The Yiddish Academy Awards

[phkrause]

1. GONIF WITH THE WIND -- A thief tries to acquire ownership of Tara through a forged deed.

2. THE GREEN MOYEL --Young man performs first circumcision.

3. THE GOOD, THE CHABAD, AND THE UGLY -- A kosher noodle western.

4. MOBY DRECK -- Captain Ahab harpoons the wrong end of the whale.

5. STUART LADLE -- Mouse makes chicken soup for Shabbos.

6. THE SEDER HOUSE RULES -- Bubbie lays down the law on Pesach.

7. BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KIBITZER -- Paul Newman and Robert Redford do stand-up shtick while they rob their victims.

8. BRIDGE OVER THE RIVER KVETCH -- The extras complain that whistling the theme song dries out their mouths and hurts their lips.

9. THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LATKE -- An overdone potato pancake turns into a monster.

10. THE MATZONIAN CANDIDATE -- Frank Sinatra is brainwashed into thinking it's always Passover.

11. DRIEDELS OF THE LOST ARK -- Harrison Ford plays the most dangerous Chanukah games.

12. ALEPH DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE -- Neither the waitress nor the old Hebrew school can be found.

13. THE SIX CENTS -- Three Jews each put in their two-cents worth.

14. DREYDEL WILL ROCK -- A Chanukah toy comes alive.

15. GOYS DON'T CRY -- Rabbi explains why only Jews observe Yom Kippur.