Growing Each Day by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski

[phkrause]

3 Tevet

Rage deprives one of one's senses (Pesikta Zuta Va'eira 6:9).

Anger can be a constructive emotion (e.g. if we see an injustice and our anger helps bring us to correct it). We can compare it to an electric generator, which we constructively harness. Rage, however, has no use. It is like an erupting volcano, which benefits no one and only causes widespread destruction.

Unlike a volcanic eruption, rage is controllable. However, the time to act is before the outburst begins, because once it is in motion, we lack the good judgment necessary for control.

Preventive action consists of training ourselves to react with restraint when a provocative event occurs, even if we feel we are right. We can practice restraint by responding in a soft voice, by keeping silent, or by walking away from the situation and allowing for a "cooling off" period.

Rage feeds upon itself, and if we can stifle rage at its very onset, when it is still controllable, it is akin to smothering a small fire by depriving it of oxygen. Failure to do so may result in a destructive, unmanageable conflagration, and so it is with rage.

Today I shall ...

... try to practice restraint in responding to all provocations.

pk

[phkrause]

4 Tevet

All the ways of a person are pure in one's eyes (Proverbs 16:2).

As a rule, people do not do anything that they believe to be wrong. Those who do wrong have somehow convinced themselves that what they are doing is in fact right. They justify themselves with ingenious rationalizations.

If we are so susceptible to our minds playing tricks on us and deluding us that what is wrong is right, what can we do to prevent improper behavior? Solomon provides the answer: Direct your actions toward God, and your thoughts will be right (Proverbs 16:3).

The distortion is greatest when the motivation is, "What do I want?" If we remove ourselves from the picture and instead ask, "What does God want?" the possibility of distortion shrinks.

While there is less distortion in the latter case, we cannot say that distortion is completely absent. Some people have strange ideas about what God wants. However, if we take ourselves out of the picture and are motivated to do what God wants, there is greater likelihood that we might consult someone in a position to give us an authoritative opinion as to the will of God. While this is not foolproof, there is at least a chance of escaping the distortions of rationalization that are dominant when one seeks to satisfy primarily oneself.

Today I shall ...

... try to dedicate myself to doing the will of God, and try to learn what His will is by studying the Torah and accepting guidance from Torah authorities.

pk

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Wow, a lot of psychology there, pk!

[phkrause]

Yeah pretty interesting thought by the rabbi. The funny thing is rudywoofs, if they would except Jesus, they would see that all the things that they say about God they could apply to Jesus. But they won't admit it.

pk

[phkrause]

5 Tevet

If one person does more and another does less, they are both equal before God if they have sincerely dedicated themselves to Him (Berachos 5b).

All that can be asked of people is to do whatever is within their means. No one is expected to do more than one can, but by the same token, anyone who does less than that is derelict. For example, people of meager means who give a small amount of money are considered to have performed that mitzvah satisfactorily if they have given whatever they can, whereas wealthy people who give a thousand times that much but could have given more are considered derelict in their performance of this mitzvah.

The key to proper fulfillment of a mitzvah is dedication. One who performs a mitzvah perfunctorily may seek to get away with the bare minimum required for its fulfillment, whereas someone who is dedicated will invest himself in the mitzvah to the very maximum.

This dedication must be to God. While it is praiseworthy to dedicate oneself to the community or to friends, the recipients of one's benevolent actions may be so grateful to the benefactor that the latter may get carried away by this outpouring of gratitude, and believe that one has done enough. The only true judge of how much one can and should do is God; hence, it is only a sincere dedication to God that can lead one to perform mitzvos to the fullest of one's capacities.

Today I shall ...

... try to sincerely fulfill my obligations toward God and toward my fellow man by doing the utmost within my means.

pk

[phkrause]

6 Tevet

"My transgressions are known to me and my sin is ever before me" (Psalms 51:5).Lo, I was begotten in sin, and my mother conceived me in iniquity (ibid. 7).

In this heart-rending psalm, David begs for forgiveness for his relationship with Bath-Sheba.

While David does state that he was "begotten in sin," or in other words, that he may have been born with the character trait of intense passion, he does not cite it to free himself of guilt. In verse 5, he owns up to his transgression and does not try to absolve himself. David accepts full responsibility for his behavior, even if it comes from an inherited trait.

