however, individuals can be committed only by direct family, or self-internment. The reason is simple: there are not nearly enough ACFs in the world to accommodate all the technologically challenged. For example, there are currently 860,000 beds available in ACFs, but there are 29 million AOL users.

HOW MUCH WILL IT COST?

ACF rents range from free* up to $12,500 per month. The disparity is currently a point of contention in the ACF industry. Many residents are covered through the new Obama Healthcare programs such as Compucaid or Compucare, but reimbursement rates are low and only cover a portion of the fees. Exacerbating the situation are the HMOs (Helpdesk Maintenance Organizations), which often deny coverage, forcing residents to pay out of pocket or turn to expensive private techcare insurers such as BlueCache/BlueScreen.

Offsetting the costs are technology companies themselves, many of which subsidize ACFs. Firms such as Microsoft, Dell, Qualcomm, and America Online will pay up to 100 percent of a resident's monthly bill, but there is a catch. ISPs, for instance, require residents to sign service contracts lasting a year or more. Microsoft, meanwhile, prohibits the installation of any competitive software, while Priceline requires that residents buy shares of its stock, which seems onerous but saves residents on lavatory tissue.

HOW OLD MUST I BE TO HAVE SOMEONE COMMITTED?

Until very recently, you had to be 18 or older to legally commit a family member. However, the now famous British court case Frazier vs. Frazier and Frazier has cleared the way for minors to commit their parents. In that case, 15-year-old Bradley Frazier of Leicester had his 37-year-old parents committed to an ACF in Bournemouth after a judge ruled Ian and Janet Frazier were a "danger to themselves and the community." According to court records, Bradley told his parents about the ILoveYou virus and warned them not to click attachments, then the next day his parents received an ILoveYou email and clicked on the attachment because, they explained, "it came from someone we know."

WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR IN AN ACF?

First, make sure it's a genuine Assisted Computing Facility, and not an Assisted Living Facility. To tell the difference, observe the residents. If they look rather old and tend to openly discuss bowel movements, this is probably assisted living. On the other hand, if they vary in age and say things like, "I'm supposed to figure that out? I'm not Bill Gates you know!", this is probably assisted computing.

Also, at a well-run ACF, residents should lead full, independent lives, and should be allowed the use of many technology devices, including telephones, electric toothbrushes, and alarm clocks. However, only a facility's Licensed Techcare Professionals (LTPs) should perform computational or technological tasks such as installing programs or saving email attachments. And LTPs should NEVER answer residents' questions because studies have shown that answering user questions inevitably makes things worse. Instead, residents should simply have things done for them, relieving them of the pressure to "learn" or "improve."

CAN A RESIDENT EVER GET OUT?

No.

OK, THIS SOUNDS PROMISING. HOW CAN I LEARN MORE?

"THE SILICON PINES DIFFERENCE"

Nestled among gently rolling hills, Silicon Pines is proud to be the only Assisted Computing Facility in the world to practice "Degenerative Computing in Place." We provide a unique blend of housing and personal computing assistance to maintain your independence and maximize your quality of technological life, while allowing you to fall further and further behind at your own pace, without any pressure. Regardless of how technologically impaired you are, or how often your computing care needs change, you will always have a home at Silicon Pines.

YOU'RE SPECIAL, BUT NOT "DIFFERENT"

At Silicon Pines, you'll feel special, but never alone or different. In fact, you'll be in the company of people at the same skill levels, and will experience planned daily activities and recreational programs geared to your interests and abilities. Our qualified professionals provide 24-hour technological care, as well as physical, occupational, and speech recognition therapy.

Sample activities include:

* Cut & Paste Night

* Printing for Life

* Screensaver Hour

* Meet Your Neighbor's Mouse

* Puppet Show with Floppy, Zippy and Chippy

* Old-Fashioned Defrag-A-Long

INTERFACE WITHOUT GETTING "IN YOUR FACE"

Best of all, you'll make new friends and share new experiences in computing -- but never feel anxious or frustrated. Why not? Because at Silicon Pines, we NEVER tell you to do something. We NEVER expect you to figure it out. We NEVER even SHOW you how to do it. WE JUST DO IT.

It's no surprise that "Just Do It For Them" is one of the mantras at Silicon Pines. But as senior Licensed Techcare Professional Gregg Pervis explains, there's a little more to Assisted Computing the Silicon Pines way.

"Even though we don't expect them to do anything, I like our residents to feel a sense of accomplishment, so if I'm installing a new program, I let them participate. For instance, when the program is done loading, there will be a screen that says 'Installation successful. Click OK to continue'. I could do that myself, but instead I'll turn to the resident and say, 'So, what do you think we should do here?'"

Six times out of 10, the resident will say, "Click 'OK'?" Gregg then lets them click the OK button. "You should see their faces light up," Gregg says. "It's a beautiful thing."

BUILDING SELF-ESCREEN

LTP Patty Walsh has another method, which has made her a resident favorite. "I don't push residents to launch any programs; I don't think that's right," says Patty. "But I do bend that rule." According to Patty, here's what she does:

PATTY: Hi, (Resident), would you like to launch the screen saver?

RESIDENT: Yes. What do I do?

PATTY: Sit right there and don't touch the keyboard for eight minutes.

(After the eight minutes go by, the screen saver kicks in.)

PATTY: You did it!

RESIDENT: I did it!

If this sounds good to you, or someone you know, isn't it time you considered Silicon Pines?

Silicon Pines is a fully licensed Assisting Computing Facility. We accept Compucare and Compucaid, and are approved by most Helpdesk Maintenance Organizations (HMOs).