Terrifying ear problem

[Guest truthseeker007]

As a child i had a surgery in which i got two small tubes implanted inside my ears. One of those had to be sucked out, which was very painfull, caused some blood to run out of my ear etc. Now i still have one small tube left in my right ear, and i am having problems with it now for quite some years, but i am too afraid to see the doctor. I am largely deaf now with this ear. But i HAVE to hear in order to be able to have a regular job. Now i am too afraid to see the doctor, and since we have the ultimate doctor in heaven, i would like to ask you to please pray for me, let God be my doctor, let Him remove my small tube from my ear and heal me. Please please please pray, I am terrified. It s not to test God, it is because i am very afraid and i need this. Please pray for special help. I will keep you updated.

[phkrause]

TS, will be praying for you to be able to allow the doctors to do what they need with the help of God. I also have a phobia with doctors or just any kind of medical procedure. But when I pray and allow God to take over my fear and allow the doctors to do there jobs. It works out for the best. So that's what I'll pray for. Keep up the faith TS.

[Guest truthseeker007]

Today i went to the family doctor, he gave me antibiotics.

But i ve been having a glue ear for about five years now so i don t think he diagnosed me correctly. I think this antibiotics won t work and then i have to go to the hospital. I have a chronic glue ear, something much more serious than a regular glue ear. If i have a cholesteatoom in my ear then i might never be able to hear again, plus there are some serious implications, some of which can lead to death.

To be honoust with you all, i don t see things brightly anymore. I am already planning my suicide in my head. My problems (mental and physiccaly) are more than i am able to bear. I wish i was never born and soon i am going to end this life. But if i leave, i am gonna leave correctly. I will lock myself up in a small room, tape the outlets, then burn barbeque coal and at the same time take an overdose of some sort of deadly medicin, while in the background i play christian songs. On this board i am going to leave behind my personal testimony and pics, and for the rest, i don t think anybody will miss me. But that s okay, my birth was a mistake. My sorrow and pain are too much to be able to bear. Thank God it will all be over soon.

Anyway i will try the antibiotics for one week, hopefully that will help, but i am very negative, as you have noticed. I need more prayers. Thank you all for your support...

[Gail]

TS- while you are waiting out your week, read the Psalms.

Yes, you would be missed! We enjoy hearing from you and will continue to bear you up in our prayers.

[phkrause]

TS, your always in our prays. Don't give up and allow Satan to win. Suicide TS is not what God wants for you. Yes as others have mentioned spend some time reading the Psalms. David has written one just for you, check it out. Also read the 10 C and see what it says about murder. Anyway take care and always think positive not negative.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

TS, I've had chronic ear/hearing problems also, as well as having had tubes placed in both ears. I have an idea of what you're going through.

Give the antibiotics a chance to work. Even if you need surgery, the antibiotic regimen beforehand will help with infection control afterwards. Surgery is never fun. Don't dwell on the negatives...I do that, and it doesn't help at all.

Gail, PK, and dgrimm are right - read the Psalms. Take one as talking directly to you. Try Psalm 41.

Regarding trying to commit suicide...you don't really want to do that. VOE.

[Guest truthseeker007]

Thank you all for your prayers. Unfortunately i still have my ear problem. I got mad because God didn t heal me and did some stupid things. But i regret my anger, i am too spoiled. I don t expect to receive anything from the Lord anymore. I also don t think God cares about me at all. But i look up to Jesus, he is so good, and i don t want to defile his name with my presence. That s why i don t want to be in heaven, and that s why i don t tell anyone i believe in Jesus. Not because i am ashamed at God, but because i am too proud at God. All my life i ve been rejected by people, and misrepresented and alone. I have no hope left, but i have accepted my destiny. I regret my birth, i hope soon i ll get cancer or anything like that, cause i really want to die.

I have no hard feelings whatsoever towards God. It is not his duty to help me, i am unworthy, and i don t want to defile His name. Besides, i don t think anyone will ever accept me, no matter how hard i try. I am just different than anybody else.

Thank you all for your kindness, i really appreciate it, especially since i am unworthy of your affection. You are my only friends.

[Parade Orange]

TRUTHSEEKER i know we dont know each other and i havent followed your posts so i have no idea what u have been thru

im glad that you have shared here brutally honest thoughts and feelings about where you stand and how u see GOD

it takes courage to share our deeper pictures

we ussually going around with masks and walls so no one will see our true selves

churches are suppossed to be safe habors where we can really connect and fellowship

but sadly this isnt the case of every church ive been in

you TRUTHSEEKER reaches out to us with no walls or masks and GOD bless u for that

can you share more?

