Growing Each Day by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski

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12 Cheshvan

Fortunate is the person who fears God, and has a great desire for His mitzvos (Psalms 112:1).

We think of fear as a negative emotion, so we try to eliminate it. We therefore lose sight of the fact that fear can also be constructive. Fear motivates us to drive cautiously even when in a great hurry, and fear makes a diabetic adhere to his diet and take his insulin daily.

Religion has often been criticized for advocating the fear of God. This criticism may be justified if we were conditioned to think of Him as an all-powerful Being holding a huge club, ready to beat a sinner to a pulp for doing something wrong. All ethical works discourage the use of this type of fear as motivation. Rather, fear of God should be understood to mean the fear of the harmful consequences that are inherent in violating His instructions. The Psalmist says that wickedness itself destroys the wicked person (see Psalms 34:22).

"Fortunate is the person who fears God," in the sense that "he has great desire for His mitzvos" (Psalms 112:1). It is only natural for one to desire the very best, and the realization that observing the mitzvos is indeed in one's best interest should constitute the "fear" that should deter someone from transgressing the Divine will.

Today I shall ...

... try to realize that observance of the mitzvos is in my best interest, and that I should fear transgressing the mitzvos in the same way I fear any injurious act.

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13 Cheshvan

O, God, who will dwell in Your tabernacle, who will rest on Your holy mountain? ... One who speaks the truth in his heart ... who swears to his own hurt but will not retract (Psalms 15:1-4).

In their mind's eye, people believe that they are acting as truthfully as possible. We all know, however, how easily we can deceive ourselves. Since truth may be elusive, how then can we know that we have the truth?

There is a useful litmus test. We can know that we have the truth when we have the courage to feel the pain of accepting the truth. People lie because they think the lie will be less painful or costly for them than the truth.

People often fail to grow because they are reluctant to face the painful truth that they have done wrong. We have an innate tendency to avoid pain, and therefore we are apt to conjure up rationalizations that justify our behavior. These rationalizations are nothing but lies + sometimes clever and convincing, but lies nonetheless. Facing the truth and accepting the pain that comes with it requires courage.

People who "speak the truth in their heart," says the Psalmist, do not retract their word even if it is to their own hurt. On the other hand, those who constantly seek to change everything to conform to their maximum comfort are only lying to themselves.

Today I shall ...

... try to be courageous and not automatically withdraw from everything that is painful. I shall try to examine my actions to make sure I am not sacrificing truth for comfort.

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14 Cheshvan

Three types of people live an unlivable life: those who are overly compassionate, overly irritable, or overly sensitive (Pesachim 113b).

Why is being overly sensitive so unlivable? If we sustain a severe sunburn, we avoid contact with other people, because what would normally be a friendly pat on the back or a gentle caress can cause exquisite pain.

Our emotions can become as overly sensitive as our skin, and things which would otherwise be neutral, if not pleasant, may be very painful. To avoid being hurt, we may withdraw from human contact or set up other barriers to communication.

The ego is the source for this touchiness. When people's egos become inflated, they feel superior to others and imagine that they deserve more recognition. No amount of recognition is sufficient, however, and other people's innocent comments or actions are misinterpreted as insults or slights.

Unlike sunburnt skin, ego-burnt emotions are not easily recognized. This lack of awareness may then cause these poor people to think that others intend to harm them. Such misinterpretations will make their lives unlivable.

Today I shall ...

... try to avoid reacting reflexively to painful experiences, and try to understand that my discomfort may be due to my sensitivity rather than to others' behavior.

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15 Cheshvan

If a person has a worry in his heart, let him relate it to others (Proverbs 12:25, Yoma 75a).

Many people are hesitant to share their painful feelings with others. They may not wish to burden others with their problems, or they may be too ashamed to reveal their thoughts and feelings. The Scriptures and Talmud advocate the value of ventilating problems.

Rabbi Elimelech of Lizensk stated: "One should regularly relate to one's mentor or to a trusted friend all the improper thoughts and feelings one has experienced ... and this is an incomparable technique (for proper conduct)."

