Ask the Rabbi

[phkrause]

1 Shevat

The Term "Jew"

I am wondering why always you refer to the Israelite or the Hebrew Nation as "Jew" when only after the captivity of 722 BCE that the people of the Tribe of Judah were called "Jews." Nowadays, “Jew” is the common term for any believer or follower of the "Jewish" belief. Am I wrong?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

From the time of the prophet Joshua, when the Jewish people came into the Land of Israel, each of the 12 Tribes settled a different area of land. The area that each tribe settled became known by the tribe's name – for example, the region around Jerusalem is known as Judah. At this time, when the term "Judah-ite" was used, it only referred to those who came from that tribe.

In the late 700s BCE, approximately two-thirds of the Jewish nation was taken into captivity. The only parts of the Land of Israel that remained were the portions of Judah and Benjamin. (Since then, the Ten Tribes' whereabouts has been unknown.) When the Romans became the ruling power of the Middle East 2000 years ago, they referred to this entire region as "Judea," since that Judah was significantly larger than Benjamin. Therefore, all the people came to be called "Judean," from which derives the English word "Jew."

There is a deep lesson to be derived from this historical reality. In Hebrew, the word Judah includes all the letters to spell out God's four-letter name, plus a Daled ("D"). The Daled stands for King David, who was the first king over the united Jewish people, and the forefather of the Messiah.

Yehuda means "to admit" or "acknowledge." In the Bible, when Tamar was about to be executed for adultery, Yehuda risked his personal reputation and stood up for the truth, admitting that he was the one responsible for her predicament. For thousands of years, that has been the hallmark of the Jewish people: standing up for what is right, even at personal expense.

[Naomi]

Quote:

For thousands of years, that has been the hallmark of the Jewish people: standing up for what is right, even at personal expense.

Too bad the same hallmark can not be applied to all peoples

[phkrause]

Quote:

For thousands of years, that has been the hallmark of the Jewish people: standing up for what is right, even at personal expense.

Too bad the same hallmark can not be applied to all peoples

agreed

[phkrause]

2 Shevat

Sibling Rivalry

I recently attended a family reunion. My parents were there, as well as my brothers with their wives and kids. My brothers are very bitter toward my parents, and have also distanced themselves from me. I think my brothers are jealous of me because I am the only daughter, and I got more attention growing up.

I really want to be close with my family. I have no hard feelings and want to get along. What can I do to have a better relationship with my brothers? The current situation is very painful for me.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

It is truly frustrating to experience negativity toward us when in reality we did nothing wrong.

But first of all, you need to realize that other people's free will is not in your hands. While you can encourage them in a good direction, ultimately they make their own decisions in life.

How can you build a relationship with your brothers in the future? Here are some suggestions:

1) Send greeting cards to commemorate various holiday or special events, such as Rosh Hashana, a Bar mitzvah, wedding, birth of a child, etc. Snail mail is much better than electronic. Even if you don't hear back from them, just keep sending the cards. Also, call on special occasions to wish them well.

2) Don't hesitate to build an independent relationship with your nieces and nephews. Eventually, these kids will grow up, go off to college, and make their own lives. There is no reason that the tension between you and your brothers should carry over into these relationships as well.

3) Think about your brothers and generate love in your heart. It has a long-distance effect.

4) Make sure this sibling rivalry does not repeat itself with your own children. One of the most beautiful customs in Jewish life is for parents to bless their children at the start of the Friday night Shabbat meal. Girls receive the blessing: "May God make you like the matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah." Boys are blessed – not to be like the patriarchs Abraham, Isaac and Jacob – but rather “like Ephraim and Menashe." Why?

One explanation is that Ephraim and Menashe were the first set of Jewish brothers who did not fight. Abraham's two sons – Isaac and Ishmael – could not get along, and their disagreements form the basis of the Arab-Israeli conflict till today. Isaac's two sons – Jacob and Esav – were so contentious that Esav repeatedly sought to kill Jacob and instructed his descendants to do the same. Even Jacob's own sons stumbled when they sold their brother Joseph to slavery in Egypt.

