Wanted: Explorer

[phkrause]

Sir Isaac Levy, the renowned solo Mountain Climber and Explorer is planning yet another dangerous adventure - this time to the deepest African jungles. Because Sir Isaac this time needs someone to accompany him on the trip, he puts an advertisement in the Jewish newspaper. It reads:

WANTED, A COMPANION TO ACCOMPANY ME ON A DANGEROUS TRIP TO THE DEEPEST JUNGLES OF AFRICA. IF YOU'RE INTERESTED, YOU MUST BE OF A RUGGED NATURE AND ABLE TO EXIST SOLELY ON PLANT ROOTS AND BERRIES. YOU MUST ALSO BE CAPABLE OF COOKING IN JUNGLES; HAVE KNOWLEDGE OF TROPICAL MEDICINE; BE ADEPT AT HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT; KNOW HOW TO TRAP DANGEROUS ANIMALS FOR FOOD; AND BE FAMILIAR WITH HAND GUNS AND RIFLES.

Some days later, late one evening, there's a knock on Sir Isaac's front door. He opens it and there stands Hymie, a short, very thin, weak-looking man.

"Yes? what do you want at this time of night?" asks Sir Isaac.

"Are you the boychick that put the jungle advertisement in the paper?" asks Hymie in a strong Yiddish accent.

"Yes I am that person," replies Sir Isaac, laughing. "I admit to placing the advertisement."

Sir Isaac then looks straight at Hymie and starts to question him. To each question, Hymie answers "No" together with a qualification.

"Do you know jungle cookery?"

"No, but I can make Tzimis and Cholent."

"Can you trap animals?"

"No, I can’t even kill a carp for gefilte fish."

"Can you handle weapons?"

"No, I don't like guns. They frighten me."

Finally Sir Isaac has had enough and asks, "So why are you really here?"

Hymie answers, "I just wanted you to know that on me, you shouldn’t depend."