Students 'Humiliated' By Dress Code Enforcement

[Tom Wetmore]

Amazing that so many people just don't get it then... Why can't everyone be just like you and yours. We would all color inside the lines and the world would be orderly and function without a hitch or any opposition or differences of opinion... We would only need one system for everything, one political party, one religion...

[bonnie]

Amazing that so many people just don't get it then... Why can't everyone be just like you and yours. We would all color inside the lines and the world would be orderly and function without a hitch or any opposition or differences of opinion... We would only need one system for everything, one political party, one religion...

You can be as sarcastic as you like. Doesn't change the fact for me when we enrolled them we knew and understood the rules as they did.The rules of the school were not up for debate,you either agreed and enrolled your student or you disagreed and took them home. You seem to think the rules are in the control of the students or at least they can pick and choose what to follow. If they can't abide by the rules don't attend that school.

If that works for, you not my problem.

My responsibility was doing my best to raise christian sons. That did not include encouraging or turning my back on deliberate defiance by my sons. The length of hair while they were in academy was a minor issue.Had my sons felt they were entitled to write their own rules would have been a big problem.

Why can't everyone be just like you and yours. We would all color inside the lines

No,you seem to think there is something praiseworthy about students defying the rules. At times that may be necessary and right. I don't see scantily clad young girls as necessary and right.But if the school has no objection go for it. You may see it as minor if the school has different values than you do and think that is fine,I don't.

You don''t want an ugly fight with your son over a outlandish

hairdo. Neither would I. That is something I would not have to deal with as the boys knowing the response would never do it.

Sometimes what you refer to sarcastically as "coloring inside the lines" is simply respect

[Tom Wetmore]

You really do manage to miss the point at every opportunity, don't you?

I quite honestly don't know how to explain things so you could possibly understand or actually get the point. It is as if we inhabit different worlds and are speaking different languages.

[bonnie]

You really do manage to miss the point at every opportunity, don't you?

I quite honestly don't know how to explain things so you could possibly understand or actually get the point. It is as if we inhabit different worlds and are speaking different languages.

Really,let's try again

[bonnie]

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No great surprise there, of course. My embarrassment at how my kids looked was something I could be adult about and get over more easily than a kid can get over the embarrassment of public humiliation of being branded a rebel, or a bad kid, or trouble maker or whatever, over their fashion choices. That is no exaggeration since that is exactly what had happened to me growing up.

To you this is an issue.It isn't to me. When we voluntarily agree to the rules, if my child does not want to be branded as a rebel then he needs to abide by the rules set down until he is of an age and independence that he can write his own. There generally is leeway in fashion choices,but teenagers have a tendency to push beyond acceptable limits.

It sounds as if the girls in this article did just that.If their dress was against school policy or a matter of decency and they did so in defiance it really is to bad if they were humiliated.Just as my boys would never have walked out the door with their underwear showing and their pants halfway between their backside and knees. I don't care what the fad was,that would not have happened,nor would it have been a ugly confrontation. Had they tried it,it would have been a firm NO! and that would have been the end of it.

Obviously that is not your way,it was ours and it worked for us. Had the boys been able to give a well thought reason for dressing that way that could have changed,but there really isn't much positive that can be used for that.

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The hair issue is something for which I learned long ago that it is not a hill worth dying on.

I don't understand not a hill worth dying on

Obviously this again is something you disagree with.I don't understand why it should be considered normal for a teenager and what they demand a "hill not worth dying on"?

To me something has gone wrong before the hair became an issue.

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Since I grew up in the era of long hair for guys being the cool thing,

Something being considered cool isn't a reason for doing. It is one thing for students to approach faculty to effect a change or compromise and quite another to decide it is going to be my way and I will set my own rules. I would not have had a problem at all if the boys had done so. I have a problem with I don't like the rules and will make it ugly if I don't get my way.

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Then academy with its seemingly arbitrary rule of hair length meant I was regularly afoul of those rules since my hair seems to quickly grow beyond the prescribed length. The principal once told me to my face that I would be a better person if I got a haircut. Not that I would look better, but that I would be a better person. In case I didn't quite understand he explained himself by saying that in his experience it was the long haired boys that got in trouble and the short haired ones were better behaved and didn't get in trouble. My thought was that was only because he was only watching us long haired guys and ignoring the guys I knew with short hair that were drinking and smoking and chasing girls up in the woods, among other things. Real character shaping stuff, wasn't it? And then there was the rule against blue jeans... reyes

If the academy was such a problem for you and so unfair why were you there? Did you agree to the rules or did your parents when you were enrolled? I don't know of one academy student that has not had a bad experience with a faculty member. So what,that is true whatever you do in life and really isn't relevant concerning abiding by the rules that were agreed to.

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But you know what I did when I got my first job in food service when I went to college? I got a short haircut and shaved my beard because I was met with a rule that made sense. Nobody wants hair in the food. Get a haircut and shave or wear hairnets on my head and beard. A haircut and shave made sense then.

It would be nice if all the rules made the same sense to everyone. Not my experience. Is that an excuse for a student defying the rule he feels doesn't make sense?

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After the foolishness I experienced over hair while growing up, I determined that if my own sons wanted to do goofy hair stuff, I wouldn't worry about it. They grew out of weird hair stuff and both of them as men now keep their hair neat and trim. And they don't have ugly memories of fighting over hair issues growing up. There are just too many other more important things to worry about. Perspective.

You were certainly free to make that choice. Not everyone's.That doesn't mean that we all have ugly memories of fighting. Mine would not have had a mohawk with green spikes. There would not have been a fight,they knew something like that wouldn't fly at home.

Anymore than body piercings etc.

For me,if attention isn't paid to the small things from very young,the more important issues are a lot harder.

It is about respect. It is learning the correct way to address a rule you think is unfair.If you can't reach a compromise,you don't turn ugly and demand it be done your way. If you have agreed to certain things,follow thru until such a time you can make your own rules.

If a daughter is involved and the parents do n't have a problem

with her attending school scantily clad,make sure she attends a school without rules regarding dress. Don't encourage her to defy the rules and do as she pleases

[bonnie]

For many parents rebellious are part of the deal of having children. What other parents decide is normal or that they are willing to put up with is their choice.

Regardless of "only coloring in the lines" there were certain things we were not willing to accept from our boys.

A ugly fight over something they wanted to do wasn't even a consideration. If a compromise could be reached great,if not our word was law. A ugly fight from our sons would have been a clear indication they were not mature enough to change the rules to their liking.Defiance concerning something they had already agreed to would have caused them more than a little discomfort.

Certain rules were non-negotiable as long as they lived under our roof.

The way they dressed when they went to church was a given.Never even was discussed. Respect for their father and I and the way they spoke to us was written in concrete.

Accepting the rules of the academy was another,whether we thought the rules made sense or not. If a compromise could not be reached,they didn't get to rewrite the rules.