Are we to love every trait of our love interest?

[TruthSeeker123]

What are your thoughts on the belief that you truly love someone (romantically) when you are not put off by their physical or personality imperfections? That true love finds those imperfections endearing?

I ask this question because I like a certain lady. She comes from a good home, has a great personality, a character. I like her spirit, spunk, and zest for life. Yet I question the sincerity of my feelings and intentions because she doesn't always look pretty to me.

It might seem shallow of me to base my decision to pursue her on her physical attributes. But my question does not concern her per se; I am question mindset that we aught to love or at least tolerate every trait we find disagreeable in the person we love.

[Gregory Matthews]

Quote:

What are your thoughts on the belief that you truly love someone (romantically) when you are not put off by their physical or personality imperfections? That true love finds those imperfections endearing?

No person is perfect, to include yourself. A central issues is: Change. You can change yourself, but you have no right to change the other person. If your goal is to change the other, forget it. Go somewhere else.

What is of central importance to you? Is it the extent to which the other person meets your artificial standard of beauty? Or, is it the relationship that you can build?

Quote:

I am question mindset that we aught to love or at least tolerate every trait we find disagreeable in the person we love.

Toleration sets one up for disaster, typically. Toleration wishes for change. Toleration diminishes the person in your perspective. Toleration devalues the person. Toleration considers you to be superior. Toleration says that the other is not O.K. as they are.

A better word is acceptance. Acceptance say you do not have to change. Acceptance you are O.K. as you are. Acceptance values the person. Acceptance says we are equal.

[TruthSeeker123]

Thanks, dgrimm and Greg.

The most important things for me in a person is not their looks, but their relationship with God, their character and personality.

I like what you said about acceptance vs toleration. I never thought about the implications of toleration. So thank you for pointing them out to me.

[Gail]

And give it some time... The differences may become annoyances after the freshness of the attraction settles. You may be tested in what you are willing to accept. God's love for us is willing to be patient with our shortcomings. I believe there are times when we are called to do the same, for such a situation shows us as much about ourselves as it does the other person.

[Gregory Matthews]

I spoke with my wife and she mentioned a aspect of this that I had not considered:

You have your standard of female beauty. O.K. Age changes people. With the passage of time and in consideration of your standard of beauty, the woman that you married today may not be, in your thinking, a beauty tomorrow.

On the other hand, the non-beauty that you marry today may become a beauty with the passage of time.

You cannot tell today what tomorrow will bring.

On another aspect: Do photographers ask you to take your shirt off and pose for a calendar? Are women throwing themselves at your feet because they cannot think of standing in your presence?

As most know here, I have recently retired. I am physically active. I tell people that I am in training to pose shirtless for a calendar. We all have a good laugh. Why? Because, at my advanced age it is not likely that I will be asked to pose shirtless for a calendar.

There is a lot more for planning for marriage than what lies on the surface. I am thinking of a young male of marriageable age, right now. He is physically fit and in good health. He is a committed Adventist. He has an education. Commercial publishers have hired him on a contract basis to edit books that they planned to publish. He has successfully done that. One of his goals in life is to get married. Periodically he shows up with a woman who lives at some distance, considers him to be marriage material and want to get to known him better.

Realistically, he is never going to get married. Why? Well, I am not going to tell you the entire story. but, typically he finds some defect in the woman and he decides that she is not for him. In addition and for reasons that I will not say at this time, when the women get to know him, they realize that he is not a person whom they would want to marry. They are better off single than they would be married to him.

Yet, he is a fine, upstanding, moral SDA who on the surface appears to be what a woman would be looking for.

[phkrause]

[phkrause]

[Liz]

Also there are no guarantees in life, and your body doesn't come with a warranty. A few months ago I was in a bad car accident, they had to peel the seatbelt off of me, and while I healed, I do have a really bad scar that runs the length of my torso. My husband doesn't mind, why?, because he went blind a few years ago.

The package doesn't matter, what's inside--that matters. :)

[Gregory Matthews]

Liz: Thank you for sharing. You have made my point, far better than I could have made it.

[TruthSeeker123]

Thank you all for clarifying. And thank you, Liz, for sharing. You have helped me a great deal.

We have no idea what impression the ravages of time will leave on all of us.