How refreshing is this thought! How different it is from the teachings of modern psychology, which so often scapegoat parents and excuse even the grossest misbehavior by arguing that the person was a victim of early-life experiences or influences that distorted his or her values, and hence should not be held responsible for subsequent misdeeds.

In this exquisite psalm of teshuvah (repentance), David rejects this position. He says that we must assume responsibility for our behavior, regardless of factors from our past.

Today I shall ...

... try to avoid projecting blame onto others, and accept full responsibility for whatever I do.

pk

[phkrause]

This is a awesome thought and Psalm. We each should own up to our choice's.

pk

[phkrause]

7 Tevet

Which is the proper path that one should choose for oneself? That which is honorable to the one who adopts it and also merits the admiration of others (Ethics of the Fathers 2:1).

At first glance, this statement is bothersome. Right and wrong are, we know, absolute and not subject to public opinion. "The admiration of others" should have no place in determining morality.

The statement is not referring here to what is right versus what is wrong. Rather, it is discussing the mode of conduct within the realm of what is right.

The Midrash relates that Rabbi Shimon ben Shatach bought a mule from an Arab, and when his students discovered a precious gem in the saddlepack, they congratulated him on his good fortune. Rabbi Shimon responded, "I bought a mule, not a precious gem." He sought out the Arab and he returned the gem to him. The Arab said, "Blessed be the God of Rabbi Shimon ben Shatach."

Ethical behavior elicits admiration and serves as an example for others.

Today I shall ...

... try to behave in a manner that goes beyond right and wrong, and make my "right" into a "true right."

pk

[phkrause]

Tevet 8

"I am your God Who has delivered you ,9.51"from the land of Egypt" (Shema, Numbers 15:41).

This verse is recited twice daily, because the deliverance from Egypt was more than a historic event. It was a deliverance from a state of enslavement, and this deliverance should repeat itself daily in everyone's life.

No enslavement and no tyranny are as ruthless and as demanding as slavery to physical desires and passions. Someone who is unable to resist a craving, and who must, like a brute beast, do whatever the body demands, is more profoundly enslaved than someone subject to a human tyrant. Addicted people are an extreme example of those who have become slaves to their bodies.

Dignity comes from freedom, in the capacity to make free choices, and hence, in our ability to refuse to submit to physical desires when our judgment indicates that doing so is wrong. Freedom from domination by the body is the first step toward spiritual growth."

Today I shall...

... declare my freedom from the tyranny of my body.

pk

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

I've noticed, especially in the Psalms that certain verses are repeated twice. I wonder if that means the verse is one we should REALLY take note of!

[phkrause]

I've noticed, especially in the Psalms that certain verses are repeated twice. I wonder if that means the verse is one we should REALLY take note of!

I think your right, seems like a good point Rudywoofs. It seems like in the OT (for christians) torah (for jews) there is alot of repeating. My daughter says all the time that if they'd stop repeating themselves the Bible would be half as big.

pk

[phkrause]

"A person's drives are related to the 1,5.66"degree of one's intellect" (Tanya, Chapter 6).

The Tanya explains that children have strong desires for things that are important to them. They may passionately desire a simple toy, perhaps only a small colorful block of wood, and may become very angry and enraged if they do not get it. To adults, this item has no value, but to children it may be very important.

As we grow older and hopefully wiser, we can see that things that had at one time great importance are in retrospect of no greater importance than that toy. At that time, it seemed important to us because we could use only the intellect we had at that particular moment; we could not apply wisdom that would come with greater maturity.

Is it not strange, however, that we do not apply the lessons of the past? When we are absolutely certain that something we want is most vital, why do we not stop and think that we are feeling precisely the way we had felt in the past about something which we now realize is trivial? Why don't we learn from our experiences and not become frustrated and enraged when we are denied something we strongly desire?

Although we cannot have tomorrow's wisdom today, we can utilize the wisdom of our elders and others who have been in the situation which now confronts us. They may help us ascribe more realistic values to our desires.

Today I shall...

... try to realize that tomorrow I might think myself foolish for having become so enraged about something that frustrated me today.

pk

[phkrause]

God, alien nations have come into Your inheritance and have defiled Your Sanctuary (Psalms 79:1).

The tenth day of Teves is a fast day, on which we remember the beginning of the siege of Jerusalem that led to the destruction of the Temple. By depriving ourselves of food and drink, we experience the discomfort of hunger and thirst, and in this way we share in the national distress.

