Mid-Life Crisis

[Dr. Shane]

Very often in a mid-life crisis an older fellow will take up with a sweet young thing.

Not me. Those young things can't hold a candle to my Sofía.

[Gail]

[Dr. Shane]

Quote:

I'm not sure that it is totally a wife's issue...

Rarely do I think men go astray for sex. Sometimes they do but normally it is more about flattery. In many marriages the spouses lose that spice for each other. The wife no longer makes her man her hero. She doesn't flatter him. She doesn't brag about him in front of others. She doesn't initiate sex with him. Initiating sex flatters a man so it means a lot more than just sexual release. The woman fails to thank the man for paying the bills, providing food, car, vacation, etc. The man ends up not feeling appreciated.

Then comes along someone else. The other woman often times is fatter or less attractive than the wife but she flatters the man. She appreciates the man. She inflates his ego. She does what the wife has stopped doing. I have seen men leave slim wives with flattering figures for overweight, unattractive women and many wonder why. It is rather simple. The attractive wife is a crab and the overweight woman is a sweetheart.

What the foolish husband doesn't realize that in a couple of years when the novelty of the relationship wears off his sweatheart will be a crab. Then he will have two ex-wives.

[Gail]

My husband calls it leaving the 70% behind for the 30% you think you are missing.

[Key Guy]

Gail,

Part of what you said earlier is what I was alluding to, though not as eloquently.

'Spice' in a marriage is a good term.

The marriages that end up in trouble typically have communications issues... either the critical subjects are not brought up or are downright taboo ("I don't want to talk about it!").

That's when the grass really starts looking greener.

As I said before, it's not always the husband that strays.

By the way... I am convinced that we grown-ups spend our adult lives undoing the baggage we got while children. For many adults, that baggage never gets dealt with.

[Gail]

I like what you said about communications issues, but I like to look at it as "connection issues". I agree... those people I know that are or have gotten into crazy behaviour really did have relational problems.

Now, taking this back to singles (as this is the singles forum), are those mid-life crises any less often, since a single is already living a life primarily directed by him/herself?

Perhaps could it be simply the need for a change? But why the emphasis on youthful pursuits- the sports car, the relationship with the younger person, etc.?

[Key Guy]

I like what you said about communications issues, but I like to look at it as "connection issues". I agree... those people I know that are or have gotten into crazy behaviour really did have relational problems.

[Gail]

You are right!! There is a similar thread in Singles. Sorry!!

Continuez!!!

Although there is nothing wrong with marrieds hanging out in the Singles section. Most of us will end up being single for some part of our lives and about half (I think it is now) of all adults are already single.

I would love to see marrieds connect with singles on single issues, without being condescending to them. I know the problem is not as bad as it used to be, but there is still some isolation around single people.

Okay... back on topic! Sorry again for MY confusion!