Growing Each Day by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski

[phkrause]

Tevet 21

The beginning of wisdom is the fear of God (Psalms 111:10).

Would it not have been more appropriate to refer to the fear of God as the beginning of piety rather than wisdom?

One of the Chassidic masters interpreted the above verse most uniquely. "The fear of God," he said, "refers not to man's fear of God, but to God's fear." It might seem strange to speak of God as having fear, but his explanation quells this objection.

God has decreed that people have free will. Although everything else in the universe is under Divine control, God wishes our moral choice to be free, and He therefore does not intervene to influence our moral decisions. Since God wishes us to be just and virtuous, He thus has a fear that we will harm ourselves by sin. This fear is similar to that of parents who fear that their young children may harm themselves by doing things that they do not recognize as dangerous.

If we would realize that everything else in the universe is controlled by God, and that only our moral choice is not under Divine control, we would then concentrate on moral choices and leave everything else up to God. It would be wise, therefore, if we had the fear that God has for us; namely, that we might sin. We show wisdom, not just piety, if we devote our attention to what is not under Divine control.

Today I shall ...

try to turn my attention and efforts to my moral choices, since these are really the only things that are decided by my choice.

[phkrause]

Tevet 22
A scoffer does not like to be reprimanded (Proverbs 15:12).

Hardly anyone is as thoroughly condemned and treated as contemptuously as the scoffer, who behaves with scorn and ridicule. King Solomon does not condemn a rasha -a sinner - as much as he does a scoffer. The rasha of Proverbs sins by indulgence - by submitting to temptation - and thus is tolerated, though criticized. The scoffer, who acts with derision, is totally rejected, much like the "wicked son" mentioned in the Passover Haggadah.

Those who sin because of temptation are redeemable. Someday they may realize the folly and futility of a life of self-indulgence, and then they will do teshuvah and turn themselves toward spirituality. Not so scoffers, whose attitude of mocking everything puts them beyond redemption. As R' Moshe Chaim Luzzato says, "The scoffer can be compared to a shield coated with grease, which causes oncoming arrows to slip off. Likewise, scoffers are immune to reprimand and direction, not because of any lack of intelligence, but because of their attitude of derision, which destroys every ethical concept" (Path of the Just:5).

Criticism may not be pleasant, and not all criticism must be accepted. Sometimes, the reproof we receive may be incorrect, and we are actually right. But we must always listen to criticism and then make a proper decision. Frank rejection of reproof without giving it serious consideration renders us beyond help.

Today I shall ...
try to keep my ears and mind open to criticism, and avoid reflexively dismissing anything I do not like to hear.

[phkrause]

Tevet 23
Where were you when I established the earth? (Job 38:4).

One who reads the book of Job cannot but have compassion for just and pious Job, who appears to be unfairly subjected to suffering. All the rational arguments that his friends offer to account for his innocent suffering appear hollow, and the only acceptable answer is God's remark to Job, "Where were you when I established the earth?"

In other words, a human being can see only a tiny fragment of the universe, an infinitesimally small bit of time and space. Our vantage point is much like a single piece of a huge jigsaw puzzle, a tiny fragment of the whole picture, which makes no sense on its own. Only when the entire puzzle is assembled do we realize how this odd-shaped piece fits properly. Since no human being can have a view of the totality of the universe in both time and space, we cannot possibly grasp the meaning of one tiny fragment of it.

This explanation does not tell us why the innocent may suffer, but only why there cannot be a satisfactory explanation. Acceptance of suffering therefore requires faith in a Creator who designed the universe with a master plan in which everything that happens has a valid reason. This belief may not comfort a sufferer nor prevent the sufferer from becoming angry at the Designer of the universe. The Torah does not in fact condemn the anger of the sufferer (Bava Basra 16b), but does require that he accept adversity with trust that God is just (Deuteronomy 32:4).

Acceptance does not mean approval, but it does allow us to avoid the paralyzing rage of righteous rage, and to go on with the business of living.