This explains why, when Jacob blessed the Ephraim and Menashe, he purposely switched his hands, blessing the younger Ephraim before the older Menashe. Jacob wished to emphasize there was no rivalry between these brothers. (see Genesis 48:13-14)

It is with this thought that parents bless their children today. For there is no greater blessing than peace among siblings. And it is this same hope that God holds for all the Jewish people. May the days of peace come soon.

[Naomi]

Quote:

It is with this thought that parents bless their children today. For there is no greater blessing than peace among siblings. And it is this same hope that God holds for all the Jewish people. May the days of peace come soon.

Amen!!

Great suggestions

[phkrause]

3 Shevat

Siamese Twins

A case of Siamese twins has hit the media and I wondered what the Jewish position would be.

The twin girls are joined at the lower abdomen. One has no heart or lungs and is being kept alive by her sister. The medical opinion is that the one with the heart and lungs has a good chance of survival if separated from her sister. If not, they have only a few months to live.

The girls parents are devout Roman Catholics and believe that the girls' fates should be decided by "God's will." They are appealing against a recent High Court decision to allow the surgery. Meanwhile, time appears to be ticking away for the twin girls.

What is your opinion?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Such complexities are not new to Jewish law.

A case of Siamese twins is mentioned in the Talmud (Menachot 37a), and in recent times, the illustrious Rabbi Moshe Feinstein used Talmudic sources to present a clear and unambiguous ruling in such a case when new-born Siamese twins were brought to Children's Hospital in Philadelphia. (Dr. C. Everett Koop, who subsequently became Surgeon General of the United States, was then the hospital's Chief of Surgery.)

Doctors had determined that if the twins – who were sharing critical internal organs – would remain joined together, both would die. The only option was to perform an operation which would kill one and save the other. But, argued the moralists, isn't this murder?

When the team of two dozen medical professionals were awaiting a decision, and indeed, were expressing impatience, Dr. Koop quieted the group with the following statement:

"The ethics and morals involved in this decision are too complex for me. I believe they are too complex for you as well. Therefore I referred it to an old rabbi on the Lower East Side of New York. He is a great scholar, a saintly individual. He knows how to answer such questions. When he tells me, I too will know."

Here’s how Rabbi Feinstein arrived at his decision. He asked the doctors: "How do you intend to perform the surgery?"

They told him: "We will save Baby-A, and kill Baby-B."

Rabbi Feinstein then asked, "Could you reverse the procedure and achieve the same results? Meaning, could you use all the available organs to save Baby-B and instead kill Baby-A?"

The doctors answered: "No. Baby-A is the only one we can save."

At which point, Rabbi Feinstein told them to go ahead and perform the surgery. His decision was based on the Jewish law which states that if one person is directly threatening to kill another, then it is morally correct to stop the pursuer, even if it means killing him. The law of the pursuer applies even in the case where the threat to life is unintentional, for example where a fetus is unwittingly threatening the life of its mother. (see Maimonides – Foundations of Torah 5:5)

Applied to the Siamese twins case, Rabbi Feinstein ruled that since Baby-B had no independent ability to survive, the very existence of Baby-B was threatening the life of Baby-A. This gave Baby-B the status of a killer (albeit unintentional), and Baby-A could, so to speak, stop his killer.

In a recent case brought before the British High Court, they used a much different line of reasoning. Judge Robert Johnson said that for Mary – without heart and lungs – her harsh life would only worsen as low levels of oxygen in her blood further destroyed her brain. So killing Mary – by stopping delivery of Jodie's blood – would be an act of euthanasia, like withdrawing food and water from a terminally ill patient. If they stayed together, the few months of Mary's life would be hurtful and mean nothing to her, he said.

The contrast is quite ironic. The ruling of the Talmud is predicated on the preservation of life. Whereas the British court ruling is based on a decision to end a life, that of the non-viable sister. Without that factor, they'd be prepared to let Jodie, the viable sister, die.

These cases always involve numerous medical and legal factors, and we cannot derive any practical decision based on this discussion. But this does illustrate how in a world full of ethical issues, the truth of Torah is precious today more than ever. Society is increasingly searching for direction, giving new meaning to the Jewish role as a "Light Unto the Nations" (Isaiah 42:6).

[phkrause]

4 Shevat

Shaking Hands

Last week I had a business meeting with an Orthodox Jewish woman and she politely declined to shake my hand. What is the reason for this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Maimonides cites Deuteronomy 22:13 as a scriptural prohibition against any pleasurable contact between a man and woman (other than those who are married or close relatives). This includes hugging and kissing.

