LEXOPHILES ONLY PLEASE

[Fran]

FOR ALL YOU LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

12. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

15. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. Every calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

[Amelia]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

<hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

My favorite []http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/contrib/fk/chicken.gif[/]

[LynnDel]

Good one. I liked "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana" -- because it twists one's mind.

LD

[aldona]

The locomotive couldn't sit down because it had a tender behind.

[aka]

For me those idiomatical play on words were all great!

My brain mass lit up like a pin-ball machine in Vegas!

WowWhee… and I thought that being an praxeological oikologist was the optimum on life’s ecstasy

Turmeric

[Bravus]

My favourite mindtwister (which I may have shared before here):

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.

[Michelle]

The time flies/fruit flies is one of my all-time favorites. Thanks for sharing! (Bravus, I like yours, too--reminds me of one of my favorite Will Rogers sayings, though not a humorous one--The best thing for the inside of a man is the outside of a horse--yeah, I used to be the horsey one!)

M

[there buster]

The old man kept changing his will because he was a fresh heir fiend.

He thought he was a big shot, but he was small calibre and an immense bore.

I married my dreamboat. I thought she was a real ketch, but discovered she was a little dinghy. (blame me for that one)

In America, National Public Radio used to have this slogan. NPR: the rare medium which is well done.

They exhumed Mozart only to discover he was erasing all his music: he was de-composing.

Money talks: Mine keeps saying "Goodbye"

Roto-rooter (a septic tank cleaning company) slogan:

A royal flush beats a full house!

For the masochistic, I have made two triple puns in my life.

[Bravus]

I'm not sure the title of the thread is quite accurate though: if you love words, would you want to see them abused so egregiously? People for the Ethical Treatment of Lexemes, anyone?

[Michelle]

Ed--I love the Rare Medium that is Well Done. Must have been their slogan during a period of time I wasn't listening to them (during the dark ages when I lived in places with no NPR station--including now--horrors!).

M

[cricket]

Quote:

---

For the masochistic, I have made two triple puns in my life.

---

That really hits home!

Here's another one from radio: when listening to a particular show in St. Louis, callers are encouraged to say, "I'm A.M. in the P.M."

[there buster]

Quote:

---

People for the Ethical Treatment of Lexemes

---

PETL?

Are you another one of those PETL pushers?

I remember flower power. Is this PETL power?

This post will test your PETL mettle.

Is there a Jewish settlement for PETL members? A PETL shtettle?

Is their morale their PETL fettle?

If an army bed called a PETL member lazy, would that be an example of a cot calling a PETL slack?

If they preceded their announcements with Tympani, would those be PETL drums?

Is this an ancient Mexican society? PopocatePETL? Does that peak your interest?

Does an outstanding member become a PETL of Honor?

Gotta go before someone tells me to PETL my papers.

[Neil D]

This one -

Quote:

---

A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

---

is a bit too close to home.....My money taint my own....

[Michelle]

Ed,

Help, help, I'm running for cover! Too much! AAAAAGGGHHH!

M