private women's groups

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

elsewhere on the forum, the question of whether C/A has a women's group was brought up...

So as not to detract from that topic, I just wanted to note that, although I'm a woman, I have a decided distaste for "women's groups," private or not.

I find them to be saccharin-laced, and boringly fraught with whining and descriptions of potty-training children, as well as off-color jokes about men and sex (not obscene, just "off-color"), and I'm not interested in such classless humor.

In the one and only SDA Women's Retreat that I attended, the primary topic under discussion was belly dancing lessons, and how the men loved it and what it *did* to them.  **bleahhh**  I left early, as I had better things to do with my time.

I much prefer a group having both male and females.  It gives a lot better overview of topics.  And I generally favor the company of men, to the company of women.

(yes, I understand I'll never be invited to C/A Women's group!   )

[CoAspen]

Don't feel bad...I prefer mixed company also!

(opps this for women only)

 

Edited August 27, 2015 by CoAspen

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

LOL ... this is an "open-for-all" topic!!  

[Outta Here]

I find there to be classless humor among both sexes. And though I don't enjoy most women's groups for many of the same reasons listed above, I do see a need for privacy when it comes to some subjects that some women only want to speak with other women about.

[Gail]

There is one private women's group where serious prayer and study go on, no jokes of the type mentioned, no froufrou at all. No topics have been derailed that I know of and no gossip. Most of the members there suffer from chronic physical pain and have faced serious trials. The largest forum by far is the prayer room but the other ones are not discussion, per se, but Christian growth fora ie- Bearing Your cross and growing your spiritual life. These are topics that generally don't get a lot of time on the main board.

There was a men's one that did not take off. 

[debbym]

I am finding genuine friendship in the CA women's group, and great sharing by our deeply spiritual members.  If any women are interested please message Gail.

[Aliensanctuary]

Like Wanderer, neither would I care to post in, join or attend men-only groups or retreats. I like the counter-balance that women provide, but have no interest in topics like belly dancing, sex, or off color jokes. I try to keep focused on the Kingdom.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

I frankly cannot think of a topic that I would only want to discuss with another woman... other women may *understand* more about an issue, but that doesn't mean that male input about the subject wouldn't be helpful or insightful.

[Aliensanctuary]

I suppose sharing private and personal thoughts and feelings might be important or beneficial for some, especially the feminine gender who seem to be more articulate with their feelings, but I keep all that stuff locked up behind a door in a room that no one is allowed to enter. Since I haven't had any "buddies" for years, the members of CA kind of take their place. I do share some personal information here, sometimes to keep me more accountable since I've made a public commitment. While no one here specifically holds me accountable for anything, I don't really expect that.

[Outta Here]

Topics that I prefer talking with other women about:

Marital issues, parenting problems, mother/daughter/grandmother relations, pregnancy, breast cancer, menses, menopause...stuff that women deal with and have personally experienced. 

[Gail]

The focus in that group is primarily spiritually and ministry-focused.

[JoeMo]

Topics that I prefer talking with other women about:

Marital issues, parenting problems, mother/daughter/grandmother relations, pregnancy, breast cancer, menses, menopause...stuff that women deal with and have personally experienced.

I agree that some issues (like some of those above) are usually best discussed with the same gender.  OTOH, there are advantages to talking with the opposite gender about certain things for the educational value.  Sometimes, when I'm talking with my female friends, I hear about some of their issues with the men or children (is there a difference?) in their lives.  Sometimes, their complaints are some of the things my wife could say about me or our kids.  So I learn how to better treat my wife from listening to what "bugs" other women.  They have sometimes thanked me for the insight I give them on a man's POV.

If people want to have a gender-specific discussion or prayer group, they can go for it.  I regret not supporting the men's prayer group more than I did.

Edited August 27, 2015 by JoeMo

[Jessie-Jess]

 

I find them to be saccharin-laced, and boringly fraught with whining and descriptions of potty-training children, as well as off-color jokes about men and sex (not obscene, just "off-color"), and I'm not interested in such classless humor.

 

I have not found that at the private subforum for women here, but sweet fellowship with sisters in Christ. 

