Self-disclosure in marriage

[TruthSeeker123]

In the thread "Some wisdom for you" Gail shared some profound statements with us. One statement, quoted below, stands out for since it is something I've been contemplating about in my life.

Quote:

Only share your Closest secrets with God…

If they are shared with anyone else, it will often be self-destructive.

Be careful who you share your problems with… For

20% don’t care, and

80% of them are glad that you have them !!

I understand that we shouldn't share our innermost secrets with everyone as that would be foolish. And we should share our deepest secrets with the Lord because it helps us manage them and fosters intimacy and trust in our relationship with Him. I believe that it's ultimately for our benefit since even the darkest places are as light to Him (Ps 139).

My question is about the applicability of this statement in the marriage relationship. How does this statement apply to marriage?

[cricket]

"And we should share our deepest secrets with the Lord because it helps us manage them and fosters intimacy and trust in our relationship with Him."

What if you replaced the words in red with the words, our spouse?

[TruthSeeker123]

"And we should share our deepest secrets with the Lord because it helps us manage them and fosters intimacy and trust in our relationship with Him."

What if you replaced the words in red with the words, our spouse?

Understood, cricket. :D

[olger]

If you do not want to experience emotional intimacy with your spouse, then keep secrets from them. Works every time.

`G

[joeb]

Quote:

Only share your Closest secrets with God…

If they are shared with anyone else, it will often be self-destructive.

I'd also like to point out that it is sometimes God who directs us to share with others for He wants them to see what He can do in the life of another human being. What they do with that info is up to them. All we can do is obey what God directs us to do.

Don't buy that? How about when God directed His prophet to go out and marry a woman who for all intents and purposes seems to have been a prostitute. How about when God told another one of His prophets to take his unfaithful wife back again? There are multiple instances in the OT of God directing His prophets to do what seems to be, from the worlds perspective, to be very self-destructive behavior. Same for the NT. God has often directed his followers to do what looked to be absolutely foolish, and made them a laughstock in their fellow man's eyes. Why? Because He was using those people to send a message to someone, or some group of people, that couldn't be gotten across any other way.

[Gerr]

If you do not want to experience emotional intimacy with your spouse, then keep secrets from them. Works every time.

`G

What's the point of telling my wife things I've done long before she came in my life that are too shameful to mention but God?

[Gordon1]

What's the point of telling my wife things I've done long before she came in my life that are too shameful to mention but God?

...Highlighting the difference between God and spouse...

[M. T. Cross]

Originally Posted By: olger

If you do not want to experience emotional intimacy with your spouse, then keep secrets from them. Works every time.

`G

What's the point of telling my wife things I've done long before she came in my life that are too shameful to mention but God?

So she can really know the person she is going to spend the rest of her life with?

I think you should be an open book to your spouse. That does not always mean spilling you guts and every wrong that you have ever done all at once, but if they ask and want to know, what good does it do to keep the truth from them?

[olger]

Originally Posted By: Gerry Cabalo

What's the point of telling my wife things I've done long before she came in my life that are too shameful to mention but God?

So she can really know the person she is going to spend the rest of her life with?

I think you should be an open book to your spouse. That does not always mean spilling you guts and every wrong that you have ever done all at once, but if they ask and want to know, what good does it do to keep the truth from them?

Forsooth.

[olger]

Originally Posted By: olger

If you do not want to experience emotional intimacy with your spouse, then keep secrets from them. Works every time.

`G

What's the point of telling my wife things I've done long before she came in my life that are too shameful to mention but God?

A secret will mess up our life on the inside. It sets up a scenario that says "I owe you" to other people. It becomes a grid through which we view life. Therefore we avoid them emotionally and get comfortable living life on the surface. "I have a secret. I owe you. I know something about myself that would affect your opinion of me if you knew it. I owe you."

The best way to break the power of a secret is get it off your chest. Find a safe place (preferrably your spouse) and tell them. If they open up as well, it will draw your hearts together in new powerful ways.

That doesn't mean you have to tell everything you've ever done - that's too long and too boring. But if there is a moral issue that is hiding in your heart, it will become a locked closet that prevents a couple from experiencing emotional intimacy. Open your heart to God first, then share it with your spouse. Since the two of you are one heart (one flesh) already, clearing the air will do something special to your blended life.

Hope that helps,

g

[Naomi]

Please correct me if I am wrong, but would it be advisable to share the big picture without all the details? At least in my case I have dated a couple of men who were blatantly honest. It was not a need to know issue for me. In fact, I really didn't want to hear the details, especially about personal issues with their ex.

[olger]

Very good question, one that becomes all too real in the instance of adultery/infidelity.

A counselor should not listen to details of immorality, especially from a woman (assuming that the counselor is a man). Doing that will violate a woman.

The details are not a requirement for forgiveness to take place -- which is what needs to happen. In some cases, the details only make the confession more offensive. Too many details are an indicator of lingering bitterness, or shame. Resolve it from the heart, and true forgiveness sees the experience from the perspective of heaven, not from carnality.

Hope that helps, Sister,

g

[Naomi]

Yes, that is how I hoped you would reply. Thanks my brother & friend