Today I shall ...
try to realize that nothing ever happens that is purposeless, and that I must go on living even when I disapprove of the way the world operates.

[phkrause]

Tevet 24
A doctor who treats for nothing is worth nothing (Bava Kama 85a).

The Talmud teaches that "there is no free lunch." Anything of value comes with a price tag, and if something is given away free, we should suspect that it may be worthless.

People are reluctant to accept some things as true. Today, a millennium and a half after the Talmud was written down, we still yearn to get things for free, and if not completely free, then at the least possible cost.

Nothing is wrong with bargain hunting. At the end of a season, some leftover merchandise of good quality may be put on sale, or discontinued models may be available at a fraction of their original price. Still, we must be cautious that we do not extend this penchant for bargains to areas where it can be destructive, such as relationships or other things of spiritual value.

Valuable relationships can be costly. If we are not willing to sacrifice our comfort for a relationship, but look only for friends or spouses that will demand nothing of us, the Talmud teaches that this relationship will be worth exactly what we invest in it: nothing. Likewise, if we seek spiritual goals that will come easily to us without any effort or deprivation on our part, we will achieve goals that are worth nothing.

The Talmud uses the example of free medical care to teach us that for things that are truly important, such as our health, we must be willing to bear the cost. We should apply this lesson to other items of value."

Today I shall ...
try to avoid bargain hunting for those things that are truly important to me.

[phkrause]

Tevet 25
The voice of God is within might (Psalms 29:4). The verse does not read "within His might"; it therefore means [that God communicates] with each person according to that person's might or capacity (Shemos Rabbah 5:9).

A young couple who began to observe Torah and mitzvos suffered severe adversity after becoming observant. They were not only deeply affected by their misfortune, but were also very confused. "Why is God doing this to us now? Before we became Torah observant, everything went smoothly for us. Now we have all this happening. Is this God's way of rejecting us, telling us that He does not welcome our observance?"

No one knows why certain people suffer in certain ways. However, this much is certain: for whatever reason that suffering does occur, God does not burden people with more than they can bear. No one can explain why adversity visited this young couple, but for whatever reason that it happened, they had already achieved enough strength to bear it.

Can we then say that people would be better off being less spiritual so that they would not be subjected to as much suffering? No, for if we carry this argument to its logical extreme, we would be still better off being cows in the pasture and not suffering at all.

Solomon said, As one increases wisdom, so one increases suffering (Ecclesiastes 1:18). The Rabbi of Kotzk commented, "Maybe so, but let me suffer and be wise rather than be tranquil and a fool."

Today I shall ...
try to have the faith that God will give me no greater burden than I can bear(see tomorrow's tidbit).

[phkrause]

Tevet 26

The Patriarch Abraham was tested (by God) ten times and withstood them all. This proves Abraham's great love for God(Ethics of the Fathers 5:3).

Abraham was tested with ten trials of progressively increasing severity, ultimately culminating in the test of sacrificing his beloved son Isaac if God so willed.

Abraham successfully passed all the tests. Still, while he did demonstrate his intense loyalty and devotion to God, how did it prove his love for God?

In yesterday's message we learned that God does not challenge people beyond their capacities. It follows, then, that as they advance in spiritual growth and strength, they actually render themselves vulnerable to trials of greater intensity. In the course of his many trials, Abraham detected this pattern. He could have logically decided to avoid any further spiritual progression, because it might subject him to even greater ordeals than those he had already sustained.

Abraham decided otherwise. He desired so much to come closer to God that he was willing to pay any price. Thus, when he was put to the ultimate task - to sacrifice Isaac - Abraham was not taken aback. He had fully anticipated such an eventuality.

We are not of the mettle of Abraham, and we pray every day, "Do not put us to test." While we indeed wish to advance spiritually, we ask to be spared the distress of trial. Yet, should we experience adversity in life, we would do well to realize that this may be a testimony to our spiritual strength.

Today I shall ...
try to advance myself spiritually. Although I pray to be spared from distress, I will try not to recoil if adversity does occur.

