Utah Mom Makes Bully Daughter Wear Thrift Store Clothes After Teasing

[bonnie]

Utah Mom Makes Bully Daughter Wear Thrift Store Clothes After Teasing Another Student

A Utah mother decided to use thrift store clothes to teach a lesson to her daughter, who had been relentlessly bullying another student because of how she dressed.

Ally, whose last name has been withheld, was informed by the school that her 10-year-old daughter, Kaylee, had been teasing another fourth-grader about her appearance, according to Salt Lake City's KSTU. Kaylee reportedly insulted her classmate so often that the girl no longer wanted to go to class. Kaylee showed little remorse when Ally confronted her about the bullying, so Mom made her daughter wear unflattering clothes from a local thrift shop to see how it feels to be a target.

“If she chooses to be a bully after this, then at some point in her life, she’s going to be on the other side and she’ll know what it really feels like," Ally told KSTU, admitting it was hard to see her daughter face the brunt of ridicule. "And I think now that she knows what it feels like, and she doesn’t want to be that person anymore because she knows how hurtful it is.”

Quick Poll

What do you think of the mother's punishment?

She was right. Her daughter needed to understand what it was like to be bullied so she doesn't bully.

She was wrong. There were less embarrassing lessons she could have used to teach her daughter better behavior.

Still not sure.

VOTE

Other parents have turned to public punishment for children who bully or misbehave. In March, Jessica Rocha of Fort Morgan, Colo., made headlines when she forced her daughter to wear a T-shirt to school that said "Thief" after she got into a habit of stealing. At the time, Rocha was also planning to make her son wear a shirt that said "Bully."

Some psychologists, however, call into question public shaming as a form of punishment.

“Public shaming may be effective in teaching our children what specific behavior they should stay away from in the future to avoid future humiliation,” Jennifer A. Leigh, Psy.D., told the She Knows Parenting blog. “However, shaming can damage the parent-child relationship. Children quickly learn they cannot trust their parents. Children need to feel safe and secure and to be able to trust their parents. Without such safety and trust, children’s brains do not grow and organize optimally. That means children are at risk for thinking, acting and behaving in detrimental ways."

The National Association of School Psychologists says parents who discover their child has been bullying should take active steps to curb the behavior. NASP suggests explaining to the child why bullying is wrong, discussing alternatives to aggressive behavior by role playing, establishing rules regarding such behavior and reporting incidents to school officials.

Next

[Gail]

What was shaming about having the child wear thrift store clothes?

If it was shaming to the bully, then that doesn't make the victim girl's lot any better. Why not teach that there is nothing wrong with thrift store clothes?

Why not tell the girls that ADELE shops at thrift stores (because she does!)? To me that would make the victim girl's predicament a bit more respectable.

[bonnie]

What was shaming about having the child wear thrift store clothes?

If it was shaming to the bully, then that doesn't make the victim girl's lot any better. Why not teach that there is nothing wrong with thrift store clothes?

Why not tell the girls that ADELE shops at thrift stores (because she does!)? To me that would make the victim girl's predicament a bit more respectable.

I would think it would depend on the thrift store clothes.

It sounds like other approaches didn't have much impact.

Maybe walking in the shoes of the one this girl was tormenting

was a good lesson for her.

Needless shaming and heaping guilt doesn't work.But a little honest shame and guilt over your own actions isn't always harmful

[phkrause]

I'd be curious if this works. They don't say, or maybe I missed it. Years ago if you got bullied, there were guys you could hire to take care of the bully, or someone would confront the bully on there own if they had compassion for the guy that was getting bullied. I remember one summer at camp there was a guy that had a knife and kept picking on this other guy, I took it upon myself to confront the bully on behalf of the guy and the bullying stop. What happen after camp was over, I never heard!

[cricket]

What ever happened to the learning how to deal with bullies on one's own? There is a theory floating about in time and space that we are "dumbing down" our children by prohibiting them the experiences by which they can truly learn.

Anyway, the people on my radio were talking about this incident this morning. According to their sources, in this case the practice of shaming the girl worked. She was required to wear extremely out of date clothing that was purchased from the thrift store--probably nothing similar to what the other girl was wearing on a daily basis.

I don't know how it could have worked, personally. To me, the girl could have learned better if she'd lived in the other girls shoes for much, much longer--maybe a year or so. That would be a lesson!

[debbym]

The girls bullying was really not about clothes, it was about using personal power to dog someone to be supereior to them. it is bery immature and shallow.

so taking some of the bullies power to be superior was taken away from her, this is good.

i don't think this has to create any long term scarring in the girl.

i am not sure she is really learning what she was doing wrong, but it slowed her down to have some of the air out of her tires. bullies can have a lot of problems of their own that lead them to be insensitive.

i say let both girls have a talk with a school counselor in equal clothes.

[Liz]

I don't think the mom was trying to shame her daughter by wearing clothes from a thrift-store. She was shaming her by making her wear unflattering clothes. Things her daughter wouldn't have normally worn.

I think I would have invited the other little girl to go on a shopping spree with my daughter, and then at the end of the day, the other girl would have gotten both sets of clothes.

But then again, I would hope I raised my daughter to never judge what another is wearing and to never make fun of anyone for any reason.