The value of sharing our troublesome thoughts, feelings, and actions with another person is inestimable. First, by not repressing our true feelings, we become more honest with ourselves. Second, by elucidating our problems with someone else, we may gain greater insight into them and even discover their solutions. Third, by considering our problem from a non-biased perspective, the listener can give an opinion far more objective than we could ever formulate on our own.

Rabbi Elimelech recommends that such sharing be done regularly. Troublesome thoughts and feelings should not be allowed to accumulate. Not only can they add up to become overwhelming, they can also fester, become even more serious, and therefore be more difficult to eliminate.

Today I shall ...

... find someone whom I can trust with my most private thoughts and feelings, and relieve myself of the burdensome baggage I have been carrying.

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16 Cheshvan

It is a Divine kindness that His mercies are endless (Lamentations 3:22).

Another way to translate this verse is, "It is a Divine kindness that we are never finished."

The Maggid of Koznitz was extremely frail and sickly as a child. It was not thought that he would survive to adulthood. Much of his life was spent sick in bed, and he was so weak that he was often unable to sit up to meet visitors. Still, he lived to an advanced age.

The Maggid once revealed the secret of his longevity. "I never allowed myself to be without an assignment or a task to perform," he said. "People are taken from this world only when their missions here are completed. Whenever I was just about to finish one task, I would start another; hence, I could not be removed from this world if my assignment was not completed."

Even from a purely physiological aspect, the Maggid's concept is valid. Some think that the healthiest thing for us is rest and relaxation. Not so. In reality, unused muscles tend to atrophy, while muscles that are exercised and stimulated are strengthened.

The same principle applies to the entire person. If we constantly stimulate ourselves to achieve new goals, we avoid the apathy that leads to atrophy.

Today I shall ...

... try to take on a new spiritual goal, and stimulate myself to greater achievement in serving God and being of help to other people.

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17 Cheshvan

May the Merciful One lift the yoke of exile from our necks and lead us upright to our land (Grace After Meals).

Rabbi Naftali of Ropschitz related that a Russian czar was inspecting his troops on the front lines, when one enemy soldier took aim at him. A brave Russian soldier threw himself at the czar, pushed him out of the line of fire, and thereby saved his life. The grateful czar told the soldier that he would reward him by granting any request he made. The soldier complained that his sergeant was very cruel to him, and asked the czar to order the sergeant to treat him more kindly.

"You fool!" the czar responded. "You should have asked to be made a senior officer, and then the sergeant would have to take orders from you!"

Rabbi Naftali commented that we come before God with a variety of petty requests, forgetting that the single request we should be making is to be returned to our homeland and to the glory of old, and then all our other requests would be fulfilled.

As we thank God for our food and ask Him to continue to provide for us, we are reminded not to be as foolish as the soldier, but rather to make the most important request of all + that we be returned to the position of favor in the eyes of God.

Today I shall ...

... try to remember that our greatest need is that we be what which we were chosen to be + a kingdom of priests and a sacred nation.

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18 Cheshvan

Arise before an aged person, and give honor to one mature in wisdom (Leviticus 19:32).

Although they are basically God-fearing and wish to do what is right, many people have not succeeded in the struggle to overcome their temptations. In judging their shortcomings, however, it is important to evaluate their underlying attitude - do they truly respect the proper course of action and those who are more successful than they in having it?

Rabbi Levi Yitzchok of Berdichev told of a general who lost an important battle. His king replaced him as commander. Now that the deposed general was vulnerable, his enemies accused him of treason, claiming that he had intentionally lost the battle. When the new commander, who subsequently was victorious, was honored for his triumph, the first general genuinely rejoiced at his successor's celebration. The king then dismissed the treason charges. "Had he been disloyal, he would not have celebrated his successor's victory. That he did so proves that his defeat was simply due to his lack of ability, and not to treason"

Similarly, said Rabbi Levi Yitzchok, even if one is lax in full observance of the mitzvos, the fact that one honors those who do observe the mitzvos indicates that one's intentions are good, but that one has just not been strong enough to resist temptation. The desire to do good, however, is likely to predominate ultimately.

By honoring talmidei chachamim (Torah scholars), one indicates the desire to do the will of God.

Today I shall ...

... show my respect for those who are more learned and more committed to Torah observance than I am.

