Is it safe?

[Woody]

I have to admit it. I am OLD And times have changed since I was a teen. So, I need some advice.

I am trying to help a family (non-SDA if that matters). The husband/father died last year and they are still in grief.

The 16 year old boy particularly needs a male influence.

So today I took the 16 year old for a hike at a nature preserve. I realize I took a calculated risk. These days ... all kinds of accusation can be made. What a sinful world we live in.

But do you all feel that it is okay for me and this teen to go on hikes. Or do I need to try to invite others. I am not sure I would actually get myself to do it if I had to go about getting others.

Your input would be appreciated.

[Patrick Lawrence]

I would think it really depends on the boy. I have worked with kids that were abused at home and were unable to be in foster homes because they had so many problems. And those kinds of kids you do not want to be alone with because a lot fo them would make up stories. Also I have been around people with mental problems that would make up stories. But a good kid just missing his father and needing some guidence I would not worry so much about. Of course that is after seeing where God leads on this

[phkrause]

First let me say your doing a great thing. And to your real question. I don't think anyone really knows one way or the other what to do in these times, but if it were me I would take him on hikes, and if you are feeling its a problem than just invite others to go along. I would also not care what others thought. Its the boy I would worry about, because he could say something, that's why I say just invite others along.

[Gerr]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I heard of a teenage boy who has left his parents' home and moved with a pastor who has a family. The pastor has bought a car for the kid, and all kinds of rumors are spreading about. Because of the evil world we live in, there may be times when you should have a third party along. On the other hand, the kid also needs some 1:1 times with you.

[Woody]

I just threw caution to the wind and just did it.

And what a blessed Sabbath. I was afraid the teen would want to discuss secular things that might disrupt MY Sabbath. But then I thought ... what is the Sabbath really about. Pulling the ox out of the ditch of sin?

So, like I say ... I threw caution to the wind. And WOW!! The kid brought up all kinds of spiritual issues. I don't believe there was even one secular issue. Not that that would have been bad. And I shared many scriptures from memory to him.

We had a wonderful spiritual experience. Not only with nature ... but with our spiritual discussions.

[LifeHiscost]

Of course that is after seeing where God leads on this

Safest and best course IMO. Well, in my adamant, dogmatic opinion.

God blesses!

[Woody]

I don't claim to have a pipeline to God's will. But for some reason I felt I needed to do it.

[Gerr]

A one time thing is one thing, an ongoing relationship would be something else.

[phkrause]

I just threw caution to the wind and just did it.

And what a blessed Sabbath. I was afraid the teen would want to discuss secular things that might disrupt MY Sabbath. But then I thought ... what is the Sabbath really about. Pulling the ox out of the ditch of sin?

So, like I say ... I threw caution to the wind. And WOW!! The kid brought up all kinds of spiritual issues. I don't believe there was even one secular issue. Not that that would have been bad. And I shared many scriptures from memory to him.

We had a wonderful spiritual experience. Not only with nature ... but with our spiritual discussions.

[Woody]

A one time thing is one thing, an ongoing relationship would be something else.

I don't intend to just drop this teen. So, how do I safely proceed?

[phkrause]

I don't claim to have a pipeline to God's will. But for some reason I felt I needed to do it.

That was God/HS prompting you Woody.

I always wanted to get involved with being a big brother, or even adopting, foster parent, etc., but could never get up to do it. So God fixed that for me, by giving me a grandson to tutor or take care of, or raise, or what ever you want to call it. I do hope my daughter comes to her sense's some day but for the time being I do know what God wants from me. We had him dedicated on his first birthday, so obviously I have an obligation to the Lord of trying to do my best to raise him to love the Lord.

[Woody]

Cool. PK. God is indeed using you. What a blessed work.

[cricket]

There isn't a male, nor female teenager in this world that doesn't need more positive male influences. How about encouraging him to invite some of his friends to come along next time? It probably is wise to proceed with caution, IMO.