[phkrause]

Tevet 27

He who loves his wife as he loves himself and who respects her even more than himself ... it is of him that the Scripture says, "You will know there is peace in your dwelling" (Yevamos 62b).

The secret of peace in the home is the awareness that husband and wife are not two distinct individuals living in a contractual relationship, but are one unit. If they love each other, they are also loving themselves, and if they respect each other, they are also respecting themselves.

I heard a man say, "I used to argue with my wife. Then one day I realized that I did not like to lose an argument because I did not want to be a loser. On the other hand, if I won the argument, then my wife would have lost, and I did not want to be married to a loser. The only solution was to stop arguing."

In marriage, there is no winner and loser. In any given situation, both spouses either win or lose.

The Torah emphasizes the concept of unity in describing the marriage relationship: Man shall cling unto his wife and they shall be one (Genesis 2:24). Anything less than that, any situation where one considers him or herself superior to the other or triumphant over the other, falls short of this concept of marriage."

Today I shall ...
try to realize that marriage is a fusion, a unit rather than a union, and that whatever I do to my spouse I am doing to myself as well.

[phkrause]

Tevet 28

Man became a living soul (Genesis 2:7).

Rabbi Leib, the son of the Chassidic master Rabbi Mordechai of Nesh'chiz, related that he remembered being a small child sitting on his father's lap. His father told him, "The Targum (Aramaic translation of the Torah) interprets living soul as a speaking spirit. In other words, people acquire the capacity to speak by virtue of the Divine soul that is instilled within them. Inasmuch as God is truth, the Divine soul, which is part of God, is also truth. Since people's souls are linked with this ability to speak, speech can only be truth. That is why," the Rabbi continued, "if someone lies, that is not speech, only meaningless noise."

"Ever since then," Rabbi Leib said, "whenever someone lies to me, all I hear is undistinguishable sounds, just noise. I cannot make out words, and I cannot understand what the person is saying."

How wonderful it would be if we too could so refine our hearing that our ears could perceive only truth, and that untruths would be just scrambled sounds! Still, if we cannot rise to the spiritual heights of Rabbi Leib, we may nevertheless understand that if we lie, we are not really speaking, but only making noise. To lie is to distort the God-given gift of speech into meaningless sounds that cannot possibly achieve anything truly beneficial to us.

Think of yourself as a concert pianist who, instead of playing melodious music, bangs indiscriminately on the keys, producing an annoying cacophony. When you are not speaking the truth, you are making the same noise.

Today I shall ...
try to realize that speech is not only a special gift of God, but is in itself Divine, and I shall not demean it by lying.

[phkrause]

Tevet 29

Rabbi Eliezer said ... do teshuvah (repentance) one day before your death (Ethics of the Fathers 2:15).

Rabbi Eliezer's disciples asked him, "How can we know on what day we will die?" He answered, "That is precisely the point. Since we do not know when we will die, we should live every day as though it were our last" (Shabbos 153a).

While Judaism is life oriented, and we all pray to live one hundred and twenty years, the fact is that life does come to an end, and sometimes unexpectedly so. If we were to think, "How would I like to spend my last day on earth?" and live each day as though it were that last, we would undoubtedly establish a different set of values.

If we knew that we had only twenty-four hours of life left, we certainly would not idle away these precious moments.We would not go to a movie that day. Rather, we would wish to spend every moment with the people we love, telling them how much we love them and apologizing for any possible offense done to them. We would do the same with our friends, both giving and asking for forgiveness. We might spend some time in sincere and dedicated prayer, not mumbling a word.

What a day that would be!

Today I shall ...
pray for long life, but behave as though today is my last day on earth.

[phkrause]

Shevat 1
 

You simpletons, understand cleverness; you fools, understand with the heart. Listen, for my words merit serious attention (Proverbs 8:5-6).