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19 Cheshvan

You shall rebuke your friend (Leviticus 19:17).

A famous maggid (preacher) once visited Rabbi Chaim of Sanz. Rabbi Chaim complained to him that since he was a Rebbe, a leader, no one ever rebuked him for anything. He asked the maggid to please tell him where he could improve himself.

The maggid remarked that he was surprised that Rabbi Chaim's house did not have the requisite square cubit of unfinished wall space that one is to leave as a reminder of the ruin of the Temple. Rabbi Chaim promptly arose and scraped the paint off an area of the wall, deeply thanking the maggid for calling his attention to this delinquency.

We are often unable to see our own faults. Still, most people dislike rebuke. Even if they are not frankly offended by someone else pointing out their imperfections, they are rarely grateful for being reprimanded. Knowing that we might react defensively, people who note our mistakes and are in a position to rebuke us will be reluctant to provoke us. We should actively encourage them, as Rabbi Chaim did, for we can learn from their observations, eliminate our character defects, and thereby better ourselves.

Today I shall ...

... try to encourage others to tell me what I might be doing that they consider wrong, and be sincerely grateful to anyone who provides constructive criticism.

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20 Cheshvan

Who is the person who desires life and loves days to see good? Guard your tongue from evil and your lips from deceitful speech (Psalms 34:13-14).

Who would be so foolish as not to desire life and days to see good? Yet, we may forfeit something so desirable and precious by abusing the gift of speech, by speaking gossip or slander, or by lying.

Resolving to not lie or speak evil is not enough; we must always be on constant guard. In this case, the best guard is a fence. We put fences around our homes and properties because we wish to protect them from damage that may come from unsuspected sources. Likewise, to avoid gossip, slander, or lies, we must set up protective "fences" to avoid such an occurrence, as for example, avoiding associating with gossipers, and pausing to think before we talk about another person.

Lashon hara is not only a grievous sin, but actually defiles our speech, thus devaluating the words we utter in prayer and Torah study. Just think how revolting it would be if someone served you the finest delicacies in filthy utensils! The precious words of Torah study and prayer that we bring before God should not be contaminated by delivering them through a vehicle of speech that has been soiled by lashon hara.

Today I shall ...

... try to be on the alert not to speak an untruth, not to gossip or tattletale, and not to speak disparagingly about another person.

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21 Cheshvan

I have set God always before me (Psalms 16:8).

Late one night, Rabbi Naftali of Ropschitz took a walk in the outskirts of town, where he met a night watchman and struck up a conversation with him. The watchman assumed that Rabbi Naftali was also a guard and, not recognizing him as one of the regular group, asked him, "For whom are you on duty?"

Rabbi Naftali was taken aback. He realized that while he was engaged in light conversation, his thoughts had momentarily deviated from the awareness of the presence of God and the need to concentrate always on serving Him. In the watchman's question "For whom are you on duty?", the Rabbi detected a reminder that he should get back on track. Tzaddikim consider themselves constantly duty bound, like a sentry charged with protecting the lives of comrades. Even a brief lapse of alertness constitutes gross negligence.

Many people think that God is served only during prayer and Torah study, or while performing mitzvos. The very first paragraph of the Shulchan Aruch contains the verse cited above and explains that a person's behavior should be regulated by the awareness that one is always in God's presence and under Divine vigilance. Such constant awareness will assure that every action, great or small, will conform to the Divine will.

Today I shall ...

... try to maintain a constant awareness that I am in the presence of God, and that I may not, at any time, do something that would displease Him.

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22 Cheshvan

I despise false hood and I abhor it; it is Your Torah that I love (Psalms 119:163).

Although we may condemn falsehood and champion truth, many of us are not beyond stretching the truth a bit when circumstances appear to warrant it. It is after all very easy to rationalize and to justify a white lie. On the other hand, some things are so repulsive and disgusting that we instinctively avoid them. We feel revolted by the very thought of coming into contact with something grossly polluted, and no amount of cajoling from anyone would help us overcome this revulsion.

True love of truth requires that we not only avoid evil, but that we despise it. Those who love God should despise evil, says the Psalmist (97:10), and in the verse cited above, King David goes one step further. The hatred of falsehood and evil should be so intense and profound that the very thought of them is abhorrent; we should instinctively reject them in the same manner that we shun something so foul that it contaminates anyone who touches it.

