Fifth Commandment Question

[Femster]

Honour thy father and Mother......

this is what poses some dilemmas for me.

Some of my happiest memories are obviously with my parents, of a Methodist background HOWEVER my father is/was a Freemason.

However, just before or after my birthday almost 4 years ago ( its later this month) I came to the sudden realisation that my parents had been mentally and pyschologically abusing me- right up until the day i cut them off.

there was smacking etc, but no real phsyical beating. Mum did slap me across the face once when i was 14 ( i think- it could hve been later), i slapped her back as a defence mechanism- she never touched or raised her hand to me again.

They were instrumental in encouraging my now 24 year old daughter to leave us a number of years ago, and not communicate with us, and accuse my husband of some very nasty things (her stepdad).

I have suffered from mental health issues all my life. i sufffered with tonsilitis every 6 weeks form the age of 4 to the age of 18 when i could arrange for them to be taken out- yet my mother kept agreeing with the dcotr on just antibiotics- and no painkillers- saying the antibiotics would take my pain away.

I was told by my dad that every child after the 1st one was a mistake- and i was the 3rd.

He told me that my first daghter- who has aspergers, and is type 1 diabetic, and was taken from me at age 11 ( very long story), was a complete and total losss and i shouldnt have anything to do with her. But if you asked him to his face he would deny this. I went ot Melbourne with ehr to see a Tutankhamun exhibit- as we are both Egypt fans- nd he had the opprotunity to speak to her on the phone- and he owuldnt do it.....

How am I supposed to Honour them when all of this has happened ot me- they knew full well what they were doing...yet would put on a fake face to everyone. Never agreed with anything i did. Or beng mortagge free and owning our farm when i was 40 - something they said i would never do and beat my sister who is married to a doctor in doing.

 

Having a very hard time forgiving them for this. I know i should so it releases ME from them and then they no longer have power and control over me....

 

How do you apply this commandment in this situation????

 

 

[Green Cochoa]

Femster,

I would strongly encourage you to visit the More Than Dreams website, which shares some amazing stories of how Muslims became Christians.  Lest you assume this has nothing to do with your situation, consider what Muslims who become Christians must face from their families in terms of abuse.  The website has five wonderful stories, all told in video form (you'll have to download them), and two of them deal with forgiveness.  These videos are truly precious--you will love them I am sure.  The two that touch on forgiveness are the one with Dini (the woman), and the one about Mohamed.  All five of the stories are worth watching, but I believe those two will touch your heart most.

http://morethandreams.org  (Note: The videos were made especially to reach out to Muslims, so you will need to read the English subtitles.)

Blessings.

[JoeMo]

1 hour ago, Green Cochoa said:

I would strongly encourage you to visit the More Than Dreams website, which shares some amazing stories of how Muslims became Christians.

I strongly support GC's advice here - not only for Fem, but for all Western believers who wonder how God can bring healing to those suffering religious, social, or family persecution.  The Spirit of God is indeed alive and continually reaching out to His disenfranchised children.

[Martn]

On 7/6/2016 at 10:24 AM, Femster said:

Honour thy father and Mother...

My understanding is the command is generic.

Even if my present parents live in ways I cannot honor or obey, I still can honor my father and mother before them, and the father and mother before them, all the way back to the beginning. I honor the memory of my ancestors in general, if not the conduct of a few in particular.

Elijah turns the hearts of our fathers to us, their descendants, causing us to remember and honor them, our fathers, our ancestors, before us.

[Robert]

On 7/6/2016 at 11:24 AM, Femster said:

How do you apply this commandment in this situation????

First let me say that it is impossible for you to forgive of yourself.  It is not part of our humanity.  After all we can only love those who love us (see Rom 5:7/Luke 6:32-34/John 5:23).  That's because we are not born with agape. 

Now to your question.  The 5th commandment is exactly as it is stated.  Thus agape can love abusive, destructive parents and not actually the abuse itself.

Here's my advice:  

• Give up trying to do something you can't.
• Rest in Christ's finished work.  You are complete in Him
• As you rest in Him He will eventually change your heart so that it comes more into conformity with His agape love.  Then perhaps one day you will be able to forgive them.

Robert

PS:

BTW I was physically and verbally abused from the time I was born until 6 years of age at the hand of my alcoholic step-father.  Been there, done that.  To this day I haven't really forgiven him and that was 58 years ago.  Now I don't hate him, but neither do I go around him. My SDA grandparents raised me and as far as I'm concerned my grandfather was my dad. 

 

[Kevin H]

I like the replies so far! May I just add that "Honoring" does not always mean to be obedient and passive their demands. Jacob was not honoring his parents when he agreed with his mother to fool his father. Honoring simply means being fair and respecting the good as good, bad as bad and evaluate the things in the middle as things in the middle and how far you can agree. and where you need to disagree.