How the church deals with the mentally ill

[inquisitivebird]

My mother is mentally ill and joined the church after becoming pregnant out of wedlock. She raised me in the church. I have been away from the church since I left for college 6 years ago. Since then the church board has asked my mother has been to not step on the church property or attend any programs held by the church. This is because she chose to stop taking her medication and according to the church is disturbing the peace of the church. They told her in writing that she could not come back until she went back on her meds or got a permission slip from her psychiatrist to come back.

My mother is high functioning and goes to school and can hold a part time job and did her best to raise me as a single mom, sending me to church school the whole way through. It is true that she can be hard to deal with and negative and quite honestly, annoying. But, is this what Christ would have done? How is it possible that the church can push someone to do something that they don't wish to do like take a certain drug to be allowed to attend? Didn't Christ draw close to the outcasts? instead of pushing them away only to be further lost to the dangers of this world without a support system? While I agree that my mother should be taking her medicine, I don't think it's the job of the church to make her do this. How is that any different than what the Catholic church did in the dark ages? forcing people to do things according to their own agenda?

My mother loves God and desperately wants to do His work, yet cannot attend church unless she drives 30 plus minutes to find a different church that has not pushed her out. She was tolerated while I was around and the whole church treats me like I'm a saint because I did missionary work and have stayed close to God, yet my own mother they roll their eyes at.

Even if she was a 'tare', Jesus told us that we must not pull up the tares for we might also pull up the wheat with it. My mother is not even a tare and they are pulling her out and many people in the church our not happy about it. What they are doing is causing more problems than they hoped to get rid of.

Anyway, I'd just like to hear what some others think about this. Is there any advice to how I can handle this and help my mother?

[Overaged]

You are quite right. The church, generally speaking, is very ill-equipped and inept at handling anything to do with mental illness. I have found many people to be very cruel towards ones who have it, and even trying to say that family members of the person in question "don't have enough faith," and then the shunning begins. It can be a very trying experience for ones such as yourself who have to put up with the poor attitude as you have described towards your Mother.

But, then again, we must remember to cut people some slack, because not everyone has the gift or the aptitude to handle certain types of mental illness, but this is where a little "training" might take place, perhaps, just one person at a time, telling them how to handle your Mom, what works for you, when you are with her at church or elsewhere. If people have better knowledge of what is actually going on, sometimes, then, it can be easier for them to deal with.

Your Mom sounds like a really special lady. I am very touched to read what you have written here about her; how she even put you through Church school all these years as a single Mom...wow! That is really amazing, and would not be easy for anyone to do. She is one of God's true heroes! She doesn't sound like a "tare" to me.

I have a bunch of ideas to share here, plus a few questions that may be helpful. lets keep in touch and compare notes a little. Hopefully you will get an idea or two that will help.

[phkrause]

Very sad to hear about the difficulty your Mom is having. The problem I see is that the Church, like OA mentioned, is very limited in this regard. Unfortunately everything requires money, so it seems the church would need funds to help. As you yourself mentioned, what would Jesus do with this situation? I'm not sure, but first I believe he would advice family to do there part, and he did mention that the members should take care of the widows, children, etc. This is one reason that the government gets involved, because the churches don't do there part. They either can't, wont, or don't have enough people willing to help. Which again comes down to money, time, etc.

[OzarkWoman]

I will tell you that I have a disorder, but most people would never know I even have anything wrong unless I actually tell them, though I can have outbursts of anger, but I am very controlled in any kind of public setting. With that said, I had such a betrayal from the pastor's wife because she felt it was her right to go and tell this private matter about me to several different church members in two different churches. One of those people even told me that the pastor's wife told her that I was "crazy". I was told by the pastor's wife that she can talk to whomever she likes. Oh well, such seems to be the hypocritical way of most church members. Because of all of the betrayels I have had from the pastor, wife, a couple of members and such, I decided to just not go to church any longer and watch sermons online. I pay my tithe online too.