Edited August 30, 2015 by Jessie-Jess

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

I have not found that at the private subforum for women here, but sweet fellowship with sisters in Christ. 

that's good that you're enjoying it...

[Naomi]

With all due respect to you Pam and the others who have shared negative impressions of women's groups.  Your assessment of what is discussed in this group is far, far from what really is discussed.  No gossip (that I am aware of) no tasteless jokes about sex .. opposite or otherwise...

What we have not had to deal with is the badgering and sometimes down right rude comments concerning another's opinion.  We sincerely pray for each other, on and off forum, and have developed a deep respect and concern for each other.  We recognize that we are not perfect, no not one, but are working on our personal, spiritual lives. 

Please don't misunderstand, I love the guys, and the interaction is often very productive and refreshing, but there are times when a fellow lady understands another's issues in a deeper meaningful way.  And, some things are just not appropriate to discuss in mixed company!!!

As for Women's Ministry ... each to her own.  I have not observed the things which you, Pam, re-counted when in a WM group.  It's not that I doubt what you said, but the group sessions and ladies with whom I have been associated with certainly did not spend their time discussing the opposite sex, indulging in off colored jokes or gossip.  They have been ladies who are serious about their personal walk with the Lord and in being better role models for their family, community and churches.

Please do not take this to be anything other than a personal observation but I do believe that in any group we will find what we are seeking.

As for the group on C/A I find it interesting that you-all appear to have an issue with it.  I ask you this, In the years it has been here has it had an impact upon anyone of you; negative or otherwise?

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Naomi, I was NOT specifically referring to C/A's women's group.  The "daughters of Isreal" don't need to feel so defensive.  Everyone deserves to be in a group in which they feel comfortable.  I *don't* feel comfortable in an all-women's group for the reasons I stated, and there are more besides, which I didn't state because I don't wish to hurt anyone's feelings.

If some of the females on C/A want to be exclusive that is certainly your and others' prerogative.  Go for it..  I honestly don't mind, and it wouldn't matter if I did.

Why the hostility???

 

[Naomi]

elsewhere on the forum, the question of whether C/A has a women's group was brought up...

So as not to detract from that topic, I just wanted to note that, although I'm a woman, I have a decided distaste for "women's groups," private or not.

I find them to be saccharin-laced, and boringly fraught with whining and descriptions of potty-training children, as well as off-color jokes about men and sex (not obscene, just "off-color"), and I'm not interested in such classless humor.

In the one and only SDA Women's Retreat that I attended, the primary topic under discussion was belly dancing lessons, and how the men loved it and what it *did* to them.  **bleahhh**  I left early, as I had better things to do with my time.

I much prefer a group having both male and females.  It gives a lot better overview of topics.  And I generally favor the company of men, to the company of women.

(yes, I understand I'll never be invited to C/A Women's group!   )

You asked "Why the hostility" ... I honestly don't believe my response was in any way hostile.  In rereading your post, which I did copy and paste, it appears to me to have a decidedly hostile flavor (perhaps I am incorrect in my interruption) ... be that as it may, I only felt that a bit of clarification, in defense of Women's Ministry and our little sub forum here, is in order. 

[Gregory Matthews]

In professional training in psychology, we soon learn that some people need to relate to counselors who are of the same gender and others would benefit by a counselor of another gender.  The issue then becomes:  What is best for the person?

This same applies to the woman's group hers in CA.   If that is  what some need, then that is what they should have.  Their decision and choice should be respected.

 

In a professional setting, a woman may need to share some issues with a male counselor that would not normally become a topic of recreational discussion with other males. This is essentially the same as the situation in which a woman may need to receives services from a male ob/gyn. 

Not every woman will likely feel a need to belong to the female group here in CA. That  is fine.   That group exists for those who need it.  IF they want to call on any of the males here in CA for advice, they can do so.

 

In the mean time, their desire to be exclusive should be respected and supported.

 

 

 

 

 

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

You asked "Why the hostility" ... I honestly don't believe my response was in any way hostile.  In rereading your post, which I did copy and paste, it appears to me to have a decidedly hostile flavor (perhaps I am incorrect in my interruption) ... be that as it may, I only felt that a bit of clarification, in defense of Women's Ministry and our little sub forum here, is in order. 

and your first post appeared hostile to me... which really surprised me..  

let's let it go... 

