Growing Each Day by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski

[phkrause]

21 Adar

...Blessed are You, Hashem, our God, King of the Universe ... (Siddur)

Many times each day, we recite various blessings to remind ourselves that God is King of the Universe.

While a person may be tempted to do things that defy the Divine will, the Baal Shem Tov suggests a simple technique that can help withstand temptation.

He gave the parable of a king who wished to test the loyalty of his subjects. He summoned one of his officers and instructed him to go among the masses and attempt to incite a rebellion. By observing who acceded to this agitator, the king could gauge the loyalty or disloyalty of his subjects. One wise man approached by the instigator reasoned that it was unthinkable that so powerful a monarch would allow such a traitor to move about so freely. Hence, he concluded, the rebel must be acting with the king's consent, and his ultimate purpose was to test the loyalty of the populace. So the wise man immediately rejected the instigator.

Our recognition of God as a monarch, as the Absolute Ruler of the Universe, should make it apparent that any instigation to defy the Divine will is a test of our loyalty. Indeed, the evil inclination [yetzer hara] is merely carrying out its mission to seduce us to sin, but since the yetzer hara too is in the Divine service, it really does not wish us to submit to its seduction. Ironically, one who submits to the seduction of the yetzer hara is not only transgressing the Divine will but even disappointing the yetzer hara. It is like the diabetic who submits to his desire for sweets. Far from indulging himself, he is harming himself.

Today I shall ...

... try to realize that nothing in the world can exist other than by the Divine will, and that anything that appears to be in defiance of the Divine will can only be a test.

[phkrause]

22 Adar

Do not judge your neighbor until you are in his place (Ethics of the Fathers 2:5).

While this Talmudic dictum is generally understood to mean that we should not be critical of another's action because we may not be aware what circumstances led to the behavior, there is also another possible interpretation.

I once heard a recovering alcoholic say, "I used to judge my insides by everyone else's outsides. I felt deprived because I saw other people smiling, but I did not feel like smiling. I saw other couples communicating, while my wife and I did not. Only later did I realize that when other people smiled, I didn't known whether they felt like smiling, and that when I observed other couples communicating, they were in company, but it was certainly possible that when they were alone they did not communicate at all."

Externals are all we can observe. How often do we smile or otherwise act as though we were pleased, while internally we are a cauldron of dissatisfaction? Just as others may mistakenly think that we are happy, so may we mistakenly think that they are happy and that we are missing out. In all likelihood, we are no more and no less satisfied or dissatisfied than anyone else. We should not gauge our insides by others' outsides, but should set our individual goals and do our utmost to achieve them.

Today I shall ...

...

try to avoid comparing myself to others and avoid feelings of discontent on the basis that others must be happier than I am.

[phkrause]

23 Adar

You shall converse in the words of Torah and not in other things (Yoma 19b).

The Talmud explains "other things" as referring to idle, meaning less things.

The Hebrew language has words that mean rest, play, relaxation, and pleasant activities, while it has no word for "fun." A "fun" activity has no goal, as is implied in the colloquial expression, "just for the fun of it." In other words, the goal of the activity is within itself, and fun does not lead to or result in anything else.

This concept is alien to Judaism. Every human being is created with a mission in life. This mission is the ultimate goal toward which everything must in one way or another be directed. Seemingly mundane activities can become goal directed; we eat and sleep so that we can function, and we function in order to achieve our ultimate goal. Even relaxation and judicious enjoyable activities, if they contribute to sound health, can be considered goal directed if they enhance our functioning. However, fun as an activity in which people indulge just to "kill time" is proscribed. Time is precious, and we must constructively utilize every moment of life.

Furthermore, since people conceptualize their self-worth in terms of their activities, doing things "just for the fun of it" may in fact harm their self-esteem.

Today I shall ...

... try to direct all my activities, even rest and relaxation, to the ultimate purpose of my life.

[phkrause]

24 Adar

I am your God Who has delivered you from the land of Egypt (Exodus 20:2).

This verse states the mitzvah of emunah, or faith in God. However, since all mitzvos take the form of commandments, they take as a given that Someone exists Who commanded them. Therefore, belief in God must come before accepting any mitzvah. How, then, can there be a mitzvah to believe in God? The reasoning comes out circular. Because we believe in God, we believe that He commanded us to believe in Him.

