Growing Each Day by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski

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Tishrei 25

He [Hillel] was accustomed to say, "If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?" (Ethics of the Fathers 1:14).

This phrase is sometimes misinterpreted to mean that one must primarily look out for oneself, as though Hillel was advocating selfishness as a desirable trait.

What Hillel really meant can be better understood with a statement by the Rabbi of Kotzk, who said, "If I am I because I am I, and you are you because you are you, then I am and you are. But if I am I because you are you, and you are you because I am I, then I am not and you are not."

Every person must have an identity, and that identity should not depend on what others think of him or what someone else wants him to be. A person who allows himself to be molded and manipulated by others does not have an identity or even an existence of his own, because he will always become whatever others want him to be, and he is essentially an extension of others, rather than an individual in his own right.

People, who allow others to determine who they are and what they are to do, generally do not assume full responsibility for their behavior. Their attitude is on, "He made me do it."

Both Hillel and the Rabbi of Kotzk demand that a person be fully responsible for his actions, and that he decide what he expects of himself and what he sees as his purpose in life.

Today I shall ...
try to achieve my own identity. Whereas I will listen to the advice of those who are wiser than me, I will nonetheless never hold others responsible for what I do.

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Tishrei 26

May He Who knows what is hidden accept our call for help and listen to our cry (Siddur).

The Talmud states that a person may be coerced to perform a mitzvah even if it is required that the mitzvah be done of one's own volition (Rosh Hashanah 6a).

But are not coercion and volition mutually exclusive? Not necessarily, explains Rambam. Inasmuch as the soul of the Jew intrinsically wishes to do the Divine will, and it is only the physical self - which is subject to temptation - that may be resistive, the coercion inflicted upon the person overcomes that external resistance. Thus, when one performs the mitzvah, it is with the full volition of the inner self, the true self, for at his core, every Jew wishes to comply with the mandates of the Torah.

There is a hidden part of us, to which we may have limited access, yet we know it is there. When we pray for our needs, said Rabbi Uri of Strelisk, we generally ask only for that which we feel ourselves to be lacking. However, we must also recognize that our soul has spiritual needs, and that we may not be aware of its cravings.

We therefore pray, said Rabbi Uri, that God should listen not only to the requests that we verbalize, but also to our hidden needs that are very important to us - but which He knows much better than we.

Today I shall ...
try to realize that there is a part of me of which I am only vaguely aware. I must try to get to know that part of myself, because it is my very essence.

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Tishrei 27

The heart of those that seek God shall rejoice. Seek God and His might, constantly seek His countenance (Psalms 105:3-4).

One might ask, "Why should I try to seek God? He is infinitely great, and so totally beyond human grasp that the search to understand Him is all in vain. Is it not senseless to exhaust oneself in an effort that is doomed to failure from its very outset?"

Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm states that the above verses are the Psalmist's reply to this question. Spiritual quests are qualitatively different from physical ones. In worldly matters, a quest is futile if one finds nothing, and the disappointment is frustrating. Not so in one's search for God, wherein the search itself brings joy, for the very inquiry elevates the searcher.

Indeed, the Psalmist urges us never to cease the search, because the promise of joy in searching is contingent upon its continuity. One cannot stop midway, abandon the effort, and retire with one's winnings. Abandoning the search for God at any point brings a person back to square one. To achieve the joy in searching, it must be constantly seek His countenance.

This thought was also expressed by the Rabbi of Kotzk, on the verse, And from there you shall seek your God, and you shall find Him, if you seek Him with all your heart and soul (Deuteronomy 4:29). The Kotzker interpreted the verse to mean that the seeking is the finding; "you shall find Him if you seek ..." - but only if it is a lifelong quest, with all one's heart and soul.

Today I shall ...
try to find God everywhere in the universe. I will study Torah literature to help me in this search.

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Tishrei 28

Behold, He stands behind our walls, looking through the windows, and peering through the lattices (Song of Songs 2:9).

"Whether God watches through the windows or through the lattices," said Rabbi Yisrael of Salant, "God watches over us. The difference is that sometimes it is through a window, and then we can see Him just as He sees us. At other times, it is through a crack in the partition, where He can see us, but we do not see Him."

