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The sad thing is I wouldn't put that past him!!!! ?

At Bubbie’s Deli, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect man to some of her friends. "The man I marry has to be a real star. He should be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" The owner of Bubbie’s Deli who everyone just called “Bubbie” leaned over and said, "Sweetheart, if that's what you want, get a TV!"

David Applebaum brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old neighborhood handyman that everyone called Heshy the Handyman. Heshy the Handyman came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled. "It's beyond me," said David, "how you got it together without even reading instructions." "To tell the truth," replied Heshy the Handyman, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."

It was very crowded at Heshy’s Kosher Market, the local grocery store and the customer at the checkout had a large order. As Heshy himself lifted the final bag for the customer, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," Heshy quipped to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!"

In Israel, defense attorneys are notoriously sharp while cross examining witnesses, but in contrast to some countries, police officers who are cross examined are often known for being just as sharp. Case in point was a felony trial with police officer Yosef Hadari being cross examined by a defense attorney: Q. Officer Hadari, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q. Officer Hadari, who provided this description? A. The officer who responded to the scene. Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A. Yes sir, with my life. Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer – do you have a locker room in the police station – a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties? A. Yes sir, we do. Q. And do you have a locker in that room? A. Yes sir, I do. Q. And do you have a lock on your locker? A. Yes sir. Q. Now why is it, Officer Hadari, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers? A. You see, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

A man was stopped at a stop sign when another car drove up and hit him from behind. The man flew forward in his seat, hitting his mouth on his steering wheel. The driver in back ran up to him and asked "You Ok?" "No, I hit the steering wheel , and I think all of my teeth are broken." "Oh, no problem. I'll be right back." And he raced back to his car and brought up a briefcase full of false teeth. The gentleman tried them all on until he found the perfect fit. "Those gonna be OK?" "Yes, thanks! They fit great! You a dentist? "No. I'm a mortician."

NOTE: The following is satire: WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Attorney General William Barr suffered what was described as a “severe back strain” while trying to lift a mailbox into a pickup truck on Saturday. According to Barr, he tried to give the mailbox “one good yank” to heave it into the truck, when he heard “something go pop” in his back. “I remember thinking, Hoo, boy, that’s not good,” Barr said. At the White House, Donald J. Trump said that the injury to Barr was “disgraceful” and yet another argument against mail-in voting. How can we expect the Postal Service to run a fair election when a mailbox almost killed poor Bill Barr?” he asked. “It’s something we’re going to be looking into very strongly. As for Barr, who is recovering at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, the Attorney General acknowledged that lifting mailboxes was “probably a two-man job,” and said that next time he would get Mike Pence to help. Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news. NOTE: The above was satire.

Shloimi was complaining to Rabbi Feldman how difficult a time he was having in disciplining his teenage son. "When I was a kid and I did something wrong, my parents sent me to my room without supper. But my son has his own flat screen TV, smartphone, computer, and video game system in his room!" "So how do you handle it?" Rabbi Feldman asked. "I send him to MY room!"