This mitzvah does not only involve believing that God exists, but believing that God rules the universe and is in charge of its functioning. Thus, the first of the Ten Commandments tells us to believe in Divine Providence, that God attends to the operation of the universe and that things do not occur accidentally or spontaneously. Therefore, the first commandment does not state, "I am your God Who created the universe," because creation of the universe does not assume an ongoing participation in its function.

Some believe that God, after creating the universe, abandoned it to the physical laws of nature. Judaism teaches that God continues His interest in everything that happens in the universe. With the exception of free moral choice, which God has delegated to us, everything that occurs in the universe is of Divine origin, although He may operate through the vehicle of the physical laws of nature.

We maintain our relationship to God, to a Father Who not only begot us, but remains involved in our lives.

Today I shall ...

... try to remember that God is not only present everywhere, but that He maintains a constant participation in everything that transpires in the universe.

[phkrause]

25 Adar

My sin is forever before me (Psalms 51:5).

The human soul may be compared to gold. The more we polish an object made of gold, the brighter it gets. While a certain degree of shine may indeed be beautiful, it may be less than the maximum possible, and hence, relatively defective.

The word chet, which we generally translate as "sin" or "mistake," can also mean "a defect." The above verse can thus read, "My defect is forever before me." Since growth is an endless path, we can always strive to reach a higher level than where we are now. Therefore, we can always consider ourselves relatively "defective" in the sense that we can always find room to improve.

However, the result of such consideration should not be dejection. To the contrary, just as graduation from one level of education prepares and enables us to move to a higher level, and we are certainly not saddened by moving up, so should our awareness of our own "defectiveness," i.e. that we can reach ever-greater heights, never be a cause for sadness. Progress should bring us joy.

Today I shall ...

... try to realize that what I have achieved so far allows me to proceed even further.

[phkrause]

26 Adar

Do not say, "I will study Torah when I will have free time," because you may never have free time (Ethics of the Fathers 2:5).

When we have a certain task before us, the lazy bone in ourselves (and we all know it well) has two ways of thwarting our good intentions - outright refusal and delay. Since outright refusal will likely arouse the resistance of our conscience, we sometimes do an "end run" and achieve the same goal with procrastination. People who have destructive addictions - whether alcohol, drugs, or food - are notorious for saying that they will quit "tomorrow." They may say so with utmost sincerity, but laziness does not affect good intentions, only constructive action.

Furthermore, procrastination feeds upon itself, for it not only delays constructive action, it actually makes that action more difficult. As the deadline approaches, we have less time to do it right.

That which should be done, should be done now. Myriad reasons will invariably come to mind. "I cannot learn now. My mind is tired from an exhausting day. I will be able to understand and retain what I learn better when I arise early in the morning." These "reasons" are generally nothing but excuses for laziness.

Today I shall ...

...

try to do that which I know to be my duty, and avoid the pitfalls of procrastination.

[phkrause]

27 Adar

The hearts of this nation are fattened, and their ears are heavy, and their eyes are sealed (Isaiah 6:10).

Some people's conduct may be exemplary in every way, yet they lack a deep emotional relationship with God. They may even have an intellectual awareness of the infinite greatness of God, yet they may fail to experience the sense of reverence that such an awareness should evoke. They may firmly believe that God is their Provider and Protector, yet fail to love Him and be devoted to Him. This insensitivity of the heart and dullness of the senses, states Rabbi Schneur Zalman in Tanya, is due to an insulating barrier with which the yetzer hara has enveloped the thought processes of an individual. Finding itself unable to seduce a person into frank transgressions of the Divine will, the yetzer hara does the next best thing for its purpose. It renders him insensitive in his relationship to God, even when he goes through the motions of performing the commandments. Since the person is technically complying with the Divine will, he may not recognize that his insensitivity is keeping him distant from God.

Drastic measures may be required to overcome this insensitivity and penetrate its shell of insulation. An individual may need a crisis to shatter his ego and thereby overwhelm the yetzer hara. But such a course carries with it the danger of falling into a mood of dejection, which would drain the person's energy and paralyze his functioning. That would hand the yetzer hara a triumph. Conversely, a carefully controlled dismantling of the ego, with proper and competent guidance, can free the individual from the constrictive shell, allow him to feel a closeness to God, and rebuild his healthy ego.

Today I shall ...