No other nation has anything similar to a fast day for an event that occurred thousands of years ago. Most historic events are remembered by historians interested in the subject. The average person is untouched by such ancient events.

Not so with Jews, for whom spirituality and closeness to God are a vital part of life. The loss of intimacy with God that occurred with the destruction of the Temple is something from which we have never recovered, and is a source of grief today. The fast of the tenth day of Teves is not merely a commemoration of a historic event, but an expression of the grief we experience today in being deprived of the close presence of God in the Temple.

We have been promised that the Temple will be restored with the ultimate Redemption of Israel, and we will again have the Shechinah which is the breath of spiritual life. To achieve this Redemption we must merit it, by committing ourselves to total observance of Torah and mitzvos.

Today I shall ...

... try to understand how the loss of the Sanctuary thousands of years ago is a personal loss to me, and what I can do to restore that kedushah.

pk

[phkrause]

11 Tevet

One who responds "Amen" after a blessing surpasses the one who recites the blessing (Berachos 53b).

"Amen" is an expression of confirmation, whereby we attest that what the other person has said is indeed true. Thus, when someone recites a blessing expressing gratitude to God or asserting that God has commanded the performance of a particular mitzvah, one is making a declaration of one's faith. When we respond by saying "Amen," we are essentially stating, "What you have said is indeed true," and thereby we are not only concurring with what was said and expressing our own faith, but also reinforcing the other person's statement and strengthening the other person's faith.

There are things that one can do that will strengthen other people's faith in God, and things that will weaken it. In Torah there is a concept of arvus - mutual responsibility - by virtue of which one is obligated to try to strengthen other people's belief and trust in God. Although every person has free will, and God does not intervene to deter someone from committing a wrong, people who have suffered because of someone's misdeeds often feel that God has abandoned them. Thus, if we deal unfairly with others, we may not only cause them to be angry at us, but also bring them to doubt God for allowing an injustice to happen. While such reasoning is faulty, the one who caused it is nevertheless responsible for causing the victim to feel that way. On the other hand, when we behave in the manner which God wishes, the result is kvod shamayim - bringing glory and honor to God, and strengthening people's faith. Our actions can and do affect how other people will think and act.

Today I shall ...

... try to behave in a way that will result in people having greater respect for and trust in God.

pk

[phkrause]

12 Tevet

When a thief recites a blessing, he angers God (Psalms 10:3).

The Talmud explains this verse as referring to someone who stole wheat, ground it into flour, and kneaded it into dough, then took off the required tithe for the Kohen (priest) and recited the blessing for the tithe. Far from being pleased with this prayer, God becomes angry, for not only did this person sin by stealing, but he or she had the audacity to pronounce God's Name over something acquired dishonestly (Bava Kama 94a).

Much of Torah law deals with business. Indeed, the greatest piety is achieved when people observe the laws regulating commercial transactions and property rights, and thereby respect other's belongings and rights (Bava Kama 30a). Doing a mitzvah with something not acquired honestly is the grossest of all distortions.

In a highly competitive society, we may think that all is fair, especially if we can find a way to make dishonest actions appear legitimate. The Torah condemns such thinking."

Today I shall ...

... try to maintain rigorous honesty in all that I do, so that all my mitzvos will be welcomed by God.

pk

[karl]

Today I shall ...

... try to behave in a way that will result in people having greater respect for and trust in God.

pk

I need this on my dressing room mirror and maybe tattooed mirror-image on my forehead.

[phkrause]

Originally Posted By: pkrause

Today I shall ...

... try to behave in a way that will result in people having greater respect for and trust in God.

pk

I need this on my dressing room mirror and maybe tattooed mirror-image on my forehead.

LOL I know what you mean Karl, don't we all.

pk

[phkrause]

14 Tevet

This is why people say, "Either companionship or death" (Taanis 23a).

The Talmud quotes this aphorism after relating the story of Choni, who awoke after a sleep of seventy years, and, because everyone whom he had known had died, was totally without friends. When he found that no one of the new generation appreciated him, he prayed for death as an escape from an intolerable existence.

One does not have to sleep for seventy years to be alone. Many people are "loners," deprived of the comfort of sharing their lives with others. Much of their loneliness may be self-inflicted.

Withdrawal from human contact is invariably caused by a negative self-image. People who think poorly of themselves assume that others will not welcome them and in fact that they will reject them. To avoid the pain of possible rejection, they simply withdraw from human contact and retreat behind a wall of isolation that they erect to keep people away. Unfortunately, such a wall is not only a barrier; it becomes a prison.

