Need some advice...

[olger]

There is a black "single mother" that has been coming to church for 16 months. She has two daughters and one son. She is living with a fellow not her husband. We are glad to have her at church.

We are not glad for the way that the 5-year old boy behaves. He is out of control. Today for children's story before the sermon, I got them to sit down and began the story. The girls behaved well (probably 10 years old). But this little boy cannot and will not sit still. He was all over the platform during the story including climbing the baptistry wall etc.. it is vERY disruptive. The mother is embarrassed and frustrated with him. During the story I went over and picked him up and put him on my lap and held him tight - that worked for a while but then he started fighting maniacally to get free. I let him go so as to not disrupt the service.

Question. What are some practical suggestions to deal with an out of control five year old during church service? The boy seems somewhat pleasant (has kind of an intense smile on his face), but there is an almost maniacal restlessness in him that should be subdued for his own good. What suggestions do you have?

[LynnDel]

This child sounds as if he might have problems more serious than lack of parental control. Has anyone gotten to know her well enough to find out how he is doing at home, at school, if he's been evaluated, etc?

LD

[olger]

Nancy & I have made friends with her, but I don't know a lot about the boy yet.

Do you think duct tape would be over the top? :)

g

[phkrause]

Nancy & I have made friends with her, but I don't know a lot about the boy yet.

Do you think duct tape would be over the top? :)

g

[Nan]

I agree with LynDell that there is probably more going on here,

and getting to know the mother better might give that information,

and hence more ability to assist.

[Gail]

It sounds like you're needing a short term PLUS a long term answer!

You could talk with the mother and see what she would be willing to support. It has got to be embarrassing for her as well.

[olger]

I don't know if the mother has ever been married. Possibly not.

Yes, she is embarrassed by the antics.

No, the fellow she is living with never comes to church. She always comes with the children. We will invite them over after things slow down in July.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Ask the mother beforehand, that if her son misbehaves disruptively during church services, that a deacon will be assigned to take the child out into the foyer for the duration. No fun to act up if you don't have an audience...

[Dottie]

Speaking as one who has had and now has, a(several) disruptive child(ren), some of the above suggestions are right on target. I never used the duck tape, though. But over the top wouldn't help near as much as around the front!

He actions may be due to his home situation; mom spending more time with boyfriend, and less with little one. You'll never really know without more info.

Treatment: for one thing, don't send him out with a deacon, especially one he doesn't know. It could only make the situation worse. If there is someone with whom he is comfortable (Shane?) they could take him out. But first make sure the mom okays it and is comfortable with it. If she is feeling like it makes a spectacle of the family, she may decide not to attend as regularly.

Now, for mine. The oldest two I had while living with my parents (separated from their father). My dad would take take them out and give them as many swats as he felt necessary. They would come back in immediately and sit.

With my boy now, I have had to take him out and just hold him quietly in the foyer. I was the quiet one. He would eventually calm down, and we would return. We started that as soon as he was too big for his carrier. I have had to do that as recently as a few weeks ago, and he is ten. If he receives a spanking, it only makes him angry, not submissive. It all depends on the child.

[LynnDel]

The reason I ask if there is something else going on, is that he could possibly have a developmental problem, or maybe even PDD (also known as autism). If that is the case, as Dottie said, the involvement of a stranger would probably be counterproductive. These kids do best in a consistent, controlled environment. It's hard to know, given we don't know the details of this child's life.

LD

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Treatment: for one thing, don't send him out with a deacon, especially one he doesn't know. It could only make the situation worse.

I guess I expected people to automatically understand that the person taking the child out to the foyer would be someone he was familiar with. Can't take anything for granted here...

[Liz]

My two cents....

You need to chat with the mother and work with her. It sounds like more is going on with him, and quite possibly he can't control himself.

Please don't offend or judge this mother until you know for sure what is going on.

When my son was 5 he also was out of control, church people told me he was a hellion and I was a horrible mother. After he was dx'd and was on meds, I found it really hard to go back to that church--and I probably wouldn't have if I wasn't already an SDA.

Good luck, and keep us posted about this family.

*This reply is for Olger, not Rudywoofs--I can't fix that though.

[Dottie]

I guess I read way too fast. I mentioned Shane, when it should have been Olger. Sorry...

Pam - -

Please don't take my comments personally. Maybe I write too fast, too.