... try to discover whether I feel love and reverence for God, and if not, seek spiritual guidance how to achieve these.

[phkrause]

28 Adar

A just person may fall seven times and rise (Proverbs 24:16).

Although we may have realized that we learn our most valuable lessons the hard way, and that therefore we may tolerate our mistakes because of their educational value, we are apt to be intolerant of a mistake that we repeat. "I should have known better from last time," one says.

We should stop berating ourselves. Some lessons are not learned so easily, even from experience. The reason? We may understand something with our intellect, yet it may not have filtered down into our hearts and bones and muscles. In other words, if we lack an emotional grasp of a concept, the intellectual awareness alone may not suffice to deter us from repeating a mistake.

We are human. Rather than blame ourselves for a repetitive mistake, we should realize that the anguish we feel when we have failed to learn from a previous experience might just give us the emotional insight that can prevent that same mistake in the future.

In fact, new mistakes can shed light on old mistakes. When we do something wrong once, we may make only a superficial repair. Soon afterwards, in a different situation, we again fall flat. We may continue to fall until we realize that all our failures point to a flaw in ourselves that we had never noticed. Once we have uncovered the real reason for our mistakes, we can correct it and greatly, genuinely improve ourselves.

Today I shall ...

... try to maintain faith in myself even when I make the same mistake over and over again.

[phkrause]

29 Adar

A person may acquire an entire world of reward in just a brief period of time (Avodah Zarah 10b).

Someone once challenged the Rabbi of Gur: "We read in the Shema that if we observe the mitzvos, we will be rewarded, and if we transgress, we will be punished. I am not observant and in fact have many, many transgressions to my credit, yet I am wealthy and content with my life. Therefore, the Shema is incorrect."

The Rabbi of Gur responded: "My child, you would not have been familiar with the Shema unless you had at some time recited it. When you did so, you performed a mitzvah, and to put it mildly, you have been rewarded."

Negative behavior tends to perpetuate itself. If we berate ourselves, we may discourage ourselves from behaving properly, for one may think: "What's the use? I am beyond help anyway."

We can all find some positive deeds in our life. They can serve as nuclei for feelings of self-worth that stimulate us to do more positive things, rather than despair of ourselves and resign ourselves to lower standards of behavior.

Today I shall ...

...

find something for which I can give myself approval, and use that positive act as a springboard for more positive acts.

[phkrause]

1 Nisan

This month shall be unto you the first of the months (Exodus 12:2).

The Jewish calendar has two New Years. Rosh Hashanah, the first day of Tishrei, which marks the beginning of the calendar year, is a day of judgment, signifying that we are held accountable for our behavior. The first day of Nissan marks the beginning of the month of our liberation from Egypt, an event which teaches us that God watches us, that He cares about us, and that even distressful experiences, such as the bitter enslavement in Egypt, are part of a Divine master plan.

Six months separate the two New Years. The personal inventory and the analysis of our mistakes and character defects which we do during the solemn days of Tishrei are very sobering tasks. On the other hand, realizing that we hold a lofty status as children of God and that we are constantly under His vigilance, which is emphasized in Nissan, is exhilarating and elating. Both attitudes are indeed essential, but if one tries to achieve them simultaneously, one may end up in a state of confusion.

In the third chapter of Ecclesiastes, Solomon points out that we should dedicate appropriate times in life for conflicting acts and attitudes. He says, "There's a time to plant and a time to uproot" (3:2), and "There is a time to cry and a time to laugh" (3:4), etc. A healthy adjustment to life is a delicate balancing act. With proper learning and guidance, we can learn to determine appropriate times for what we are supposed to do.

Today I shall ...

... give thought to scheduling my hours and days, so that I can achieve a healthy balance of diverse attitudes.

[phkrause]

2 Nisan

This is the way of Torah: eat bread with salt, drink water by measure, and sleep on the earth. (Ethics of the Fathers 6:4)

Does observance of Torah require living a life of poverty and depriving ourselves of all the niceties of the world

Certainly not. The Talmud is elaborating upon another Talmudic statement: "Who is wealthy? One who is content with his portion" (Ethics of the Fathers 4:1).

People who can be happy with the basics of life - food, clothing, and shelter - can truly enjoy the luxuries of life, because they can be happy even without them. Those whose happiness depends upon having luxuries are likely to be perennially dissatisfied, in constant need of more, and consequently unhappy, even if they have everything they desire.