The simpletons and fools to whom Solomon refers repeatedly in Proverbs are not people born without intellect. Why would he demand understanding from those who cannot understand? Solomon is calling out to people who do have the capacity for wisdom, but who choose to behave foolishly.

People who have a limited amount of money, yet squander it on unnecessary incidentals and leave themselves without the means to buy food and clothing, are not necessarily feeble-minded. Rather, they place the pleasures of the moment above the more important things in life. These people allow themselves to be dominated by their desires rather than using their judgment. They do not lack the ability to make a proper judgment, but are lax in applying that ability.

Solomon is speaking to everyone. Few people are as wise as they can be. How often have we regretted doing something, yet we fail to learn from the experience and end up repeating the regrettable behavior?

We would be deeply insulted if someone called us fools or simpletons. We should have sufficient pride not to insult ourselves by behaving in a manner that would warrant such epithets.

Today I shall ...

take pride in my intelligence, and be cautious not to do anything that would classify me as a fool or as a simpleton.

[phkrause]

Shevat 2
 

Acts of benevolence are greater than giving charity (Succah 49b).

The Talmud explains that charity consists of the giving of our possessions, whereas by performing acts of benevolence, we give of ourselves as well.

This teaching is of special importance in an era where everything is done by agencies. Agencies care for the needy, for the homeless, for abused and neglected children, and for almost any other cause we can imagine. Few people become involved in providing direct care. Most discharge their obligations by contributing to a community fund which supports these various agencies.

The problem with this arrangement is that such agencies are often grossly understaffed. They therefore cannot provide more than a fraction of the needed services. However, having made a contribution to the community fund, people generally feel that they have thereby discharged their obligations. Since those in need of help rarely confront us directly, we may not be aware that their needs remain largely unmet. One check to the community fund has placated our consciences, and we can sleep peacefully.

The Torah calls for a different attitude. While giving charity is indeed very great, becoming personally involved in helping those in need is even greater. Only in this way can we avoid deceiving ourselves that the job has been satisfactorily accomplished by the agencies that we fund.

It is, of course, easier to donate to an agency than to become personally involved, but the easy way is not necessarily the right way.

Today I shall ...

try to familiarize myself with the actual needs that exist in my community, and take a personal interest to see that they are satisfactorily met.

[phkrause]

Shevat 3

This path is short and long, and the other is long and short (Eruvin 53b).

The Talmud relates that these were the directions a young child gave to Rabbi Yehoshua when he asked the way to the city. Rabbi Yehoshua first took the short way. Although he soon found himself in the city's outskirts, fenced-in orchards blocked the entrance, and he had to retrace his steps and take the longer route, which eventually brought him to his destination.

In our haste, we often look for shortcuts. Who hasn't driven to an unfamiliar area, found what looked like a shortcut on the map and taken it, only to discover that it really was a very slow route, and that taking the highway might have indeed been a few miles longer, but it would have brought them to their destination much sooner? As someone said, "A shortcut is often the fastest way to get to somewhere you don't want to be."

Two men were put into a maze, and one soon found his way out. He stated that whenever he came to a dead end, he retraced his steps and marked the entrance to that path, so that he would know which one not to take.

If this principle is true with road travel, how much more so it is with the paths through life, where the apparent easier way is so often misleading. Some paths in life lead nowhere. We can either discover them ourselves, or we can ask our elders and profit by their experience. They may have marked off those paths that they found led nowhere.

Today I shall ...
ask for guidance from older and wiser people who have had experience in life, so that I may avoid mistakes that they have made.

[phkrause]

Shevat 4
God called unto man [Adam] and said to him, "Where are you?" (Genesis 3:9).

We read in Genesis that after Adam sinned, he tried to hide in the Garden of Eden. Was Adam so foolish to think that he could hide from God? Certainly not! He was hiding from himself, because it was himself that he could no longer confront. God's question to him was very pertinent: "I am here. I am always here, but where are you?"