Shaking hands is a bit of gray area since different situations come up and it is not always considered "pleasurable, physical contact." But suffice to say there can be sexual pleasure involved; it’s just that we are often numbed to it due to the onslaught of sexual images in today's media. We have unfortunately lost the nuance of a touch or a peck on the cheek. But the energy is there; I recall reading of a woman who, after shaking hands with a U.S. President, called it "the most satisfying full-body experience I have ever had."

As a result, the custom among most Orthodox Jews is not to shake hands with the opposite gender.

In a case where one person extends their hand, some rabbis are lenient to allow for shaking hands, in order to prevent embarrassing the other.

In general, it is best to avoid this situation in the first place. An Orthodox person who is greeted by an extended hand could just smile broadly and pretend not to notice. At a gathering where this situation is common, one could anticipate and arrange to have both hands full.

[phkrause]

5 Shevat

Handicap: Why?

A woman in our neighborhood has spina bifada. It's so heart-breaking to see. And it has me wondering: Why do some people suffer and others seem to have it so easy? It is not evenly divided between "good" people and "bad" people, as I can plainly see. So what determines this in God's eyes?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You are asking a very important question.

The Talmud (Yoma 35) tells the famous story of the sage Hillel. At the time, the head of the yeshiva wanted to make sure that the people who came to study Torah did so for the right reasons, and not for self-aggrandizement. So in order to test people's motivation, he charged money to enter the yeshiva.

Hillel was as poor and impoverished as they come. In the winter, he wanted so much to study that he climbed up to the roof by the skylight, and then became so enraptured with his studies that he didn't realize he'd become frozen in. The next morning it was dark in the study hall. So they looked up and saw a person's body. They brought him down and thawed him out.

The Talmud states: "Hillel obligates the poor." That means that Hillel takes away the excuse that we didn't accomplish what we were supposed to in life due to lack of money. Hillel serves as a beacon that even in poverty, one can still become the greatest of the great (which Hillel was).

Now let's ask a question: Was Hillel's poverty a punishment, or was it his opportunity to excel in life? The Talmud explains this as his reason for being here.

There are some souls that come to the earth for what Judaism calls a "Tikun". A Tikun means that the soul has to undergo certain experiences in order to help it maintain a state of perfection. This could be because of different experiences that the soul underwent in previous lifetimes. The soul achieves its tikun by being purified through the experience and/or by helping other people grow through exposure to the experience.

In order to appreciate this concept it is crucial to understand that the world that we live in is only a small speck of a person's life. Judaism looks at life in this world as preparation for the life in the World of Souls. Many of the unexplainable features of life in this world can be better understood if we realize this concept. The pain that one must undergo at times in this world to achieve greater perfection of the soul is worth the eternal pleasure that the soul experiences after the death of the body.

The bottom line: We don't know why a particular situation might be happening. We each have our own package. Each of us is put here for a particular purpose. Sometimes "suffering" may actually be the reason we were put here. Maybe this is, so to speak, our unique contribution.

[Naomi]

Quote:

Sometimes "suffering" may actually be the reason we were put here. Maybe this is, so to speak, our unique contribution.

I can relate to this on a very personal level. My daughter has experienced several very serious health issues. Three of which required experimental procedures which proved successful and are now being used often. She says that that is her reason for being here. To be a guinea pig so that others can live.

[phkrause]

6 Shevat

Sexual Morality

On an intuitive level, I believe that intimacy should be reserved for a husband and wife. But on a philosophical level, I have no good reason to explain why to friends (or my children!) who insist on a more liberal view of these issues. Can you help me articulate what I am feeling?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Judaism understands that the family unit is the key to the psychological health of children, and the stability of society as a whole. To ensure the preservation of that family unit, Jewish law places boundaries on human sexuality. Historically, those societies that did not adhere to such sexual boundaries eventually broke down and failed.

As Dennis Prager explains: "Man's nature, undisciplined by values, will allow sex to dominate his life and the life of society. When Judaism demanded that all sexual activity be channeled into marriage, it changed the world. It is not overstated to say that the Torah's prohibition of non-marital sex made the creation of Western civilization possible."