A wise man once observed a display of various items in a store window. "I never knew there were so many things I can get along without," he said.

If bread and water can satisfy us, then we can enjoy a steak. If we are not satisfied unless we have caviar, we will discover that even caviar is not enough.

Today I shall ...

...

try to be content with the essentials of life and consider everything else as optional.

[phkrause]

3 Nisan

Contemplating sin is more serious than the sin itself (Yoma 29a).

Although actions generally have much greater impact than thoughts, thoughts may have a more serious effect in several areas.

The distance that our hands can reach is quite limited. The ears can hear from a much greater distance, and the reach of the eye is much farther yet. Thought, however, is virtually limitless in its reach. We can think of objects millions of light years away, and so we have a much greater selection of improper thoughts than of improper actions.

Thought also lacks the restraints that can deter actions. One may refrain from an improper act for fear of punishment or because of social disapproval, but the privacy of thought places it beyond these restraints.

Furthermore, thoughts create attitudes and mindsets. An improper action creates a certain amount of damage, but an improper mindset can create a multitude of improper actions. Finally, an improper mindset can numb our conscience and render us less sensitive to the effects of our actions. We therefore do not feel the guilt that would otherwise come from doing an improper act.

We may not be able to avoid the occurrence of improper impulses, but we should promptly reject them and not permit them to dwell in our mind.

Today I shall ...

...

make special effort to avoid harboring improper thoughts.

[phkrause]

4 Nisan

May goodness and kindness pursue me all the days of my life (Psalms 23:6).

What a strange expression! Goodness and kindness should pursue me, as though I was fleeing from them?!

Perhaps the Psalmist had in mind the verse: "You shall pursue righteousness, only righteousness" (Deut. 16:20). Many people have things reversed. They pursue goodness and kindness for themselves, but leave righteousness to somehow catch up with them. The Torah dictates a different order. A person should pursue righteousness and allow goodness and kindness to catch up.

If we asked people for their goal for life, many would say, "to achieve happiness." While this answer is certainly understandable, happiness is not the primary goal of creation of man. Indeed, the Scripture states very clearly: "Man was created in order to toil" (Job 5:7). And the Talmud explains that this means to work on the Divine mission, to fulfill the Divine will. If our primary goal is happiness, we are certain to be frustrated. The average person's life is abundant in distressful happenings. If the primary goal is to do the Divine will, then those times of happiness that do occur can be enjoyed, and the times of distress are borne without bitterness.

Today I shall ...

...

try to remember that I was created to do the will of God rather than to lead a blissful life.

[phkrause]

5 Nisan

At the age of thirteen, one becomes obligated to perform "the mitzvos (Ethics of the Fathers 5:25).

Jewish law does not recognize any such entity as adolescence. A child is a minor until the age of legal majority, which is the twelfth birthday for a girl and the thirteenth for a boy. One moment prior to the sunset of the eleventh or twelfth year, the person is a minor; the next moment, she or he is an adult. Parents and teachers still must provide guidance of course, but the "child" is no longer a child, and must assume responsibility for him or herself.

Parents take responsibility for their children's behavior, but once those children reach the age of majority, they are accountable for their actions. A Jew never has a single moment of diminished responsibility; he or she always advances.

In the general culture, however, adolescence constitutes a "no man's land," a period of diminished responsibility. Adolescents are too old for their behavior to be dismissed as childish, yet too young to be held accountable for their actions.

The problem is that once youths experience a period of diminished responsibility, they may never advance to a sense of full responsibility. Similarly, Western legal systems abound with legal factors that diminish individuals' culpability for misbehavior. It stands to reason, therefore, that once people have a window of lessened responsibility, they have even less reason to take full responsibility for themselves. This may be one factor in Western civilization's worsening problem of individuals and groups blaming others for their problems and shortcomings.

Today I shall ...

...

hold myself accountable and responsible for everything I do or have done.

[phkrause]

6 Nisan

Man is judged each day (Rosh Hashanah16a).

A disciple of the Baal Shem Tov remarked to him that the above statement appears to contradict another Talmudic statement, which states that a person is judged on Rosh Hashanah for the entire year.

