Terms of Endearment in the News

[Outta Here]

I'm sure that some won't consider this a reputable source, but here goes anyway:

Quote:

DailyMail

By Daily Mail Reporter

Last updated at 8:03 AM on 30th August 2010

The term 'love' is most likely to rile a female employee

‘Love’ has been revealed as female employees’ most hated pet name.

The term of affection is the comment most likely to rile women in the nation’s workplaces.

Second place went to ‘darlin’, followed by ‘babe’, ‘mate’ and ‘hun’.

The study of 3,000 female workers revealed that almost three quarters think pet names in the office are 'unacceptable', while another one in four say it makes them angry.

One in four even thinks it is unprofessional.

A spokesman for market research site www.onepoll.com said: 'These results show that women clearly aren't happy to be called by anything other than their name.

'Guys might think they are being affectionate by calling someone babe or love, but it seems women simply find them patronising and demeaning.

'Many are just cringe-worthy and dated - it's hardly surprising that many women can't stand being called pet or poppet by their 50-year-old boss.

'Some of the pet names may get an OK reception in your workplace, but in general, the impression we got is that the best advice is to stay away from them.'

WOMEN'S TOP TEN MOST HATED NICKNAMES

Love

Darlin'

Babe

Mate

Hun

Kiddo

Chick/Chicken

Dear

Poppet

Pet

Researchers found that 'love' is considered too over-familiar while 'babe' was labelled as patronising.

Hun' is irritating and 'mate' was said to be too personal.

And women felt 'darlin' wasn't respectful enough.

The pet names are most likely to be used during a face-to-face conversation with almost two thirds saying this is when they usually hear the terms.

But one in ten regularly get called by them over the phone and another 15 per cent get addressed by the terms in an email.

And male bosses or colleagues are most likely to address a women with one the terms of endearment.

For one in 20 women it has gotten so bad, they have even complained about it to a manager.

Thoughts as to why many women (and some men) hate this?

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

I think using those terms can sometimes mean that the other person can't remember your name.

But some women, obviously, like it. And are just as quick to refer to others using similar terms, and don't care what another person thinks.

I think "pet" names should be kept private.

[WayneV]

The number one term of endearment used at truck stops in the USA when I was growing up was "sugar" or "shug" for short. As a guy, I always liked it when the waitresses (as they were known as back then) called me by such.

[SivartM]

It would never occur to me to call an employee something other than their name...

[Outta Here]

I'm one who thinks it's innappropriate to use terms of endearment for anyone who is not in one's own close intimate circle of loved ones.

Anyway.

[Liz]

It's a personal choice. I like being called pet names and call others pet names. But it is easily remedied, simply say, "My name is _____ please don't call me _____".

[Gail]

I find that it's done more in the U.S. than up here, and by women! "Honey" is often used, as well as the traditional "ma'am".

I hate "honey".

I do like terms of endearment between people who obviously have a close relationship, though.

[Outta Here]

I don't mind "ma'am" or even "sir". To me, those are terms of respect and not endearment.

Liz, do you ever find the pet names belittling? When I hear them (sometimes even when my husband says them) I feel as if my opinions or ideas are somehow "cute" and not worthy as serious contribution to the conversation/relationship.

[Paula]

lol.... this reminds me of a girl I once worked with.... I am a very affectionate, bubbly, happy go lucky person and I called my girl co-workers, sweetie... Actually all of us called each other sweetie, hun, etc... As I like being called affectionately, it never even occurred to me that someone might be offended by it!!! One day this girl went off on me, and told me she felt demeaned and degraded by me (and everyone else in the department, all women) calling her sweetie... she had a name and wished to be called by it!!! Wow.. I certainly did... but never really understood. I guess to each his own. lol....

[Outta Here]

I hope you can understand now a little better as many of the women polled in the article above are offended by the "affectionate" name calling. It really is no laughing matter--nothing to shrug off.

Out of curiosity, what sort of career are you working in?

[Liz]

Aubrey, I only find the pet names belittling, when the tone of voice is condescending. I don't like that tone of voice even when they call me by my name. When it is in written, or on a forum like this one, I try to "hear" it in the best possible light.

[Gerr]

If you come to my area of the South, you may have to get used to being called "honey" or "hun", and occasionally "love."

[Outta Here]

Just because it happens, doesn't mean it should.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

I'm with Aubrey on this.

[Amelia]

I'm with Gerry on this. I think some terms will be used often as part of regional culture and not to demean. I've done a fair bit of traveling and have heard terms like Love and Mate used extensively in England. They also like to call anyone from the USA, Yank. When I was in Tennessee I got the Love, Sweetie, Sugar and Honey Pie. Cabbies in New York city used Babe and that was icky. At work everyone uses my name or nickname.

[Paula]

I agree with you Amelia. I cannot for the life of me understand why someone would be offended over being spoken to affectionately. Especially someone you work with on a daily basis. Now, of course if it is said in a sarcastic or derogatory tone of voice, that is an entirely different situation. I think sometimes these polls don't ask enough questions, and therefore yield biased results. Anyways, I always feel better when someone is kind and affectionate in how they refer to me!! And I get it a lot, which is nice!!!

[Gail]

For sure, it could be a lot worse! :)

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

I agree with you Amelia. I cannot for the life of me understand why someone would be offended over being spoken to affectionately. Especially someone you work with on a daily basis. Now, of course if it is said in a sarcastic or derogatory tone of voice, that is an entirely different situation. I think sometimes these polls don't ask enough questions, and therefore yield biased results. Anyways, I always feel better when someone is kind and affectionate in how they refer to me!! And I get it a lot, which is nice!!!

It all depends on where it is said, what is said, and to whom it is said. There is such a thing as social graces.

[Outta Here]

Kindness does not need to be affectionate. If you call me honey, dear, darlin', babe, sweetie pie or doll--you'd better be willing to share your bed with me.

[GreatLakesGramma]

Those terms have nothing to do with kindness. What they mean depends on the regional culture you grew up in. Where I come from, those terms, used by an employer to an employee, would constitute either a put-down (you're just a woman, therefore not worthy of respect) or a type of familiarity totally inappropriate between an employer and an employee.