In contrast to other societies, where sexuality is a function of pleasure (secular) or procreation (Christianity), Judaism considers sexuality a mechanism to bond with one's spouse. This powerful tool aids a couple in their life goal of self-perfection. A human being can only achieve perfection through a marriage with the opposite sex, because only by the joining of opposites – male and female – can this bonding occur. This is one reason why Judaism opposes pre-marital sex, homosexuality, incest and bestiality.

A proper marital context directs one to grow and adapt to each other's differences and become one. Through that bonding, perfection can be achieved, and by extension – through bringing children into the world – the perfection of society is likewise attainable. It is the Jewish sexual revolution, and it has proved a pillar of civilization throughout history.

[Naomi]

Good explaination!

[phkrause]

7 Shevat

Rewarding Children

We have two boys, ages 4 and 5. They don't like to be treated differently, yet sometimes it is necessary. For example, rewarding one for using the bathroom properly would be a joke for the other. But then they feel it is unfair when they are rewarded differently. How should we deal with this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You should persist in rewarding them differently for different things. Why? Because proper education must reflect the reality of life. We each have different challenges, and are rewarded based on our own level.

How do you get the children to accept this? The key is to remind them of the "inequity" – not when the other sibling is getting rewarded – rather when they are the one getting rewarded! In other words, as you hand the boy his prize, tell him, "Notice how only you are getting rewarded for this. See, it's not always equal. But this is something you're working hard at. Maybe next time your brother will get a reward for something he's working hard at."

Here’s another useful suggestion. If the reward is a cookie, for example, you could give the child two cookies and say, "One is for you, and the other is for you to give your brother." That way, the one who gets rewarded learns the value of sharing. And the one who didn't get rewarded learns to take pleasure in the success of others.

[phkrause]

8 Shevat

Rape

I was reading in an online forum that Judaism advocates that a rapist marry his victim. This sounds so backward and oppressive, and difficult to reconcile with the compassionate Judaism that I know and love. Is what I read accurate?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Highly inaccurate. (Are you surprised?)

Judaism takes a strong position against rape, with the Talmud comparing it to murder. As such, Judaism permits one to kill a rapist who is in pursuit of a woman, in order to save her from attack.

Rape of a married woman is a capital crime. (Deuteronomy 22:25)

Rape of a single woman carries a heavy monetary fine, plus the rapist has to pay reparation for embarrassment, damages and emotional anguish. The rapist also incurs lashes. This is all intended as both a deterrent and a punishment. (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)

As regards to what you read, Judaism gives the woman the option of demanding that the rapist marry her. (We can only speculate why she would so desire, but nevertheless it is her exclusive option.)

Feel free to post this response on that online forum.

[phkrause]

9 Shevat

Waiting Between Milk & Meat

How long after must I wait between eating milk and meat? And why?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

After eating meat (or fowl), you must wait 6 hours before eating any dairy products. (This is measured from the last bite of meat, even if the meal continued longer.)

The issue of waiting between meat and dairy comes from the Talmud (Chulin 105a), and the reason is discussed by the two great Torah commentators:

Maimonides says that we are concerned about strands of meat being stuck between the teeth. After 6 hours, however, that meat has undergone a sufficient enough process of "digestion" whereby it becomes "pareve." (Laws of Forbidden Foods 9:28)

Rashi, on the other hand, says the 6-hour wait is based on the fatty nature of meat. Not only does meat leave a residue in one's mouth and throat, but when meat is in your stomach, the fatty gasses can escape (through burping, for instance) and cause a "meaty flavor" in one's mouth. If a person would eat dairy during this time, they would have the combined flavor of milk and meat in their mouth, which is prohibited. (see Rashi – Chulin 105a)

In cases of a health concern, or for children under the age of six, a one-hour wait is sufficient.

By the way, these laws due not apply in the reverse case: After eating dairy, there is no necessity to wait six hours before eating meat. It would suffice to wash the hands and mouth.

[phkrause]

Actually I have a third reason. I was reading a magazine article that had an altogether different reason for this. The magazine is "Biblical Archaeology Review." Will look through them and see if its on line and than post the article.

