Empathize vs Sermonize

[teresaq]

Is it more helpful to another if we sermonize at them?

Or if we empathize with them, remembering when we also have felt the same?

[LynnDel]

Empathizing is better than sermonizing, but one has to be careful, when trying to comforting a hurting person, that in the telling of their own experience they don't appear to be trying to "one up" the other with the story of their own woes. I have heard that it is better just to say, "I know, I know," instead of jumping in with your own story. Cannot speak from experience on either end of that one.

LD

[CoAspen]

Listening goes along way!!

Sermonizing is not listening!!!

[M. T. Cross]

Empathize by far.

Generally when someone is baring their soul to you they are extremely vulnerable and it usually takes all they have to open up like that. Sermonizing to them will generally make them close up like a clam again and regret ever opening up.

[LynnDel]

Exactly, EC. Some people are better at that by nature than are others. Perhaps it is hard for men to just listen, in general, because they tend to be fix-it people. But I didn't want to bring up gender differences again now, did I? Oops.

[teresaq]

I've heard men say they need their wives to just listen...My pastor just a couple weeks ago said things had built to such a state that he tried to unload with his wife and she started in to "fix" it. He had to tell her to please just listen.

I think men and women try to "fix" others in different ways.