Adam's answer to God describes man's most common defense: "I was afraid because I was exposed, and I therefore tried to hide" (Genesis 3:10). Since people cannot possibly conceal themselves from God, they try to hide from themselves. This effort results in a multitude of problems, some of which I described in Let Us Make Man (CIS, 1987).

We hear a great deal about people's search for God, and much has been written about ways that we can "find" God. The above verse throws a different light on the subject. It is not necessary for people to find God, because He was never lost, but has been there all the time, everywhere. We are the ones who may be lost.

When an infant closes it eyes, it thinks that because it cannot see others, they cannot see it either. Adults may indulge in the same infantile notion - if they hide from themselves, they think they are hiding from God as well. If we find ourselves by getting to know who we are, we will have little difficulty in finding God, and in letting Him find us.

Today I shall ...

try to establish a closer relationship with God by coming out of hiding from myself.

[phkrause]

Shevat 5
When your enemy falls, do not rejoice (Proverbs 24:17).

The Torah explicitly forbids taking revenge, or when doing a favor to someone who had denied your request, to say, "You see, I am not like you. I am doing you a favor even though you refused me when I needed your help."

Solomon goes one step further. He states that passive revenge is also wrong. Even if your enemies have come to grief without your contributing to it in any way, you should not enjoy their downfall.

Solomon's father David was the victim of a ruthless rebellion led by another son, Avshalom, who drove him from the land. As David was in the process of quelling the rebellion, Avshalom was killed. Although the son had been his father's mortal enemy, David grieved bitterly for him, going so far as to say, "Would that I had died instead of you" (II Samuel 19:1). He was of course, feeling the paternal love which can prevail over all other emotions.

While it is not realistic to expect anyone to grieve over an enemy's misfortune as a father might grieve over the misfortune of a defiant son, we can have enough compassion for other human beings to at least not rejoice in their downfall, even if they were our enemies.

Today I shall ...

try to overcome any natural tendency to passive revenge, and have enough compassion even toward my enemies to avoid rejoicing in their downfall.

[phkrause]

Shevat 6
 

When God will again rejoice in His benevolence to you as He rejoiced with your ancestors (Deuteronomy 30:9).

One young woman who had recovered from alcoholism wrote to me that after several years of sobriety, she had received a new car as a gift from her father. She added: "I am giving my father a chance to be a father."

During her years of drinking, her father had been forced to stop giving her things, because she used them in a self-destructive manner. It was clear from her letter that although she certainly enjoyed her new car, she had even greater pleasure from allowing her father to give it to her. It is most frustrating when a loving father must suppress his desire to give to his children, because of their improper behavior.

When we receive things from God and express our gratitude to Him, we should be aware how much He enjoys giving to us, and we should rejoice in His happiness even more than in our own gratification. Conversely, we should realize that when we transgress His will, we deprive our loving Father from being kind to us, and that we are causing God much grief when we make Him suppress His infinite kindness.

The Psalmist says, "The righteous rejoice in God" (Psalms 97:12), meaning that they rejoice in the Divine gladness, when they give God the opportunity to exercise His kindness.

Today I shall ...

express my thankfulness to God for His kindness to me, and rejoice in the knowledge that God takes pleasure in providing for me.

[phkrause]

Shevat 7
 

Every place where it states: "It was in the days of" [the expression] is one of anguish (Vayikra Rabbah 11:7).

If someone is preoccupied only with nostalgia, dreaming about how idyllic the past was and seeing nothing good about the present, it is a sign of anguish. If someone looks toward the future, planning for and anticipating what can be, it indicates joy.

All our joyous festivals are tied to the future. Although we commemorate the historic Exodus from Egypt on Passover, the second half of the Seder relates to the ultimate Redemption, and we close the Seder with the declaration, "Next year in Jerusalem." While Shavuos does commemorate the revelation at Sinai, it is the commitment to observe the Torah given at Sinai in the future that gives the festival its importance. And the festival of Succos, which culminates in the completion of the annual cycle of reading the Torah, is also the beginning of a new cycle. We always rejoice with the future, not the past.

