Why is it that...

[Stan]

"Others are not living up to my expectations of them" always ends up being the hot topics???

[Taylor]

:)

[Gail]

Nothing but wounded feelings, I suppose, and we all have our share of those

[Dr. Shane]

Al-anon is a 12 step program for those whose lives are affected by alcoholics (i.e. spouses, children). One of the questions posed in one of Al-anon's books is this, "If others fail to live up to my expectations, is it their fault or my fault for placing the expectations on them?" One of the keys to living with an alcoholic is to place low expectations on them.

[Woody]

That is a good point on Al-Anon Shane.

I think one thing that helps with the Al-Anon groups that I have attended is that it is all based on an atmosphere of equality and acceptance of each member. It is very healing.

[Taylor]

I agree and not just with alcoholics. A friend of mine said "I used to be disappointed and annoyed a people all the time because they failed to do or to be whatever I thought they should do or be. But then I decided to have low or no expectations, and I was pleasantly suprised how often people are so wonderful.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Lifted from my pastor/counselor's website (he won't mind):

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the People I cannot change,

the courage to change the People I can,

and the wisdom to know

that person is me.

[Bravus]

Nice, Pam

[Stan]

Hmmm

Trying to change me.... not working that well :)

[LynnDel]

If you keep up with that one-armed weight lifting, Stan, we'll be able to see 'before' and 'after' by first looking at your left arm, then your right!

[Jeannieb43]

LOL, Lynndel!! I never noticed that his weight-lifting was being done by ONE arm!! [Leave it to Stan to do something extra-strong.]

But seriously, Stan, I think this is an important topic. If you check out most of the critical posts here on C/A, they're usually measuring somebody else by their own standard. And there are so MANY different ideas about the "perfect" manner of being a Seventh-day Adventist Christian, those critics will always be able to find somebody to criticize.

[Bravus]

I try to teach my students about outward-directed and inward-directed critique, and suggest that the latter is generally more productive. I also try to live that, but don't always make it. I also have this theory... {this is where you escape while you can}

The political right is about personal responsibility and high standards of behaviour

The political left is about understanding people's circumstances and recognising that sometimes they're in less than ideal situations

(massive over-simplification, and I'm talking about the rhetoric, not the actions, in both cases)

What we tend to do is apply the right-wing standard to others and the left-wing standard to ourselves. What would be more helpful is if we applied the right-wing standard to ourselves and the left-wing standard to others.

[Stan]

:)

When no one is looking.. I switch hands...

[Jeannieb43]

Wow, Bravus! That's excellent.

Now I'm trying to figure out how to print your post, so I can post it in hard copy form on a bulletin board I'm in charge of. [if you don't object, that is]

[Bravus]

Not at all.

[Gail]

Bravo for Bravus!

[Jeannieb43]

Not at all.

Thanks, Bravus.

I emailed the post to myself, then printed the email. Couldn't find another way to print it.

Anyway, thanks very much. It's great having a deep thinker here to challenge us!

[there buster]

Quote:

The political left is about understanding people's circumstances and recognising that sometimes they're in less than ideal situations

If only that were so.

The political left is about using government to correct those circumstances and situations--to try and make heaven on Earth.

[Bravus]

Maybe in the US. The whole 'left = big government/right = small government' equation set seems to me to be in many ways a US phenomenon, and also to be a bit of a shibboleth in terms of the actual practices of the parties.

So in Australia, for example, the right is about increased government control of things like education, while at the same time being for private education at the expense of public. The left is for choice in education, including the choice of a good public education. The right has been very strong on government intervention in industrial relations in order to enforce certain terms, conditions and ways of making agreements, the left is for a less restricted bargaining process between workers (individually and collectively) and employers. And so on...

Anyway, it's an analogy and no doubt it's not perfect. I could actually remove the political analogy if it makes the underlying truth more accessible to you:

Some people are all about personal responsibility and high standards, others are all about recognising that people are sometimes not in ideal situations or don't have a full range of choices available to them, and make allowance for that. Trouble is, we tend to apply the high standards to others and the making allowances to ourselves, whereas it would be healthier to apply the high standards to ourselves and make allowances for others.

(And if everyone in society did this, high standards would prevail, and so would compassion.)

[Amelia]

Quote:

Couldn't find another way to print it.

Jeannie, you could copy it into Word and play with the layout all you want. Then print it. Just and idea.