[phkrause]

Here's a partial followup, the reason for this is, I would have to join up for something like $30 to get the full article. Anyway here is what I could got:

Why Milk and Meat Don’t Mix

A New Explanation for a Puzzling Kosher Law

By Gloria London

I may have found a partial explanation for the basic law of kosher cooking, grounded in the Bible, of rigorously separating all forms of milk from all forms of meat.

I am an ethnoarchaeologist. I concentrate on what I think Biblical archaeology does best: reveal the everyday lives of ordinary people in ancient times. I am especially interested in the relationship between environment, food and diet, and the different work of men and women. For example, winter weather in the Levant, then as now, brought rain, which requires an increase in maintenance and home repairs and a greater reliance on preserved foods. Summer’s fresh succulent grapes became raisins for the winter. The same for dates and other fruits. Soured dairy products, legumes, vegetables and grains that had been preserved during the long, hot, dry summers provided healthy, tasty fare in the winter.

I might scan the rest of the article, we'll see. :)

[phkrause]

10 Shevat

Responsible One for Another

I am involved in Jewish communal work and it really makes me crazy when I see one Jewish group disparaging another. Even worse, people will look at a situation of need and say, “Oh, that’s not my problem!” Why can’t we work together!?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Jewish people are considered as one “organism.” What happens to one limb affects the entire body.

Every Jew recognizes that all the Jewish People are bound together. When there's a terrorist attack in Israel, we all feel it. The Talmud says "Kol Yisrael areivim zeh la-zeh" – Every Jew is responsible one for another.

The story is told of the religious man who died and went to heaven. There, he appeared before the Heavenly Tribunal to hear a listing of his good deeds and bad. The man was quite satisfied to hear of all his mitzvahs. But he was shocked to have included amongst his transgressions the prohibition of eating pork.

"What?!" the man protested, "but I never once ate pork!"

"True," spoke the Tribunal, "but for 20 years you lived next door to a man who ate pork, and you never made an effort to discuss it with him. For that, you are responsible."

The Chasidic writings compare this to a wealthy person who needs to warm himself in the winter. He could build a fire – in which case everyone in the room would benefit. But instead he warms only himself with a heavy coat and blankets. In both cases he's warmed; the only question is to what degree he's concerned about others.

Rabbi Motty Berger of Aish HaTorah once spoke to a group of Holocaust survivors in Jerusalem. He told them: "When I was a child, I would look at my grandparents and wonder, what were they doing during the Holocaust? The fact that millions of Jews were being placed into ovens was no secret; these horrors were reported regularly on the front page of the New York Times. So I wondered... were my grandparents out raising money to help ransom Jews? Were they organizing secret rescue efforts? Were they demanding media attention and marching on Washington?"

Then Rabbi Berger continued: "Today there is a grave problem threatening the Jewish people: Assimilation. Every year, 50,000 young Jews are opting out of the Jewish people. Lost to us forever. So what are we going to do about it? Because one day, our own grandchildren are going to look at us and wonder..."

Today there are many fine organizations committed to helping Jews in all area of need: building communities in Israel, connecting young Jews with their heritage, confronting the physical threats to Jews worldwide. Everyone needs to do there part, and everyone needs to support each other. Otherwise, we are losing the battle.

[phkrause]

11 Shevat

What is Holiness?

I recently heard a rabbi speak about the need to bring holiness into our lives. He spoke about eating kosher food, speaking positively about others, and acting in a generally holy way. But I don't feel I have a handle on exactly what is holiness. Can you explain?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I applaud you for perceiving the necessity of finding the right definition. You can't begin any serious process unless you have a definition.

Rabbi Noah Weinberg tells the story of a young man who came to him and said: "I've been all over Israel - the Western Wall, Masada, and points in-between - and I have yet to find holiness."

Rabbi Weinberg asked him, "Are you a bafoofstik?"

"What's that?"

"Just answer the question: Are you a bafoofstik or not?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Rabbi Weinberg continued: "Nor do you know what 'holiness' is. So until you have an objective definition, how can you expect to recognize it!"

In Hebrew, holy ("kedusha") has the connotation of separate and distinct. We make Kiddush on Friday night to distinguish between Shabbat and the weekdays. Israel is the holy land - as distinct from all other lands. And Kiddushin, the word for marriage, is so named because the one we marry is designated for a unique status, vis-a-vis every other person in the world.