[phkrause]

Cool. PK. God is indeed using you. What a blessed work.

Thanks Woody.

[Woody]

There isn't a male, nor female teenager in this world that doesn't need more positive male influences. How about encouraging him to invite some of his friends to come along next time? It probably is wise to proceed with caution, IMO.

I fully understand your caution. I feel the need. But I also know for certain that having more teens would destroy the spiritual connection that I want to make.

Can you help me here? Am I right or wrong? The conversation then turns and remains secular.

[cricket]

I would suggest meeting with him in more public places then, when you wish to be with him one to one. A hike a nature preserve sounds too secluded to me. It is not something I would feel comfortable with (as a mother of a boy who will be 16 in July) for my son--even if the adult male were one of my closest friends.

A library, mall, zoo? Places like that where you can "blend in" with the crowd (and have witness to your activities) but will be alone in your conversations.

[Woody]

Thanks Cricket. Excellent suggestions. The teen was the one that wanted hiking in the woods. And actually they live within one mile of it. And we were never 'alone' on the trail. There were many others out enjoying the warmer weather.

But I do like your ideas and will try to incorporate them into what we do. I value your input.

[abelisle]

This sounds like a good thing, Woody. Especially since he's reaching out to you about spiritual matters. Just use your discretion and take any unresolved matters to the Lord in prayer.

Alex

[Dr. Shane]

I am with cricket on this. Definitely do not ever find yourself alone with the boy. Zoos, museums, sporting events and restaurants are all great places where guys can talk and have some bonding going on. Movies are not so great because there isn't a lot of talking that can go on. Concerts are kind of iffy for the same reason.

Great work, Woody and don't let your happiness depend on his reactions. Even if he goes down the wrong road, you are doing a good thing and don't feel that you somehow failed if he doesn't make all the right choices. God has put you in his life so that he (the boy) can have a chance to see things he didn't see before. But you don't have any control on the choices he makes or what he does with the information and love you give him.

[Woody]

This sounds like a good thing, Woody. Especially since he's reaching out to you about spiritual matters. Just use your discretion and take any unresolved matters to the Lord in prayer.

Alex

Thanks Alex. But it is indeed frightening for me. Thinking on it ... rather than having more teens who might destroy the atmosphere ... I think I might invite the mother. Although the teen might not open up as much - It might be safer for me.

But the mother brings her own set of 'difficulties'

Being a widow ... people might think I'm trying to 'move in' on her.

And I don't want her or ANYbody thinking that.

[Woody]

Oh GOOD GRIEF.

WHY is it SO hard to do GOOD.

[John317]

if there's the least bit of doubt in your mind, I would invite other people along. Maybe a man between 18 and 22 if you know anyone.

You could also decide to go places by yourselves, but where there are other people around, such as a park or zoo, etc.

[Woody]

I am with cricket on this. Definitely do not ever find yourself alone with the boy. Zoos, museums, sporting events and restaurants are all great places where guys can talk and have some bonding going on. Movies are not so great because there isn't a lot of talking that can go on. Concerts are kind of iffy for the same reason.

Great work, Woody and don't let your happiness depend on his reactions. Even if he goes down the wrong road, you are doing a good thing and don't feel that you somehow failed if he doesn't make all the right choices. God has put you in his life so that he (the boy) can have a chance to see things he didn't see before. But you don't have any control on the choices he makes or what he does with the information and love you give him.

Thanks Shane. Some good points that I need to keep in mind so I am not disappointed.

[Woody]

if there's the least bit of doubt in your mind, I would invite other people along. Maybe a man between 18 and 22 if you know anyone.

You could also decide to go places by yourselves, but where there are other people around, such as a park or zoo, etc.

Help me out here John. What are you referring to with "least bit of doubt" Can you give me some examples?

[Woody]

By the Way ... to fill in a few gaps -

When I made the appointment with the Mom ... I gave her the option of either coming with us or letting us have some 'guy' time. She said she trusted me.