[OzarkWoman]

In the work of soul-winning, great tact and wisdom are needed. The Saviour never suppressed the truth, but He uttered it always in love. In His intercourse with others, He exercised the greatest tact, and He was always kind and thoughtful. He was never rude, never needlessly spoke a severe word, never gave unnecessary pain to a sensitive soul. He did not censure human weakness. He fearlessly denounced hypocrisy, unbelief, and iniquity, but tears were in His voice as He uttered His scathing rebukes. He never made truth cruel, but ever manifested a deep tenderness for humanity. Every soul was precious in His sight. He bore Himself with divine dignity; yet He bowed with the tenderest compassion and regard to every member of the family of God. He saw in all, souls whom it was His mission to save. {GW 117.1}

[phkrause]

I will tell you that I have a disorder, but most people would never know I even have anything wrong unless I actually tell them, though I can have outbursts of anger, but I am very controlled in any kind of public setting. With that said, I had such a betrayal from the pastor's wife because she felt it was her right to go and tell this private matter about me to several different church members in two different churches. One of those people even told me that the pastor's wife told her that I was "crazy". I was told by the pastor's wife that she can talk to whomever she likes. Oh well, such seems to be the hypocritical way of most church members. Because of all of the betrayels I have had from the pastor, wife, a couple of members and such, I decided to just not go to church any longer and watch sermons online. I pay my tithe online too.

Its amazing how people just love gossip. Sorry to hear that the pastors wife couldn't keep her mouth shut. :)

[LifeHiscost]

Quote:

Is there any advice to how I can handle this and help my mother?

It's an interesting point that the SoP counseled that God did not or was not calling many into the church because they were not yet ready to receive them. While it is obvious in some geographical areas that is not now true in many places, especially in third world countries.

That would make it, in my estimation, one not well accepted in one particular area might be better off to seek more amiable company elsewhere. From personal experience, there was a person among the body of believers where my wife and I were attending who got her/his nose out of joint, perhaps even by a gaffe by us, but it led to the offended party surreptitiously giving us the finger, mooning us, or otherwise making it known to us she was thoroughly disgusted with us, without openly saying so where everybody could hear.

We weren't about to change our affiliation but turned the problem over to God and made as much of an attempt to accept the insults without retaliation as we felt was fitting for a disciple.

As a result of health problems, quite often we don't make it to church, so we don't know for sure that he/she still attends. We do know she/he has stopped attending when we are there.

If we goofed, it didn't take the Lord by surprise.

"Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!" Matthew 18:7 NKJV

Since we haven't received any major woes, we're satisfied our sins have been forgiven. OTOH I am truly sorry if we were responsible for one of God's lost sheep finding their way to Him that much more difficult.

God blesses!

[LifeHiscost]

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I will tell you that I have a disorder

Congratulations on accepting the counsel that is one key to the Kingdom of God. And welcome to the club. Not many are up to the offer of help, but are more apt at justifying a continuation of that which we will all be tried, sooner or later.

"Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].

James 5:16 AMP

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Oh well, such seems to be the hypocritical way of most church members

There's another promise from the Word we claim and it seems to be working among the company of believers with whom we share time.

"There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you."James 2:13 NLT

God blesses!

Quote:

Oh well, such seems to be the hypocritical way of most church members.

[Gail]

I am sorry that this happens, but I know it does. Sometimes it is intentional, even, as you have pointed out.

It makes a big difference if a person has even just one good friend. Even that may not be enough.

[Gordon1]

I had such a betrayal from the pastor's wife because she felt it was her right to go and tell this private matter about me to several different church members in two different churches.

As previously mentioned - welcome to the club.

[Gordon1]

Anyway, I'd just like to hear what some others think about this. Is there any advice to how I can handle this and help my mother?

Hi bird, welcome.

There's an SDA fellow named Neil Nedley who deals in mental illness issues. At one point he was chosen to run the Weimar Institute outside of Sacramento, CA. Not sure if his program is fully grounded, but it's well-known and publicized.

Whatever else he says, this one thing makes sense: He urges patients to take responsibility for their actions from a Biblical and SOP viewpoint. He terms it EQ or Emotional Intelligence. We should all admit this as an inherent tenet of our faith, but that's a longer discussion. Dr. Nedley has several books and resources available online. For what it's worth, many SDA who claim to be redeemed are not whole, flagrantly violating all manner of Christian conduct. [eg. see Ozark Woman pastor wife issue above]

Your mother is fortunate to have you standing near. I hope you both find help soon.

