Sudden divorce

[Dr. Shane]

Originally Posted By: Shane

Quote:

I know many a woman who would love a bit more dopamine in thier man.

That doesn't make sense to me. A woman would love more dopamine in their man? Is that suppose to read: "A woman would love more dopamine from their man"?

Shane, Neil's post does make sense.

There are times when a woman would like her man to behave in a way that shows he still has feeling for her akin to the fascination and intensity shown in the early days of the marriage. Granted this cannot be maintained, but it is nice to see it from time to time.

That doesn't explain it. Neil used the term "in their man" which would mean the wife would like to see the level of dopamine in the man's brain increase. What would cause that? Well, if the man became athletic and did intense workouts that would cause his dopamine level to go up. Or if the man "fell in love" with another woman that would cause his dopamine levels to go up. I don't think Neil was meaning either of those. Thus I was left confused.

Now if Neil meant "from their man" as I suspected, that would be more in line with what Nan was talking about. However I will suggest that even when a man does show the same fascination and intensity shown during their courtship that still does not result in the same levels of dopamine. For example, when dating I would sing love songs to my wife and her heart would skip a beat. Now when I do the same thing she rolls her eyes and tells our daughter that I am crazy. About the only way I think those sky-high levels of dopamine can come back for the same two people is extended absence. For example, when a man returns from war to his wife they may experience the same "head over heels" dopamine experience they first felt when dating and recently married.

[olger]

Originally Posted By: oldsailor29

Sounds like Linda Shelton. [/quote']

The above post is so wrong in so many ways....

First of all, is the poster part of the family? Even if he is, does he have a right to make public his views?

Second, we are in the midst of a clariffication of what is joking within the commedian relm, and not too many people are willing to let that alone. While there is polorization of view points, there isn't the coming together as a spiritual family that this kind of comment would bring. How can we claim to be on Letterman's side or on Palin's side when we are a HUMAN race and we are at each other throats for percieved injustices? This sort of pot shot is meant to divide and inflame...And while I have not been involved in the torrid affair, I all ready know that there are many diverse and polorizing views on this.

3rd, where is the compassion that we as a human race have for one another? For that matter, I believe that the SDA church should be even MORE compassionate toward it's own and we are able to demonstrate it for a couple of reasons...one, Jesus said that others would know that we are His, when we show love for one another. Second, if our theology can not bring about a more compassionate Christian, then our theology is ALL wrong.

I am bringing this to our attention because if we can not show even the basic compassion, I think it speaks directly to our being, not only to the human race, but also to upholding of SDA values...

I agree Neil. Thanks for saying it.

g

[carolaa]

Originally Posted By: Amelia

When I was suddenly asked to move out, there was very little I could do. He was very adamant and wouldn't talk about it.

Yikes, I sure wouldn't move out - at least right away - unless I felt my life was in danger. If he wants to split, he can move out.

I feel kind of bad that my post may have sounded critical of Amelia's situation. I do understand that when someone files for divorce, the spouse typically has 24 hours to move out, with no choice in the matter.

[Neil D]

Now if Neil meant "from their man" as I suspected, that would be more in line with what Nan was talking about. However I will suggest that even when a man does show the same fascination and intensity shown during their courtship that still does not result in the same levels of dopamine. For example, when dating I would sing love songs to my wife and her heart would skip a beat. Now when I do the same thing she rolls her eyes and tells our daughter that I am crazy. About the only way I think those sky-high levels of dopamine can come back for the same two people is extended absence. For example, when a man returns from war to his wife they may experience the same "head over heels" dopamine experience they first felt when dating and recently married.

[Dr. Shane]

OK, that makes more sense. My dopamine level does not need to be as high as it was when I was courting my wife in order for me to sing love songs to her. It is very rare for dopamine levels in a marriage to return to the same height they were during courtship. Yes they do go up and down. We have highs and lows in our marriage. It is actually healthy that we don't return to those sky-high levels of dopamine because people often times make bad decisions like skipping work and not paying bills when their dopamine levels are that high.

My point is that some mistakenly believe that high dopamine levels caused by infatuation are actually caused by love. That is an error. Love is commitment and acceptance of another. It is respecting the other person - including differences the person may have with us. It is caring for their well being - which may include singing love songs or acting silly.

The reason I bring it up in this thread is that sometimes a spouse decides to divorce because they have "fallen in love" with another or feel the have "fallen out of love" with their spouse. In both cases, the spouse leaving is confused about what love is. In the first case, they think the are in love with another because they are infatuated. In the second case they think they have fallen out of love because the dopamine level they felt during courtship has gone down and leveled out.

[GreatLakesGramma]

It's no wonder people are confused about what love really is, the way our society has warped the meaning of the word all out of shape. Infatuation is labeled "love" all the time in movies, novels, and popular songs. It's why so few in the popular entertainment industry stay married to the same person for very long.

[Dr. Shane]

I think some people become dopamine addicts and they use people like a drug addict uses drugs. The "fall in love" with a person and the dopamine levels stay high for six to 24 months and when they go down they move on to the next relationship which gives them another dopamine high.

However more people are not like that. Most people are caught off guard when they become infatuated with someone else other than their spouse. The suddenly feel they have fallen out of love with the spouse and in love with another. Hollywood has taught them that they must follow their heart. Divorce happens and a couple of years later when they are coming down from the dopamine high they are like an alcoholic waking up after a spree with a hangover.