The past is sure, the future is uncertain. Whatever challenges the past had are behind us, while those of the future must yet be confronted. Yet the uncertain and challenging future should generate joy, because it holds the promise and potential of what might be.

If the past has been one of achievement, it is easy to bask in its glory. However, while comfort might feel better than challenge, challenge is constructive, and joy in life should be sought in what can be done, rather than in what has been done.

Today I shall ...

concentrate on the future, and pray that God give me the wisdom, strength, and courage to confront the challenges the future holds for me.

[phkrause]

Shevat 8

The position which baalei teshuvah [penitents] occupy cannot be occupied even by tzaddikim [completely righteous] (Berachos 34b).

A surgeon once encountered difficult complications during an operation and asked his assistant to see if there was anyone in the surgical suite who could help. The assistant replied that the only one who was there was the chief of the surgical staff. "There is no point in calling him," the operating surgeon said. "He would not know what to do. He never got himself into a predicament like this."

As far as people's own functioning is concerned, it might be better not to have made mistakes. Still, such perfection makes them relatively useless as sources of help to others who have made mistakes, because they have no experience on which to draw to know how to best help them correct their mistakes.

A perfect tzaddik may indeed be most virtuous, but may not be able to identify and empathize with average people who need help in correcting their errors. The "position" to which the Talmud is referring may be the position of a helper, and in this respect the baal teshuvah may indeed be superior to a tzaddik.

Today I shall ...
reflect on how I dealt with the mistakes I have made, and share my experience with others who may benefit from them.

[phkrause]

Shevat 9
 

Climb up the mountain and you will see what the land is like (Numbers 13:17-18).

These words are the instructions which Moses gave the spies when he sent them to scout Canaan for the Israelites.

On a visit to a salmon hatchery, I witnessed a wonder of nature. Salmon swim upstream, against the current, to reach the spawning place where they were born. To get there, they must jump against powerful cascades. It is fascinating to observe how they struggle to overcome both the pull of gravity and the force of waterfalls. Nothing stops the salmon from getting to where they "know" they must go.

While humans do not have an instinctual goal, we do have the capacity to discover our goals by the use of our intellect. We must often overcome many hurdles and obstacles to reach our goals, and we must not allow ourselves to be discouraged by the struggles we encounter. Those who do not have the courage to overcome the challenge are likely to rationalize their retreat by saying that the goal is not worth the sacrifice. Instead of admitting their reluctance, they devalue the goal.

Moses knew that the land which was promised by God to Israel was the spiritual goal of the Jewish people, but he knew that when confronted with the difficulties of acquiring the land, some people might retreat and rationalize their reluctance by disparaging the land.

"Only if you are ready to climb mountains," said Moses, "will you be able to truly see what the land is like." The truth can be appreciated only by those who are ready to sacrifice for it."

Today I shall ...

realize that reaching desirable goals may require much courage and effort, and I should not let any challenge divert me from worthwhile goals.

[phkrause]

Shevat 10
 

Teshuvah [repentance] is so great that it can convert sins [of the past] into merits (Yoma 86b).

Sins become merits only when the teshuvah is done out of an intense love for God.

This type of teshuvah is not the average kind of repentance, in which people regret having done wrong and commit themselves to avoid repeating the forbidden act. While that level of teshuvah is certainly commendable and indeed may suffice to eradicate a sin, it is not adequate to convert that sin into a merit. We may polish a pewter item to cleanse it of accumulated dirt, and even give it a luster, but it still will remain pewter. If we could find a way to convert pewter into gold, we would be changing its very essence.

In ancient history, some alchemists spent their entire lives trying to discover the magic formula that would enable them to convert base metals into gold. While this task remains impossible for metals, it is not impossible with human behavior. We can turn base acts into virtues. The "magic formula" is to develop so intimate a relationship with God that we not only regret having sinned, but feel the anguish of having displeased someone whom we love intensely.

Rabbi Levi Yitzchok of Berdichev once said to a person who was a known sinner: "How I envy you! When you will do teshuvah and convert your sins, you will have many more merits than I do."

