How to manage a relationship

[fergus]

Hi all,

I began a relationship with a wonderful lady, 2 months ago. We come together on an adventist singles web site. We shared some emails messages during one month, and then decided to get in know each other; then I went to her town, that is on the other side of the country and met her. After that, things went increasely very fast: we share emails and above all we call each other once a day; a call can last one hour or more! That is for the story.

Now it will be my pleasure listening people who has already crossed successfully this period in their relationship, and that can give me useful advices about how to manage this relationship, and how I should involve into.

In fact, I was surprising on how things are going ... maybe a bit fast too me? I don't know exactly. Also I fear that at this rhythm we could be in lack of subject to talk about, in two weeks or one month or if it last, maybe in two month at the most. Of course you can imagine that in a 2 months old relationship, some topics are not in the agenda. We always talk on "how was your day", "is it raining there" (please don't laugh!) etc... and such of general discussion.

I need ideas and advices, in order to well manage every thing.

It will also be interesting for me to know if some people here has been asking themselves the same way than me in their relationship.

Thank you in advance.

[karl]

Ask her about her family, her childhood, her aspirations. Observe how she treats her parents. Does she respect her mom? Does she manipulate her dad? How is her mom as a role model? Would you date her mom if she were younger?

[Liz]

Hi, I just wanted to Welcome you to the forums. I really don't have much advice, Karl gave some good stuff. Except for the "dating her mom if she were younger" bit, not all women turn into their mothers, just like not all men turn into their fathers. You do need to go beyond the weather though, and really find out about this person and what they want for the future.

Good luck, and please don't be a stranger .

[phkrause]

Hi all,

I began a relationship with a wonderful lady, 2 months ago. We come together on an adventist singles web site. We shared some emails messages during one month, and then decided to get in know each other; then I went to her town, that is on the other side of the country and met her. After that, things went increasely very fast: we share emails and above all we call each other once a day; a call can last one hour or more! That is for the story.

Now it will be my pleasure listening people who has already crossed successfully this period in their relationship, and that can give me useful advices about how to manage this relationship, and how I should involve into.

In fact, I was surprising on how things are going ... maybe a bit fast too me? I don't know exactly. Also I fear that at this rhythm we could be in lack of subject to talk about, in two weeks or one month or if it last, maybe in two month at the most. Of course you can imagine that in a 2 months old relationship, some topics are not in the agenda. We always talk on "how was your day", "is it raining there" (please don't laugh!) etc... and such of general discussion.

I need ideas and advices, in order to well manage every thing.

It will also be interesting for me to know if some people here has been asking themselves the same way than me in their relationship.

Thank you in advance.

Seems like Karl and Liz have given some really good advice. And also welcome to the forum.

pk

[fergus]

Thank you all for your advice.

[Jeannieb43]

Based on my daughter's experience, I would say Don't get married after only a long-distance courtship. In other words, you two should be living in the same town and seeing each other casually on at least a weekly basis, before you ever think about marriage.

[Maybe you aren't planning marriage, but this is just in case the subject comes up.]

My daughter and her husband married after four years of a long-distance courtship, while they each attended separate colleges 250 miles apart. The problem with that was, they only saw each other on occasional weekends, and were so consumed by "getting acquainted" all over again, that they never had a regular, low-key relationship. So now that they're married they find they don't like the same recreation activities, etc. He hates bicycling and she loves it; he hates walking long distances and she loves it; he loves golf and she doesn't; etc. In other words, you should spend some time dating casually before you make any long-term commitment. If it's not possible for either one of you to move to the other's home town, I don't know what to suggest.

[Dr. Shane]

Karl has some good comments. You need to find out what kind of relationship she has with her parents and what kind of family she comes from. If she struggles with resentments toward her family, she will bring those resentments and the hatred associated with them into your marriage. Don't try to be her savior. If you rescue a damsel in distress you will get a distressed damsel.

I met my wife in El Salvador while on a mission trip. I had a girlfriend back in the states at the time but felt God impress me not to get serious with her because she was not an Adventist. I did my homework on my wife. She was 23 and just finishing the academy there. I spoke to her teachers, pastor, co-workers and family about her. I was most interested in her character and dedication to our faith. I also talked to my mother about her. We dated long distance for a year. I initially spent three weeks with her. I later went back and spent a month with her and her family. I think we are a success story. Our marriage has taken a lot of work but all marriages do. Often times the key to a good marriage is three simple words - "You're right, dear"