The Baal Shem Tov noticed a water carrier passing by. "How are things with you, Chaikel?" he asked. "What can I tell you?" Chaikel answered. "In my old age, I still have to earn my meager bread with backbreaking work."

The Baal Shem Tov told his disciple to remember Chaikel's words.

Several days later, the water carrier again passed by. Again, the Baal Shem Tov inquired as to how things were with him. "Thank God," Chaikel said, "if at my age I can still provide for myself by shlepping water up the hill, I have no cause to complain."

The Baal Shem Tov then told his disciple: "Both Talmudic statements are true. On Rosh Hashanah, it was decreed that Chaikel will be a water carrier this year, but how Chaikel reacts to this decree can vary from day to day."

While our particular station in life may be the same, we react to it differently from day to day. We thus have the option to react more favorably and less favorably to the very same conditions.

Today I shall ...

...

try to realize that some things that irritate me today did not bother me at other times, and I have the option not to be irritated today.

[phkrause]

7 Nisan

I lift my eyes to the mountains (Psalms Scriptures 121:1).

The Hebrew word for mountains can From also be read phonetically to mean the "ancestors" (Bereishis Rabbah 68:2).

Every culture has its heroes. In Western civilization, the heroes for youth are apt to be sports figures or popular entertainers who make a great deal of money. More mature people are likely to admire financiers and industrialists who have achieved great success. In either case, the role models are not people of great spiritual achievement.

Judaism has as its role models the Patriarchs and Matriarchs - Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Sarah, Rivkah, Rochel, Leah - who are known not for their worldly success, but for their total devotion to God. Parents tremendously influence their children. If the parents choose heroes of great spirituality, so will the children.

Acknowledging the Patriarchs by referring to them in prayers (e.g. "the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob") is not enough. If children are given tangible evidence that their parents value and wish to emulate the virtues of the Patriarchs, they will follow their elders and seek the spiritual, rather than the material alone, in their lives.

Today I shall ...

...

try to demonstrate to my children that I truly value people of great spiritual achievement, rather than those who have been materially successful.

[phkrause]

8 Nisan

Once he entered the category of rage, he entered the category of error (Sifri, Matos 48).

The Talmud says that this passage refers to Moses, and that if it holds true of Moses, how much more so for people of lesser spirituality.

The difference between rage and anger is profound. While anger comes from an external stimulus (and therefore our feeling that it is beyond our control), rage comes from people permitting their anger to feed upon itself and intensify into fury.

Note that the above quote states that those who enter the "category" of rage have entered the "category" of error. In other words, even if they have not actually been violent in word or deed, but have lost their composure to the degree that they could lose control, they have thereby already entered the realm of error. Anything they say or do in such a state is likely to be wrong.

If we feel our anger is intensifying within ourselves, we should stop whatever we are doing. We will regret the harsh words and acts that we are likely to do. We should instead allow time to pass and then confide our feelings to a trusted friend, thus defusing the rage and allowing it to dissipate.

Today I shall ...

... avoid responding in word or deed when I feel intensely angry.

[phkrause]

9 Nisan

One who creates a small defect in the body creates a great defect in the soul (Maggid of Mezritch ).

A student spied the great Hillel leaving his academy. He approached the Sage and asked him where he was going. "I am going to do a mitzvah for someone poor and forsaken," Hillel answered. Noting his student's bewilderment, he then explained: "I am going to feed my body. It is totally dependent upon me to look after it."

If someone gives us an object for safekeeping, we have a responsibility to look after it and cannot be derelict in its care. Likewise, our bodies have been entrusted to us, and we have a full obligation to care properly for them.

Too many of us violate our trust by taking unnecessary risks or doing things which are detrimental to our bodies, such as smoking, overeating, or abusing alcohol and drugs. Is it not strange that one who would never think of drinking a non-diet soft drink might not have the least hesitance in smoking a cigarette, even though the harmful effects of smoking are now established beyond a shadow of a doubt?

A Chassidic master observed one of his followers who looked lean and weak. On inquiring, he learned that this man was fasting frequently to atone for his sins. He then told him: "First you set out to ruin your soul, and having achieved this, you are now out to ruin your body as well."

Today I shall ...

... remember that I am fully responsible for the well-being of my body, and I shall take every means to protect it from harm.

[phkrause]

10 Nisan

I am prepared and ready to fulfill the positive commandment (Siddur).

The above phrase should be said before the performance of every commandment.

