Suicide

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Two days ago the brother of a Facebook friend of mine committed suicide. That gave me pause to ponder....

why is it that no one really gives a rat's a$$ about someone, but when they're dead and gone, all of a sudden it seems like *everyone* has good things to say about them...was a *good friend*.... knew the family *well*.... etc ad nauseum?

If someone was such a good friend, and you cared so much about them, why didn't you VISIT them? Why didn't you TALK to them? Send a card or letter? Email?

Why all the hand-wringing when the person is gone? And you did nothing??

Yeah, I know. You were too busy...forgot...on vacation...working...busy with own family...involved with church...traveling...and it's a lot of work to be a friend to a depressed individual.

...probably shouldn't post this....but it'll be ignored too...

[bonnie]

Two days ago the brother of a Facebook friend of mine committed suicide. That gave me pause to ponder....

why is it that no one really gives a rat's a$$ about someone, but when they're dead and gone, all of a sudden it seems like *everyone* has good things to say about them...was a *good friend*.... knew the family *well*.... etc ad nauseum?

If someone was such a good friend, and you cared so much about them, why didn't you VISIT them? Why didn't you TALK to them? Send a card or letter? Email?

Why all the hand-wringing when the person is gone? And you did nothing??

Yeah, I know. You were too busy...forgot...on vacation...working...busy with own family...involved with church...traveling...and it's a lot of work to be a friend to a depressed individual.

...probably shouldn't post this....but it'll be ignored too...

Sometimes others simply are not aware,suicide catching them completely by surprise.At times the picture you paint is true but not always the norm.

At times those that are suicidal shut themselves away or put on a very good face even while planning to kill themselves

[phkrause]

Two days ago the brother of a Facebook friend of mine committed suicide. That gave me pause to ponder....

why is it that no one really gives a rat's a$$ about someone, but when they're dead and gone, all of a sudden it seems like *everyone* has good things to say about them...was a *good friend*.... knew the family *well*.... etc ad nauseum?

If someone was such a good friend, and you cared so much about them, why didn't you VISIT them? Why didn't you TALK to them? Send a card or letter? Email?

Why all the hand-wringing when the person is gone? And you did nothing??

Yeah, I know. You were too busy...forgot...on vacation...working...busy with own family...involved with church...traveling...and it's a lot of work to be a friend to a depressed individual.

...probably shouldn't post this....but it'll be ignored too...

Interesting thoughts, but I'm not sure I totally agree. Sometimes we have no idea why, or it totally comes out of no where.

[Naomi]

It is sad when something like this happens. However, in this case it may have been brought on by feeling hopelessness and lonely ... no body cares or loves me!!

However, in many cases there are people there, who may even be aware of the depression, but it is difficult to know what is in one's mind ... help is often rejected ... they often do not share what they are planing. At other times it is not planned but just a moment of depression that takes them over the edge.

I have personally know some who did commit suicide as young people who had a host of family and friends surrounding them ... yet due to drugs, or other situatios they chose to end their life. Also there are people who are just not social and tend to push people away when they attempt to be friendly and close ... what do you do in this case.

In our electronic age it is easy to be open and friendly when looking at a monitor but to see a person face-to-face is more difficult. Sometimes it seems that we forget how to interact on a personal level.

[OzarkWoman]

I contemplated, and even planned, on committing suicide bvack after my husband died. I went through with making sure my will and power of attorney and such were all taken care of. Lucky for me that is also when my pasotr at that time and his family befriended me and we became very close. The pastor actually came to my place about 3 in the morning one night when I was ready, even had cleaned my pistol and loaded it and all. He brought me to Jesus and, as you can see, I didn't do it. There are plenty times these days that I don't want to commit suicide but I do wish I were dead.

[Gail]

Glad you didn't!

Do the feelings pass on their own or is there something you do as an effort to combat them when they come on? What helps?

[phkrause]

I contemplated, and even planned, on committing suicide bvack after my husband died. I went through with making sure my will and power of attorney and such were all taken care of. Lucky for me that is also when my pasotr at that time and his family befriended me and we became very close. The pastor actually came to my place about 3 in the morning one night when I was ready, even had cleaned my pistol and loaded it and all. He brought me to Jesus and, as you can see, I didn't do it. There are plenty times these days that I don't want to commit suicide but I do wish I were dead.

I'm very glad you didn't followup with that thought, and I'm probably sure that the HS helped with that. Praise the Lord. Like Pam mentioned, I wish that more people would be there for others, as your pastor and family were there for you.

[JoeMo]

Pam,

Political correctness has nothing to do with your post. Your feelings do. I understand what you're thinking; and my heart goes out to your Facebook friend. So often, when people say "I wish I was dead", " I might as well kill myself", or the equivalent, others pass it off as so much bovine excrement. And then someome carries though with the threat. We make up for it by going to a funeral, sending flowers, saying nice things at a eulogy, telling the family "I'm so sorry for your loss -- whatever I can do; just ask..." My response in my head - "where were you when my son/brother/dad was alive?" "You were his/her best friend! where were you?" "Whatever I want, just ask? Give me my son/brother/dad back!!" But no, I tearfully respond "thank you - that means so much (sniff!)" I say this from experience. I have friends and relatives who have committed suicide. A couple of times, I was the one who wasn't there when they needed me cuz I was "busy" or didn't believe them. No more...

