How do you know if you're really a good person?

[crystalized]

This post here: https://clubadventist.com/forums/topic/66332-are-all-sins-equal-in-god’s-eyes/  started my thought process for the post below.

 

 

Because I feel like a worthless piece of cr*p most of the time (perfectionist), its really easy for others to hurt me with their words. Like someone gets angry and unloads on me for talking about veganism. I only did it because I care about their health, and they were ranting about all the health issues their relatives were having, but they turn around and bite your head off. "how dare you tell me how to live!" kind of attitude and you feel like worthless cr*p for making them angry because it wasn't your intention and they've made you feel like you should never talk about veganism again.

How do you know if you're the one causing the problem, if they're the problem, or if it's the situation that is the problem? How do you know if you're actually "righteous" or just think you're righteous? How do you really know you're heading in the right direction and interpreting scripture and your own actions in life accurately? Because I 100% believe no one sees their own actions clearly no matter how hard they try.

In school, if you're taking a class, you're always free to view your current grade. So you know if you need to study more or not, because the grade is telling you you're doing awesome or not-awesome right now. But with God, he doesn't post an obvious, concrete grade online you can always go view, you just have to stumble thru life like everyone else hoping you're doing the right thing aka that you're perceiving your own actions clearly.

And you can't just say "oh I'm going thru a rough time in life right now, god must be punishing me" or "life is awesome right now, god must be so pleased with me!"
Because we know success or failure in life doesn't mean you did anything particularly right or wrong in God's eyes. You might be having a bad or great season for other reasons: devil picking on you, god send trials to make you better, god giving you a break for awhile, etc. It's not guaranteed that your trials/successes are connected with your current heavenly test grade.

I feel very passionately about my beliefs, so I'm not type of person who can always remain silent. Some people are "harmony"-types. They have strong beliefs and live by them daily, but they feel zero compulsion to share them, so everyone likes them since they don't stir up controversy. But small talk becomes so boring so quickly, I want to talk about meaningful things: diet/health, religion, politics, etc. But those are all heavy, emotion-laden issues NO ONE wants to talk about because they can't see it as a healthy, intellectual discussion, they always take it as a personal attack, no matter how polite you are.
So I always feel like it must be my fault, for not enjoying small talk more, for not being a more "harmony"-type person and avoiding the discussion altogether. Because it feels like the most selfless thing you could do is be kind to the person and keep your mouth shut and always talk about what they want to talk about and agree with them. Mellow people always have more friends than the passionate people and are better liked.

So how do you know if its actually your fault, the other person's fault, or the situation that made things go so wrong? I don't think you can use the excuse "I meant well" because bad things can be done even when people mean well.

[JoeMo]

3 hours ago, crystalized said:

So how do you know if its actually your fault, the other person's fault, or the situation that made things go so wrong? I don't think you can use the excuse "I meant well" because bad things can be done even when people mean well.

I usually bring stuff up once; and if the person I'm talking to responds negatively; I don't bring it up again unless they ask me about it.  Funny how often they will bring it up again.  You can usually read the nonverbal signs of disagreement and hostility before people speak it.  Another thing I do is tell people what I do in certain situations rather than tell them what to do.  I usually conclude with something like "but that's just me".  Works for me most of the time (but not all of the time).  It's not so much what you say; but how you say it.  Most people don't like to be preached at.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Sometimes it's how something is said.  For instance, talking about veganism to someone whose relatives are having health issues, one could say:

1) being a vegan would really help your relatives... meat is bad and causes all sorts of health problems.

vs

2) I've found that eating a vegan diet has really helped *me*.... 

One doesn't need to be confrontational in order to bring up a subject.  

And sometimes, when someone talks about an issue they or their family is having, they don't want you to give solutions — they just need someone to listen and be a sounding board...

 

[Outta Here]

I'm one of those "harmony" type people. I can assure you...I have NO friends. Turns out, people don't really want a sounding board. I haven't figured out what they DO want, but it sure ain't a "harmony" type of discussion.

[Gerr]

ESV | ‎Mt 19:17 And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. 

[Robert]

On 7/11/2016 at 10:41 AM, Gerry Cabalo said:

ESV | ‎Mt 19:17 And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. 

Thank you....I didn't want to be the one to answer....