Soldiers must undergo extensive training and frequent drilling. They are put through exercises in various simulations of actual battle, so that they will be ready when the enemy attacks. Obviously, to wait until the attack and then prepare oneself would be suicidal. The preparation must come long before the attack.

People should view the evil inclination as an enemy that is seeking to destroy them. It is a most cunning enemy, with a huge array of tactics and a singlemindedness of purpose. It never tires and has infinite patience, lurking in stealth and waiting for an opportunity to attack. Confronted with such a persistent and formidable foe, a person must be prepared at all times.

We begin this preparation as soon as we awaken, by expressing our gratitude towards God for another day of life. This acknowledgment that God is the source of life leads one to dedicate himself to His service, and this is reinforced many times a day, as one accepts His sovereignty in prayers and blessings. Study of the Torah and performance of the commandments further increase one's capacity to resist the destructive maneuvers of the yetzer hara, for they train the mind and accustom the body in how to think and act.

Today I shall ...

...

try to maintain a state of alertness and preparedness against the attempts of the yetzer hara to mislead me.

[phkrause]

11 Nisan

It is the nature of a person to be influenced by his fellows and comrades (Rambam, Hil. De'os 6:1).

We can never escape the influence of our environment. Our life-style impacts upon us and, as if by osmosis, penetrates our skin and becomes part of us.

Our environment today is thoroughly computerized. Computer intelligence is no longer a science-fiction fantasy, but an everyday occurrence. Some computers can even carry out complete interviews. The computer asks questions, receives answers, interprets these answers, and uses its newly acquired information to ask new questions.

Still, while computers may be able to think, they cannot feel. The uniqueness of human beings is therefore no longer in their intellect, but in their emotions.

We must be extremely careful not to allow ourselves to become human computers that are devoid of feelings. Our culture is in danger of losing this essential aspect of humanity, remaining only with intellect. Because we communicate so much with unfeeling computers, we are in danger of becoming disconnected from our own feelings and oblivious to the feelings of others.

As we check in at our jobs, and the computer on our desk greets us with, "Good morning, Mr. Smith. Today is Wednesday, and here is the agenda for today," let us remember that this machine may indeed be brilliant, but it cannot laugh or cry. It cannot be happy if we succeed, or sad if we fail.

Today I shall ...

... try to remain a human being in every way - by keeping in touch with my own feelings and being sensitive to the feelings of others.

[phkrause]

12 Nisan

For Israel is a young lad, therefore I love him (Hosea 11:1).

Historically, the Jewish nation is one of the oldest in existence. In terms of behavior and reactions, it is the youngest.

One prominent difference between children and the elderly is that children heal much more rapidly. Children are resilient. When they fall, their bones do not break as easily, and therefore they are quickly back in action. An elderly person who falls is likely to sustain a severe fracture and may remain disabled for a long period of time.

No nation has experienced the traumas that have repeatedly befallen the Jewish nation. Expelled from its homeland and subjected to inquisitions, pogroms, holocausts, and hostility everywhere, the Jewish nation reacts with the resilience of a child. Its bones bend rather than break. Injuries heal quickly, and while still smarting from its wounds, it rises and is back into action.

We individuals should learn from the nation to never grow old in this sense. No one's life is free of distressful experiences and trauma. At any age, we can retain the vigor and resilience of youth and go on with the business of creativity and constructive living.

Today I shall ...

...

try to retain a youthful spirit and learn to rebound quickly from any adverse circumstance.

[phkrause]

13 Nisan

If you encounter your enemy's ox or donkey wandering astray, you must return it to him (Exodus 23:4).

In this mitzvah, the Torah makes two demands: (1) to go out of our way to return a lost animal to its rightful owner, and (2) to overcome our hostile feelings towards our enemy if the lost animal is his.

If this is what is demanded toward a mere belonging of an enemy, how much more are we responsible when we see friends going astray and acting improperly? Yet, how often do we avoid telling them that we feel what they are doing is wrong? We rationalize by saying: "We do not wish to interfere in their private affairs. How they run their life is their own business," or "We don't want to offend them." A popular billboard declares: "A true friend does not allow a friend to drive drunk." If you truly care for others, you will take the necessary steps to protect them from themselves, even if they may be angry at you for doing so. Honesty is more potent than sympathy. A person who has suffered from grievous mistakes often says: "If only someone had stopped me!" Drunk driving is not the only destructive behavior which a true friend would try to stop. Whenever we see that a friend is doing something which we sincerely believe to be wrong, we have a responsibility to convey our opinion to him or her. Failure to do so comes from either of two rationalizations: (1) I am not really his or her friend, or (2) I really do not believe the behavior is wrong. In either case, we are guilty of insincerity.

