My Testimony

[OzarkWoman]

I just thought that you need to know what made me, me and this is a short synopsis of it for you.

I was raised in the Catholic and Episcopalian church because my mother was Catholic and my father Episcopalian. I was well churched and was the good kid who went to church, confession and masses each week and sang in the church choir. After learning what I have learned from my studies with Stan and the Nixa church, I was able to realize that I was raised in the church but not raised in Jesus. Of course I was sprinkled baptism by both churches when I was a baby. I was adopted after my mother found me left in a nursery she worked at when I was about 6 months old. Apparently my birth mother just left me, which I think ended up better for me in the end, for the most part.

Fast forward to age 15. My mother had been in the hospital for over a year with cancer and heart problems. Back then children 16 years and younger were not allowed to visit patients, especially in ICU and such. I used to sneak out of my house in the middle of the night to sneak in and visit with her in the hospital. I was caught plenty of times, which then had to be picked up by my father and taken home. I was never one to take "no" for an answer all of the time. For whatever reason, it seamed that I was the only person my mother recognized in the last few months of her life. Anyway, the last time I had snuck in and visited her she asked me to pull the plug so she could die. I did as she had asked because it was also killing me seeing my mother suffer the way she was, but also because I always did what my mother asked of me, which is strange knowing me as I am these days. Needless to say, all heck broke out afterwards. My father called me a murderer and the juvenile authorities had no idea what to do with me because they didn't believe it was a criminal case or anything. Since my father refused to allow me back home the juvenile court system sent me to a girls' juvenile home that used to be in Chillicothe, Missouri back in those days. I spent 9 months in that darn facility and then my father relented and let me return home. Within a month he raped me and within a couple of months I realized I was pregnant. I had my daughter and her father was also her grandfather, which made me feel so wrong and sick. My father refused to allow me to come home and live with my daughter because he said that he would allow no "bastard" to live under his roof. I had my daughter for about 3 months when my father had the state take her away from me saying I was unfit to be a mother. She was adopted out, and I believe better for her now that I am older and really think about it. It did hurt though. You have no idea of the pain. Within a couple of months after that fiasco, my high school counselor allowed me to live with him and his family so that I could finish high school, all because I had tried suicide and failed at that. My father and I were not on good terms, as you can imagine. From the age of 15 until after I got married at 25 I self-medicated my pain, meaning that I did drugs and alcohol like you wouldn't believe. Luckily for me, I never was addicted to anything physically, but I definitely did a lot back then. I ended up quitting school but got my the same time I would have graduated and then was out on my own. I went to Woodstock that August of 1969. When I got back I found work and then moved to South Carolina where I went to college and got a degree in American History. My father wanted me to be back in the St. Louis area so he paid for my Master degree at Washington University, which was in American History, of course. Yes, I continued to do drugs and drink, but I was completely functional and always paid my bills and always had a roof over my head. I had been very promiscuous before I met Stan. Unfortunately, because of all of that I was not able to have any more children when I actually wanted them after my marriage to Stan. He was ok with it because he already had 2 children with his first wife. During this whole time I still continued to attend different churches looking and seeking but never really felt accepted and finally I just basically gave up. I mean, I even spent about 10 minutes inside of a snake church back in the low country of South Carolina. Understand that I was also getting into trouble with the law during this time of my life and even spent 6 months in the SC state prison.

Stan and I lived with each other before we got married. We had decided to live together for at least one year before taking the step, mostly because I wasn't in a hurry and I believed in the sanctity of marriage and wanted to be sure before taking it all on. Circumstances turned out that we ended getting married by the end of the year of 1976, having only been living together since May, because my father died. Suffice it to say that it was the best thing that ever happened to me, getting married to Stan that is. After a few years of marriage I was diagnosed with MS and Borderline Personality Disorder. Lovely, huh? Eventually, after treating my MS with drugs and diet, it went into remission. I had to learn how to deal with the personality disorder, as did Stan. he was smart though and figured out that tough love was the best thing. It worked, but I also just isolated myself as much as possible from other people and such. I worked outside of the house and even went back to college and got a degree in Electronics and Computers. I went to church with Stan but refused to join his church after his lead elder told us that we could not get married in the church because of our "sin" of living together before marriage. It even upset Stan, but he was raised in that denomination and wasn't willing to throw it all away like I had for myself. They even took away him being a Deacon in the church. Basically he was "quieted", which I thought was sick. At one time, we owned a bakery and I did the baking and Stan took care of the customers and it was great. During that time both of us had basically started to search out other spirituality, like studying Wicca and other religions. It was ok I guess but I never felt any peace and just couldn't meditate like the rest of the people. I wasn't even able to be hypnotized, tried by 3 different doctors. The doctors all told me that I had to be willing to give up control. I have never been able to give up control because that was all I had in my life that I was proud of, that and not crying or showing emotion in public. The only person who ever saw me cry was Stan, and very little at that.

