Spiritual Abuse

[Gregory Matthews]

Gerry, as you stated it, I would not normally say such would be spiritual abuse.

However, spiritual abuse can come from a husband, wife, brother, sister, Mother Father and more.  It may also come form a pastor or other person involved in spiritual nurture.

However, going further into the example behind your question:

*  Your patient:  You have a patient, clinical relationship that the patient has voluntarily entered into with you.  That relationship has established boundaries.  Those boundaries limit certain areas of discussion beyond which you should not go, outside of obtaining permission from the patient.  You may be a physician, but that does not give you the right to pry into every areas of your patient's life to include areas unrelated to the clinical care you are giving to your patient and the permission of that patient.

*  Your brother, sister, etc.:  Again, there are boundaries and limits to what you can say.  Those boundaries and limits are proscribed by the relationship that you have developed with your brother, sister, etc.  E.G. You have a brother,  James, who has been estranged from the family and out of contact with you for 30 years.   For the first time, James has reached out to you in an attempt to establish a new relationship.  In that first meeting you are limited in what you can say to James, without his permission and prior to your building a relationship with James.

*  Yes, frankly, there might be situations where it would be spiritual abuse to tell someone that they were going to hell unless they  gave up the use of tobacco.  I am thinking to a male who attended a church that I sometimes attended, many years ago.  He was not a member and he used tobacco.  He had a major psychiatric disorder along with other issues.  Today we know that people with that psychiatric disorder often use tobacco due to the fact the nicotine relieves their symptoms and as a result they are better able to interact with society.   In this specific case, the issue simply might be better left to God.

 

 

[LifeHiscost]

Maybe this would help to answer some of the questions. About a 27 minute run by a biblical scholar.

 

 

[Gregory Matthews]

Life, please tell me what the direct relationship between your post and the subject of this thread--spiritual abuse-is.

 

[B/W Photodude]

Many things are done wrong by members in the church. But it seems that there are
socially acceptable wrongs and socially unacceptable wrongs being done.  However, it
seems to me that what is called spiritual abuse is something someone does wrong to
another that they don't like or don't approve of. Teaching false doctrine would to
me be a spiritual abuse. Teaching someone to do wrong qualifies.

I have written of things I have seen, which caused others to have serious problems
with, and those things are not the worst I have seen done in the church by members against
members, however, no value is to be gained in further examples. It is what it is.
But something you don't like just because it was a member who did it is pushing the
meaning of it a little too far. When you have people going around claiming we will
sin right up to Jesus comes and when people actually do what we claim they will do,
should we be upset about it?

I have read many times where someone in a position of authority manipulated someone
into doing something they knew to be wrong. Then they claim victimhood because
the "authority figure" made them do it. They knew it to be wrong and did it anyway!
Unfortunately, these incidents then have the effect of many others piling on to
attempt discrediting the church.

It would be reasonable to teach the parable of "the Wheat and the Tares" so that
people are aware that Satan is planting abusers and sinners into the church like
tares in a wheat field. Well past time for members of the church to not be silly
doves (“Ephraim is like a silly dove without heart.” Hosea 7:11.) and more like
Jesus recommended (... be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.
Matthew 10:16).

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

1 hour ago, B/W Photodude said:

I have read many times where someone in a position of authority manipulated someone
into doing something they knew to be wrong. Then they claim victimhood because
the "authority figure" made them do it. They knew it to be wrong and did it anyway!
Unfortunately, these incidents then have the effect of many others piling on to
attempt discrediting the church.

my ex-boss would *love* your words...  

Until you've been in the shoes of someone to whom spiritual abuse has happened, you've no idea of what might have occurred.  There is no attempt made to discredit the church as a whole.

The abuser can be such a smooth-talking, trust-provoking manipulator that the "victim," though wondering about the legitimacy of the suggestions/orders/judgment, accepts the words of the abuser as God-given and the *right* thing to do, and follows through with the "suggestions"....  It is only *afterwards* that it sinks in what actually happened.  And the "victim" ends up feeling like cr*p for having been so stupid, so gullible, so trusting, to have done exactly what the abuser had wanted him/her to do.  And the abuser goes merrily on his way, having gotten exactly what was wanted and keeping his little religious skirts clean while turning the "victim" into the "culprit"...