[phkrause]

I have to agree with your assessment JoeMo

[LifeHiscost]

Neglecting to follow these principles would probably play a major role in suicides, especially by the person committing the act, and helpful for preventing others when practiced by the onlooker.

Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]."1Cor 13:4-7 AMP

God blesses!

[LifeHiscost]

Pam,

Political correctness has nothing to do with your post. Your feelings do. I understand what you're thinking; and my heart goes out to your Facebook friend. So often, when people say "I wish I was dead", " I might as well kill myself", or the equivalent, others pass it off as so much bovine excrement. And then someome carries though with the threat. We make up for it by going to a funeral, sending flowers, saying nice things at a eulogy, telling the family "I'm so sorry for your loss -- whatever I can do; just ask..." My response in my head - "where were you when my son/brother/dad was alive?" "You were his/her best friend! where were you?" "Whatever I want, just ask? Give me my son/brother/dad back!!" But no, I tearfully respond "thank you - that means so much (sniff!)" I say this from experience. I have friends and relatives who have committed suicide. A couple of times, I was the one who wasn't there when they needed me cuz I was "busy" or didn't believe them. No more...

The sadness that is the consequence of experiencing another's death is probably incalculable. To take the responsibility for all the wrong choices others of those we love, commit, is a burden Jesus bore on the cross and will crush the life of those who think they are able to bear those burdens without Divine help.

But how can I bear your problems and your burdens and your disputes all by myself?Deuteronomy 1:12 NIV

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Psalm 68:18 NIV

God blesses!

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

I tried 3 times to commit suicide. Nobody could figure out why I didn't succeed, because there was no way anyone could have found me in time to "save" me. I don't do things "half-baked"....

The reasons for my wanting to die was because it felt like:

1) I wasn't important to anyone anymore.

2) I had nothing to offer the world or to anyone in it.

3) People were shunning me - and I became isolated.

4) Nobody cared.

I became injured and couldn't work. I was in danger of losing my home. My church treated me as an outcast. I had no friends in the immediate area. Rudy died. My father died.

**ponders**

really, the only thing in the above list that's changed is that I now have Scout...and I have some friends on Facebook - most of whom I've never even met.

btw, I'm not looking for sympathy - just telling it "like it is"... I totally understand why someone would want to die. Emotional pain is FAR worse than any physical pain. I just wish people could act on their benevolent feelings about others, and be a friend in active presence - not a stated "past" friend... it's too late then.

[Gail]

Well said!

My feeling is that you didn't die because there IS a reason you are here even if you don't know what it is yet.

[LifeHiscost]

Quote:

" Emotional pain is FAR worse than any physical pain."

It's the major reason Jesus died on the cross, not as a result of the physical abuse. He died because His heart was broken for those who rejected His best efforts to save them. It shames me when I realize how much different I behave toward those who are abusive to me. But I also recognize God recognizes how short we come to all that we could be and offers Himself as the successful end to our life if we continue to put our lives in His hands. People will fail us. Jesus never will.

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”"

Hebrews 13:6 NKJV

God blesses!

[bluebelle]

Pam & OW,

I'm really glad you decided to reveal your thoughts to us like that. I struggled through my teenage years with suicide (mine and a friend of mine who "succeeded" for lack of a better word). I gave up and surrendered myself to Jesus- who took the desire away from me- after I destroyed a foolproof plan and the instruments required to complete the act. I haven't had the desire to die since that time, that's not to mean that I don't struggle with occasional self-loathing, but anytime I find myself feeling worthless I put it completely in God's hand as best as I can and endure the pain knowing that it comes in waves, that even as I feel it, that it will run its course and fade. I usually pray my way through it, sometimes that might mean raging/crying/anguishing my way through it while in prayer. More and more I've been getting the feeling that I can rely on the Lord especially since the feelings fade more quickly and frequently.

Sorry for rambling, but I just wanted you to know that I get it, but the only one who really can help you in the way you need to be helped is Jesus. Talking about it is also a big help because people really don't know until you tell them like you did on here. Take care of yourself and be good to yourself.

[Tallmark]

A good thing to do is call people on their birthday. Even if you get voice mail, it's good to leave a message. As the years go on, they'll look forward to hearing from you. I write their names on my calender. You could post it on google reminders, or something similar.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

A good thing to do is call people on their birthday. Even if you get voice mail, it's good to leave a message. As the years go on, they'll look forward to hearing from you. I write their names on my calender. You could post it on google reminders, or something similar.

that's very nice thing to do... everyone from the very young to the the very old appreciate when someone actually goes to the trouble to let them know they are thought of.. It can make a HUGE difference.