We finally sold the bakery and moved to southern New Mexico for our retirement. We both loved the weather and most of the people we met. I got a job right away and Stan was on disability because of being run over by a St. Louis city bus, where he worked. I went with some work friends to a local bar to have a drink and that was the worst thing I ever could have done. It seems that I was drugged without knowing, mind you I quit drugs and such after I got married. Anyway, I was kidnapped and then raped and tortured for a few days. Apparently the man's daughter was the one who drugged my drink and helped her father kidnap women. I was not the only one. The man's name was David Parker Ray. He was caught and myself, along with a few other women who was able to get away testified at his trial. He died from a heart attack before having to serve his time because he was found guilty. The authorities say they think he might have killed over 30 women but have not been able to find the bodies. Anyway, to make a long story short about my time in New Mexico, I completely turned my back on anything religious and after that I just never went out much. Stan even did the shopping and such. I eventually was put on disability after my cervical cancer treatments and the mental problems that the doctors said I had from the kidnapping and such.

Stan and I did some full-time RVing but then Stan got to the point of not being able to walk easily so we gave that up and moved here to Nixa. You have to understand that after what happened to me in New Mexico, Stan went back to the Bible intensely. I went with Stan to church here for him not for myself at all. Eventually, with us studying together and such, we both realized and decided that Sabbath was on Saturday and we stopped going to church on Sundays. It so happened that we went to an evangelistic series that Jeff did back in 2010. We enjoyed it and I even started thinking that this was what I was looking for my whole life, but I still kept my distance because I don't trust easily at all. All of that led to Jeff having Bible studies with the both of us in our home. I was only half-hearted with it because, still, it was for Stan, though I was seeking and it was interesting. Unfortunately for me, it took the death of Stan and for a very close encounter with suicide for me to look to and accept Jesus, but I believe now that God definitely had and has his reasons for what all I have been through. I was baptized June 30th of 2012 and I know that I and my life is completely different now. I now seem unable to control my emotions, meaning that I seem to cry at the drop of a dime these days, even in public.

[Stan]

Thanks for sharing, and caring enough to do so.

Courage

The 'other Stan'

[7daysadventist]

Yes, thank you for having the courage to share your life story. It wasn't until close to the end that I realized that you were writing about a different Stan.

Everyone has a life story. Everyone is the way they are because of life's experiences and how they reacted to them. This is how we are shaped.

Your story re-confirms the need that every child has. Every child needs two parents. Every child needs to be loved by those parents. Preferably in a family setting where the parents show their love for each other daily in front of their children.

Your story also shows an unhealthy lifestyle and bad choices that can come from a poor upbringing and not having Christ in your heart.

But most importantly, your story is one of courage, hope, perseverance and redemption. I am so proud of you. It is comforting to know that you are now heaven bound. Glad you and Jesus got it all worked out. But the day-to-day is still far from easy. One day it will be...

[OzarkWoman]

Thank you 7. Yes, the day-day has not been completely easy but it is getting better and easier for me these days.

Yes, my husband's name was Stanley. LOLOLOL

[JoeMo]

OW,

Awesome testimony. I love raw, honest, uncensored stories about how God just grabs us and shakes the "hell" out of us, remaking us and preserving us for His Kingdom. Thanks for sharing!

[Gail]

((( OzarkWoman )))

Thank you for sharing this! And now after all that trauma you are resting in God's hands.

[OzarkWoman]

((( OzarkWoman )))

Thank you for sharing this! And now after all that trauma you are resting in God's hands.

Yes, I am and it is songs like these that has helped me so much.

[phkrause]

Wow, thanks for sharing

[Gerr]

I want to thank you also for sharing your testimony. You have more courage than I in sharing details of your life.

During some of the darkest moments in my life, Evie's song, "When I think I'm going under, part the waters Lord...."

I used to play that over and over.

[OzarkWoman]

I used to always say that if it wasn't for bad luck I would have no luck. lolololol

[skyblue888]

Ozarkwoman, just finished reading your amazing testimony. Unbelievable!! It is hard for me to grasp what you had to go through. It is nothing short of a series of miracles that you were able to make it through all these terrible ordeals. You could have been another statistic, another victim of a serial killer even after what your father did to you!! But the Lord was not very far. In fact He felt everything you did except even more keenly for "In Him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28. For that reason, to those who abused you and hurt you the Lord will some day say, "What you have done unto her, you have done it unto Me."

Thank you so much for sharing.

Wishing you the best through the merits of your precious Redeemer.

sky

[Windsor]

Thanks for sharing your testimony. For awhile there, I thought you were married to the Stan here.

[olger]

What a testimony of God's goodness and His ability to bring beauty out of trials!

The people of God in the last days are characterized by the blood of Jesus and the word of their testimony ( Revelation 12:11). Thanks for sharing yours.

Gerry