Both in the history of the nation and in our personal lives, there have been times when Divine intervention was manifest. There have also been times when we were in great distress and felt abandoned, but even then, though God seemed to be absent, He was watching over us. The Torah foretold that there would be times of anguish when we would feel that God is not among us. At such times we must strengthen our faith and declare, "Behold, the Keeper of Israel does not sleep nor slumber."

Commenting on the verse, He does great marvels alone (Psalms 136:4), our Sages tell us that "alone" means that only God is aware of some of the miracles He performs for us, because we are unable to recognize them as such. Those who failed to see the protective hand of God when the Iraqis rained scuds on Israel were morally and psychologically blind; anyone should have been aware of God's protection. But even when His intervention is less evident, we must know that He watches over us, albeit "through cracks in the lattices."

Today I shall ...
try to reinforce my faith in the everpresent watchfulness of God over Israel as a whole, and over me as an individual.

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Tishrei 29

Cause us to lie down, Hashem, our God, in peace, and cause us to rise up again to life and peace (Siddur).

I once asked a recovered alcoholic with many years of sobriety to share his experiences with a newcomer who was unable to understand how, after so many years of dependence on alcohol, someone under stress could avoid recourse to drink.

"It's simple," the veteran said. "Every morning when I get up, I ask God to help me stay sober one more day. Every night when I retire, I thank Him for having given me another day of sobriety, and hope that He will do the same for me tomorrow."

The novice listened in partial disbelief. "How do you know it was God that gave you the day of sobriety?" he asked.

The old-timer responded, "How stupid can you get? I hadn't asked anyone else!"

It is amazing how we sometimes complicate things that are quite simple.

Each night we entrust our weary soul to God, and each morning He not only returns it to us, but gives it to us in a refreshed state. Indeed, if we ask Him sincerely to cleanse it for us by removing the sins that stained it during the day, we can be assured that this request too will be granted, as long as it is sincere - because an honest request constitutes teshuvah, and the combination of repentance and faith is certain to earn us forgiveness.

Today I shall ...
try to realize that each day of life is a Divine gift, and that I have the means of starting each day with a soul cleansed by God.

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Tishrei 30

A person can see all lesions, except for his own (Negaim 2:5).

The above Talmudic law refers to the particular kinds of lesions that must be examined by a Kohen (priest) to determine whether they are ritually clean or contaminated. The Talmud states that a Kohen is not eligible to pass judgment on lesions affecting his own person, since he cannot have the necessary objectivity where he is involved.

This statement has been interpreted homiletically to mean that a person is capable of recognizing all defects except his own; a person will tend to deny his own faults, although he will easily recognize similar flaws in others.

The Baal Shem Tov gave this statement yet another profound interpretation simply by moving the comma ahead by one word. In his formulation, the statement reads, "A person can see all defects on the outside, [if they are like] his own." We see in others only the sort of defects that exist in ourselves. The Baal Shem Tov taught that whenever we find fault with another person, we should analyze ourselves carefully to discover where that same fault exists within ourselves. We will deny it vehemently, and project it onto others.

The Talmudic commentaries anticipated modern psychological discoveries by many centuries. "Denial" and "projection" go hand in hand to focus on others and prevent us from making the necessary improvements in our character.

Today I shall ...
try to do a personal inventory, to seek out where I might have those faults that I identify in others, and make an effort to correct them.

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Cheshvan 1
 

God said to Noah, "Enter ... into the ark" (Genesis 7:1).

The Hebrew word for ark, teivah, has two meanings: it can mean "an ark," and it can also mean "a word." In the above verse, the latter meaning tells us that God instructed Noah to "enter into the word." Rabbi Moshe of Kobrin expounded on this theme, explaining that when we pray, we should "enter into the words," i.e. totally immerse ourselves into each word of prayer, as though the word is encompassing us.

A listener once asked him: "How can a big human being possibly enter into a little word?" Rabbi Moshe answered, "People who consider themselves bigger than the word are not the kind of person we are talking about."

