Forgivness

[Naomi]

How does a person forgive?

[phkrause]

Very humbly. :)

[Neil D]

It reminds me of this great quote I read somewhere: "You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one." We dwell so much on our past that we forget to live our present. Holding onto something, whether it is a person, feelings or expectations, only creates a barrier in our life that stops us from moving forward.

Someone else wrote that...I didn't...but thought it pertinent to the discussion....

[Neil D]

You may not need to do this to this extent, but the principles are the same...

A story of forgiveness....It's a hard read, but worth it....

Rhonda Britten: Fearless Forgiveness

[teresaq]

How does a person forgive?

I feel God brings us to that point. Something clicks and we choose to forgive. We even come to the point where we honestly pray for them.

A person did something to me and mine that everyone is still hurting over. The person has not only not accepted responsibility for the actions committed but has compounded the problem.

At first I wanted to torture her every way possible. I wanted her to hurt! I would fantasize about it. (This case took some years) At some point I realized that no matter how I hurt (tortured) her it would never be enough.

So I progressed to just putting a bullet between her eyes so she could never hurt anyone else as she had us---she was a manipulator and loved to meddle in others lives---hence making sure it STOPPED. No more torture thoughts, just quick and painless.

All during this time forgiveness was not an option because to forgive her would be like saying what she did was ok. (It occurs to me right now it could be a lack of trust in God---which I didn't have, nor even considered Him a very decent Person at that time, so moot point perhaps.)

I don't remember how I realized that not forgiving her was not doing a thing to her but was hurting me, but I did. Forgiveness didn't make it alright, it set me free. Basically I was hurting myself for what she did to us. Devil is good at his job!

I still get angry at what she did at certain times, but there are times I honestly pray for her. (and others, but my story was never allowed to get to the healing part.)

In my experience forgiveness comes from the Lord.

(Which, by the way, is why I harp on manipulation, coercion, and force for the purpose of controlling another. There is no other purpose for those tactics. I received one ---- of a lesson from the Lord on that, understanding on a constantly deeper and deeper level the Great Controversy between Christ and Satan, and what should be - but is not - the difference between the Papacy and the SDA church.)

[Naomi]

Thanks Tresaq. You touched upon something that I have observed; that you can forgive but not forget. We have to fogive for ourselves, but is it just as important that we not forget but learn to accept?

When I asked this question it was with the Colorado incident in mind. How will those impacted deal with their pain, loss and fears? How to forgive the person responsible?

[Overaged]

Only God can help forgive such horrible things; yet the memories, the pain, the terror will still live in the hearts of those involved...only God can help one to get through it.

[teresaq]

is it just as important that we not forget but learn to accept?

I think the man-made addition, "and forget" is emotionally and spiritually unhealthy, leading to mental instability.

I think the key is just what you said: "learn to accept". Not only that, as hard as it is for us to see it, to even believe that all things can work for our good if we let God use that experience. I wouldn't trade the lesson I learned from that particular experience for all the gold in the world -- and right now I could really use even a fraction of it.

While I wouldn't dare preach to those who went through that traumatic event at this time, if we are able to give it to God and let Him bring something good out of whatever happens to us as painful as it is, it almost seems worth having gone through, strange tho it seems.

Yes! "Learn to accept" seems an emotionally and spiritually healthy alternative to "and forget", leading to "soundness of mind". Great one! I'm going to use that from now on trying to remember to give credit from whence I got it. Thanks. :)

[olger]

Some good thoughts here. I'll add a few.

Forgiveness is agreeing to pay the price of the pain that others caused me. This breaks the power of bitterness, and sets us free. In short, it leads us to accept what happened. And, move on.

As to forgetting, we usually won't forget. But we can come to the place where we see the person or the incident through the perspective of heaven.

Lot of people are bitter at themselves, or at God. This needs to be resolved in order for an individual to experience freedom in life.

God wisely bound His forgiveness of us with our forgiveness of others. We must forgive in order to experience the plan of redemption.

Rejoice always,

G

[Naomi]

[teresaq]

Some good thoughts here. I'll add a few.

Forgiveness is agreeing to pay the price of the pain that others caused me. This breaks the power of bitterness, and sets us free. In short, it leads us to accept what happened. And, move on.

As to forgetting, we usually won't forget. But we can come to the place where we see the person or the incident through the perspective of heaven.

Lot of people are bitter at themselves, or at God. This needs to be resolved in order for an individual to experience freedom in life.

God wisely bound His forgiveness of us with our forgiveness of others. We must forgive in order to experience the plan of redemption.

Generally speaking, do people find a mechanical formula, rather than sharing one's own struggles, more helpful in dealing with their issues?

I ask because mechanical formulas have never helped me.

[olger]

Not sure what is meant by mechanical formula versus sharing one's own struggles. Li'l help now..