We may think that we possess true love of truth, but the litmus test is how much we despise falsehood. Unless falsehood automatically repels us, we have not yet achieved true love of Torah.

Today I shall ...

... try to intensify my dislike for anything false, to the point that lying and deceit become physical impossibilities for me.

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23 Cheshvan

For this thing (observance of the mitzvos) is extremely close to you, in your mouth and in your heart to do it (Deuteronomy 30:14).

Given the 365 restrictions and prohibitions of the Torah and the demand for performance of 248 mitzvos, how can Moses say that it is not only easy to observe, but that it is extremely close to you; i.e. extremely easy to do?

The answer lies in one simple word that is repeated no less than fourteen times in this short (forty-verse) portion of the Torah: "Today." Moreover, the word appears superfluous; every verse could read just as well without it. The Torah must be telling us that if we concentrate on today's challenges and leave tomorrow's for tomorrow, then this challenge is extremely easy to accomplish.

I have seen this message in my own work. When people who have abused alcohol for decades come for treatment of their alcoholism, they can be extremely frightened by the prospect that they will never again be able to take a drink. Giving up alcohol for life appears to be virtually impossible. The method that works best in overcoming alcoholism is that advocated by Alcoholics Anonymous: since you can do nothing today about tomorrow's sobriety, don't worry today about how you will stay sober tomorrow. You will have ample opportunity to concern yourself tomorrow about tomorrow's challenge. Today, just take care of today.

Today I shall ...

... try to concentrate on those things that are within my capacity to do today, and avoid worrying about challenges that are not within today's range of action.

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24 Cheshvan

What the recipient of alms does for the donor is greater than what the donor does for the recipient (Vayikra Rabbah 34:8).

Rabbi Yitzchok of Zidachov said, "Life consists of give and take. Everyone must be a giver and a receiver. Those who are not both are as a barren tree."

There is a charming Jewish custom: on Erev Yom Kippur or on Hoshana Rabbah, people ask or "beg" for cake from friends. The rationale is that just in case it was Divinely decreed for someone to be a beggar, the begging for cake will fulfill this decree, and so one would be free from such a fate.

Another important reason for this custom could be that giving is easy, because we can then feel magnanimous. Still, it is crucial that we also empathize with the person who needs assistance and realize how painful and degrading it is to beg and to depend on others. Only then will we be able to take into consideration the feelings of those who must ask for help and express our feelings by providing words of comfort and encouragement along with the material help. Lack of empathy when giving charity can lead to arrogance.

We must realize that in some ways we are all takers, for even in the very act of giving charity we take more than we give.

Today I shall ...

... try to identify with people who ask for help and avoid considering myself superior to those whom I offer help or give charity.

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25 Cheshvan

May we have life in which God fulfills our hearts' desires for good (Siddur).

The followers of Rabbi Uri of Strelisk were all poor. When another Chassidic master visited him, he asked Rabbi Uri why he did not pray that his congregants become more prosperous.

Rabbi Uri called in a follower whose shabby clothing attested to his poverty. He said to him, "Now is a special moment of grace, and you will be granted anything your heart desires. Ask for whatever you wish."

Without a moment's hesitancy, the man said, "I wish to be able to say Baruch She'amar (the opening prayer of the morning service) with the same fervor as the Rabbi does."

Rabbi Uri turned to his friend. "You see now for yourself!" he said. "They do not want riches. Why should I intercede to get them something they do not want?"

We ask God for many things, but most importantly, we should pray that He enlighten us what it is that we should pray for, lest we waste our prayers by asking for things that are not to our ultimate advantage and fail to ask for what is really essential.

Today I shall ...

... try to think about what it is that I really need and that is in my best interest, instead of focusing on things that may seem desirable but are really inconsequential.

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26 Cheshvan

If you should neglect [the study] of Torah, you will find many excuses to neglect it (Ethics of the Fathers 4:12).

Rabbi Mendel of Kotzk once met a disciple of Rabbi Moshe of Kobrin.

"What was most important to your Rabbi?" he asked.