The Talmud states that people's prayers are not accepted unless they efface themselves before God (Sotah 5a). God abhors those who are egotistical, and therefore the prayers of a vain person are not likely to be received favorably.

People preoccupied with their egos remain external to their prayers. The truly humble person feels small enough to "enter" even the tiniest word.

Today I shall ...

try to throw myself entirely into my prayers by setting aside those thoughts and feelings that would inflate my ego.

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Cheshvan 2

Do not show favoritism in judgment ... fear no person (Deuteronomy 1:17).

Rabbi Yaakov of Lisa summoned one of his town's wealthiest citizens, a pillar of the community, to appear before him in a rabbinic court. When the man ignored the summons for the third time, Rabbi Yaakov notified him that unless he complied at once, he would feel the full wrath of the court.

The man came to the rabbi and sharply rebuked him. "You should be aware, Rabbi," he said, "that I was the one who was instrumental in your getting the position as rabbi of this community. This is not how I expected to be repaid."

Without a word, Rabbi Yaakov left his study, packed his and his family's belongings, and they all left town. Rabbi Yaakov later explained that the man had not intimidated him, but he may have caused him to be unconsciously biased and he might not be completely objective in his case. Furthermore, if his judgment would have been in this man's favor, he might have been suspected of favoritism.

When we bring a dispute before a judge, we should value truth sufficiently to avoid using personal influence which might undermine a just decision.

Today I shall ...
try to keep myself rigorously honest by avoiding the urge to tilt the truth to my interests.

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Cheshvan 3

Do not partake of the bread of one who is miserly (Proverbs 23:6).

Yankel was known for his extreme miserliness. When he came to shul one day and announced that his wife had given birth to a son, his face was less than glowing with happiness. When asked why, he admitted: "Well, a baby boy requires a bris, and a bris requires refreshments, and those cost money."

"You say `refreshments,' Yankel?" his friend, Boruch, said. "Why, Yankel, for a bris you must serve a whole feast! And I'll tell you something, Yankel. You will have to provide even more food than someone else, because it's a known fact that when the host does not fargin (i.e. he is stingy), the guests eat twice as much!"

Poor Yankel had no choice but to comply with custom. He reluctantly prepared a meal for the bris. During the meal, painfully watching everyone eat with much gusto, he ran to Boruch and said, "Help. Boruch, help! I'm farginning (not being stingy), but they're still eating twice as much anyway!"

We must be cautious not to let our emotions deceive us. If we have undesirable feelings, we should not make believe that they do not exist, but we should try to correct them. Self-deception can result only in absurd contradictions, such as Yankel's assertion that he really was being generous."

Today I shall ...
try to examine my feelings and perhaps ask someone else to help me evaluate them, lest I deceive myself.

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Cheshvan 4

May these words that I have prayed before God be close to God day and night, that He may do justice for His servant and for His people Israel, the needs of each day on that day (Siddur).

When people lift heavy loads, they are likely to develop severe back pain. When they realize that they are overtaxing their bodies, they discontinue this practice and from then on will lift only as much as their bodies can safely bear.

While we can easily determine our body's stress capacity, our psychological and emotional stress tolerance is not so readily measurable. Yet, if we exceed that stress level, symptoms of discomfort and dysfunction are just as apt to occur as when the body's level is exceeded. How is one to determine one's safe emotional and psychological stress level?

What could be simpler than following the instruction book provided by the Manufacturer?

During the Israelites' sojourn in the desert, the manna was provided in portions just sufficient for one day, and any excess rotted away.

As for what they would eat the next day, the Israelites had been assured that there would be fresh manna the following day. Our appropriate stress tolerance is to be concerned for just one day - twenty-four hours. If we take on more than that, we may be overburdening the system. In our economy, lacking the miraculous manna and having the ability to save for the future, there may be justification for putting something aside for a rainy day. However, we often take on worries far in advance, about things that we are powerless to alter or to prepare for today. Such futile worry is harmful to a person.

Today I shall ...
try to concentrate on my present needs and avoid worrying about things that are not within my capacity to change.

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Cheshvan 5

When Saul was king for one year ... (I Samuel 13:1).