I dealt with this subject in my book Let Us Make Man (C.I.S. Publishing 1987). There are ways that we can overcome the negative self-image, but before we can implement such techniques, we must be aware of the problem: we have indeed isolated ourselves due to faulty self-perception."

Today I shall ...

... try to analyze whether I have as many friends as I would like, and if not, whether this may not be due to my withdrawal.

pk

[phkrause]

13 Tevet

A bit more sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and like a wanderer, your poverty will come (Proverbs 6:10-11).

No one sets out in life with the goal of being a failure, and if people would only recognize the consequences of bad habits, they would avoid them.

From my work with alcoholics, I can attest that no one sets themselves a goal of becoming alcoholic, but what may have started out as safe social drinking advances very surreptitiously to become dependence and addiction. Future addicts find they need gradually increasing amounts of alcohol to put themselves at ease, until the quantity they consume becomes toxic and results in disaster.

So it is with laziness. What harm can there be in just a bit more sleep or a little more rest? Indolence, however, can stealthily creep up on people, catch them, and suck out their vigor and diligence.

Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, like a "wanderer" who appears on the scene unexpectedly, one finds oneself in poverty. Indolence has taken its toll.

Breaking bad habits does not come easily, and even some people who arise early and who may feel they are not indolent might discover that they are fond of procrastination, which is just another variety of indolence.

A proper amount of sleep and rest is essential for good health. Diligent people schedule their rest and relaxation so that they do not inadvertently become victims of the seductive character of indolence."

Today I shall ...

... try to do that which needs to be done without delay, and schedule my periods of sleep, rest, and relaxation.

pk

[phkrause]

Tevet 15

Fortunate are we that our youth has not caused us embarrassment in later life (Succah 53a).

Many people gain wisdom in their later years. When they look back on their youth, they regret having squandered so much time. Some people's "golden years" are unfortunately marred with regret over the time they lost.

Young people can learn from their elders. People who reflect on the past during their last days often say, "My greatest regret is that I did not spend more time with my family." Has anyone ever said, "My greatest regret is that I did not spend more time at the office"?

While experience teaches most efficiently, some things are simply too costly to be learned by experience, because the opportunity to apply these lessons may never arise. Our learning too late that we have spent time foolishly is a prime example.

Ask your father and he will tell you; your elders and they will say it to you (Deuteronomy 32:7). In his last words, Moses gives us this most important teaching: "Why learn the hard way when you can benefit from the experience of others who have been there?" We should regularly ask: "How pleased will I be in the future about what I am doing now?"

Today I shall...

... try to examine my actions with the consideration of how I will look back at them in the future.

pk

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

I regret that I didn't spend more time with my Dad before he died. He had so much to offer. Hard to forgive myself for that..

[phkrause]

I regret that I didn't spend more time with my Dad before he died. He had so much to offer. Hard to forgive myself for that..

I do too rudywoofs. I wish I had been able to hear more stories of his early life in Poland. And about more of my relatives on his side of the family. How he originally spelled his name so that I could do a real search for my family tree.

pk

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

I know some from that generation did not want to talk about their childhood...my grandmother on my Dad's side would only tell me that she and her family lived in a house in Montana where the snow sifted in through the cracks in the boards during the winter. She wouldn't even claim she knew how to speak German, but that's what was spoken in the home.

[phkrause]

Be cautious in associating with the ruling powers, because they seek people's closeness only for their own purposes (Ethics of the Fathers 2:3).

Time has not changed some things. Even several thousand years ago government figures were known to be fair-weather friends who exploited their friendship for personal advantage.

While this is as true now as it was then, why is it written in a volume on ethics?

Some people lust for power. Those who lack their own authority try to associate themselves with the powers-that-be in order to share in their power. Just as actual power can corrupt, so also can the desire for power, since we may then do whatever is necessary to ingratiate ourselves with the authorities, including compromising on our principles.

The Talmud discourages such associations by pointing out that they are likely to be exercises in futility. Like so many other lusts, the lust for power holds out a promise of bliss, and inevitably results in bitter disappointment."

Today I shall...

... try to avoid seeking authority and dominion over others, and rather seek mastery over myself.

pk

[Guest]

... try to avoid seeking authority and dominion over others, and rather seek mastery over myself.

pk

Yep