I didn't post the topic as a condemnation of C/A's private women's forum.  Period. [npi]

 

[Jessie-Jess]

Naomi, I was NOT specifically referring to C/A's women's group.  The "daughters of Isreal" don't need to feel so defensive.  Everyone deserves to be in a group in which they feel comfortable.  I *don't* feel comfortable in an all-women's group for the reasons I stated, and there are more besides, which I didn't state because I don't wish to hurt anyone's feelings.

If some of the females on C/A want to be exclusive that is certainly your and others' prerogative.  Go for it..  I honestly don't mind, and it wouldn't matter if I did.

Why the hostility???

 

Sister...you seem to be the one who is hostile. Have you seen the women's ministry group here? The reasons why you mentioned you felt uncomfortable with all-women group aren't even present--as far as I can tell--in the group, so it really appears as though you are judging the group, especially since it seems that you posted this in response or retaliation to my thread which was seeking/inquiring about a women's ministry group. Do you also have a problem with women's ministry, which the church (and I think other Christian churches) are active in, with women reaching out to other women? Do you think that men should always be allowed to do the work for women that women do for each other? What if the women are hurting and are uncomfortable with men, having been abused by men in the past, and a man presumes to try to bring her the spiritual guidance and help that would be better for a woman to help her. What about discussing private matters between women? Should a man know about a woman's private matters? 

I agree with you on some of your stated reasons for being uncomfortable in a group exclusive for women, but it really appears as though you are judging the group, and/or women's ministry groups and/or women who would prefer to interact with only women for any reason.

As you can tell, even though I am now part of the group for women, I still interact in the main forums where men can see my post, and I share things and communicate things with the entire Club Adventist (all who can see), including men. I haven't, personally, been so hurt by men that I desire to avoid them and only interact with women, nor so hurt by men that men cannot help me and be a positive influence in my life, but there may be some women who do need healing from that--would you discourage them? 
 

I hope that I do not come across as judgemental. I am trying not to judge your motives or reasons for your behavior, but stating my observation and my concerns with your views and some of your responses. Our dear sister, it appeared to me, was trying to explain what the subforum was really like, and it seemed that you were accusing her of hostility, when I have not seen any hostility in Naomi's post. She asked you if our forum here has had any impact on you, negative or otherwise, but it seems to me by what you are saying that you have not even seen the forum itself.

 Even though you said that you did not post this thread to condemn the subforum. You did appear to be hostile and accusing. And I acknowledge that I could even be misunderstanding. 

Here is something that I shared in the women's subforum, today's devotional though the Ellen White estate (I think it's through them), and I'll share it with you and all the men who can see it, too.

Daily Devotional

August 31, 2015

---

Agents For Heaven

Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous. 1 Peter 3:8.

What great need there is of cultivating tenderness and gentleness. None should be ashamed to manifest a tender, compassionate spirit for those who err; for those who think they make no mistakes and far from being without fault before God. No one need to think that the manifestation of compassion is something for which he need be ashamed. . . .

When a crisis comes in the life of any soul, and another attempts to give advice, that advice and counsel will have only the weight of influence for good that their example and spirit of the adviser has accumulated for him. It is the consistent life, the revelation of a sincere, Christlike interest for the soul in peril, that will make counsel effectual to persuade and win into safe paths. Those who are quick to censure others, who speak words that cut and bruise the already wounded soul, are doing Satan's work, and are laborers with the prince of darkness. . . .

Let the tempted and tried souls remember that when chastisement comes upon them, it is the Lord who would save them from death. Let the souls to whom reproof comes, remember that "as many as I love, I rebuke and chasten" (Rev. 3:19).

The human agent, imbued with the Spirit of Christ, will watch for souls as they that must give an account. The claims of Christ are upon us, and we must understand our duty, and do it in the fear of God, with an eye single to His glory, and not prove unfaithful. Let no thought of self or of natural feelings be cherished to keep the lips silent. Speak, and be not afraid. With the heart full of tenderness and love for souls, warn, exhort, and entreat.