The literal translation of this verse is, "Saul was one year old when he became king." The Talmud explains that Scripture uses this wording to convey that when Saul assumed the throne, he was as free of sin as a one-year-old child.

People grow wiser as they mature, but some features of childhood should not be abandoned. Rabbi Shlomo Luria stated that when he recited the Shema, he could have meditated upon the profound hidden meanings and esoteric combinations of the Divine Name. He instead concentrated on the simplest meanings of the words, just as a small child would who knows only the literal translation, "Hear, O Israel, our God is Lord, our God is One."

God created man simple, but man made complex calculations (Ecclesiastes 7:29). The problems of life need not be anywhere near as complicated as we make them. In matters of faith and in following instructions, we would benefit greatly if we used childlike simplicity, trusting in the superior wisdom of our Father and doing what we are told instead of trying to analyze everything.

Today I shall ...

try to keep things as simple as possible, and allow myself to be taught and guided by those wiser than myself.

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Cheshvan 6

God appeared to Abram and said to him, "I am Almighty God. Walk before Me and be perfect" (Genesis 17:1).

If a human being cannot be perfect, why did God demand perfection of Abraham?

The entire context of the verse indicates both the definition of this perfection and the way in which it can be achieved. It is obvious that no human being can aspire to equal God's degree of perfection. What man can achieve is to live according to God's teachings and thereby live up to his own human potential; more than man's personal maximum is not possible or expected. Thus, God did not say simply, "Be perfect"; He said, "Walk before Me + and thereby you will be perfect." When a person tries to live according to the Divine teachings, that constitutes human perfection, although one is technically never perfect.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch notes that the Hebrew word for "walk" in the above verse is not telech but heshalech which implies, "Go your way in spite of opposition, not making your progress dependent on external circumstances, but being led from within yourself: Let your movement proceed from your own free-willed decisions."

The picture is now complete; human perfection can be achieved by making a free-willed choice to live according to the Divine teaching.

Today I shall ...

try to realize that although I cannot be absolutely without flaw, I can be perfect if I make free-will decisions to obey the Divine will.

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Cheshvan 7

And you shall love Hashem your God ... (Deuteronomy 6:5)
And you shall love your neighbor as yourself... (Leviticus 19:18).

Both of these statements are positive commandments. We might ask: How can a commandment demand that we feel something? Since love is an emotion, it is either there or it is not there.

The Torah does not hold that love is something spontaneous. On the contrary, it teaches that we can and should cultivate love. No one has the liberty to say: "There are some people whom I just do not like," nor even, "I cannot possibly like that person because he did this and that to me."

We have within us innate attractions to God and to other people. If we do not feel love for either of them, it is because we have permitted barriers to develop that interfere with this natural attraction, much as insulation can block a magnet's inherent attraction for iron. If we remove the barriers, the love will be forthcoming.

The barriers inside us come from defects in our character. When we improve ourselves, our bad character traits fall away, and as they fall away, we begin to sense that natural love which we have for others and for God.

Today I shall ...

try to improve my midos (character traits), so that I will be able to feel love for God and for my fellow man.

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Cheshvan 8

From on high may they plead merit for them (our hosts) and for us ... and may we find favor and understanding in the eyes of God and man (Grace After Meals).

We all wish to be liked and appreciated. What is the best road to popularity?

Some people are "people pleasers." They do things for others to earn their favor and affection. While it is certainly commendable to do things for others, "buying" their affection should not be the motivation. Furthermore, there are times when we are not able to fulfill a particular request that someone may make of us. If we force ourselves because we are afraid that our refusal may result in losing the other person's friendship, we may resent what we do. This process is counterproductive; doing acts of kindness should not result in resentment.

All we need to be liked and appreciated is to have a sincere attitude of caring for others. A benevolent attitude will translate itself into benevolent deeds. This "intangible" will be felt by other people, even when we are unable to do anything for them.

In the above prayer, we ask God to bless our hosts and to consider them meritorious. Showing this benevolent attitude is sufficient for us to find favor in the eyes of both God and others.

Today I shall ...

try to cultivate feelings of sincere concern for others, and pray for their well-being just as I pray for my own.