The disciple replied, "Whatever he happened to be doing at the moment."

Time should be precious to us. It is irreplaceable; unlike money, a moment that is lost can never be regained. Still, we protect our money far more than our time.

Absolute idleness consists of doing nothing. But there is also a relative idleness, when we occupy ourselves with things of lesser value.

If what we are doing at any given time is not the most important thing at that moment, something else must be even more important. If that is so, why are we neglecting what is more important and spending our time on what is less important? Would we be so foolish to spend our time earning less money when we could just as well be earning more

Today I shall ...

... try to realize the value of time, and make every moment count.

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27 Cheshvan

If a person has an equal number of mitzvos and sins, he is given the opportunity to repent until Yom Kippur. If he repents, he is inscribed for life; but if not, he is inscribed for death (Maimonides, Teshuvah 3:3).

Why should people be condemned if, by Yom Kippur, their mitzvos still equal their sins? If the two exactly balance each other, should they not be judged with mercy?Rabbi Yisrael of Salant said that the answer is obvious. If people are given the opportunity to repent for their sins, yet still fail to do so, their negligence is a sin so terrible that it outweighs all the mitzvos. While people cannot justify their sins, they can say that the intensity of temptation was overwhelming. As one Chassidic master pleaded, "Almighty God, if You had placed the terrors of Gehinnom before people's eyes and had concealed temptation in books, I swear to You that no one would sin. But You put temptation right before people's eyes and relegated the terrors of Gehinnom to the books, where it exists as an abstraction! Is it any wonder that people sin?"Still, once the sin has been committed and the temptation assuaged, what justification can there be for not regretting that one has done wrong? Hence, said Rabbi Yisrael of Salant, the seriousness of a failure to repent. Sin may stem from an inherent weakness; neglect to rectify past wrongs constitutes an act of defiance and an attitude of unforgivable, arrogant self-righteousness which cannot be forgiven.

Today I shall ...

... make a reckoning of things I have done, and have the courage to recognize and admit what I have done wrong.

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28 Cheshvan

Even if the entire world considers you a tzaddik (pious and righteous), you should nevertheless think of yourself as if you were sinful (Niddah 30b).

In 1965, I visited the Steipler Gaon, a sage whom people often consulted for medical advice. Since he had heard that I was a psychiatrist, he wanted to find out new developments in medications for mental illnesses. I related to the Gaon whatever I knew about the most recent advances.

"Is anything available that can cure someone from delusions?" he asked. I told the Gaon that delusions were very resistant to treatment, and that while antipsychotic medications could subdue overt psychotic behavior, the delusional thinking itself was difficult to eradicate.

"But what if someone has the delusion that he is the greatest tzaddik in the generation?" the Gaon asked. I could not restrain myself and laughingly replied, "No medication can cure that."

The Gaon shook his head sadly. "Too bad," he said. "That malady is so widespread."

Delusions of any kind are a sign of mental illness. How sick a person must be to consider oneself a tzaddik, and how wise the Talmud was to caution us against developing such delusions!

Today I shall ...

... try to be honest with myself, and even if my behavior is such that people may think I am a tzaddik, I must not allow myself to be deluded.

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29 Cheshvan

If one builds a wall adjacent to a neighbor's windows, it must be built far enough that he not intrude on his neighbor's privacy (Bava Basra 22a, free translation).

In Jewish law, privacy is a right. As the above excerpt from the Talmud shows, a court can protect an individual's privacy.

Physical privacy is but one dimension of one's right; we also have the right to keep knowledge of our affairs away from the public eye. Not only can discussing or disclosing another person's affairs cause great damage, but in addition, it can intrude upon the other person's privacy. People have a right to their own thoughts and feelings, and this right to privacy must be respected, even among friends and family members.

Some people get offended when they discover that someone withheld personal information that they felt they had a right to know. Of course, while a person entering a partnership (whether business or personal) has a right to know certain things (such as the other party's past record of honesty), the other party certainly has the right to keep other things private.

Intimacy is a bridge between two separate people; only if we respect another person's right to a "self," a sense of privacy, can we expect intimacy to exist.

Today I shall ...

... try to remember that other people have rights to their own thoughts and feelings, and avoid intruding on other people's privacy.