Holiness, no matter which form it takes, is a metaphysical substance which our souls can perceive. A few years ago, I had just returned to Israel from a two-month trip to America. I had not been off the plane for more than a few minutes, when I saw someone pick up a pen and begin writing. Instinctively I said to myself, "Hey, we don't write on Shabbat!" Then I realized it was Wednesday.

Puzzled, I came to comprehend that the experience of arriving back in Israel had given me a surge of holiness - which I'd intuitively associated with the feeling of Shabbat. The form may have been different, but the substance was the same. For as Israel is holiness in space, Shabbat is holiness in time.

Given that we live in a physical world, much of the goal of Judaism is to infuse the physicality with holiness. We say a blessing before eating our special kosher food, we have a framework for sanctifying our marital relations, etc.

My advice is to try observing a few of the mitzvot, and as you do so, concentrate on tapping into the spiritual message behind it. In time, you will find more and more of these "moments" to infuse with spirituality, and be well on your way to becoming a true holy person.

For more insights, see "Holy Woman": a book and essay by Sara Yoheved Rigler.

[phkrause]

12 Shevat

Tzedakah Basics

It is well-known that Jews are charitable. I'm wondering if you can help me trace the source of that historically. And perhaps shed some light on what my obligations might be today.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Back from the time that Abraham welcomed the strangers into his tent (Genesis chapter 18), charity has been a foundation of Jewish life.

The Torah says to give 10 percent of our earnings to people in need, based on Leviticus 25:35 and Deut. 15:7-8. This is called Ma'aser, literally "one tenth" (hence the English word "tithe"). This is colloquially called tzedakah (charity), which Maimonides lists charity as one of the 613 mitzvahs.

Maaser Ani, or the "Poor tithe," is an obligation to set aside 10% of produce grown in Israel for the poor (Deuteronomy 14:28). "Ma'aser Ani" is given only in the third and sixth year of the Shmittah (Sabbatical) cycle.

In the same spirit, a Jew today is obligated to give 10% of income to charity. This is known as ma'aser kesafim.

Ten percent of a person's wages after taxes should be set aside for tzedakah. Business expenses and Jewish education costs may be deducted from the 10 percent. (Some people deduct only two-thirds of a boy's Torah education cost.)

For those who want to do extra, the Torah allows giving 20 percent. Above that amount is unrealistic. By giving too much, one will come to neglect other aspects of life - and may even need to rely on charity themselves!

The important thing is that this money be set aside in a separate account. That way it will be available when the need arises.

U.S. President Herbert Hoover said in 1923: "I have frequently had cause to comment upon the extraordinary generosity and liberality of the American Jews in their charitable contributions. Indeed, their voluntary contributions exceed that of any other American group, and range from the stinted savings of the poorest workman to the full outpouring of those in more fortunate positions."

[phkrause]

13 Shevat

The Synagogue

What is the significance of the synagogue in Jewish life today? Do you think that the role of the synagogue has changed over the years? What are some of the challenges facing the modern American synagogue? And how are we responding to these challenges?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The synagogue is important for Jews to gather together and pray to God, as explained in the verse "A multitude of people is a kings glory" (Proverbs 14:28). In other words, when many people gather together for a spiritual purpose it shows respect to God. In fact, Jewish law requires that prayer services be conducted with a "minyan" of 10 adult men.

The synagogue also serves as a central point of community gatherings – such as lifecycle events and Torah study.

The phenomenon of suburbs is a challenge for the modern American synagogue. For many years, Jews lived together in one small neighborhood, and therefore the synagogue was located within walking distance of each home. This is important because there is a Torah prohibition against driving on Shabbat ("You shall light no fire on Shabbat" – Exodus 35:2).

But with the advent of suburbs, people live far apart, and now they are driving to the synagogue rather than staying home. Some argue that this is an appropriate exception to Jewish law (i.e. surely God would approve!). But in fact, a community driving on Shabbat eliminates the necessity to live close together. There is no longer a need for the neighborhood Jewish school, Jewish bakery, Jewish clubs, etc. The experience of growing up in a Jewish community is lost, and children are absorbed into the melting pot of secular society. The result is that the American Jewish community is experiencing massive assimilation and 60 percent intermarriage, with many Jews being lost to the Jewish people forever.