Rather than allow the mistakes of the past to depress us, we should try to behave in such a way that we convert them into merits.

Today I shall ...

try to strive for a relationship with God that will be so intense in devotion that my faults will be converted into virtues.

[phkrause]

Shevat 11
 

A righteous person eats to satisfy his soul (Proverbs 13:25).

When children have poor table manners, their parents will likely reprimand them and say: "You're eating like an animal."

While animals lack the finesse of Emily Post, we can say this much for them: they eat only for their bodily needs. Animals do not overeat, nor do they indulge in the pleasures of eating the way that humans do. Titillating the palate is a uniquely human obsession.

People who sincerely believe they were put on earth solely in order to serve God will eat in order to sustain life and to have the energy to carry out their assignment on earth. While they may enjoy eating, they neither indulge themselves nor constantly seek ways to enhance their food. These people are unlikely to develop obesity, because they would not consume more food than is necessary to maintain optimum bodily function.

In the thirteenth century, Maimonides stated that the majority of human ills come from unhealthy eating practices. Modern medical science substantiates his assertion. However, modern people, instead of developing more body-conscious eating habits, apply their genius to seeking ways to stuff themselves without becoming overweight.

It is a humbling thought that if humans did eat like animals, they would live longer and be healthier.

Today I shall ...

try to develop truly healthy eating habits by realizing that the true purpose of eating is to maintain optimum bodily function.

[phkrause]

Shevat 12
 

Aaron was ashamed [and was reluctant to assume the position of High Priest] because of his role in the Golden Calf episode, and Moses said, "This is why you were selected" (Rashi, Leviticus 9:7).

I was once asked to see a student nurse who was beside herself because she had made an error in medication. While this particular error was harmless, she felt that she lacked the competency to be a nurse, because she saw that she was capable of making even more serious errors.

I told the young woman that I did not know of anyone who can go through life without making any errors. Perfection belongs to God alone. If all nurses who became so upset because of a medication error would leave the field, the only ones who would remain would be those indifferent to making errors, and that would be the worst disservice to mankind.

We must try to do our very best at everything we do, particularly when it concerns others' welfare. We must not be lax, negligent, nor reckless. We should of course be reasonably upset upon making a mistake and learn from such experiences how we might avoid repeating them. However, if in spite of our best efforts we commit errors as a result of our human fallibility, we should not give up. Allowing a mistake to totally shatter us would result in our not doing anything in order to avoid mistakes. This non-action would constitute the greatest mistake of all.

Today I shall ...

try to realize that the distress I feel upon making a mistake is a constructive feeling that can help me improve myself.

[phkrause]

Shevat 13
 

One who degrades another person is a fool, and a man of understanding will make himself deaf to his words(Proverbs 11:12).

When people feel good about themselves, they have no need to enhance their self-evaluation by berating others. Those who do so are exposing their own poor self-worth and to what extremes they will go in order to achieve any feeling of worth.

Solomon points out that the one who listens to such prattle is no better than the speaker. Why would anyone waste time listening to such gossip and slander unless it served some purpose? A person with good self-esteem would turn a deaf ear to such talk. Furthermore, one who listens to gossip provides the talker with an audience, thereby actually encouraging more gossip.

Solomon calls a wise person "a man of understanding." The wisdom here consists of understanding the psychology of gossips. They need to berate others for their own self-worth, and they are not above lying to disparage others. You can be certain that the person who speaks badly about someone else to you will eventually speak badly about you to someone else. The only approach, therefore, is to completely shun a gossip.

In his epochal work on lashon hara (gossip), the Chofetz Chaim states that the transgression of listening to lashon hara is every bit as serious as speaking it. If someone tries to make a listener out of you, leave, or at least politely say that you are not interested in the subject.

Today I shall ...

make a point to avoid listening to gossip and slander as well as not speaking them.

