Key to a successful marriage.

[Gregory Matthews]

From Albert Einstein:

Quote:

In our life together, it was decided I would make all of the big decisions and my wife would make all of the little decisions. For fifty years, we have held true to that agreement. I beleive that is the reason for the success in our marriage. However, the strange thing is that in fifty lyears, there hasn't been one big decision.

[olger]

I doubt that he said this.

By the way, passive men are a huge problem in our culture, damaging the women they were designed to protect and lead.

"It's not all good, bro."

G

[Guest]

Forsooth!!!

[Windsor]

I thought the key to a good marriage was a Mercedes key in your wife's hand.

[Gregory Matthews]

Passive men? Really?

I am thinking of a family that I know:

The male is trained in a profession and could probably earn a living in the $60,000 to $120,000 range.

The wife has a job and also does contract financial advice in a specialized area. Her fee is $3,000 per hour. And she sometimes travels internationally to give advice.

In their marriage an agreement was reached where the husband quit his job and stays home to raise the children. Yes, he can make a financial decision that earns him some thousands.

By agreement, the wife is normally home on the weekend and in church on Sabbath helping out in the services of the church. She is a dedicated SDA.

Granted, this would not work for every couple. But, it works for them and they are both happy. No, I would not call the husband passive.

[phkrause]

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/662569-when-we-first-got-married-we-made-a-pact-it

[Gerr]

Maybe he said it with a tic?

[LynnDel]

Maybe she made all the decisions about where to live, what house to buy, what job to take, while he made the bigger decisions about things like GMO in our food, Obamacare, and women's ordination, stuff like that(IOW opinions that don't go anywhere).

LD

[Gregory Matthews]

Well, for one, he supervised the construction of the home in which they live.

[olger]

Passive men? Really?

I am thinking of a family that I know:

The male is trained in a profession and could probably earn a living in the $60,000 to $120,000 range.

The wife has a job and also does contract financial advice in a specialized area. Her fee is $3,000 per hour. And she sometimes travels internationally to give advice.

In their marriage an agreement was reached where the husband quit his job and stays home to raise the children. Yes, he can make a financial decision that earns him some thousands.

By agreement, the wife is normally home on the weekend and in church on Sabbath helping out in the services of the church. She is a dedicated SDA.

Granted, this would not work for every couple. But, it works for them and they are both happy. No, I would not call the husband passive.

Thank you for this outlandishly abstract example, that has no aggregate bearing on the epidemic problem previously cited!!

rejoice always,

`oG

[olger]

AHEM

http://datingandmatinginamerica.com/2010/01/25/passivity/

[olger]

AHEM 2.0

http://drjamesdobson.org/articles/heart-of-the-home/angry-women-and-passive-men

[debbym]

nice quote.

i imagine his his big decision was to choose her.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

before my folks first got married, my dad didn't want my mom to work...so my mom quit her job with the FBI and my dad worked at a sawmill.. Then the mill went on strike. No income. (and that was true for a LOT of people in the lumber city of Seattle at the time of the strike) Dad still didn't want mom to go back to her job, and instead, got a loan from his folks to buy a service station. He got cheated by the oil company, and lost the business. He went into other work (and was very successful) but decided to go back to college. At that point, he and my mom agreed that she would start working again, and he would do all the housework (vacuuming, dusting, laundry, etc) in addition to his studies. When he finished at the university, he began his teaching career. But with two kids in parochial school (dad wasn't too pleased about having to pay when we could have gone to public school), my mom kept her job. And dad kept doing all the housework during his teaching career, as well as after his retirement... he *liked* keeping things neat.

my point here is that just because a man might not "fit" the perception of what some think husbands ought to be, does NOT mean he is passive...and does NOT mean there is a problem with the marriage..

Some folks seem to think they know how all marriages ought to work - and try to foist their ideals onto others. Bad idea. Not only is it rude, but it's judging by appearances, rather than by the situation and the individuals..

**stepping down from my soapbox**

[Gregory Matthews]

Quote:

Thank you for this outlandishly abstract example, that has no aggregate bearing on the epidemic problem previously cited!!

I will suggest that it is not abstract and that it does have a bearing on the issue being discussed here.

I was hoping that someone would respond with either a positive affirmation of the arrangement, or with a negative one.

My example raises the question as to whether it is ever appropriate for marital roles to be reversed and some would say in my example. I note that you have not made such a comment.

The bottom line is that in our society today there are marital situations where the husband and wife believe that they need to reverse the roles to be reversed.

One might argue that in this situation it is not mandatory. If so, there are situations where the only option, other than to reverse roles is to divorce.

In good faith, I raised a real situation that I thought would engender some comment. I wanted to see where that discussion would go.

I am sorry that you blew it off as having no bearing on reality. Yes, most women would not have the income level that the wife in this family has. But, I know many women who make six-figure incomes. The basic situation that I mentioned applies to them even if they do not have the income of the woman whom I mentioned.

I am sorry that you did not see that.

[phkrause]

before my folks first got married, my dad didn't want my mom to work...so my mom quit her job with the FBI and my dad worked at a sawmill.. Then the mill went on strike. No income. (and that was true for a LOT of people in the lumber city of Seattle at the time of the strike) Dad still didn't want mom to go back to her job, and instead, got a loan from his folks to buy a service station. He got cheated by the oil company, and lost the business. He went into other work (and was very successful) but decided to go back to college. At that point, he and my mom agreed that she would start working again, and he would do all the housework (vacuuming, dusting, laundry, etc) in addition to his studies. When he finished at the university, he began his teaching career. But with two kids in parochial school (dad wasn't too pleased about having to pay when we could have gone to public school), my mom kept her job. And dad kept doing all the housework during his teaching career, as well as after his retirement... he *liked* keeping things neat.

my point here is that just because a man might not "fit" the perception of what some think husbands ought to be, does NOT mean he is passive...and does NOT mean there is a problem with the marriage..

Some folks seem to think they know how all marriages ought to work - and try to foist their ideals onto others. Bad idea. Not only is it rude, but it's judging by appearances, rather than by the situation and the individuals..

**stepping down from my soapbox**

Not a soapbox at all, great post Pam.