[Nich]

Quote:

the church board has asked my mother has been to not step on the church property or attend any programs held by the church. This is because she chose to stop taking her medication and according to the church is disturbing the peace of the church.

Hello, sorry for the situation, would just like to ask some questions that might be able to help you decide on what you can do.

- Do you know what the church means by "disturbing the peace of the church"?

- If you do know by what they meant, by your judgement, do you believe that they have sufficient ground to say so?

- If they do have sufficient ground to say so, does you mother have capacity to understande her actions, which are interpreted as "disturbing the peace of the church"?

- If she does understand her actions, have you spoken to her about it?

- Does taking her medications help improve her being, thus NOT "disturbing the peace of the church"?

Stay positive and hope for the best.

[Nich]

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I decided to just not go to church any longer and watch sermons online. I pay my tithe online too.

@OzarkWoman

Have you considered finding another church?

If you observe nature, you will notice that everything operates in systems. Everything is a system or sub system of another, nothing really works all by itself, but all is interrelated interdependent somehow. From human relationships / family structures, to animal kingdoms, to ecology, to solar systems and galaxies - all are part or a system.

Birds fly further if they fly as a flock, for in flying together, their formation results in less air resistance / drag, and they create a natural lift, so that they do not need to flap harder.

http://www.aerospaceweb.org/question/nature/q0237.shtml

If you take out and separate any number of wood from the burning lot, the separated wood would, go out, put the wood back together, and there will be fire.

[Overaged]

Birds fly further if they fly as a flock, for in flying together, their formation results in less air resistance / drag, and they create a natural lift, so that they do not need to flap harder.

[Nich]

Originally Posted By: Nich

Birds fly further if they fly as a flock, for in flying together, their formation results in less air resistance / drag, and they create a natural lift, so that they do not need to flap harder.

With some birds; this would not be the case; such as with the eagle. "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint." (Isa 40:31).

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The eagle of the Alps is sometimes beaten down by the tempest into the narrow defiles of the mountains. Storm clouds shut in this mighty bird of the forest, their dark masses separating her from the sunny heights where she has made her home. Her efforts to escape seem fruitless. She dashes to and fro, beating the air with her strong wings, and waking the mountain echoes with her cries. At length, with a note of triumph, she darts upward, and, piercing the clouds, is once more in the clear sunlight, with the darkness and tempest far beneath. So we may be surrounded with difficulties, discouragement, and darkness. Falsehood, calamity, injustice, shut us in. There are clouds that we cannot dispel. We battle with circumstances in vain. There is one, and but one, way of escape. The mists and fogs cling to the earth; beyond the clouds God's light is shining. Into the sunlight of His presence we may rise on the wings of faith. {Ed 118.2}

Yes, not all birds fly as a flock, but each example, both yours and mine have their applications.

[Gail]

And I thought they were good applications, too. All of them are! The more the merrier! :)

[Overaged]

Yes, not all birds fly as a flock, but each example, both yours and mine have their applications.

Yes, they sure do. I really liked what you said about how birds fly together better in a flock & why. very pertinent to this topic, and I saw right away some personal application too!

I apologize if I sounded like i was saying your example was not applicable. Thats what happens when one posts in a hurry...:)

[Nich]

Originally Posted By: Nich

Yes, not all birds fly as a flock, but each example, both yours and mine have their applications.

Yes, they sure do. I really liked what you said about how birds fly together better in a flock & why. very pertinent to this topic, and I saw right away some personal application too!

I apologize if I sounded like i was saying your example was not applicable. Thats what happens when one posts in a hurry...

It is all good Overaged, let us be glad and rejoice at God's wisdom and mercy in embedding derivable and priceless life lessons in nature for our benefit.

[Woody]

And I thought they were good applications, too. All of them are! The more the merrier!

Yes Gail. It should not be a contest. Each has different experiences.

[Overaged]

I apologize if I sounded like i was saying your example was not applicable. Thats what happens when one posts in a hurry...

[Woody]

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" He who refuses to forgive is thereby casting away his own hope of pardon." {COL 247.1}

Praise God for forgiveness. What a blessing and example it is.