[phkrause]

Shevat 14

Do not be hasty in spirit to be angry. (Ecclesiastes 7:9)

For what I believe are valid reasons, my home telephone is unlisted. However, this secret has been very poorly kept. While I have made peace with giving free psychiatric advice from my home, I have not been able to make peace with persons whom I do not know who make collect calls in search of free advice. Yet I do not refuse to accept charges. Perhaps the caller is in a desperate crisis and thinks that I can somehow help him.

One evening, a phone call interrupted my already long-delayed dinner. I thought I heard the operator say that it was collect. Although the caller was a stranger, I accepted the call, for the reason given above. The caller asked for some psychiatric advice, but since there was no emergency I expressed outrage for her calling me at home, and particularly for asking me to pay for the call. The woman responded that she had not called me collect, and the operator had perhaps erred, since she had asked that the call be “person to person.”

I realized that the mistake was mine; the operator had not asked me to accept the charges, but had asked for me personally. I had therefore reprimanded the caller unjustly, but since I did not know who she was, I had no way to apologize to her.

This incident demonstrates the wisdom of Solomon’s words. Had I not hastily jumped to conclusions, but instead had exercised a bit of patience, a gently worded question would have revealed the truth and would have prevented an unjustified reprimand.

Today I shall ...
try to avoid erupting in anger when I feel offended and at least delay an angry response until I have more thoroughly evaluated the situation.

[phkrause]

Shevat 15

Do not destroy its trees. (Deuteronomy 20:19)

Although this verse refers specifically to the prohibition of destroying a fruit-bearing tree, the Talmud has extended this principle to prohibit all wanton destruction.

A rabbi and a student were strolling in the street. The student tore a leaf from a tree. “Think about what you have just done,” the rabbi said, “There is an ascending scale of matter that parallels each being’s function. God wants the inanimate to serve the vegetative, which should in turn serve the animate, which should in turn serve the rational. Our efforts should be directed toward the elevation of matter, and not to its degradation.

“When we cut a tree to fashion from it things that people will use constructively, the tree is elevated by being of service to humanity. But by tearing a living leaf from a tree for no purpose whatsoever, you have degraded the leaf from the vegetative to the inanimate, and you have reversed the ascending order of matter.”

If we guided our actions on this scale of elevation to a more sublime state, how different our lives might be! We might also then realize that there is one additional ascent, and that is from the rational to the spiritual. How wonderful our lives would be if everything were directed upward, culminating in the ultimate goal of spirituality!

Today I shall ...
try to think of myself as one who should elevate even the physical items in the world, and certainly be cautious not to cause anything to descend in its status.

[phkrause]

Shevat 16
 

A mitzvah draws along another mitzvah, and a sin draws along another sin. (Ethics of the Fathers 4:2)

One day I received a panicky call from an alcoholic patient whom I had treated several years earlier. He had been at a gathering at a friend’s home, and although he had specified that he wanted a soft drink, his first sip told him that there was alcohol in the drink. He called me for instruction of what he might do, since he knew from past experience that one sip of alcohol sufficed to set in motion a chain reaction that would end in a drunken stupor. He stated that he was prepared to admit himself into a hospital if necessary in order to prevent this brief exposure to alcohol from escalating into a full relapse. Although he had only consumed a small amount and had done so purely accidentally, his fear was legitimate.

Let us suppose that a family which is meticulously observant of kosher laws discovers that a particular product that they ate under the assumption that it was kosher had lost its hechsher (rabbinical approval) because a non-kosher ingredient had been added. Although they certainly would regret having ingested something that was not fully kosher, they probably would not call their rabbi for instruction on how to prevent this accidental transgression from dragging them down to other forbidden types of behavior. This mistake may be more serious than their original error.

Doing wrong, even inadvertently, renders us highly vulnerable to further transgressions. Remedial measures, i.e. prompt teshuvah and an effort to do better in the future, must be undertaken to avoid deterioration.

Today I shall ...

promptly correct any transgressions and not allow even the slightest improper action to remain uncorrected, lest it lead to my deterioration.