READ SLOWLY----IT MAY TAKE A WHILE FOR THE LIGHT TO SHINE.

[Stan]

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do

3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage

4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate

6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist

9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots

12. PARADOX: Two physicians

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring

18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does

20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official

[Taylor]

lol. Love it!

[Beryl]

Fantastic! Did you think them all up by yourself?

[Nan]

Occasionally an email comes around that purports to be from the Washington Post, which gives annual prizes for the best definitions from mis-spelled words. These sound like that sort of list - though I have seen other words not quite so repeatable. Whatever, I enjoyed these too! Thanks Stan.

[Nan]

This is the list I found in my 'humor' file - slightly sanitised though the originals are not too off colour. Numbers 5 and 11 especially appeal to me.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing just one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the most recent winners:

1) Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2) Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

4) Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5) Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6) Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8) Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)

9) Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

11) Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

[Jeannieb43]

Great ones!

Your No. 9 reminds me of a joke about President Bush, which I heard but can't rightly recall. Something about...

Q. What will he do when the next Katrina-type storm hits the U.S.?

A. Row vs. wade

[As you can see, I've really forgotten the joke!]

<img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

[Norman Byers, N.D.]

Hi Stan

These are funny, it took me a while to get #5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.

Then after looking at it 5 times it sunk in.

Norman

[Stan]

<img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[Naomi]

Stan & Nan,

These are really funny .... gives you a new understanding of the english language.

[Nicodema]

Sar-chasm??? NOT FAIR!!! They STOLE my word!!! I made that up YEARS AGO!!! And it doesn't mean "the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it" -- it means the bottomless pit someone is thrown into when another's sarcastic barb reaches its intended target and penetrates.