Never cease to labor for a soul while there is one ray of hope. Your words may cut to the soul. Oh, then be cautious, and clothe them with the love and tenderness of Jesus. Soften every accent with love and sympathy. . . . As you deal with others, as you judge others, so the Lord will judge and deal with you. Let the agent who claims to be a child of God, practice the lessons of Christ. If he is compelled to wound, let him feel the duty of healing as compulsory upon him. The truth is ever to be spoken in love, with the Spirit of Christ abiding in the soul.

From Devotional: Our Father Cares, pp. 225, 226.

Edited September 1, 2015 by Jessie-Jess

[Outta Here]

LOL.  In my understanding, rudywoofs meant no harm whatsoever and was sharing why she doesn't join in women's groups. 

I personally don't like them either. They are great for some women, but have very little to offer for others. 

 

[Jessie-Jess]

LOL.  In my understanding, rudywoofs meant no harm whatsoever and was sharing why she doesn't join in women's groups. 

I personally don't like them either. They are great for some women, but have very little to offer for others. 

 

By the way, I meant for that post not only to be for her, but for you also, and anyone else who might have a problem with the women's group here, without even seeing it or being a part of it, or with women's ministry in general. 

And I am sorry, if I have misjudged or hurt you by my statements, and if I come across as accusing. I admit that I could be mistaken, and am not condemning you or anyone for your views, but rather trying to help you understand. I am sorry also for not letting it go. I think I had already posted my post before I saw that comment. 

Edited September 1, 2015 by Jessie-Jess
Forgive me for calling you by your username.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Good grief.  NOBODY has a problem with there being a women's group at C/A.  Not me, not Aubrey, not the men.  Nobody.

Where do people come up with these ideas?

Sister...you seem to be the one who is hostile. Have you seen the women's ministry group here? The reasons why you mentioned you felt uncomfortable with all-women group aren't even present--as far as I can tell--in the group, so it really appears as though you are judging the group, especially since it seems that you posted this in response or retaliation to my thread which was seeking/inquiring about a women's ministry group.

I started *this* thread so I wouldn't derail the one you started....because I'm polite that way.  The subject of "women's groups/ministries" merely reminded me that I didn't care for them.  And I stated my reasons why in a new topic.  

The defensiveness of the C/A women's group members seems peculiar to me...

And, by the way, my name is not "Sister Rudywoofs"... that makes me sound like I'm a nun in dog pound...

[Gail]

Some people were referring to a "need" that some have. The need was not to provide a place for women. That has been tried here and that forum petered out eventually.

If there was a need, it was to discover if it was possible to have a forum here that would provide fellowship in an environment that was safe and supportive to a member's spiritual walk. The fora all have to do with growth in grace. A person's faith is not questioned but encouraged. Ministry is encouraged whether by sharing or prayer, and as been said the prayer forum is by far the largest one of the bunch.

Any disagreements or misunderstandings are done in the spirit of love. It's actually quite amazing to see it in action.

EGW is not shot down there, nor our shortsighted theological understanding. Everyone is encouraged right where they are. We have shared huge personal struggles and there have been many serious ones. As I have mentioned many of the women there suffer from chronic pain. In the midst of that they are supported in their quest for forbearance, patience and courage.

There has never been a need for moderation.

So in that respect it is a different place than the main board. I created it because we were losing too many members, good members, to rudeness, sarcasm, criticism and fighting. I wanted to see if it was possible to foster productivity and joy and spiritual bonding. That was my reason for this experiment. The results far exceeded my expectations. It really feels like heaven there- a place that I love to return to. My dream is that Clubadventist in its entirety would be such a place. 

So- you see, what we are discussing is not a regular place for discussion. It does have a purpose and it does feed. But granted it's not a place for everyone. But it's not froufrou (sugary) by any means. I tend to avoid some women's gatherings for that very reason. It is the love and patience of the members there that makes it what it has become. We are allowed to make mistakes, knowing that we won't be shot down for it. And in that we are free and safe to confess what is on our hearts. There are frequent hugs and much compassion and counsel done in love. It is not always easy but  I can see the love being passed around.

[CoAspen]

 "Sister Rudywoofs"... that makes me sound like I'm a nun in dog pound...