Pharisees' Handbook On Sainthood

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #1. When judging others always judge them using your strong points and their weak points. Example: If you do a good job of keeping the Sabbath you may judge others on Sabbath keeping. If you have a weakness to gossip it is wise not to judge others in that area. The idea is to use the sins and weaknesses of others to make you look holy and righteous.

(feel free to add additional rules)

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #2: Feel free to criticise the way others do their jobs in the church even though you are unwilling to do the job, or perhaps any job for that matter.

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #3: When studying the Sabbath School Quarterly, make a list of what other members in your Sabbath School class should really be learning from it.

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #4: Never look in the mirror after studying the Bible.

[Dr. Shane]

OK, last one for tonight (forgive me please)

Rule #5: Make sure you have a fish decal on the back or your car.

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #6: Potluck is an opportunity to correct the eating habits of those that need more instruction about the health message. Especially important is that no one mix fruits and vegetables.

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #7: When reading the Spirit of Prophecy, make sure you highlight all the portions that other people in your church really need to apply to their lives.

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #8: When you invite other church members to your home, make sure you show them all the Christian books in your library and have all your religious art on display. Also, this is real important, always offer your guests purified water and ask them if they drink eight glasses each day.

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #9: Always get to church early so you can see who gets there late.

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #10: When at potluck, after complementing someone on their dish, ask how they made it. If they used anything that isn't too good, correct them and tell them which ingrediants they should have used to make the dish healthier.

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #11: When attending a church that uses drums in their worship service, comment that the pagans in Africa use drums in their worship service too.

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #12: When someone gives you a gift for free (like buying you lunch) make sure you pay tithe on the value of the meal. A free ten dollar meal means adding an extra dollar to the tithe.

[Naomi]

These are good Shane

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #13: If you know of a marriage in trouble, remind them of the Biblical grounds for divorce. If your own marriage is in trouble, remind your spouse of the Biblical grounds for divorce. No need for emotional support required, that would not be phariserical.

[Naomi]

Good one Shane :)

[Gail]

Actually these are not really funny, but I'm finding them depressing... :(

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #14: If any church member wins the lottery, after condemning them for gambling, remind them to pay tithe on their winnings.

[Neil D]

Oh the irony of the situation....

[Dr. Shane]

Rule #15: If any "sinners" (you know who they are) are allowed to go up front (sing special music, pray, tell children's story) make sure you whisper to a few other members how inappropriate it is for that to be allowed.