I Am Out of Here - if I don't get my way

[Dr. Shane]

I have known men and women who have transferred their memberships to another church after a church board vote (or business meeting vote) that didn't go their way. I have also known men and women, in the same circumstance, that stayed in the church and accepted the majority view. Leaving when one doesn't get their way reeks of pride while staying gives off the aroma of humility.

That is not to say a person should never leave a toxic church. Just like there are many dysfunctional families, many church families are toxic and can damage one's mental well-being. What I have noted is those most likely to leave after a church board vote are very rigid. Those more likely to stay when the vote doesn't go their way are more flexible. Rigidness creates dysfunctionality in the home, in a church and in society as a whole.

I am not suggesting we should be so flexible that we violate God's law. Healthy flexibility is seen in how we interact with others (our horizontal relationships) not in our interaction with God (our vertical relationship). Our strict rigidness is admirable when it is limited to our relationship with God. However rigidness becomes toxic when applied to our relationships with others.

[Gregory Matthews]

There may be very valid reasons for leaving a congregation.

*  I am aware of a SDA congregation in which members have transferred out due to the fact that the spiritual needs of their children were no longer being met in the one congregation.  That is a valid reason.  I have done that.

*  SDA congregations engage in ministry.  Some people transfer to a congregation that a form of ministry that they believe God has gifted them to engage in.  I have done that.

*  SDA members follow a wide spectrum of beliefs and lifestyle.  Some congregations do not welcome members appear to differ from the common congregational members.  I live near such a SDA congregation, one that would not welcome me as a member.

[Joe Knapp]

Unfortunately, many churches in NAD have become very polarized. So people need to go where they fit in.  

[Gustave]

On 11/13/2025 at 5:33 AM, Joe Knapp said:

Unfortunately, many churches in NAD have become very polarized. So people need to go where they fit in.  

What does that mean? That many church within NAD have become polarized? 

[Joe Knapp]

polarize /pō′lə-rīz″/

 

intransitive verb

1. To induce polarization in or impart polarity to.
2. To design so as to permit light only of a certain polarization.
   "Are these sunglasses polarized?"
3. To cause to divide into two conflicting or opposing groups.
   "The issue of slavery polarized the nation."

 

Many churches have become divided. "two conflicting or opposing groups."   Although sometimes there are more than two issues. 

Vax vs Anti-Vax

Dem vs Maga

Black vs White

For Charlie Kirk vs opposed to Charlie Kirk

For mass immigration vs opposed mass immigration

For women's ordination vs opposed women's ordination

For LGBT vs opposed LGBT

 

Polarized is an adjective that's comes from the idea of a magnet or electrical properties. Either north or south or positive or negative. 

 

I am told that you have to be careful with your conversation in many churches in North American Division. I have not been there in many years, but have friends there that I talk to regularly.