[phkrause]

30 Cheshvan

Do not take revenge nor bear grudge among your people, and you should love your neighbor as yourself, I am God (Leviticus 19:18).

This verse may well be the Torah's most difficult demand. The Talmud gives an example of revenge: someone refuses to give you a loan; then, when he or she asks you for one, you say, "I will not lend you money because you turned me down when I was in need." Bearing a grudge comes when you do give the person the loan, but say, "I want you to see that I am more decent than you. I am willing to lend you the money, even though you did not give me that consideration." The Torah forbids both reactions; we must loan in silence.

R' Moshe Chaim Luzzato says that revenge is one of the sweetest sensations a person can have, and that the Torah's demand that we suppress this impulse is asking us to virtually be akin to angels (Path of the Just, Chap. 11). Still, the fact that we are required to do so tells us that this level of control is within our grasp. The key to this is contained in the end of the verse cited above.

The Torah wishes us to consider the other person as we would ourselves. For example, if a person stubbed his toe and felt a sharp pain, he would hardly hit his foot as punishment for having hurt him. Just as we would neither take revenge nor bear a grudge on a part of our own body, we should not do so toward another person.

Today I shall ...

... try to think of other people as extensions of myself, and avoid responding with hostility when I am offended.

[phkrause]

1 Kislev

I am but dust and ashes (Genesis 18:27).Everyone must say, "The world was created for my sake" (Sanhedrin 37a).

Rabbi Bunim of Pshis'cha said that everyone should have two pockets; one to contain, "I am but dust and ashes," and the other to contain, "The world was created for my sake." At certain times, we must reach into one pocket; at other times, into the other. The secret of correct living comes from knowing when to reach into which.

Humility is the finest of all virtues and is the source of all admirable character traits. Yet, if a person considers himself to be utterly insignificant, he may not care about his actions. He may think, "What is so important about what I do? It makes no difference, so long as I do not harm anyone." Such feelings of insignificance can cause immoral behavior.

When a person does not feel that his actions are significant, he either allows impulses to dominate his behavior or slouches into inactivity. At such a time, he must reach into the pocket of personal grandeur and read: "I am specially created by God. He has a mission that only I can achieve. Since this is a Divine mission, the entire universe was created solely to enable me to accomplish this particular assignment."

When presidents and premiers delegate missions to their officials, those officials feel a profound sense of responsibility to carry out the mission in the best possible manner. How much more so when we are commissioned by God!

Today I shall ...

... keep in mind both the humbleness and the grandeur of the human being.

[phkrause]

2 Kislev

I shall praise God among a multitude (Psalms 26:12).

While the prayer and performance of a mitzvah are always praiseworthy, it is especially meritorious when an entire community participates in it, as the Sages teach, The prayer of a multitude is never turned away (Devarim Rabbah 2).

Nothing is more pleasing to God than to see His children bound together in friendship and placing the common welfare above personal ambitions. Indeed, the Talmud states that when Jews are united, God is willing to overlook even serious transgressions.

As for ourselves, nothing is more important than realizing that no one is an island, and that we are all interdependent. The idea of complete self-sufficiency is an illusion and probably a desperate attempt at ego-building by someone who is plagued by feelings of inferiority and inadequacy.

When we do things together, we both give and receive. Others are strengthened in their resolve and actions by our participation, and we are stimulated and encouraged by theirs.

Another added benefit: Commenting on the verse, Five of you will pursue one hundred enemies and one hundred will pursue ten thousand (Leviticus 26:8), the Midrash states that when a multitude observes the Torah, their strength is not merely additive, but increases exponentially.

In working with alcoholics, I have observed the enormous power that can come from a group effort. As one recovering person said to the group, "There is nothing I could do without you, and there is nothing I cannot do when I have you."

Today I shall ...

... try to pool my strength by joining others in prayer, Torah study, and the performance of mitzvos.

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3 Kislev

God is your shadow at your right hand (Psalms 121:5).

The Baal Shem Tov taught that God acts toward individuals accordingly as they act toward other people. Thus, if people are willing to forgive those who have offended them, God will similarly overlook their misdeeds. If a person is very judgmental and reacts with anger to any offense, God will be equally strict. The meaning of, God is your shadow, is that a person's shadow mimics his or her every action.