Fortunately, there are many people today dedicated to doing something about it. Aish branches, community kollels and others are forming core communities that attract young people with a warm, open and intellectually stimulating approach. These communities continue to grow and expand, and are now found in virtually every city around the Jewish world.

If you tell me what city you're located in, I'll be happy to recommend a place for you to contact.

[John317]

pk, do you ever go to synagogue on Friday nights?

I have gone once, a long time ago, and am planning to go again soon.

[phkrause]

No I've never gone. I had hoped when applying for a job a few years ago, in Hollywood, FL, that had I gotten that job, there is a Jewish/Adventist church there. They have there service's on friday night. I would've loved to have had a chance to worship with them. Its to long of a drive from where I live now, I might just look for a synagogue here and go, just to check it out.

ps: have only gone to synagogue when my cousin had his Bar Mitzvah.

[phkrause]

14 Shevat

Burial in Israel

I see that many people fly a body to be buried in Israel. Is there a special merit to be buried there? I heard someone suggest that my deceased father, who is buried in the U.S., will suffer when the Messiah comes because he is not buried in Israel. Is this true?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

It is considered a great merit to be buried in Israel. In fact, when burying outside of Israel, the custom is to sprinkle some dirt from Israel into the grave.

There is a concept in Judaism, that at the time of the Messiah, all the dead will be resurrected. We also know that at the time of the Messiah, all the Jews will return to Israel. So what will happen? Those buried outside of Israel will "roll" through underground tunnels, and be resurrected in Israel. Apparently traveling through these tunnels will cause some distress.

It is for this reason that Jacob requested to be buried in Israel, and why many other Jews over the centuries have followed suit. (see Rashi – Genesis 47:29)

Nevertheless, there are many great Jews buried outside of Israel, who will have to make this journey. In fact, the Talmud asks: If God did not permit Moses to enter the Land of Israel, why did God go further and insist that Moses also be buried outside the land?

The Midrash (Devarim Raba 11:9) says that Moses was buried outside of Israel, so that at the time of the Messiah, Moses will serve as a merit to make things easier for everyone else who is buried outside the land. Similarly, this is why the prophet Ezekiel was buried in Babylon, and Mordechai from the Purim story was buried in Persia. (see "Sifsei Kohanim")

Interestingly, the Jewish custom is not to reinter a grave after a person has been buried. There a are a few exceptions, however, one of them being the transfer of remains to Israel. In particular, I know of many people who have made aliyah to Israel, and then later reentered the graves of parents and grandparents to Israel – sort of a “posthumous aliyah.”

[phkrause]

Now that's some really strange customs, if I say so myself. Actually pretty sad.

[phkrause]

15 Shevat

Birthdays

In my social circle, everyone makes a really big deal about birthdays. I’ve got a birthday coming up and I was wondering: Is there any Jewish source that gives insight into the significance of birthdays?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Ironically, the one birthday mentioned in the Torah is that of Pharaoh (Genesis 40:20-22). In celebration, Pharaoh made a feast for all his servants. He also made an accounting of all his servants, and rewarded and punished them according to his estimation. It was then that Pharaoh took the Butler out of jail, and executed the Baker.

From these few lines in the Torah, we see that Pharaoh treated his birthday like a Day of Judgment. We find a similar concept in that the Jewish Day of Judgment – Rosh Hashana – is the birthday of mankind. Just as on Rosh Hashana God judges all of mankind one by one, and decrees, rewards and punishes, so Pharaoh did with his subjects. And just as Rosh Hashana is a celebration of God as King of the Universe, so did Pharaoh – who promoted himself as a deity – view his birthday as a celebration of Pharaoh, ruler over all.

Although the Torah gives this unusual example, we can deduce the proper way to celebrate one's birthday. A person should introspect, take stock of their life, identify personal strengths and weaknesses, and make a commitment to improve. Think about all the positive things that have happened to you in the last year. And think about what you would like to change in the year coming up.

But don't worry – a Jewish birthday can also be filled with fun and joy. Eat chocolate cake and ice cream. Invite your friends over and express how thankful you are for the many blessings in your life. Express gratitude to God for being alive and healthy, and to your parents. I always call my mother on my birthday and thank her for giving birth to me.

Happy birthday! And as we say in Judaism, may you live to 120 (the age that Moses attained).