[Guest truthseeker007]

Hi Parade Orange, nice 2 meet you here,

For you to understand why i am so depressed i ll have to give you a little background information:

I was born in a Christian protestant family, and as a child i looked to the stars and asked my dad where do we come from? he said "From God" and then i replied "but where does God come from?" and he said "he has always been there". This puzzled me, but nevertheless as a child i was pretty faithfull, basically praying every night also to protect me later on in life and asked him many times if i could do something special for him. Everything went pretty good in my life, at school i was probably the smartest of my class. I had very good grades and lots of friends. However i got to know a girlfriend and other people who had very low standards. And somehow i decided to switch from a christian school to a secular school, something which i never should have done, and till this day i don t know why i made that decision. I was very happy at my christian school. At my new school i was kind of an outsider and became terribly depressed. I was looking for answers but couldn t find them in the bible. I used to cut myself and become terribly angry, always contemplating suicide while doing drugs and drinking lots of alcohol. Sometimes i got so angry i smashed doors or got into a fight with my parents and brother. During all this time i looked for comfort in the New Age. I had many times sleep parallysis, astral projections, higher states of conciousness and had the ability to read others peoples minds by telepathy. However i didn t know that what i was doing was wrong. At my secular school i was taught the theory of evolution so i considered the bible as backwards and stupid because it hindered progress in the spiritual evolution of mankind. Now during one of my sleep paralysis experience i felt a terrible presence, i couldn t move and i thought i was going to die, so i said to myself, even though i don t really believe the bible i am going to ask Jesus for help. When i called Jesus i immediately was awoke and everything was peacefull. From that time on i was not going to do New Age stuff anymore.

My grades were on average about a 4 (from 1 to 10) and i failed the same class twice so i had to switch schools. I decided to do 2 years in 1 year to save a year that i had lost on that secular school and i passed!Still i didn t know the exact truth about the bible and it bothered me. Untill i saw the video presentations from Walter Veith, they made perfect sense to me. So i started digging into seventh day adventism. However during my lifetime i am often ridiculed and denied and falsely accused by people, so it is really hard for me to trust God. Why would God want a big loser like me. Everyone hates me. Nowadays i still have severe depressions, i am addicted to pornography (sadly the only thing on earth that gives me comfort and distraction) and i feel like i have failed in life. I always said to myself, it doesn t matter how bad it gets in this world, as long as i have Jesus. But recently i came to realise that Jesus probably doesn t want to know me, for i am wicked and stupid. Why would Jesus accept someone like me?someone who is hated by all men. So for the sake of Jesus i am not visiting church, i won t tell other people i am a christian, and i expect eternal destruction. It costed me a long time to accept this harsh reality, but nowadays i can live with that. For eternal destruction means rest for my soul. My soul has been so troubled and wounded that it suffers too much, that s why i want to die. Just like a physical body in tremendous pain should be killed, so i feel like my whole existence should be eradicated. I have been alone now for about 6 years. I don t have friends, i don t have a future. The only reason i stay alive is to spare my mum a lot of tears, as well as my girlfriend.

Anyways, i hope you understand now who i am; a stupid loser nobody wants to hang around with.

[Parade Orange]

thanku for telling me

there are alot of people here who really like you and what u contribute here.

we see your heart

we see your candor

we see your conflicts

we see your glimpsing a marvelouse rightouse GOD

All of us with our talents and grey matter and such have nothing

NOTHING!

to bring to GOD

we in ourselves arnt that smart or cute or funny enough to deserve a place in HIS FAMILY

JESUS deserves a place in HEAVEN

and JESUS made a way to for you to be included with HIM in HIS ETERNAL HOME

your worth is established at the CROSS

there will never ever ever be another you in the universe in the past present or future

you shared alot and u didnt ask me for free advice

but i will give it you cause I dont want you to off yourself a minute before a better day

please seek a CELEBRATE RECOVERY a 12 step group than has men that can nuture you and mentor you

the only requirement is that you come and be honest

you can do that

PORN is your friend and gives you comfort and lets u forget the pain in your life

but it takes a piece of you everytime

JESUS is a real FRIEND and Restores you and can heal the pain

im glad you are here

please always share a bit of yourself with all of us

we need you

[Guest truthseeker007]

Hey Orange Parade,

Thank you for your support. I ve set myself new goals:

I wanna get rid of all my porn, i want to get baptised and become a member of the church and just go all da way. I ve made this decision in my heart, now i have to make it a reality.

Please ask God for me to be succesfull in this.

Thanks again

[Guest]

That's good 07, hang in there. I will pray for you too.

[phkrause]

Hey Orange Parade,

Thank you for your support. I ve set myself new goals:

I wanna get rid of all my porn, i want to get baptised and become a member of the church and just go all da way. I ve made this decision in my heart, now i have to make it a reality.

Please ask God for me to be succesfull in this.

Thanks again

Will be praying TS, but never forget that Jesus wants us to come to him as we are.