my advice for today...

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Have you noticed that sometimes that people will get upset about others' responses to their posts here on C/A (or on Facebook, or other social media)?

Maybe it's happened to you.  I know it's happened to me.

So, what's the reason behind the feeling of "ruffled feathers"?  What inside "button" is getting pushed that's eliciting your irritation, or starts the wheel of self-recrimination, or makes you lash out?

Sometimes, it can be fear that the comment might be right.

Sometimes, the person writing the response is just a jackass.

Ignore the jackasses, and learn from those whose comments have merit...

[Stan]

@rudywoofs (Pam)  that is great advise. I get that as well on other kinda SDA forums.

[Nan]

And if that is not effective there is the ignore button.....not that I have had to use it 

[Geoarrge]

I don't think it's fear, generally, just a competitive impulse to win, or at least find some ground to hold and save face.

[Aliensanctuary]

I've noticed a big change in the tone of rudywoofs' posts from the distant past, a change that I really appreciate. Maybe we're seeing the real rudywoofs without stressors, or else, maybe the wounds have healed over. 

Comments do get taken personally, or are personal attacks, and then there's a poo fight which can bring out the worst in people.

[Tom Wetmore]

9 hours ago, Geoarrge said:

I don't think it's fear, generally, just a competitive impulse to win, or at least find some ground to hold and save face.

First of all, I think what Pam is talking about is the defensiveness that we too often see in reaction to posts.  That is either a self-defense or a misperception of personalizing something not really intended to be personal or  something not even directed at the one reacting.  Defensiveness is very often motivated by fear - the old fight or flight response... 

But more to what you posted, to some extent the "competitive impulse to win" in this context is more often motivated by fear -  a self-defensive fear of being shown up, losing, having diminished reputation or standing,  being inadequate, or being seen as less than whatever one is competing against.  And that is not always a competition against the other person, but can be a competition against ones own self worth, dignity, sense of pride or vanity, values, or whatever.  That is very often an element of fear of looking bad, being misunderstood, misrepresented, etc.  Saving face by definition is avoiding losing face which also seems to me to be fear driven.  

I think there is a fine line of distinction between the person that  refuses to enter the fray for fear of losing or being made to look bad or being embarrassed or feeling of inadequacy and the person that stands their ground and decides to fight back to preserve  whatever or to win.  It again is the fight or flight response.  Run away from or hide from the threat or fight to defend against it.  

[Geoarrge]

More to the point, I think, is that in a public forum, when you debate with someone, it's more for the benefit of the audience than for any expectation that either of the two people arguing will change their minds.  Discussions that are otherwise interesting can be drowned out by two people getting into a personal confrontation for 11 pages. 

[LifeHiscost]

  Sometimes, the person writing the response is just a jackass.  

A comment of a generation ago that would have elicited this retort, "It takes one to know one."  Can't really address the validity since sometimes I only need to look in the mirror.

God is Love!~Jesus saves!