Quote

They knew it to be wrong and did it anyway!

yeah... browbeat that into the heart of the "victims" .... Let them know that, of course, any TRUE Christian worth his salt wouldn't have done such a bad thing.  Make the "victims" feel even worse about themselves and the situation.  Don't bother to find out what *really* happened.  By all means, blame the "victims" — because, you know, it's the Christian thing to do.

[B/W Photodude]

1 hour ago, rudywoofs (Pam) said:

my ex-boss would *love* your words...  

No, he wouldn't ...

... and I don't think you understand my post.

[LifeHiscost]

13 hours ago, Gregory Matthews said:

Life, please tell me what the direct relationship between your post and the subject of this thread--spiritual abuse-is.

 

The times that we're living in reflect that if we don't depend on a Higher Power to keep us on an even keel we will constantly be falling prey to those who are more than willing to take advantage of our naivete for the sake of their own desires. If that leads to abuse it can only be corrected by Someone smarter than we are Who will fulfill to us the promises given to those who depend on Him/Them.

Matthew 24:39

And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

 

Isaiah 41:10

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

God is Love!~Jesus saves! 

[B/W Photodude]

Sometimes when we try to rate sin on a scale of somethings worse than others it
always reminds me of prison populations. There you have a group of people,
majority men, who are seen as social outcasts and guilty of often heinous
crimes. However, within their group, they try to rate their crimes on a scale
and at the bottom of the pile are the molesters of children. And this particular
group comes into some serious repercussions from the rest of the prison
population with crimes ranging from murder, savageries, and homosexual rape.
Within the citizenry of this country, people often get a certain satisfaction
out of this thinking of what will happen to them in prison. You can often hear,
"Wait til they get to prison and Bubba will take care of them there." And it
seems the citizenry approves of this bestial behavior that occurs in prison.

So, it seems that everywhere, people are trying to rate their sins compared to
what they do compared to what someone else does. Are we not all in a prison on
this earth on probation and even now being judged for our characters? And the
current heinous crimes within church groups are the "spiritual abuses." Problem
is, people do not have a perfect view of the world and of sin and while some
sins seem to be heinous, other sins that are more damaging and extremely more
difficult to get rid of are given little thought. So, this is a quote I found
regarding the ordering of the offensiveness of sins:

God does not regard all sins as of equal magnitude; there are degrees
of guilt in His estimation, as well as in that of man; but however
trifling this or that wrong act may seem in the eyes of men, no sin is
small in the sight of God. Man's judgment is partial, imperfect; but
God estimates all things as they really are. The drunkard is despised
and is told that his sin will exclude him from heaven; while pride,
selfishness, and covetousness too often go unrebuked. But these are
sins that are especially offensive to God; for they are contrary to
the benevolence of His character, to that unselfish love which is the
very atmosphere of the unfallen universe. He who falls into some of
the grosser sins may feel a sense of his shame and poverty and his
need of the grace of Christ; but pride feels no need, and so it closes
the heart against Christ and the infinite blessings He came to give.
(Steps to christ, p. 30)

Pride and selfishness are very difficult to get rid of (been there and haven't
done that yet) and it seems that for those really serious about their commitment
to God and ridding themselves of sin are going to be really tried and made white
before this is all thru. I still think back to one statement in the the 1988
book on the 27 beliefs where is discussed the saints in heaven judging the lost.
It made a statement about how surprised many will be when they look over the
lives of those who were thought to be only "mild sinners". "They will confim to
their eternal satisfaction how earnestly and patiently God cared for lost
sinners. They will perceive how heedlessly and stubbornly sinners spurned and
rejected His love. The will discover that even seemingly mild sinners secretly
cherished ugly selfishness rather than accept the value system of their Lord and
Savior."

So, true, you will hear many unsettling reports of mistakes made by even those
who were well thought of in church circles. It is not hard to dig up lots of
dirt on people as it is easily available to anyone wanting it. Unfortunately,
sometimes, it is not even true! But if tempted to consume that sort of stuff,
what does that say about your own character? I would consider myself in more
trouble than those who I would presume to judge and criticize.