At a therapy session for family members of recovering alcoholics, one woman told the group that she had experienced frustration from many years of infertility and tremendous joy when she finally conceived. Her many expectations were shattered, however, when the child was born with Down's syndrome.

"I came to love that child dearly," she said, "but the greatest thing that child has done for me is to make me realize that if I can love him so in spite of his imperfections, then God can love me in spite of my many imperfections."

If we wish to know how God will relate to us, the answer is simple: exactly in the same way we relate to others. If we demand perfection from others, He will demand it of us. If we can love others even though they do not measure up to our standards and expectations, then He will love us in spite of our shortcomings.

Today I shall ...

... try to relate to people in the same manner I would wish God to relate to me.

[phkrause]

4 Kislev

The voice of God is in the force (Psalms 29:4).

The Midrash on this verse comments, "It does not say that `the voice of God is in His force,' but in the force; it `is in the force of every individual.' `' What God demands of every individual never exceeds the capacities He gave that person. Similarly, the Midrash notes that when the first of the Ten Commandments states: I am Hashem, your God, it uses the singular possessive form, because every Israelite felt that God was addressing him or her individually.

The stresses of life may be extremely trying, and the burden some people must carry may appear to be excessive. Yet, we must never despair. Rather, we must believe that regardless of how great our burdens may be, we have the strength to bear it. This faith should give us the courage to struggle with and master our struggle.

Sometimes circumstances become so taxing that we believe we are at our breaking point. This is when a righteous person will be sustained by the faith that although his or her burden may be heavy, it is never too heavy.

Today I shall ...

... try to remember that God has given me enough strength to withstand the stresses to which I am subject.

[phkrause]

5 Kislev

You might say to yourself, "My might and the power of my hand have gained me this wealth" (Deuteronomy 8:17).

Moses warned the Israelites that upon entering Canaan and inheriting a prosperous and fertile land "flowing with milk and honey," they should not think that their own prowess had made them wealthy. Rather, they should be aware that Israel was a Divine gift.

For that generation, the challenge was not too difficult, because as Moses had pointed out to them earlier, they had personally experienced forty years of miraculous survival in the desert wilderness, fed by the daily manna and watered by a spring which accompanied them on their journeys. With such overt manifestations of Divine wonders, they would not be likely to ascribe any future success to their own strength and cunning.

Today, however, we stand many centuries away from the Biblical times. We may think that the world operates purely by natural law; that we can completely determine our own fate and fortune, and in which success or failure are due to our shrewdness in business or how much effort we exert.

Thus, Moses' message was intended for us even more than for his generation. Surely we are required to engage in work for the Torah itself states that God will bless the work of "your hands" (Deuteronomy 14:29)], but we should not lose sight of the fact that the Divine blessing, not brains or brawn, ultimately determines our fortune. The only difference between today and Moses' time is that there, God's hand was manifest everywhere, but today it is concealed.

Today I shall ...

... try to remember that even though I work hard, the results of my efforts are determined by Divine blessing.

[phkrause]

6 Kislev

For I have loved him [Abraham], because he commands his children and household after him to observe the way of God (Genesis 18:19).

God knew that Abraham would be able to convey the Divine teachings to future generations, because He knew Abraham to be capable of overcoming his intense love and apply stern discipline when it was needed.

In my work with addicted individuals, one of the most difficult tasks I have is to convince their family members, especially the parents, of the importance of "tough love"; that condoning destructive behavior actually encourages it, and enables it to continue and worsen. Although Abraham loved his son Ishmael, he did not allow these feelings to deter him from the necessary discipline (Genesis 21:9-14).

Love is an admirable feeling, but it can be destructive if it is misdirected. Sometimes we must rein in our love and apply strict measures. While doing so will cause us great distress, our failure to do so will ultimately cause even greater distress to all concerned. Loving parents submit their infants to immunization which may be painful. "Tough love" is not cruelty, but, like some life-saving medicines that taste bitter, it is helpful albeit unpleasant."

Today I shall ...

... try to direct my love where it is appropriate and constructive, and be able to apply discipline when it is necessary.