Today I shall ...

...

examine my own convictions and the sincerity of my friendship and let this determine whether I will share my opinions with my friends.

[phkrause]

14 Nisan

Do not sacrifice [the Passover offering] while you are in possession of chametz (leaven) (Exodus 23:18).

Chametz and matzah have many symbolic explanations. What ever the symbolic meaning may be, one fact cannot be denied. For the few days of Passover, chametz and matzah are antithetical. The Passover seder cannot coexist with chametz. This point is clearly stated in the first of the traditional four questions near the beginning of the Haggadah: "All other nights we eat both chametz and matzah; but this night, only matzah."

Passover tells us that we cannot maintain two opposites, but must make a commitment one way or the other. As Elijah said to the Jews who worshiped idols: "How long will you vacillate between two contradictory ideologies? If Hashem is God, then follow Him. If Baal is god, then follow him" (I Kings 18:21).

People who can take a definite stand can also open themselves to any needed change when they are shown that they are wrong. However, people who constantly vacillate can always find excuses to slither out of improving themselves.

The above verse taught the about-to-be-liberated Israelite and their descendants a vital principle: Do not try to maintain mutually contradictory ideologies.

Today I shall ...

...

try to rid myself of mutually contradictory concepts, and instead make a commitment to a way of life that I can fully accept.

[phkrause]

Nisan 15

I have hardened his [Pharaoh's] heart ... in order to execute My miracles within him (Exodus 10:1).

Many commentaries raise the question: If God rendered Pharaoh unable to learn from experience, why did He then punish him for refusing to release the Israelites?

The answer lies in an under standing of free will. Many psychologists believe in "psychic determinism," that various circumstances can so affect people that they have no freedom of choice. People therefore act in certain ways because they must do so. Such concepts have been introduced in trials of those who have committed heinous crimes. So many lawyers have pleaded to the jury: "He was raised in such a terrible environment that he did not know better."

Torah rejects this idea. While many circumstances may impact upon a person, no human being with an intact brain is ever deprived of freedom of choice. We are always responsible for our actions. This concept is a pillar of the Torah's concept of human freedom.

The about-to-be-liberated Israelites were thus told: "I will indeed harden Pharaoh's heart and put great pressure upon him, but that will not deprive him of freedom of choice. Pharaoh will remain free and therefore will be held responsible for his behavior. In preparation for your liberation and ultimate acceptance of the Torah, you must retain this principle: people are always responsible for their actions."

Today I shall...

try to realize that I have free will, and that whatever my circumstances may be, I will always retain freedom of choice to do good or evil.

[phkrause]

Nisan 16

You shall love your God (Deuteronomy 6:5).

You shall fear your God (Leviticus 19:14).

Love and fear of the same subject are obviously incompatible emotions. Love implies a desire to be close to the loved one, while fear is associated with the desire to be more remote from the object of one's fear. How does the Torah expect a person to relate to God in both ways simultaneously?

Rabbi Schneur Zalman explains in Tanya that when one fulfills the Divine will, one is drawn closer to God, and that when one transgresses the Divine will, one detaches oneself from God. Inasmuch as a person is constantly tempted by the yetzer hara to flout the Divine will, one should fear succumbing to the yetzer hara because one would thereby lose the closeness to God. Thus, fear of God is not a fear of being punished, but a fear of losing one's relationship with the object of one's love, and this fear is perfectly compatible with love of God.

In a love relationship between two people, it is easily understood that one would not wish to offend the beloved person in any way, even though there is no fear of punishment. We can develop a loving relationship with God that will result in a similar type of fear, the fear of offending Him. The Talmud tells us that one can never be certain that one will never sin, and, given the human frailty to temptation and the constant incitement by the yetzer hara, we can understand why one should always have this type of fear of God, for it is a fear that is perfectly compatible with love.

Today I shall...

cherish my relationship with God so that the thought of losing my closeness with Him becomes frightening to me.