Domestic Problems

[Dr. Shane]

I am going to share this here since this is a private forum and not in the search engines. However due to pending legals issues I am going to lock this thread and not discuss it publicly online again until all the legal matters are resolved.

I try to be transparent and believe that secrets keep us sick (emotionally, mentally and spiritually) Club Adventist is like my second church and I very much feel like I belong here.

My wife left me the day before yesterday after talking about divorce for the past few months. I have been leaning on a few people here throughout that time. I actually started attending counseling about a month before she brought the subject up because I felt something wasn't right and wanted to make sure I was not making the situation worse. She was not and is not open to counseling. There has been no adultery or physical abuse. She tells me she is resentful over numerous errors in character, that it is too late to change, she doesn't love me any more and once love dies it can never come back. Once legal matters are settled I will talk more specifically my errors and what I have learned from them.

I hold no hard feelings toward her. I love her and feel that in many ways I have failed to provide the spiritual leadership she has needed. I have not given up hope on the marriage and ask each of you to remember us in your prayers. God has a plan and He is faithful.

[Dr. Shane]

A little update about my domestic situation. My wife came home last night after agreeing to meet with our pastor and I and there agreeing to go to marital counseling. It is still a very fragile situation. The whole process gave her a lot more pain and hurt than she could have imagined and she is still hurting. Thanks to 12-Step programs, the fantastic support of my local Adventist church and a local Pentecostal church, I had and continue to have a lot of support and tools that my wife has not had. Please keep us in your prayers. I am taking it one day at a time and leaning on the arms of a God that treats me far better than what I deserve.

I will add this. The local pastor cried with us when we met and stated that the local church would find a Christian counselor for us and pay for counseling if needed. Depending on the cost, I may be able to pay for it myself but it was very generous for the church to offer that.

[Dr. Shane]

I want to thank everyone that has sent me private messages both here and on Facebook. We continue to go through a difficult time but gold is purified in fire and like the three Hebrew worthies, my Lord stands in the fire with me. My wife is still home with us and we are in Christian marital counseling. I have no idea what the future holds for us. It feels like we are both growing and learning but that is my perception which may not actually reflect reality. I am learning to be patient as well as learning how much trouble I can avoid by keeping my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. I am learning about a lot of things I have done wrong over the years while unintentional, and sometimes even done with good motives, have harmed the one I vowed to love and cherish until death do us part.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. There are two things God established in the Garden of Eden that Satan hates and wars against. One is the Sabbath and the other is marriage. Please pray that pride will not prevail and the love God has for each of us we will again have for each other.

[Dr. Shane]

No major changes but I still feel positive about the direction things are going. Regardless how things turn out I am confident that God is making me into a better man and I will someday be able to use this experience to help others. Growing up I lived through multiple divorces. My parents married and divorced twice and my mother married and divorced three other men after my dad.

I have always hated divorce and felt like there must be something that can be done to decrease the frequency of it. I now understand, like never before, that it takes two people to keep a marriage together but only one to throw in the towel. That is not to say that only "one" is to blame but when one doesn't want to work things out the willing one is powerless to save the marriage.

I really believe the only reason I have the opportunity to save my marriage is because my children were unwilling to go with their mother. That pretty much meant she had to come back home if she didn't want to lose the kids. That was a God thing. God did that. But it gave me the chance to swallow my pride and at least give my marriage a fighting chance. If my marriage does survive that will be a God thing too. My only part is getting out of His way which often means keeping my mouth shut and biting my tongue.

Keep praying friends. A miracle is happening in my home. At least it feels like it.

God bless.