Paraprosdokian sentences..

[Stan]

Paraprosdokian sentences. - A figure of speech that uses an unexpected ending to a series or phrase.

Add some here...

[Stan]

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

[Stan]

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

[Stan]

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

[Stan]

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

[Stan]

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

[Stan]

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

[Stan]

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

[Stan]

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

[Stan]

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

[Stan]

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

[Stan]

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

[Stan]

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

[Stan]

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

[Stan]

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

[Stan]

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

[Stan]

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

[WayneV]

Thanks for a great start, Stan. I enjoyed your list!

[nuff sed]

I was going to haul off and give you a dirty look but someone beat me to it.....Mother Nature

I can't say that it hasn't been nice...because it hasn't! nuff sed

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Suppose you were an idiot. Suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

[Jeannieb43]

Don't think it ain't been a pleasure, 'cause it ain't.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Ø There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.